Are you going to Hell? Find out!


sorabji.com: What is your definition of hell?: Are you going to Hell? Find out!
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:24 pm:

    I found this neat test based on the Divine Comedy.


    I am so pleased to report that, according to the test, I am going to Purgatory. Just as I thought.

    Where are you slotted to end up?


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:29 pm:

    Oh, and my greatest sin was gluttony. Heh.


By kazoo on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:31 pm:

    Seventh Level of Hell


By Nate on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:39 pm:

    The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!

    Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
    Level | Score
    Purgatory | High
    Level 1 - Limbo | Low
    Level 2 | High
    Level 3 | Moderate
    Level 4 | Low
    Level 5 | Very Low
    Level 6 - The City of Dis | Very Low
    Level 7 | Low
    Level 8- the Malebolge | Low
    Level 9 - Cocytus | Low


By kazoo on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:39 pm:

    Ok, I took it again...Level One-Limbo

    How did you find out what your greatest sin is?


By Nate on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:44 pm:

    basically, i like sex and food.

    i had problems with some of the questions, though:

    "Some people, such as Nostradamus, are able to predict future events. "

    If this said "Some people, such as John of Revelations fame, are able to predict future events." would your answer be different? Isn't this question really "Do you side with the Catholics on who can or cannot predict the future?"

    Also, "Have you been attending religious worship lately?" had to be answered 'yes', because i accidently found myself at Easter mass.






By semillama on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:46 pm:

    Limbo sounds like a pretty nifty place to me. IT's where everyone I would want to talk to in teh afterlife ends up, it seems.


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:48 pm:

    That was the highest rating on the list at the bottom of the results.

    Level Who are sent there? Score
    Purgatory Repenting Believers.... Very High
    Level 1 - Limbo / Virtuous Non-Believers.... Moderate
    Level 2 Lustful.... Very Low
    Level 3 Gluttonous.... High
    Level 4 Prodigal and Avaricious... Moderate
    Level 5 Wrathful and Gloomy... Very Low
    Level 6 - The City of Dis / Heretics... Very Low
    Level 7 Violent... Low
    Level 8- the Malebolge / Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers... Moderate
    Level 9 - Cocytus / Treacherous.... Low


    In Purgatory, if Dante is correct, I will make reparation for my sin of gluttony just by going hungry. Big whoop. The Proud have to carry huge stones, and the Envious have their eyes sewn shut and balance on the shoulders of their neighbors.


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 12:53 pm:

    Technically, Nate, Nostradamus was a diviner, while John was the passive recipient of a divine vision. Nostradamus willed to know the future.

    The Diviners' punishment is neat: "I saw all were incredibly distorted,/ the chin was not above the chest, the neck/ was twisted—their faces looked down on their backs;/ they had to move ahead by moving backward,/ for they never saw what was ahead of them."

    That's God's Justice for you.


By Nate on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:00 pm:

    the technical distinction works for me. i chose false, believe in passive revelation and am not a catholic.

    "Level 8- the Malebolge / Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers... Moderate "

    tsk, spidey. tsk.


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:03 pm:

    I know, I know. *sigh* I lie too easily.


By Antigone on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:18 pm:

    I'm in Limbo.

    "You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle."

    I can dig it, baby.


By eri on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:18 pm:

    Here's me!

    You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.


    Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

    Level Who are sent there? Score
    Purgatory Repenting Believers High
    Level 1 - Limbo Virtuous Non-Believers Moderate
    Level 2 Lustful Low
    Level 3 Gluttonous Low
    Level 4 Prodigal and Avaricious Low
    Level 5 Wrathful and Gloomy Low
    Level 6 - The City of Dis Heretics Very Low
    Level 7 Violent Low
    Level 8- the Malebolge Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers Moderate
    Level 9 - Cocytus Treacherous



By eri on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:19 pm:

    Oops, I must have cut off that level 9 was very low


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:27 pm:

    You know, so far, it looks like I'm the most evil one here.

    My sinfulness is spread over the board, while everyone else specializes.


By eri on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:34 pm:

    I thought it was weird that I would end up in purgatory since I don't believe in it. Maybe I didn't think through the answers to my questions enough. I am going to give it another try.


By sarah on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:36 pm:


    holy shit! 7th Level of Hell! that's nuts. i answered all of those questions truthfully, and the ones i was unsure of i went with my gut instinct.


    i'm a sinner.



By kazoo on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:38 pm:

    I tried it one more time:

    The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale wraps around his body 7 times.
    The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to... the Seventh Level of Hell!

    Level Who are sent there? Score
    Purgatory Repenting Believers Very Low
    Level 1 - Limbo Virtuous Non-Believers High
    Level 2 Lustful High
    Level 3 Gluttonous Low
    Level 4 Prodigal and Avaricious Very Low
    Level 5 Wrathful and Gloomy High
    Level 6 - The City of Dis Heretics Moderate
    Level 7 Violent High
    Level 8- the Malebolge Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers High
    Level 9 - Cocytus Treacherous Moderate


By evil bad naughty kazoo on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:39 pm:

    Two out of three stuck me in the seventh level, but with Sarah there I am in good company.


By eri on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:46 pm:

    Ok this time it said I was going to be in the 4th level of hell with people who hoard their personal belongings and never share and shit like that. It really doesn't make sense, because I don't hoard shit and I always share with my friends and family. I would like to think of myself as somewhat selfless, but this makes me sound just the opposite. Oh well. WTF ever. it's a game after all.


By TBone on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:46 pm:

    Ninth Level of Hell - Cocytus

    This is the deepest level of hell, where the fallen angel Satan himself resides. His wings flap eternally, producing chilling cold winds that freeze the thick ice found in Cocytus. The three faces of Satan, black, red, and yellow, can be seen with mouths gushing bloody foam and eyes forever weeping, as they chew on the three traitors, Judas, Brutus, and Cassius. This place is furthest removed from the source of all light and warmth. Sinners here are frozen deep in the ice, faces out, eyes and mouths frozen shut. Traitors against God, country, family, and benefactors lament their sins in this frigid pit of despair.

    I was surprised. I had no idea I was so sinful. I mean, I knew I was sinful... But wow. I was a little wish-washy on some answers and I think I picked the more sinful side on those.


By patrick on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:47 pm:

    Level 2.
    "This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity"


    sweeeeet.



    Im hanging with Cleopatra and Helen of Troy.

    The true/false questiosn were a bit subjective, so I struggled there.

    Im surprised...answering many of those questions made me realize what a bad boy ive been at times.



By patrick on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 01:57 pm:

    "You know, so far, it looks like I'm the most evil one here."

    you're in Purgatory. You mean the least evil? Am I missing something?


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:12 pm:

    I meant that before Kazoo revealed what a dirty, dirty girl she was, it looked like I was the one with the most sins. Nate was going to hell, sure, but only for one kind of sin, while I committed a whole bunch of them.


    Eri, the prodigal (spendthrifts) and the misers are in the same boat in hell. In fact, their punishment is to roll weights on and off each other, because they basically have the same problem (disordered love of money) even though one spends too much and the other spends too little.

    ********
    Just as waves above Charybdis advance,
    Until they crash into earlier waves rolling back,
    So must the souls here do a similar dance.

    Nowhere else were they in such a solid pack,
    Howling furiously while they shoved
    Weights with their chests in a perpetual attack

    On each other; when they collided they moved
    Quickly back and screamed. "Why hoard what you own?"
    Someone shouted. "Why squander it? " another reproved.
    ********************

    Not that you're a spendthrift or a miser.

    The test is just a game. It should come with a disclaimer: The opinions contained within do not reflect the actual judgement of God.


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:13 pm:

    Kazoo, you know I'm kidding, right?



By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:15 pm:

    (I trust you knew I was kidding, but I want to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings, carelessly banding about words like "sinner" and "evil.")


By kazoo on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:18 pm:

    yes knew you to be kidding to me


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:20 pm:

    OK, good.

    And I misspelled bandying.



By patrick on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:26 pm:

    sometimes you're SUCH a big weenie spider.

    do you think anyone in this joint coudl ever feel insulted or offended by you?


By Nate on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:27 pm:

    btw, spider. i'm not going to hell.


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:49 pm:

    Patrick, I would hate to accidentally make someone feel like they're a bad person, is all.

    That said...

    Nate, keep telling yourself that. ;)




By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 02:51 pm:

    BTW, on "Manor House," the lady's maid has the same name as your baby.


By Spider on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 03:05 pm:

    One more btw:

    If you're curious, you can find a nice chart of all the souls and the various punishments in Dante's Inferno here.


By Bigkev on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 03:26 pm:

    Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge

    not the worst one here, but pretty damn close...


    and yes i would step over my own mother to get something i wanted...


    All my suspicions confirmed... I am an evil bastard...


By Bk on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 03:26 pm:

    but friendly in my own, shy way


By Lapis on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 03:34 pm:

    Limbo!

    With Antigone. Endless grief.... Might almost be worse than endless torment. Would it be better to grieve or to receive physical pain?


By dave. on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 04:16 pm:

    Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis


    You approach Satan's wretched city where you behold a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. Before you are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. You will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.


By moonit on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 06:23 pm:

    The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale wraps around his body 2 times.
    The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to... the Second Level of Hell!


    You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.



    Sweet Huricane Ride


By Platypus on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 12:44 am:

    Seventh Level of Hell

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.


    A pimp is a good thing to be.


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