What's going to happen to me? WHAT happens? from.... where?? Can't even believe it at first. What a terrible thing to have to tell a kid. Why, you ask? Well, just because you're a girl, honey. That's all. HA HA HA! (Mom bought me a book instead. One of those "all about sex and puberty" books, my parents never talked to me about sex or anything like that and you know what? It's just as well. That would have creeped me right out. Scarred me for life, probably. I think that whole "Just leave it to television and the schools" thing is underrated. Unless the school happens to be abstinence only sex-ed, which is terrible.) The horror of finding out about periods is second only to the day it actually happens. With all her planning, my mom wasn't even around. She was in an ICU, after having a brain aneurysm. We didn't even know if she would live or end up a vegetable or whatever. It was two weeks before my twelfth birthday, and nature thought- hey, how could i possibly make this worse? I remember sitting on the toilet, assessing the situation. Even then, i knew i wasn't going to have children, so this whole unfair process was for nothing. I probably cried a lot. And cramps? I laugh at the drugstore PMS pills. I could pop them like Tic-Taks and they still wouldn't help me. Only a strict regime of Rx painkillers and muscle relaxers can keep me from blacking out. When i had spine surgery they gave me morphine and codeine for the pain. That pain was NOTHING. I saved the pills and used them for cramps, they were all that worked. Until i went on the pill i was actually used to waking up in a cold puddle of my own blood. How delightful. Just because you're a girl! HA HA HA! Note to my uterus: i fucking hate you. In one highschool religion class they were trying to scare us out of having sex by talking about STDs, and (i'll never forget this) they explained that "gonorrhea causes your sexual organs to shrivel up and turn black, you become sterile, and you won't even feel it! it's painless!".... and i actually got giddy just thinking about it. All i had to do was find a way to get gonorrhea and i would be free of this forever! I was so happy. Of course now i know it's not that easy. Oh well, only 30 more years of this to go. |
I'm not a big fan of my period and I am very suspect of women who are...you know the ones that "celebrate" it. My mom gave me books, between the technical one with pictures and *Are You There God, it's me, Margaret" I didn't freak out at all. I kept a pad in my bag in case it happened at school and I didn't want to go to the nurse. I got in on a Saturday afternoon. Only my brothers and dad were home. I just stuck a pad in there and was fine. I used to keep track on my calendar. My mother yelled at me saying I didn't need to do that. I just wanted to know when it was coming so I could wear a pantyliner that day and not soil my underpants. I didn't start having bad cramps until college and then, only in the summer...for some reason. I'm lucky, aleve works for me, though I'm still not terribly comfortable. I wasn't so lucky this weekend. I had a UTI in addition to everything else and was utterly miserable. I took one of Sem's percocets so that I could sit on the couch and watch a movie instead of spending the evening on the pot. Now I have antibiotics. |
Now that I actually experience PMS, cramps are nuthin. I welcome cramps -- they mean I've moved out of PMS into MS, which is much easier to handle. (I didn't suffer from PMS until a couple of years ago.) Dude. Last week, I was minding my own business, washing my face in the bathroom, when out of the blue it came to me that I have been cheated out of having a mother because my mother is so fucked up I've had to be *her* mother. So I'm standing there, face dripping, thinking it's just too much for me to have to take care of her and myself, and I can't bear that burden, etc etc etc....and I start crying, and I'm crying so hard I have to hold on to the wall to stay upright. What. The. Fuck. Where the hell did that come from? I'll tell you, it came from PMS! I don't really feel that way at all -- my mom is pretty much fine, and I hardly talk to her (though yesterday she did call me FIVE TIMES). But with PMS, it's like one day I'm fine, and the next day life is just too much for me to take and I hate everyone and cry at everything. And I feel like eating a whole roast chicken, two bowls of soup, five cups of vegetables, three pieces of cake, 2 bowls of ice cream, and even then, even if I'd feel so full to bursting that food would be sitting in my esophagus, waiting for its turn to enter into my stomach, I'd still want to eat. Literally, without exaggeration, the instant I get my period, my appetite disappears and my emotions stabilize. It's almost miraculous. I've found, too, that if I take Aleve the instant I feel the tiniest twinge in my abdomen, and keep on taking Aleve regularly, the cramps are pretty mild. If you wait until you're in serious pain, no medicine will work. PS. Wisper, I got your unsolicited gift in the mail today! That was so nice of you! I used to have a postcard in that same 3-d holographic form of St. Lazarus (not the same guy from the bible), who was depicted on crutches with dogs licking his wounds. It was awesome, but I think my best friend stol- er, mistakenly took it with her when she moved out. Anyway, I'll send you some goods in reciprocity. |
and i would bet that you *do* feel that way, at least somewhere deep inside pms is an opportunity to get in touch with yourself, to connect with things that you've been ignoring. to take care of yourself. but you know. whatever. |
this morning, agatha was going to call in "sick" so i only had to deal with cleo. i decided i was going to be more gentle than usual and, instead of just hollering at her to wake her up, i went in and gave her a hug and told her it was time to get up. she didn't respond but i knew she was awake. i figured she was just extra tired so i told her i wanted her up by the time i got out of the shower and that i didn't want to have to do any hollering this morning. HA! i get out of the shower and i hear agatha saying, "cleo. cleo. why won't you answer me?" she's just sitting there not saying anything. i tell her to talk to her mom. no response. so i start getting pissed off and i get in her face and tell her to talk to her mom. nothing. so i start hollering at her and, god damn it, i didn't want to holler but i will not have our kid drop the silent treatment on us. no fucking way. she can be in a bad mood, be tired, not feel like talking, whatever. everyone has their moments. but we will get an acknowledgement from her. i feel like if she's starting shit like this and she's not even 10, we're so fucked when she gets to 13 unless we put a stop to stuff like this as soon as it starts. but i did yell too much and i'm going to apologise for it tonight but, at the same time, re-iterate that i'm not going to put up with it. girls are messed up. by the way, did anyone see 13? horrifying. |
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My cousin was the total opposite of cleo and others (like myself) who drove their parents nuts with the whole get-out-of-bed ritual. He was up every morning at 5:30, dressed and ready to go. Eventually, he was old enough take care of his own morning business, I know some would prefer that, but when he about 5 or 6, it was a big pain in the butt. Especially on the weekends. |
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jeez, i sound so fucking dad when i say shit like that. patrick, you may luck out. some kids are incredibly mellow about stuff like this. cleo is mostly fine. compared to some of her friends, she's pure heaven; compared to a few others, she's shallow and thoughtless. it's like that. i had the cereal and cartoons thing down, too. i loved being the first to wake up and having the house to myself in the mornings. still do. |
sorry. |
. "Illegal Rooster" should be the name of something, too. . My girlfriend's entire world falls apart during PMS. She gets depressed and worried about everything, including the fact that she's depressed and worried. She abandons the most basic logic in order to bend EVERYTHING into a negative. She says things like everyone in the world has a good job and enough money except for her. I have a hard time not laughing, which doesn't help. . She can't be talked down. But sometimes she can be distracted. Like if I act like a monkey and chase the cat around the house or something. |
i just hate the bleeding time. So much. Sometimes i wonder how i can make it to the end of this year, let alone 30 more years of it. Something must be done. Something without hormones to make me crazy. also, i'd like to let the world know somehow that my name is not Jenn. That two N short form has always looked silly. Next time i see it in print, referring to me, i will demand three or four Ns instead. I'm sure cleo will be fine. What happens in 13 is the result of some love-starved weakling. I think that movie should have been called "Why Teen Girls Are An Evil Virus" I couldn't stand them, even when i was one. |
That is the scariest part of it. I used to think that PMS was just, you know, feeling cranky because you're physically uncomfortable at that stage. But no, it's like you're possessed. Maybe this is a better analogy: I used to think that nitrous oxide just made you laugh, like as a reflex or something. Then I had it at the dentist's, and I realized it actually makes you evaluate unfunny things as funny. You're not just laughing for no reason; you truly find it hysterical that your dentist is talking about having beans for lunch while he's working on your teeth. It's that way with PMS. You're not just randomly irritated, you actually evaluate everything very differently from the way you normally do, and your problems seem much bigger and horribly overwhelming. Something that maybe wouldn't bother you at all, or would bother you a little but that you could handle with ease, becomes too much. I'm sure deep down I do have those feelings about my mother, but I don't consciously think of them often, and as I'm sitting here in my non-PMS state, I can say to myself, "She's not that bad...she's getting better....she doesn't rely on you that much...you're fine." It's like PMS robs you of your coping mechanisms. It's scary. Though, remember: not every woman experiences PMS, and those that do don't all have it to the same degree. |
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To stop it my doctor put me on Provera, and its fucking with my brain. I have not had cramps or emotionalism this bad since I was on the pill. Fucking uterus. |
The other day though, my period starts and it's not too bad at first but I go to work and the power is out and this lady walks in front of me and stops twice in the same spot (an incident I refer to as the matrix moment). Then I settle down to work and I didn't really have cramps but oh boy did I have gas. The hard part of gas when you're on the rag is that it doesn't really exit. Your abdomen just slowly fills like a balloon and your stomach sticks out. I wanted to go home but the power came back on so I sat on a little bench on the floor and worked on the Latin section. |
I haven't had a period since I started. The doctor's office says I am the posterchild since I didn't react badly to it at all, I just went "WHEEEE! NO MORE PERIOD!" Now if I can just drop these ten pounds I'll be good. Argh. |
i'm scared, but i will not back down from setting limits. it helps that i see so much of myself in her when her moods swing toward the sullen and the brooding. it helps to know what she's thinking but not saying and how to stand up against it. but i still fear that i'm out of my element and she's gonna be schooling me in the days and years to come. |
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also, i got soulseek last night and it's already kicking the ass of every p2p program i've used. (original napster, morpheus, kazaa, kazaa lite, limewire) If this keeps up, i will be sending them money in the near future. They are the only ones to deserve it so far. |
But other than that, it rocks. |
I must keep myself from abusing SoulSeek. Its just too easy. |
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i'm running out of stuff to search for on soulseek. |
The Sephardic Jews settled in northern Africa, Turkey, and the Iberian peninsula, and their music blends the sounds of their Middle Eastern homeland and the sounds of their new settlements. I'm having quite a multicultural evening, sipping Bailey's, listening to Sephardic music, and trying to teach myself my father's Italian dialect. Slįinte! Salūd! |
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The last time i remember, it was just ending on my birthday, April 2. It's damn near June now. And if you've read this thread, you'll remember that my little friend isn't something i can exactly ignore or forget about, like a warm breeze passing through me, but more of a hurricane. So where the fuck is it? Not that i care. I know what you're thinking, but i bought a pregnancy test already. I aimed and fired alone in the very bathroom where this hormone crap began. Alone in my parent's house to take care of their 4 cats (Vespa, Pixel*, Noodles & Sheldon) while they went off for the long weekend. And it was negative, but more importantly i was deadly calm. In fact i fully expected the blue line to appear, and i would shrug, have a cig, and have it over by week's end. I don't doubt this for a moment. I did not care either way. It was as clear in my mind as anything. I was already thinking up snappy and disgusting one-liners to tell my house mates. But the blue line never showed, and neither did the blood, yet. I just stared at the test for a good half hour, not wanting to throw it out, wanting to take it home to show Rowlf, those things are so neat. So i'm hoping it never comes and my insides have tied themselves into a bow. Pray for this, won't you? *re:Pixel the cat- my dad's an I.T. man! Tee hee hee! |
Stupid body. |
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gee, that was hilarious. wisper, try jumping up and down for 30 minutes. |
M and I are not having children. We've decided this and it's an important part of our future relationship together. I've considered getting my tubes tied but I'm also kind of looking at it as tattooing someone's name on my body. You just don't do it, because you just don't know. What if ten years from now my mind changes and I realize I really do want kids? Not likely, but that "what if" stays with me constantly. I got pregnant when I was eighteen and had an abortion very soon after. The fear of that happening again has caused me on a regular basis, that when my period is even a day or two off, to immediately run to the CVS and buy a pee stick. I've never been able to get over that paranoia. A part of me feels like I should have kids someday. To make peace with the fact that I fucked up back then. I know what it's like to feel pregnant. It's not something I was cold too. The whole realization of being a woman and realizing you have that power inside you to create life...it's something you can't know until it is. I just knew at the time that having that baby would have been a huge mistake as would having one now. I don't regret my decision but it is the one thing that keeps that "what if" burning. |
So how much was yours??? Is it national "take a pregnancy test" week or something? :) Spider: i have been exercising more lately.... I just hope i figure it out so i can keep doing whatever it is, so that little bitch never comes back. 8 months. That is so sweet. Sarah: No! haha! i never want it back! I hope the whole organ falls out of me, black and dried up! Kalli: I asked to have my tubes tied for my 9th birthday. Now i want Essure instead. 30 minutes, no cutting! You could always adopt. |
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