Today my husband was involuntarily admitted to the psych unit after a fairly credible suicide threat, at least enough to get me to call 911. In retrospect it seems to me reasonable to not find life worth living with someone who thinks this may be just another passive-aggressive, manipulative, self-serving, attention-seeking gesture, sort of the ultimate "Fuck you". I was invited along on the death trip, but said I had to feed the horses first and missed my chance. "Involuntarily admitted" is not precisely an oxymoron, but still inane when you think about it. Don't let this be for me in addressing Sorabjiland a pathetically blatent ploy to attract unearned sympathy. Time out time out time out. The new gander is named Reed.

yikes. peace to you, sheila.. reed is far better than bill and almost as good as twerp.

One of my clients became suicidal in group tonight. Not fun. Take care of and protect yourself. I don't know you and I am just posting tonight in an effort to avoid working on a case presentation due tomorrow morning on a 78 year old female gambler who squandered $80,000 in the last four months on $1 slot machines.

she must have a hell of a bicep. i go pass out now. sweet dreams, all.

life on the mountain must not be for everyone. hope you're okay, sheila. someday, i'm going to come meet reed. do you still have aim? my name on there is hortensejones. find me this weekend, if you want.

in one way or another, it's like everyone is running for their lives these days. only there's no where to go, really.

ok. sooo..... my hippie bus driver Mike told me, his girl left him this past weekend. Packed up, emptied his bank account, left him with $700 of phone charges to Ireland and took off. Probably some dick she met on line...sucker. Anyway...she at least left him his dog. The wench, knowing Mike isnt computer savy, left a pic of her, as screen saver, knowing he couldnt take it off. He's an old school Cali-hippy, easy going happy go lucky kinda of guy who doesnt give a rats ass about dentistry and lets the high school kids be free on the bus, treats them like humans. My first questions to him were, "did you get drunk?" and "What will you do now, what are you setting your sights on?" Sheila, i ask you the same.

Getting drunk is not an option; I have been recovering for 12 years. My plan is to save my own life. I may eat lots of pie. They wouldn't take my blood because I don't weigh enough.

do you think that people up on the mountain are, per capita, disproportionately more loose with their insanity than the rest of the world? perhaps there are just fewer distractions? i mean, we're all crazy, right? it's just a matter of degree and composure.

i read somewhere, a long time ago, that people who drink coffee are statistically less likely to commit suicide. i bet the percentage is higher when you mix it with pie. i also read in the utne reader that coffee was considered by muslims (at least some of them, at some point in time) to be as great or greater an evil than alcohol. it increased people's critical faculties and made them question islam. coffee was forbidden. all the world's troubles can be traced back to a lack of coffee.

How do you intend to save your life sheila? I mean, what does that entail? I havent got the impression you are *sips coffee* in any physical danger.....*sips coffee*. So perhaps "saving your life" means shucking the dead weight and starting anew? *sips coffee* I just had an image of yourself strolling down the road with a suitcase and a gaggle of geese in lockstep behind you. Any new mountain tops insight?

Sheila he sounds like an asshole,it scares me that he invited you to go on the death trip,hope it scared you too for your sake.

Be well, Sheila. I've been thinking that very thing, sarah. There's nowhere to go. I've been feeling like becoming a recluse in a back woods cabin... But I'd probably end up writing huge manifestos and sending mail bombs.

Sheila,don't know how long this guy has been in your life,and I suspose that will be a deciding factor,in whether you choose to continue this relationship. I happen to work in a psychiartic facility.And I can tell you this: mental illness is VERY difficult to live with. Never loose sight of the fact,that you are the "Captain Of Your Own Ship".You are the top dog,the big cheese,the sanity factor,in YOUR life. What I mean by this,is,that you are not responsible for what someone else does.[that person is the captain of their own ship]But you are responsible,in how you let it affect you.You have a choice.We can't change the world,but individuals are in control of HOW we let it affect us. That being invited along part,concerns me,too. Again,not knowing any of the particulars of your situation,I would advise that you tread carefully.Do you think there might be a possibility,that next time,you may not be invited,but expected to "come along"? If I were you,I would think very seriously about this.Does this guy have a history of depression,past suicide attempts,mental health hospitalizations?Were there drug or alcohal consumption?Physical or mental abuse? Good luck.Weigh the pro's and con's.Stay steady at YOUR helm.

My son pulled that suicide trip on me this summer,spent one night in the hospital,then came home.It was all about drama,because my s/o had finally had it with him and kicked him out,so he pulls that and he's still here.Actually his crappy band is somewhere in San Fransico for a couple of days,so I really should be trying to clean while he's not here.But it's all about drama.

Sheila, are you or your children in any danger from him? If yes, you have no choice. You must get away from him. If no, then the answer depends more on you. Can you handle the strain/stress of a mental illness? A tough question. But, if you answer no it would probably be best if you split. For both of you. If you answer yes. Then you should stay. This is the hard part of Marriage. "For richer, for poorer. In sickness. And, in health" doesn't mean "Until you make less money than I expect. Or you become sick enough to be an inconvieniance". It means you have made a commitment to each other. And, this is the hard part of that commitment. I know this because my wife has Multiple Sclerosis. And, the mental, physical, and emotional strain this disease puts on both of us is tremendous. But, we survive and carry on our lives as best we can: togeather. Good luck.

Thank you. Suicide=separation=suicide. Which came first, the goose or the ovum? Suicides are not by definition mentally ill. But Real Suicides have a passionate love for it that is not to be flaunted for the unworthy hoi polloi. It is precious and delectable, back street delicious. Those who toy with it fall from grace. It makes us cynical. We few are naturally selected to be adept at craziness from long practice or innate talent. There is something to be said for the ability to always rise to the occasion. The mountain is quiet except for that assbite poacher Brownie firing a couple of miles away. I planted a Liquidambar today. Is that life affirming or not?

What's a liquidambar? Can I use it in my woods? There are places to go, but it is getting crowded here on the planet. But that doesn't mean I advocate leaving it prematurely. Gee, this is the second post I used prematurely in tonight. I forget where your mountain is, Sheila... and Cz, as usual you make some good nutty sense. Are we the only two here who work with crazies and follow that path ourselves??

kilimanjaro! i just felt like shouting that.

The husband returned from the quiet place in time for my 97th birthday. He didn't even get any good drugs, and was treated by one of the three psychiatrists in the county, people who could not get real jobs. Fuck the French. I cleaned the guest quarters, where Sarah and Paula stayed when they were here, and found a pack rat nest in the bathroom cabinet. In addition to several cubic feet of shredded insulation mixed with oak leaves, there were assorted kitchen utensils, my missing Hydrangea plant, wing nuts in many sizes, pens and spools of thread, one end of a d-ring snaffle, at least a pound of black oil sunflower seeds, and a 1-1/2" x 2" pad of lined sheets marked "Shopping List" which I have never seen before. I can only conclude that the rodents make lists before they go out to get supplies for the home base. As soon as I had it all cleared away, they came right back and started a new project. I installed a radio tuned to a Spanish all talk station, and so far they have not returned. I split and stacked wood all day. Think I'll have some pie, and go to bed.

maybe you are eating all that pie. i am jealous. please tell us more tales of what's going up on the mountian.

I ate the pie, and had it too. This morning there is a snake in the tomato patch right between Boxcar Willie and Brandywine. I am thinking of a way to make it worth her/his time to remain all summer as my resident pest controller. Short of rodenticide, I have tried everything else. I built an elevated bed, surrounded by 3' lengths of upright telephone poles (left over from my xc eventing days) then fenced to 5' with poultry wire, then netted on top. I will be happy to get at least one tomato from each of the five heirloom varieties. The sacrificial tomato plant is a yellow pear in a 15-gallon fibre planter, voluminous and hard to kill in one night, which is offered at the entrance/exit of one of their frequently used caverns. I have messed too much with the balance here on the mountain, and this is what I get. Guilt, appeasement, resignation. They drained my blood in small increments, then ruled out everything except lupus. Affecting my brain; wait and see how it develops. It affected the Volvo early on when I flew it over the side of Hiighway 49 and found myself talking with the rescuers and having no idea I was the rescuee. I'm tossing that in offhandedly because I still tell everyone I am just fine when obviously I am not. It isn't denial, more like fuck-headedness. The geese nested but produced no goslings. One morning the eggs were gone, either pack rats or weasels or the parents are suspected. No shells, no mess, just gone. Loud Laugher, one of the Mallard Widows, was found with a broken neck near the nest. Reed is doing his best to start another family. If the rats took the ova, it was only because they ran out of sewing machine feet. I gave away the old sewing machine weeks ago, but keep finding spare feet in places far removed from the sewing area. Small, bright objects are readily available all over the shop and house, but they seek out these little foot things to steal, for what purpose...

Spare feet. Hmmm. I have 911 on my mountain too. Thinking about selling it all and moving down to a nearby lake. I miss the water. It's all downhill from here. Water. Me. Universe. Small bright objects deftly hidden away remind me of eavesdropping mikes... Glad to hear from your mountaintop. Sorry about the Volvo and the little mishap. Walked away?

lupis is bad. don't be bad.

god that's weird. i was *just* thinking about you this morning Sheila. while i was at rowing class.

maybe it's menopause. you never know, i mean, even pms would be enough to make me accidentally drive my toyota off the side of a bridge. i'm glad you're okay enough to build tomato castles and type.