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I think I've talked about my father's ex-girlfriend, the one he remains friends with, who had a baby and a major drug problem, but was recovering. Well, she's fallen off the wagon. I'm not terribly surprised although I guess she'd been doing the best she'd ever done. Anyway, this time she overdosed and had a stroke. Now she's in double rehab. Anyway, my father, who insists on remaining her friend, is bringing her to his house on Christmas so instead of coming over here for breakfast (as he usually does), he wants us to come over there. At first I thought that we could avoid her by going over before she got there, but it turns out that she will be there, and he told me, "It would mean a lot to her for us to come over." What the fuck!?! I can't think of anything I want to do less then see this woman who has manipulated and abused everyone around her. She stole thousands and thousands of dollars from my dad, almost all of which was while I was in college so we was unable to conribute to my college education. The thing is, I've gotten past that and I don't hassle my dad for staying friends with her, but I do not want to see her AT ALL. I can't even begin to describe how positively ILL she makes me feel, if you can imagine. I think she is one of the few people I have ever truly HATED. I hate her for what she did to my dad, for what she continues to do to him and her son (who is with his father now, thankfully). If it were me giving the advice, I'd probably just say, for my dad's sake to go over and make the best of it. The thing is, my brother Kevin who made his feelings about her known from the very beginning (I was unaware and then absent for most of it) won't go. I just know he won't and I'm not even sure I can fake it, even for my dad's sake. And I don't want to hear AGAIN, how this time, "maybe she will learn" because she won't. I have lost any hope that she even wants to recover. My brother recovered because he wanted to. He wanted it more than anything he's ever wanted. I had to get that out. Thanks for letting me vent. |
d00d! fuck that! don't you dare set foot in that house while she's in it. (p.s. great thread title) |
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People like her drive me up the wall too. I say stay as far away from her as possible. She should be in a residency program. Not, spunging off your father. |
OK...kidding... I just wanted to up the outrage level of this thread. Naw. I'm serious. |
If it were anyone but my father, it wouldn't be an issue. I'd tell him I can't stand the sight of her and I'll be over when she's not around. However, my dad is an emotionally broken man, severely mentally ill and he's going to take whatever I do personally, and it's not worth hurting his feelings over especially right now. While my position is completely reasonable, he'll just be hurt and he'll say, "I understand" but really won't. He doesn't process emotional issues like a normal person and often it's better to coddle him. I hate it, but he's not strong and I doubt he ever will be. So, for that matter, he should be the last person helping out someone who just drags him down. The thing is, he needs so desparately to be needed and she's exactly the kind of person he can help. Again, when it was just him babysitting the kid, it wasn't bad. Since my grandfather's passed away he really has no one he can do anything for. And to top it all off, my grandmother is dying. My nana, who took care of my when I was sick and had to stay home from school, who taught me to knit, drink tea, and bake cakes from boxes, and whose voice I hear, because she read it to me all the time, when I read *The Giving Tree.* And this is going to be hard on my dad because even though she's my mother's mother, he would visit her all the time, even after the divorce. She was like a second mom to him, because my other grandmother was a nut case. I just can't have his feelings all hurt on top of all of this. I may just have to take Antigone's advice when he's not looking. |
Trust me. |
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Thank you J, but the last thing I want to do is make her shit herself because whoever is taking care of her has to change her. And that would be either my dad or her other ex, the kid's father. And they don't deserve any of that. Anyway, I went over with my other brother (I wouldn't have done it alone) and we didn't have to see her because she was in the other room and her other ex was *changing* her. I got to see the kid who is just absolutely adorable. We actually tried that Visine practical joke at a retreat in high school. It was a disaster. |
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I was supposed to drive up yesterday but I got sick. If I had I would have been driving through Memphis when she died. Around 1am I would have walked in the front door in Oak Ridge and stepped up to the grandfather clock I always wind...first thing in the door. Except my uncle or grandfather would probably have been there in the living room to greet me with the bad news. As it was I got a 7pm phone call that woke me from congested sleep. |
Today mom and her siblings hired a hospice nurse to take care of my grandmother. My visit with her today was probably my last. |
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