In my car, going 75 mph, on the Washington, D.C. Capital Beltway.

DUDE. SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU SERIOUS?

in my car, going 85 mph, while driving through Wyoming on my way back home to Montana. after which i was promptly pulled over by Wyoming's finest and issued three tickets: 1) speeding 2) reckless driving 3) failing to yeild to an emergy vehicle. i never paid any of them. this was in '93. i think i have one more year on the statute of limitations. but hell, i knew i wouldn't be going back there. then there was the time i did it when i was working at my last job as a gopher at the big architectural firm. i was sitting at a computer desk surrounded by a bunch of CAD geeks. nobody noticed... or if they did, nobody had the guts to say anything to me about it. i'll stop there.

I'm way serious.

OR, among CAD geeks you did nothing unusual.

As usual, I don't get that. :-|

Back row , history class , 9th grade.I squeezed my weiner bulge in my pants til I came. The chick sitting in front of me was hot 'n stinky. I shook her chair one time when my foot accidently touched it. She turned around and my face was all red and kinda flushed...she caught me in that ,what-do-you-call...,"masterbational trance". I did'nt cum that time. talk about shrinkage!! Fucking scared turtle!!

"hot 'n stinky" ??? Can anyone explain?

give him a break.. he meant sticky, it was 6:12am for god's sake, is that explanation satisfactory?

stinky in a good way ie: "dude she's totally stinky" it's slang for sexy, OK?

The best place to masturbate is a one person public bathroom. Guys- Don't you just love the freedom of letting it go without the hassles of cleaning it up when your done?

To be more specific, you need to clean yourself up, I was refering to not having to cleanup the toilet, floor, etc...

It's just not funny anymore when you have to explain it.

P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S P A N T S

Skottey... one word. Ewwwwwwww.

You know, it is kind of camouflaged on the toilet seat. I would hate to be the one to forget to wipe the seat off and sit down. That would really be Ewwwwwwww.

I do all I can to avoid any bowel movements that require taking a seat in any public restroom.

In my hammock, on a beach, I fell off, landed with a thud, and a horseshoe crab nipped my bum. It hurt. I can't take it up the ass anymore, damn shame, it swelled up like a melon. I mean you really had to see this thing, size of a fucking water melon, pips and all!

Let me get this straight Swollen, you were masturbating your asshole in a hammock? It swelled up like a melon? You landed on a crab and it bit your ass?

Geezus, I thought it was bad to masturbate alot, but down the highway, in a public bathroom, in your 9th grade class... WAIT UNTIL YOU GET HOME! Rob, Tampa Florida

from the mouths of babes...

in the mouths of babes!

Ewwwwwwww! Ewwwwwwww! Ewwwwwwww! Ewwwwwwww!

the babes must have a hard time talking with their mouths full.

At a thanksgiving dinner I was hot and bothered by some of the suggestive actions of a visiting cousin. After winning the wishbone break ritual, I took the greasy, glimmering bone half and entered the family restroom. I inserted it in my cootchie tunnel and rode myself to oblivion. True story.

cootchie tunnel? sounds big.

gargantuan is only the beginning. Prepare for Obscene amount of pubic mound.

I once masterbated as one of my friends wached, it was in a tent at a boyscout camp out. But the thing i did not find know (untell after i opened my eyes and my pants where soaked in cum)that three other scouts where waching me to!

Why does the "new messages" search thingy attribute the above message to Sorabji? As if he would spell "watched" without a T.

Hey! Now it says I wrote it! What's going on?

now it says i wrote the fourth message above. trip out.

since I am so fucking bored today (and everyday) at work I thought I would throw this one back out, ......... ok..... on the roof of my apt bldg, the wifey passed out, I went up top to look at the lovely view and smoke a cigarette and finish my drink, 3am, no one can see unless they were specifically looking, there are only a handfull of apartments behind me further up the hill and if they were looking, well, i guess thats a part of the turn on..i think

Waffles,I,m starting to think we are related.I like to have sex in my pool and I know the man behind me can see,he has a 2 story and I know he can see us out his bedroom window,I,ve seen him watching.He comes out now any time he hears me.God I,m sick,it turns me on.

yeah i toyed with that once when I lived in Burbank last year, however we lived in an apartment, therefore we were in the courtyard, not a big place, the nosey old ladies, the single moms, and the gym bunnies upstairs got their rocks off. nevermind the bright light in the pool that stayed on 24-7, it's ok, we were the best looking people in that bldg.......they loved it, despite their daytime frowns and usual uptight, neurotic tendencies, the surburbanites in Burrrrr bank think they are better than the rest of LA. but thats a whole different thread

in my moms car while she was paying for gas inside the station tanning bed (i got bored) in the ocean, not totally odd but it was fun top bunk in a hotel room w/4 other ppl sleepin in there

were these 4 other people also in the top bunk or the bottom bunk? I'm thinking that Waffles is a very hip cat!

i try Jim, and where ya been lately???? Say you live in DC, Do you know a guy named Lou Bayard??? Just curious, he is an author we recently published...

GO HERE TO SEE THE WAFFLEBOY IMMORTALIZED!!!! http://www.amazon.com/covers/1/55/583/472/1555834728.l.gif

Waffles,are you tripping in that picture,or did you see one of those zombies?I know,your out of weed.This is great, did you get any $$$ for that?Fabio has made a living at that.

yes i did get some cash, and the trick is, I am hanging upside down when they snapped the shot, then superimposed it ontop of a fisheye lense view of NYC.....that was taken here at work so no smokey smoke for me at the time, and I am no longer out of weed, i scored this weekend, it's the epensive shit, but it keeps me sane.

they used me cause, (to them so I am told) I am photogenic and attractive (to gay men maybe HA!) and I had long bangs, i find it amusing...

*

Waffles-- I went to the beach this past weekend, and before that, the message boards were down, and I didn't bother to check back with them til I got back from the beach. I do live in D.C., but I don't know this Lou guy. Send me a pic, maybe I do, but don't know it.

jim- two were on the bottom bunk the other two were in another bed 2ft away. everyone was kinda passed out after drinking that night. however someone just walked in right as i was finishing but they didnt notice(i had a coronary anyway)

I still want to know who Lou is, Waffles!

Oh, he is an author that lives in the DC. We just published one of his books. It's kinda of silly of me to assume you would know him in a big town like DC. go here. http://www.alyson.com/html/99_interviews/0699bayard_louis.html

my book cover debut same publisher http://www.amazon.com/covers/1/55/583/472/1555834728.l.gif

ooooooooh... Lou is cute. I'm gonna have to hunt him down. *grin* I'll read the interview later.

careful, he's taken,I met his s/o when here was here. And if you do find him, you never heard of me or met anyone else that works for his publisher

Waffles who??? *grin* Akshully, he's cute, but not *MY* type. So you can sleep peacefully now. Heh.

GET THIS PEOPLE! VERY VERY VERY TRUE STORY!!! 7TH GRADE! MECHANICAL DRAWING CLASS, WE HAD THOSE BIG MECHANICAL DRAWING DESKS AND I WIPPED OUT THE WHOLE DAMN THING AND STARTED BEATING THE HELL OUT OF IT WHILE THE TEACHER WAS GIVING A LECTURE! I WAS STARING AT THE GIRL IN FRONT OF ME. I BLEW IT ALL OVER THE FLOOR. THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO... WOW

So are you 9 or 10?

I think mine would be considered assisted masturbation...but it was in the back seat of the car, I was 14, and my parents, both of them, and we were taking him home from a Christmas party. It was pretty intsense. I could imagine my parents turning around and seeing us. Last night, I did in the middle of the street. The only reason I can do this, is because I live in the country. About half way through, a car came down the street, and almost ran me over...other than those two, there are a few others. Once in a movie theater with my friend Beth, once again, in a car, while my boyfriend was driving, middle of a field with horses wathching me, in class during a Fetal Alcohol Syndrom video, and a lot of other times, but most of them were assisted/mutual masturbation.

I was 13

Girls are lucky, When they masturbate they dont get a long protruding organ making a gigantic tent in their pants. If i could masturbate without anything to give it away. I would be doin that 24-7. One time (actually many times) I would go around the neighborhood when it was around 10 at night and i would go to girls houses and spy on them through their lit up window and watch them undress and i would whip it out and beat it vigorously and blow all over their window. I did that about 25 times during the summer. never came close to getting caught. I also brought a video cam with me sometimes and got it on tape. i have made a great amount of money off those tapes! Another time i beat it was in the car on the way back from my relatives house (who lives far away) i got bored.... And i am always wacking it when i am on the phone with hot girls. I flat out tell them that i am twacking it and i politely ask them to make noise for me (they think i am joking and to go along with it they start to make sex noises for me). Another time was on my friends boat. we were spending the night out on the boat and we both whipped it out and had a contest to see whose was bigger. then we beat it and saw who had the biggest load (i had the most all around). then we beat it a second time and i used my feet to rub his penis. (i know its gross. I have never done it since and i dont want to either!) and this kid has a hot sister and one time when she was gone i went into her room and took her bra and panties and went into the bathroom and tried them on. then i pulled it out and beat it and shot off into her panties. then when all was said and done, i threw it down the ol' laundry chute. Oh yah. me and my friend also used the water jets in his hottub to get off. that was quite a while ago... damn we were horny little bastards...

I swear to god those are all true... Wow, what a good time i used to have... where did that all go?

Out your organ I guess.

hmmmm i think these people could be the people i was warned about when i came on the internet lol anyway.... on a 10 hour flight from LA to London, the inflight entertainment was broken.... just as well god provided us with our own, is all i can say.

Into someone's mailbox when I was out flashing cars two nights ago...there was a huge lull in traffic...no cars, so I just walked over to a mailbox and started jacking...and then I saw some lights...and Immediately started putting on the best show i could...and when the car passed under a street light...i saw it was a cop car...and it was slowing down...and as it pulled over I sprinted for my life. Ahh, the fun of walking around at 1:30 in the morning in suburban new jersey.

A special delivery?

i was sitting in the bath tub and my ex was sitting on the other side of the tub facing me, her legs draped on mine. there was maybe a couple of inches of warm water in the tub. she was working her parts into a lather and i was slowly massaging my member as i watched her facial expressions and listened to her soft moaning. as her pace quickened, so did mine. as she began to cum, i brought myself to the edge of climax. when she finished it off, so did i. it was fabulous, and that night was the last time i saw her ... she was dating another guy and didn't want to have coitus with me because, i guess, that would be considered having sex with someone other than her new boyfriend. so we just masturbated in front of each other.

i did it while my mom was wathcing me

Yeah, but where? That's the topic.

I did it in the back seat of a car during the middle of the day, in a quaint but bussy neighborhood lotsa people around hehe.... oh and I'm a guy! it makes a little difference!

In a tree whilst watching an aerobics session In a car doing 35mph up a narrow winding lane Hanging upside down from a rope in the barn On a train (in the carriage) At work in the office, standing up naked! By the side of a motorway In the centre spot of a basket-ball court There are others, just can't think of any at the moment! Do any of these qualify me as a pervert?!

For sure!!

I can see where your prehensile tail came in handy.

Just wondering...anyone done it (or heard of it being done) underwater, without breathing apparatus? I can hold my breath a long time but not THAT long. I imagine you'd have to surface pronto...

in my ass

Is that where you want that big bag of money?

yes

In 9th grade careers class while sitting at the teachers desk in front of the class, staring up a girl sitting in the front row's skirt (I was sent up their for talking too much)

Lamskin, i am a guy and i wears ladie's undies or panties, and i really do blow it too

Whoa.....freaky!!!

You guys are a weirdo!

9th Grade the teacher sent me to the back for talking. I did it while staring at my hot teacher and had the most intense orgasm when she stared at me while I had the orgasm. I thought she knew what I was up to.. Oh that was great

Well, I was 17, and my best friend wanted to jackoff with me in the locker room, and I said "shure". (we've done a little more then just jacking off) Well, we got into the shower, and there were other boys doing it too. We made a contest, and the last person to shoot, had to get gang-raped by all the other football players!! (I was last, but on purpose)

This all sounds kind of creepy... Anyway, I jacked off in a boat lying next to my little brother fantasizing about my girlfriend. My brother didn't have a clue, he just slept (or so I hope, :P). The only problem was, it left a warm, sticky mess. I've also masturbated frequently on a boat belonging to a Scouting Group. People slept in beds attached to the walls. Same problem though, it left a mess. It was very exciting though, to say the least.

very very very true story!

...how do you know?...