| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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| By Sarah on Tuesday, March 17, 1998 - 08:44 pm: |
sublime love, after dancing through the garden of eden. last week she had an insecurity induced epiphany and knelt down to receive his forgiveness. so i guess i saved them. did you know that the serpent is actually the healer? he just called me for the first time since he broke the news to me one week ago today. i was apprehensive, anticipating a resurgence of internal torment and confusion. i used to really look forward to those phone calls. they used to fill me with enough warm and glowing energy to keep me floating for days afterwards. i prayed. i had faith. i barely recognized my own voice as i spoke. i sounded flat, even. i felt numb. (it was actually nice for a change.) it started out awkward, moreso than even the first time we ever spoke. it was the first time i ever felt completely disconnected from him. i feel differently. i don't love him less, but i'm afraid of him now. the friendship marches forward, but his flirtations now seem hedged, contrived, vacant, bankrupt. when i contain the urge to weep, i feel the rise and fall of a sharp tingling from my sternum down into the untanned side of my right forearm. i shouldn't do that. i'm sure i have thousands more tears to cry about it all, but i can't figure out precisely from where the anguish is coming. it's like the sunspot that moves just a little further into the periphery when you try to catch it with your eye. on some level, i know he called out of benevolent obligation. to check up on me. i give him credit - he always strives to figure out how to deal with things in an appropriate, healthy manner. he's quite vigilant about that. i think a healer doesn't need to be healed as long as she's being rewarded. it's funny though, because it's always when you feel the most wide open and trusting and hopeful that it comes back to slap you in the face. the universe rewards courage but punishes stupidity. hell means having to learn that lesson over and over again. |
| By Eoin on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 11:14 am: |
To be honest I enjoyed myself in hell. An attractive young asian girl had just politely asked me to go there and I had no objections. She even drove me there, a NY hip-hop station providing the ill-fitting soundtrack. The music was better in hell and no-one seemed to mind their punishment. The devil didn't even object when I left and retuned the middle-ground of Queens. He just politely wished me a good night. I'll go to hell more often. Eoin. |
| By Sarah on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 04:21 pm: |
would be to say that god is a snake charmer. |
| By Alienprobe on Friday, March 20, 1998 - 04:43 pm: |
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| By Markus on Friday, March 20, 1998 - 07:17 pm: |
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| By TBone on Saturday, March 21, 1998 - 03:29 pm: |
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| By Anonymous on Saturday, March 21, 1998 - 11:08 pm: |
wealth as the result of teaching love, truth or happiness is simply false. No real truth ever comes from a person seeking material profit, it is simply impossible. Truth's essence lies in gifts of the heart, without expectstion of material gain. In fact there is no truth in the material realm nor can it be found by searching there. Look inside yourself with these statements in mind and you may begin to find peace. Now for the real gift: Find a child, hug them. Teach them how to read or jump rope and you will be on your way to true finding truth, happiness and love. |
| By Network Executive on Saturday, April 18, 1998 - 02:12 pm: |
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| By Adam sandler on Saturday, May 2, 1998 - 12:08 pm: |
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or was it just the way he made me feel. special... no. angelic. no, no, it was just his way. and it was definitely his words. my dead girl is what you are, he said. my soul mate in the dead universe. had i held out for a member of the tribe i'd have been looking for you. i've spent my whole life growing a persona designed to impress someone just like you. in a sense i succeeded all too well, jumping a register. those are the tricks life plays, he said. in a real sense, if decisions i made in my past effectively jinxed some kind of fated thing we were both to have together, then i've really let you down in a cosmic sort of way, long before we ever met. and once i thought i saw you in a crowded hazy bar dancing on the light from star to star it doesn't seem that long ago that my world was full of him. when i believed. i think the one thing i miss the most is having someone to tell my secrets to. someone who loved to know my secrets. it was the one time i felt complete. it's been a long time since then. and he's supposed to call tomorrow morning, real early. i wonder if he will remember. but i bet not. but i'll sleep with the phone, just in case. i wish i hadn't killed those crickets. |
visions? |
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that's me. a lot of the stuff there was born here. sorabji.com pulls it out of me. |
(well you know...in that whole adoration, wish-you-were-real kinda of way) |