the bill of no rights


sorabji.com: The Stalking Post: the bill of no rights
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By BILL on Wednesday, August 15, 2001 - 11:14 pm:

    The following has apparently been attributed to State Representative
    Mitchell Kaye from GA.
    Maybe he'll run for President:

    "We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
    everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
    riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the
    blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our
    great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and
    establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt
    ridden, delusional, and other liberal, bedwetters. We hold these truths
    to
    be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of
    Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

    ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any
    other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them,
    but
    no one is guaranteeing anything.

    ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country
    is
    based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you! You
    may
    leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.,
    but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

    ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
    stick
    a
    screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the
    tool
    manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

    ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
    Americans
    are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone
    in
    need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
    generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than
    the
    creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

    ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
    nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in
    public health care.

    ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
    If
    you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be
    surprised
    if
    the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

    ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
    you
    rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't
    be
    surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place
    where
    you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of
    leisure.

    ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk
    their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
    oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to
    fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world
    and
    do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little
    tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

    ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all
    of
    you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we
    expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and
    vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

    ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
    means
    that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot
    easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws
    created
    by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights."


By semillama on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 09:55 am:

    The abstracted version of this would be:

    Fuck you, leave me alone, I don't care.

    Let's hope that guy NEVER runs for president.


By patrick on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 11:31 am:

    right.


    i read a more conservative version of something like this. You can tell it was written by some dumbass middle-income suburban Joe.

    most politicians from Georgia are asses. With the exception of Jimmy Carter, they are all dumb redneck, Southern Democrats, which are just republicans in an ass suit.


By Hal on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 11:50 am:

    You know, that was funny. I don't think that it was all necissarily true but a lot of it was. We here at sorabji contrive a different breed of people who actually still have serious conversations/arguments almost daily and I think it keeps our minds sharp. This guy had a few points but then again we could probably write a better one.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 11:52 am:

    "You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience."

    Funny, that's exactly what a majority of Americans said on December 6th, 1941.


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 12:53 pm:

    most of those americans are dead now.


By spunky on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 12:56 pm:

    Hence, we ignored warnings issued in november about an immenent attack on december 7th, so the american public would change it's mind.

    I would think they were referring to iraq and libya,

    plus i agree with most of it


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 01:13 pm:

    Most of us will be dead in 60 years too, Nate. Your point?


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 01:17 pm:

    just commenting.

    eat ass, antigone. everything has to be a fight with you.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 02:45 pm:

    Woah, there pardner. I ain't fightin' with ye.

    Why does everything have to be an ass with you?


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 03:24 pm:

    because ass is the center.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 03:27 pm:

    smur


By heather on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 03:38 pm:

    there is no center. didn't that get covered ages ago?


    i will not be dead in 60 years, dammit.


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 03:39 pm:

    ASS IS THE CENTER GODDAMNIT.


By heather on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 03:41 pm:

    NONONONONONONONONONO


    NO


By pez on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 03:53 pm:

    no ass.

    all my grandparents are over 60 years older than me and they're all still alive.

    60 years is a long time away.


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:05 pm:

    FUCK YOUR GODDAMN GRANDPARENTS. ASS IS THE CENTER.


By pez on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:07 pm:

    eeeeeeew. incest!

    no thank you.

    and which ass? whose ass? your ass?


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:08 pm:

    ASS.


By pez on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:11 pm:

    keep your biblical references out of this. use donkey or mule.


By heather on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:14 pm:

    baby


    ha


    you lose
    shouting isn't going to make it true


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:25 pm:

    Does anybody mind if I eat my banana pudding now?


By pez on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:27 pm:

    go ahead. as long as your munching doesn't drown out resist and exist.


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:29 pm:

    i always wondered what a fridge full of pudding would look like.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:33 pm:

    Probably kinda like what my abdominal area used to look like.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:33 pm:

    I'm eating now.

    Thank you all.


By pez on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:42 pm:

    food is good. i had some extremely salty almonds a while ago. better get some water.


By patrick on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 04:58 pm:

    this apple i jsut ate is makin my throat itchy


By semillama on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:08 pm:

    Laundry day. Also new comic book day. New comics to take away stress of trying to get this project in the air when my boss is on vacation. Try to plot ways to pay back boss for leaving when he knew the shit was hitting the fan.
    I could go out and get a buzz tonight, I suppose.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:22 pm:

    Hey, sem. I was in Cincinnati on sunday night, d00d. I was stuck at the airport because my flight from NYC was so late that I missed the connecting flight to Birmingham.


By Nate on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:34 pm:

    i love it when antigone says d00d.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:48 pm:

    do ya think it's 1337?


By semillama on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 08:30 am:

    I'm sorry for you, Antigone.


By Hal on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 02:02 pm:

    mmmmmm pudding.


By pez on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 02:04 pm:

    tapioca road pudding.


By The Watcher on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 03:57 pm:

    Actually, I loved it.


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