okay so i had sex with this guy. it wasn't ntirely an accident that i did. but the complicated part is that i was on the rag at the time, tho i didn't tell him, and it was very very dark of a night and i was undenyably drunk, i don't really know if he was. i left the next morning before he got up, i had to go to work. i don't know if there was any evidence. and iif there was i can only imagine his reaction, but my question is, do i feel guilty? how should i explain this to him. should it be left unsaid?

that's just straight-up foul. i'm never gonna be able to finish this pasta w/ marinara sauce now.

Do you even think you will ever see him again?

If he's old enough to have sex he's old enough to know about periods. If you did leave some big bloody spot in bed when he finds out that you're not dead he'll figure it out. That is I hope he figures it out

It would be funnier if he finds blood stained sheets and thinks he blacked-out, killed you, and now can't find the body.

Yes, maybe you should spread that rumor come to think of it. Too bad you didn't think to bring a severed horse's head to your liason or you'd really have a fine story to tell. Ah hindsight!

that's not even funny, man. not fucking funny at all.

well.... like i saw him the next day and he didn't seem to be freaking out about it. but i haven't seen him since. he left for a journey and i will see him again like in a month or so. i guess i just wondered if i should feel bad. i mean i feel a little bad, but as one of my girlfriends put it "if he wants to stick it in he, he deserves what he gets." kind of like a finders keepers philosophy i suppose. i mean i was realy drunk and i was reluctant to do it, but i figured it wouldn't be like all that bad. afterwards i did (while he was sleeping0 use like a wet warm wipe on him as best i could drunk in the dark. luckily the sheets were mine and they were navy blue.

How foul! Why is drunknesss an excuse for any-&-everything? If the guy had woken up before you/seen the blood/slapped the shit out of you the said "Oh sorry -- I was drunk!" wd that have been okay by you? Hello! - Blood & bodily fluids can transmit diseases! And I assume you didn't use condoms/or there wd be nothing for this guy to have to worry abt. If you bled on the sheets/BELIEVE ME, HE NOTICED the next morning. But he apparently had the good manners not to mention it to you when he saw you. At least they were your sheets you ruined. FYI: A decent woman warns a guy that she's got her period beforehand/so he can decide if he wants to wade thru the red river or not. Think abt how you wd feel if a guy was abt to come in you & ended up taking a piss instead. (Which is anatomically impossible/but still.)Some guys really like the red river -- but most prefer to avoid it. I'm a woman too/but I sure as hell wdn't want to end up sleeping in some other bitch's blood.

Right On,like you said,you call them as you see them,I totally agree.

p.s.Simon,is Italian,he has "issues" on that subject,but I don,t,I think you are funny,Dinner Lady,Simon will grow on you too.

from what i can tell there was no stain on the sheets. and i did use protection. one thing hat never changes is having safe sex. i understand the times i live in and i know what can happen. the queston is not, did i give him a disease, or was it okay for me to do that. these are things under the list of cancled check for me. i did it, he didn't seem too miffed about it. but i think that it is best said that if he is mature enough to be having sex, he should understand and accept a period. hmmm, i guess from the perspective presented here, i am not ashamed of what i did. i do not think that i am hiding behind my drunkeness on this issue either. sleeping with him was no accident, i wanted it. so i guess therefore i am okay ith it all. not to the point of being proud, but okay with it. i added the detail of me being drunk as to why i didn't really find it all that urgent to tell him. drunkeness brings out the selfish girl in me. i wanted sex and i got it. tah dah. in conclusion, i thank you all fr your helpful opinions.

Yr welcome. And kudos to you for using condoms. (Too many of folks I know still don't). All I meant to say was that/even though man who is mature enough to get laid "understands & accepts a period"/he deserves to be given the choice beforehand whether or not he wants to get up-close-&-personal w/menstrual blood. FYI: Drinking just prior to or right after the onset yr period will usually increase yr flow. Something to consider -- I've been caught off-guard like that/& didn't realize 'til afterwards that those rounds at the bar were ultimately what ruined my chances for some real fun later that nite. If you catch my drift...

i bet he bragged to his friends that he fucked you so hard with his throbbing bullwhip that you ripped open and dyed his mound red.

i wanna know what is so wrong or taboo about sex during the period? I agree with your friends, and chances are he wouldn't give a rats ass, unless he couldn't keep it up and to save face he would talk shit to his buddies about it....but that doesn't appear to be the case. I suppose a guy should be advised, but if it's overlooked, fuck it! pun intended

That or (depending on the amount of blood her DID see) he thinks he just got himself a virgin, unless he previously knew otherwise, and is desparatly trying to remember what happened so he can brag to his buds.

....that HE did see....

I don't have an issue with having sex during my period though I'll go along with RC that it would be nice to let the fella know just so he'd be prepared if he was gonna freak out. I met this woman through a friend and she was telling us a story (which i guess she thought was funny) that she was due for her period but hadn't started yet had she sex with her husband and the action got her blood flowing. The story ends with her husband being freaked out and disturbed there is blood on his wee-wee and running out of the bed because he is so upset. She thought this was lightheartedly amusing/sweet. I thought 'What the fuck is wrong with him? He's fucking married and he can't deal with menstrual blood? Grow up already!'. To me it seemed really childish and pathetic, esp. in a married man. But this woman's taste in men is a whole other story - ick. On another topic - RC who are these people you know who aren't using condoms? What is their excuse in the modern world? They just love russian roulette?

The females I know are on the pill & involved w/men (all People of color/I'm embarassed to say)who refuse to use them/becuz they "Don't feel anything with a condom on". It is macho Latino/ African &/or Carribean male cultural thing. The men (mainly Brothers/but some White guys too)are just plain careless becuz in the back of their minds/they really do believe that AIDS is a Gay disease. If they've never had sex w/the girl before/they migh use one if she supplies it. But if they're hitting it regular & she says she's on The Pill or whatever/they figure why bother w/a rubber if they don't have to? Sad -- but true.

As for me/there's no "taboo" abt sex during my period. It's just messy & unpleasant (no traction) so I've never enjoyed it. And I've never known a man who enjoyed it either.

you just met one, howdoyado!

actually I am indifferent, it's not like i hang on for that one window of opportunity, but let's just say it's doesn't get in the way

I just make sure the sheets don,t get dirty,a big towel comes in handy,one you can bleach.

of course....

No traction? Try chains.

You're a fool.... I dunno if I can explain it to the male gender... But menstruating makes my insides so slick that there's no traction/or friction. Y'know?

Ya, we got it the first time......it was a joke...

I am happy to say that I am now period free. I know I've said this before, but have I said it since RC came back? Depo-Provera! most women spot for the first six months and then after a year there's no period whatsoever. I spotted heavily for three months and now there's no period whatsoever. I'm happy. I'm Darn happy!

and other side effects? it's almost always a give and take

*bows before Depo-Provera* The only side effect is intended.

Isolde: You haven't had any problems w/weight gain or mood swings or acne or any of that? Becuz if that shot woprks as well as they say it does/I'd get it just to stop my . even if I'm not getting any! I'm 39 & I smoke: Can someone like me use Depo or no? I'll ask my gyn abt it/but I don't have health ins. yet/so I won't be seeing her for a while

I haven't had problems, but I react to drugs strangely, so I'm not a good source. I love it. There is a certain age beyond which they will not prescribe...in Cal I think it's 40, not sure if it's the same elsewhere. If you think you might react to the hormones, you may not want to take it--it's like dumping three months of the pill into your system, even though it's set up to release slowly, it's sill there...Anyway. Check it out.

patrick, something told me that you would be a guy who "didn't mind" looking back, i don't think it was all that bad. i will say one thing it is like the most phenomenal sex i have had with this guy. it was all sensitive for me. i am not really aroused by friction, more by pressure. so i think in that sense it is not for everyone. and some (possibly many) don't really like the idea at all. it is one of those things that makes everyone different. i don't think that i will do it again. i don't realy like the testing the waters on the whole matter, that with the feeling of wanting to apologize for something totally natural. i think that is why i am okay with it. everything was natural. it wasn't that out of the ordinary really. makes me think how way back when women on their period (the ones who were found out to be.) were shunned from towns and sent to the hills to fend for themselves. supposedly people belived it was somee manifestation of evil. i think tho th rich could hide it better than the poor and it was all about thinning out the herd.

Menstruation wasn't taboo in all cultures. American Indian women in particular tribal groups who had their periods at a particular time of month used to gather together in a logde built for that purpose. They weren't 'sent away' -- they were allowed to put aside their regular responsibilities to the family & the tribe in order to spend some private time communing w/other women who were also menstruation. (Altho' I'm sure part of it was abt sanitation.) Many of their societies were matriarchal/so this was when the women put their heads together to decide how things shd be run. I dunno if they had taboos abt sex during menstruation/but I imagine they did.

possible side effects of depo-provera include: headaches weight gain nausea vomiting nervousness stomach cramps backache bloating in the stomach breast discharge and breast tenderness spotty darkening of the skin skin rashes depressed feeling tiredness dizziness loss of hair from your head increase in growth of body hair vaginal dryness during sexual intercourse increase or decrease in sex drive increase or decrease in blood pressure I get bacaches normally anyway, and I've been nervous lately but I think that has more to do with school than with the depo. also, for the first three months or so, I did notice that my sex drive was a little low, but I feel better now. The only major drawback that I could see with depo is that once it's in your system you're stuck with it for three months, so if you Do experinence a side effect, you just have to tough it out. those are just Possible side effects, though. I don't think they're too likely. I've only been on it for aproximatly four months, though, so maybe later I'll grow extra hair. You should talk to your doctor about it, RC. The spotting months were a pain in the butt (constant bleeding for three months!), but it was worth it. I love not having a period.

I, personally, would love to go to the "Menstrual Wigwam".A place where no one would fuck with you, there would be no annoying people in front of you at the checkout, requiring a price check on some mundane sundrie, no jerks in the parking lot stealing your parking place, no civil servants to annoy you with their bureaucracy. A place where you could be totally irrational, and no one would even notice. I would love to go on a monthly basis, with the option that I could leave at any time if I felt like I needed to go and castigate someone, then return to the wigwam.

don't forget the two women i know who went fucking insane when they went on depo. no amount of happy depo stories will remove the pain caused to themselves and every single soul they touched.

I believe in later times women were 'sent away' from tribes because they thought menstration was a time of great witchy power for women. I think it's easy for us to forget there was a time when women were much more awed for their bodies - they bleed once a month from no wound, they reproduce people, they feed others with their bodies,... If you ever saw Kathy Najimy she and her old comedy partner Mo did a routine where they were angels creating humans and they wind up afraid that men will feel totally inferior because they give women so many cool body things. So they decide to give men big egos and have childbirth be unbelievably painful. It's funny if you see them. Also I'd recommend catching Dr, Christine Northrup when her specials run on TV (PBS) she talks about the weekly menstrual phases and how they affect your psychology and it's really interesting. She would contend that PMS is a time when we deal with the crap of the month so if there is something on your mind - bad relationship, etc. it comes to the forefront then to be dealt with. By the end of her show you feel really empowered about your period and feel bad that men can't have them. It's great! As for sex during your period, hay, it is everyone's personal choice. I've never had any men who found it such a turn off they didn't want to have sex. Some even found it sexy! I think that the woman's attitude about having sex during her period will often transmit to her partner. And of course women are taught to hate their bodies so well...

Thanks, J, I feel better now. Waking up in a bloody bed reminds me of that scene from "Barton Fink."

Thanks Simon,I,m actually looking forward to menopause:)

mmmmmm......menopause. the promised land.

-- Women who have an episiotomy -- an incision that widens the vagina to ease delivery -- are more likely to have difficulty controlling bowel movements and gas in the 6 months after delivery, according to the results of a new study.

....and you had a problem with your marinara with the aforementioned story.......?????

I like Christine Northrup -- but as fas as her bit abt periods being something to celebrate/she can kiss my Black ass. Mine are messy, painful (at 39 I *still* get killer cramPs)& nothing at all to celebrate. I look like someone stuck a canteloupe in my abdominal-pelvic cavity. None of my pants fit! And my face usually breaks out in a choice zit or 2. I'm all for women feeling good abt our bodies/but what's the celebrate abt that? I certainly can't sit around "refelcting on my life". And I can't "take it easy & pamper myself" during my period/as she recommends. I sill have to go to work & t.c.b. as tho' it were any other day of the month/same as every other woman. Altho I do love the way I feel the week after my period ends. I post-menopausaul women really do feel like that all the time/I can't wait!

Nate - how long after they went on the depo did these women go nuts?

My mother's going through menopause. She says that she now feels full of energy, she loves her life, and she has drummed up the courage to leave her comfy teaching job and go into peace/conflict studies and join the Red Cross. No lie! Yay, Mom!

2-3 months? you're not worried, are you? the more i talk to people, the more i think it was just a coincidence that the first two people i knew who went on were hit by an apparently very rare side effect. but still, psycho is psycho.

I'm not worried. If I go nuts (assuming I'm not already) I have a lot of other things to blame it on than depo. I can blame it on you, for example.

somehow stopping your period doesn't sound like a good idea something like getting your gall bladder removed..."you don't need it"...but i guess i do feel better now

staht etuc eeG

yes blame me.

okay. it's your fault.

I don't think stopping your period is good either. It would make me antsy. Not to say I'd really miss it. My Mom is awesome since starting menopause, she swears! She's more irritated and less prone to put up with people's crap the way she used to. Of course that could be dangerous behavior for me.

Menstruation is just the body's way of of disposing of the extra goodies the uterine lining produces in order to support a fertilized egg -- IF one happens to get fertilized & make it to implantation. So unless you're trying to get knocked up/menstrual cycles/& the periods that result from them/really are quite useless. I'd love to get the Depo shot. But I am leery of anything that A)claims to remain effective for a year w/out repeated injections B)causes 3-6 mos. of "spotting' (If you're spotting/then you're ovulating -- which means you cd get preggers) C)has no antidote & can't be reversed. If I get the shot & don't like what it does to me/then I'm stuck til it wears off? Me dohn't tink so!

granted that officially and medically i know practically nothing about the more intricate mechanisms (hee) of the body... but i would so have to argue about the useless nature of the period for one- it must have some 'self-cleaning' thing going on and stopping it would have to do something funny to you hormonally....and along with that- even men are cyclical and it seems important to me to avoid doing anything that resembles messing with how your body is supposed to work i also heard that the release of iron (which is sometimes a bad thing) helps woman avoid heart attacks- that might not be true though i just doubt that it's all about making babies

I still say I,ll miss periods,like a sore asshole.

RC, you don't go a whole year with one shot. You get four shots a year. You get the first shot around the time you have your period and it takes effect immidiatly. you get another shot every three months. personally I felt it was worth going through the spotting to get to the no-period. I also felt it was worth risking a negative reaction to the drug (if your doctor knows you she can probably tell you how probably that it) because I know I'm unreliable when it comes to taking pills everyday. Did I mention that the shot is 99.7% effective? obviously I don't think the spotting is too much of a risk as far as getting knocked-up. really, you should go talk to your doctor. it won't hurt. Do you have to pay to talk to her? I don't know how that works in the states. Or you can look at their website, if you haven't already: http://www.depo-provera.com/index.htm I can't comment about whether or not missing my period is a bad thing, because I don't know much about that sort of stuff. I can only say that I trust my doctor, and if there were something "wrong" with it, I think she would tell me.

Gee,are you sure your mom wouldn,t trade you for Ryan?Never mind,I don,t blame her.You are smart to get on birth controll.but use a condom too,it,s not worth dying for.

resist RC, she has been injected with marketing and sales know-how by the pharmaceutical company.

"i also heard that the release of iron (which is sometimes a bad thing) helps woman avoid heart attacks- that might not be true though" heart attacks are a major killer of women. In the US twice as many women die from cardiovascular disease than die from all forms of cancer combined.

nate- that would be with respect to men but i do that that more women with heart trouble (as in a greater percentage of women with heart trouble) actually die from it than men

42 percent of women compared with 24 percent of men will die within one year after a heart attack. 44.4 percent of all female deaths in America and most developed countries occur from CVD, particularly coronary heart disease (CHD) and stroke. CVD is the #1 killer of women. and as a side note: As many as 30% of all coronary heart disease (CHD) deaths in the United States each year are attributable to cigarette smoking

My mummy had a heart attack almost 2 years ago. It's a bad scene. A lot of the reason that women die from them is that they are not diagnosed quickly enough, because they present WAY differently and because there's some sort of myth that's pervasive in our culture about them being alpha-male associated. And, my mom smokes like a chimney.

but i do that that? what was i saying? i was saying that heart disease is more prevalent in men but when women are affected they die from it more often from men (so i think i was agreeing with you)

ya. but listen to margret.

The thing about iron is correct, though, which is why men shouldn't take multi-vitimans with iron in them.

"resist RC, she has been injected with marketing and sales know-how by the pharmaceutical company." Huh?? I'm all for any kind of b.c. that is #1.safe & #2.effective. And MY periods are really yucky/so b.c. that stops me from menstruating wd be a blessing. But Nate's remarks abt women he's known who had major problems w/Depo echo my own 2nd-hand experiences. As for the self-cleaning factors of menstruation: women still have a natural vaginal discharge that has nothing to do w/our periods. So we'd still have self-cleaning ovens even w/out the red river every month.

it was tongue in cheek in the sense that pharmaceutical companies' advertising is at it's highest ever and well, seeing as how Gee was speaking so highly of it, i was making a big-brother-esq ......ahhhhhhhhh come on, you see what i mean When I worked at Glaxo Wellcome, people there were very bizarre, they celebrated drug's birthdays (the day the were discovered) and talked very highly of the companies drugs becasue they all got unlimted supplies. My mom would swear me off just to get another fix of Flonaise the way she talks about it....my step dad is currently living in China working on a new plant for Glaxo Wellcome. We are a drug riddled world, with a pill for everything.....ah hell i am going home Have you ever seen the Kids in the Hall movie Brain Candy?

No. TKITH were too hip for me. I just never *got* their humor.

they're going on tour here in Canada. They'll be in Vancouver, Montreal and here. They're in Toronto from the 26th to the 28th at Massey Hall. ps. depo rocks! go depo, go depo!

RC: It should have read "Resist, R.C..." not "Resist R.C.". In other words he was talking to you, not about you. Hope that clears things up.

i loved depo. never had any problems with it at all, and i was on it for two years.

depo? is that the shot one? jeeezis. hormonal birth control is EVIL. it's EVIL and SICK and WRONG and EVIL and BAD. how many times do i have to tell you people!?

what do you suggest? a rubberband?

left teste for a boy baby, right teste for a girl baby.

well the movie has a slightly different angle, as opposed to the show. It's good and I am very surprised to hear you don't get it.

are you being serious, Sarah? Why is it evil?

ROFL at ____! I spent, let's see... from Frosh year of college til I was nearly 29... that's almost a dozen years on The Pill. With no ill effects. AND I smoked for at least 10 of those years. And did lots of drugs. There's nothing "EVIL" or "SICK" abt hormonal b.c. Sarah. S'not right for everybody. But if you're in a momogamous relationship & you don't wanna have to bother w/finding a rubber every time you wanna get yr groove on/the Pill is safe & effective for most women. Pls. is cools out PMS & makes yr periods lighter. And these shots are sounding better & better! But I know my doctor wdn't give me Depo unless I told her I had a steady boyfriend & I was sure he was faithful. She's a fanatic abt condoms & hates to give single women The Pill or Depo or IUD's or anything that won't protect against AIDS. Which is one of the things I dig abt her.

Patrick: I only saw TKITH on t.v. once/long ago. And they just weren't all that funny to me. But that's prolly 'cuz I didn't get the jokes. Monty Python -- now, that shit was funny! Still is/in fact.

LOPEZ!!

if you get Monty Python, you need watch the kids again, they are very comparable, but fuck it, i don't really care if you watch it or not. my head hurts

I Know you're in there, Lopez! Lopez! Lopez! God, I LOVE that kind of humor! I hear they're touring again. I need to go.

I remember that Lopez one. Alright! I'm hip! RC, why do you need to be in a steady relationship to use depo? I haven't been with anyone since I started on the stuff and I don't plan on being with anyone for quite a while. Can't you just plan ahead?? I think it's really weird that a doctor would refuse to prescribe birth control. Even if you're using a rubber, the dang thing could break and if you Don't get an std you might get pregnant. Is your doctor gonna take care of the kid if that happens? (not You personally, I know you're on the pill) I just think that's weird. I would be totally uncomfterble with going to a doctor who thought she could make those kind of decisions For Me.

Monty Python is one of my late night heros.

Silver Sleeves....I got my grandson after all,he spent the night,I let him have a friend over and we are going to the Mesa museum for youths,a hands on art museum for kids,it,s a beautiful day.

Congrats J!!!!....good things always happen to good people.

Thanks Maple Leaf,I picked him up Sat.,we went to the movies and saw Stuart Little,it was cute.. then Heather came by and dropped off her boyfriends 9 year old son.Sunday,went to the museum and bowling,then came home and got a Pizza Hut pizza that came with a playstation demo game,they had a blast.I have them both today,I,ll take him home tonight.He kept looking at a picture of his mom holding him when he was a baby on my dresser,it was kind of sad.

He went home today,he is real smart,I love him.

I thought they were fucking with me because I was supposed to get him Fri. afternoon,when I called to make arrangements to get him,she put it off and told me to get him Sat. morning,but I got him and that,s what counts.Sat. night Heather dropped off her old man,s youngest son,he,s 9,and they were both here till yesterday afternoon.I was trying to catch up with my cleaning yesterday,a man my husband works with was coming by at 6 p.m. to deliver and install the computer,by the time they got it installed,I was already yawning.He tried to explain operating it,after a couple of hours,he said he was going to come back,I think he could tell I was getting real confused,he didn,t even bother explaining the scanner.Doesn,t this figure,I finally get one and I,m afraid to touch it now,I keep going in the room and looking at it though,then again that,s how I was with webtv,had it about 3 months before I even tried it,I thought it was like Pandoras box.

Gee -- my doctor believes in being pro-active abt preventing AIDS. (Technically/she's not a doctor -- she's an ARNP/practicing under an ob/gyn.) She feels that too many private-practice ob-gyns practicing among middle-class & upper-class clientele are unwilling to talk frankly w/their patirnet abt AIDS. She knows that people are often careless in the heat of the moment -- esp. women who know that the threat of pregnancy is nearly nil becuz they are on the Pill or Depo. So she asks a lot of questions abt yr realtionship /how long you've been dating the guy/are you faithful/are you sure he's faithful/before giving anyone b.c. that doesn't protect against AIDS. And frankly/I think that's a good thing.

I don't think my doctor has ever talked to me about aids. well, I guess last time she told me that hep b is far more contagious than hiv. but what is there to say? use condoms? aids kills? don't share needles? I'm sure she realizes from the level of our discourse that I must be well aware of the risks. who isn't?