| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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so here goes 1 large dildo 2 vibrating dildos one that glows in the dark handcuffs these strange pair of metal balls on a string with smaller balls on the inside 1 half used bottle of Astroglide 1 deck of Swedish erotica playing cards 1 copy of Dirty Debutantes #6 1 copy of Spanish print Hustler " " " " " Fetish " " " " " Barely legal (these mags came to me in the mail here at work...from an unknown source ????) 1 copy of Historica Erotic Vintage porn i think thats it next |
1 copy of "Behind the Green Door" 1 copy of "Erotic Adventures of Candy" next |
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hmmmmm........(plausible) |
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thats it, i am through, finsished, i have given up!!!!! |
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i should show up at the church down the street next sunday and start trying to pick up little catholic girls with that line. "hey honey. i need you to come back to my place and suck the sin outta me. naw baby, it's ok. it's god's work." |
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A little girl was sitting in the barber's chair with a tootsie pop. As the barber trims her bangs he notices hair on her tootsie pop and replies, "Looks like there's hair on your goodie" The little girl replies, "Don't be silly you old perve I'm only six years old" baaaadaaaaboom |
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Would you be interested in selling the Swedish Erotica playing cards? Cheers Nick nick@worldnomads.com |
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I do have my little sea shell man sitting on his little sea shell toilet,reading a newspaper and taking a little sea shell dump. Its not realy too erotic,but it is rather entertaining,in a sick kind of way. I do also have several fruit and vegetable items,but I actually use them for their nutritional value. |
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one man's pocket size is another man's life size. |
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so this girl i dated a long time ago. we'll call her A. she ended up marrying this guy, we'll call him D. they got a divorce, and D went on to sleep with this guy i worked with, who will call big gay J. by the 2nd law of communicable disease (you have slept with everyone who your partner has slept with) and the commutative property of sex (if X sleeps with Y, Y sleeps with X), have i slept with big gay J? and, if so, am i at risk of catching hep from him? |
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it seems to me that nate's equation is more like: nate x a is not equal to a x bigJ. but i've never understood math. or relationships. or nate. |
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you missed the D, droop. let's say '&' is the "has sex with" operator. if (nate & A) and (A & D), by the 2nd law of c.d., D & nate. by the communitive property of sex, if D & nate, then nate & D. however, the 2nd law of communicable disease actually has a restricting lemma, according to a friend of mine. he didn't have time to put it into notion for me, but it basically negates the communitivity of the sexual operator. yes, v, nate could use the vodka. |
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v: to quote louis armstrong - if i have to explain it, you'll never understand. i've had a real thelonious monk bug, lately. sooner or later i'm going to get around to buy the newly discovered monk/coltrane cd the released recently. |
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*my* life is non-stop orgasmic! though i'm a bit tired from starting a real job last week. |
Nate, party on. If according to communicative contexting I write a girl from the Ukraine, and she answers, does that mean she emailed everyone I might have emailed with? Or is this condoned by the der hopplgasser rule # 6.?? They say the good old HIV bug is striding or sleeping acorss Asia these days, and among right wing republicans in the white house. Go Non Stop, a new slogan for us old people. never know when you'll keel over and stick your feet in the air, to paraphrase some donkey I saw once. |
chronology where applicable or convenient. how can we trust something we only arbitrarily perceive? i'd rather stab my eyes out with a prawn awl. |
this fucking thing hurt so bad. my whole lower left jaw felt like it was on fire. and i know exactly where i got it from. my g/f at the time went to a party that i didn't want to go to, and, unbeknownst to me, hooked up with this guy. of course, a few days later, when we both came down with cold sores, the truth came out. she got drunk and sucked his dick. needless to say, that was the beginning of the end for us, but the worst thing was that many mutual friends knew about the whole thing and kept their mouths shut until the truth made itself apparent. and i was the asshole for wanting to frag the guy because he was a major player in the seattle music scene and everybody loved him. anyway, 15+ years later, you can carry that baggage with you when it comes to screwing people. i'd forgotten all about it until my lip blew up. all better now, but it's still there like a time bomb. mwa! |
In elementary school, there was this girl with an exotic name who I totally had the hots for. She got cold sores fairly often, though, and was teased mercilessly for it. I didn't care, though. I still thought she was pretty. I never got the chance to get that particular disease, though. She moved away. I used to think cold sores and canker sores were both the herpes thing, but it turns out we don't know what the hell causes canker sores. I'm not sure if that's better. I have a big painful canker sore. When I get them, it hurts to smile or even grin slightly, so everyone thinks I'm grumpy. And I am, I guess. Might be stress related. For my birthday, I worked 11 hours, then went home and spent several more hours moving shit out of my old apartment and into my new because we had just found out we needed to be cleared out by the next day. Throbbing headache all day long. A friend gave me a cane. I love it. I keep postponing my actual birthday celebration because all I really want is to spend a day hanging out with my friends, but everyone's so busy all of a sudden. |
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i stayed with her for abut a year after that event. she got several outbreaks during that time and each time drove me further away. i couldn't help but associate that with the image of her sucking off this guy's diseased cock. i don't think we had sex after that whole thing. stayed together for convenience. what's weirdest is that i really haven't thought about the whole thing until this last week. repressed memory or something. makes me wonder what else might be repressed. prolly that's it. |
i studied both back then. totally different cause than cold sores but the symptoms and treatment is similar. avoid foods with l-arginine, like nuts, seeds, chocolate and caffeine, and take l-lysine supplements or eat yogurt, nutritional yeast, cheese and other cultured foods. proteins and amino acids are so complex and interesting. i might try to learn more about them when i go back to school. |
Learned a new word today -- lemma, thanks to Nate. Happy Birthday, TBone. |
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happy birthday tbone. it seems like you are always moving to a new house or apartment. |
my sister used to have chronic canker sores when she was a kid. i think she took some kind of doctor-prescribed vitamin or something. as far as i know, she's grown out of it. i learned something about umbrellas last week. the word for umbrella in spanish is "paragua[s]". it made me think of "parasol," the umbrella you use to protect you from the sun. the it hit me: para agua (for water), para sol (for sun). the next song i write will be about canker sores. |
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I found some sites where people listed what worked for their canker sores, and it's all over the map. I have definitely noticed that I have to stay away from sugar when I have them. It must feed some mouth flora that starts eating me alive. A few people mentioned that getting lots of sleep will get rid of their sores most of the time. I'd like to try that, if I can find the time. I've started taking my vitamins again. I was in that apartment for something like two years. The people above us moved out, so we swooped in and snagged it. Same layout, but with vaulted ceiling, taller windows, and not partially underground. The floors squeak. The previous upstairs tenants consisted of a very heavy-footed woman with a silly name, a red-headed son of about 5 years who would peer in our windows and seemed desperate for human contact, a baby, and a dude who occasionally felt mistreated at the top of his voice. The apartments have a kitchen island, and the child would run circles around it. Endless running on the linoleum floors with shoes on, and it includes the squeaky part of the floor. Somehow it always stopped when I put my shoes on to go up there. Moving is awful. We moved all the main stuff, and the apartment looked great. But downstairs somehow still had an apartment full of crap in it. Yard sale! |
I get canker sores as well, and I have discovered that eating copious amounts of acidophilis yoghurt staves them off. (Although it stings like a bitch to eat it when I have a sore.) I also enjoy dark green leafy vegetables, which allegedly work well too. At any rate, I haven't had one in...probably a year or so. So something's working, or maybe I'm less stressed out. Your new apartment sounds excellent. |
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Working on yourself is awesome and I'm glad you're seeing improvement, but being worked on by someone else feels even better, because they can get to all those hard to reach spots. Essential oils like lavender, geranium, rosemary, and peppermint are supposed to increase bloodflow--you might want to try diluting one (or more, but smell the combination first) of those in a grapeseed or almond oil solution and incorporating that into your massage. And drink lots of water! |
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i had the massage of my life there on friday afternoon. deep tissue. i'm never going to any other massage therapist than her. i was suspect too, because i usually like male masage therapists, only because in general they are stronger and will dig into you deeper. so to speak. anyway, i would say it's worth it to make a trip to austin. and the place is about a mile from my house. |
since what i'm most concerned with is my legs, i have no trouble reaching everything. the only problem is that i have hold the leg with one hand and massage with the other (i find doing it lying down works better than sitting). i wonder if i could rig up a pully from the ceiling so i could hoist one leg and lock it in place. can i use fresh rosemary instead of essential oils? infuse it or something? i know someone who has a huge rosemary bush growing in her back yard. |
Sarah, my favourite therapist just moved to Portland and I am devastated. She gave the most amazing deep tissue. I've been working with another who is very good, but not...quite the same. Next week I intend to try out another lady who has gotten recommendations out the ears. I heart massage. |
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that has happened to be before too platy, it sucks. it's really hard to find the right massage therapist. droop, i would just buy some regular walnut oil from the grocery store. i bet you could soak some rosemary in it, if you wanted to. |
i've been drinking a lot of lime water recently. limes were 20 for $1 at fiesta mart, and i had a dollar. my urine is phosphorescent. i just learned that spanish for groin is "ingle". of course, the word for english is "ingles". i don't think that's a coincidence. hablas groin? |
I'm not crediting Enya. -- Happy birthday T-Babe, the big 666. -- You wanna hear a funny story? We got a letter on Thursday from the townhouse corporation. Really it was sent to our landlord and CC'd to us. Have i ever told you how wicked awesome townhouse corporations are? They're really super-keen. I just LOVE dealing with them. It was very short. It went something like- "Dear [landlord], It has come to our attention that your unit is being rented out to students. These dwellings are only to be inhabited by single family units, as per the corporation's rules. You are to evict these tenants immediately." STUDENTS. They think we're 18. Now i try to be an unassuming person most of the time, but this is the shit that really takes me back to that highschool "the Man is getting me down 'cuz i'm different!" mentality. We just want to live. We just want to have pink + black hair and a shitty car :( Unless you can think of other reasons they would assume we're students without ASKING US. I guess one of the neighbors must have phoned in some crazy tip to them, which is extra low since we've never even had a single party at this place or a complaint in the 6 years Rowlfe has had this house. I hate townhouses. I hate affluent suburbs. Anyway, Rowlfe phoned the landlord and spoke to his wife, who has an accent. She told us that this new management corp (who took over last year) are real dicks and they have a problem with them already. "How DARE they insult my tenants!!" So some time this week they'll be getting a furious phone call from angry immigrant. I don't know if you've ever been on the receiving end of angry screaming immigrant, but it's not pleasant. |
i'm afraid of mine. she's never been anything but nice, but she looks like a lich. more than that, she gives of this undead energy. i wouldn't knock someone on looks alone, but i seriously think she may be a lich. her husband is coming over to look at the sprinkler. i think she keeps his balls somewhere in a jar. perhaps they are the secret to her immortality. he loves the lemon tree, but has no spine. |
They are both retired older people who putter around in the garden and stuff all the time, and the husband is trying to save the world through recycling so he goes on the rounds of the restaurants every morning, collecting recyclables. We also have a fair sized vegetable garden, a pretty cool thing for the middle of town. They keep the rent super low--like half of what normal rental rates are up here, and they are simply the most chill, excellent people ever. And responsible landlords. I feel guilty every time something breaks because I pay so little rent and it gets fixed immediately, like that day. Luckily not much breaks around here. We are kind of like a big family around here, since there are two other tenants in separate buildings on the property. We call it "the compound," and I am wondering at what point we progress from a healthy landlord tenant relationship to a cult. As it is, half the time when I come home from work there's a fresh pie on the doorstep or a note saying "fresh caught fish in our fridge--help yourself." Sometimes I slip and call them my parents. |
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seems like it can't possibly be legal to have housing regs banning students (even in deepest darkest canadialand) (if you crazy backwards canadiandians have no such law, we can probably help liberate you and give you the god-given freedoms you deserve! just say the word.) |
they're playing his song "Palestine, Texas" on KEXP right now. |
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there really is a palestine, texas. it's southwest of dallas and just close enough that i hear it mentioned in weather reports every so often, usually when a tornado is about to rip through it and destroy a trailer park. they pronounce it "palesteen". |
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Actually, my B-day was 661. Or 616. Depends on where you're from. My landlords are pretty cool. They like my cat. |
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Buy 10 grams of aluminium sulfate (latin R. Sulphatis aluminico-kalici) from drug store. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aluminium_sulfate It has been used as a preservative for marmelades in the old times but can be used as good and fast cure for cances sores. If the crystals are large you can grind them to powder with spoon. Just moisten a match in your mouth so that they stick to the end and then apply to the sore. It will sting a little, but will form a sterilizing, white sulfate oxide layer on the sore. Apply before going to bed and try not let saliva to dilute the effect. The sores are gone within two days. |