after I read this, i reflected back on the discussion of why women have softer asses. Midway through this very interesting column, the question may be answered. If not, it's a funny and interesting read........ Savage Love By Dan Savage Your boys-will-be-boys advice to "Strip Club Widow" REALLY bothered me [Feb. 23]. You told her that most straight guys want to fuck other women, and that she should turn a blind eye to her boyfriend going to strip clubs because it probably helped him blow off that wanna-fuck-other-women steam. Most straight men do NOT want to fuck around! And though I disagree with that premise, it pisses me off that you imply women don't lust after 18-year-old boys. Why didn't you tell HER to go to strip clubs! Ticked Off Of course you don't think straight men wanna fuck around. You're a straight woman, and you've been lied to all your life. Most straight men would stick their dicks in blenders before they told a straight woman the truth on this subject. (They will, however, tell their gay friends the truth.) And frankly, TO, straight women can't handle the truth. Straight women demand faithfulness from straight men, not unreasonable, but then demand straight men pretend faithfulness comes easy, which is unreasonable. Since most women won't put out without hearing an only-you-baby line of crap, men are forced to lie. It would be funny if it weren't so pathet -- wait a minute, it is funny. As for women lusting after other men, sure, that happens. In fact, there was a story about what tramps women are in the New York Times recently. Researchers studying primates discovered that female chimps and gorillas, our nearest living relatives, messed around behind their fellas' hairy backs quite a lot. But in primate society, just as in human society, females were sneakier about messing around, and messed around for different reasons. OK, class: Male gorillas collect females in harems, like Mormons, hoarding the ladies; male and female chimps, on the other hand, live in large, mixed groups, everybody fucking each other's brains out, like San Franciscans. Since a male chimp's sperm is forced to compete with the sperm of other males in order to pass on his genes, chimps evolved with large testicles that produce rivers of spunk. But since lady gorillas are less likely to fuck males other than their local alpha, male gorillas' spunk doesn't have to compete. Consequently, male gorillas evolved with teensy-weensy testes, and produce less spunk than male chimps. Humans are primates, and since the male human's balls fall somewhere between chimps' and gorillas' on the body-mass scale, scientists concluded that "sperm competition" is a "feature of the human mating system." Since men's balls are big but not huge, scientists also concluded that back when humans were busily evolving, a male's sperm would typically have to compete against the sperm of one or two other males. Why did human females mate with many men? For pleasure, no doubt, but also to keep the boys guessing about who the father was. If every male thought her kids might be his kids, too, then all the males would pitch in to protect her kids. Guys, then, fucked to make as many babies as possible (and for pleasure), while gals fucked to make men take care of their babies (and for pleasure). There are other signs that females evolved to fuck around: Human females evolved with big boobs and rear ends but with "concealed ovulation," i.e., it isn't obvious when human females are laying eggs. Big boobs and rear ends helped attract mates, while concealed ovulation helped fool 'em about whose kids were whose. And women continue to fuck around today: Genetic tests used to screen for inheritable diseases show a 10 percent rate of "paternal discrepancy," i.e., the father isn't who the woman claims. These scientists also noted that in monogamous primate species, males and females were about the same size. In non-monogamous primate species, males were larger. Since human males are bigger than human females, men "evolved to 'expect' perhaps two or three mates," at the same time human females were evolving to fuck around behind men's backs. None of this, of course, explains why there aren't strip clubs where women can stuff hundred-dollar bills into the pants of 18-year-old boys. But I can explain it: Men and women are attracted to different things. Most men -- not all -- are attracted to fertile 18-year-old girls. Most women -- not all -- are attracted to power, i.e., bigger, stronger, richer men. An 18-year-old boy taking his clothes off in a strip club is not, by definition, a man with much power, so most women aren't gonna waste their time in strip clubs -- at least not until there are strip clubs where women can watch multimillionaires take their clothes off. In your response to Strip Club Widow, you said that she should "turn a blind eye" and "pretend (her) boyfriend doesn't go to strip clubs." Why should they lie to each other? Is this how you want your relationship to function? Vera Think about romantic relationships for a second, Vera. Is honesty what we want from our lovers? No. We have lovers so there's someone in our lives who has to tell us we're smart and attractive and interesting even if these things aren't true. I'm sure there are things my boyfriend keeps from me, just as there are things I keep from him, but I value my relationship enough not to tear away at the tissue of lies that binds us together. Love is like skin, Vera: It's a beautiful thing provided you don't examine it under a microscope. Anyone who spends SEVEN HOURS in a strip club is cheating. My advice to SCW is simple: Go to a strip club, see for yourself. People who have conflicts on basic issues shouldn't be together. And while you may not believe it, not all straight guys wanna fuck other women. Panties in a Wad I've never met a couple who didn't have conflicts over basic issues, like money, work, sex, or kids. I don't know about the planet you're on, PIAW, but here on planet Earth even the best romantic relationship is essentially a conflict-a-thon made tolerable by the occasional orgasm. Returning to the New York Times, here's a quote about sex from former President Jimmy Carter's new book: "Well past 70, Roselyn and I have learned to accommodate each other's desires more accurately and generously." That's good advice. If you want the person you're fucking to fuck no one but you -- forever -- then you'd better accommodate his or her desires, even if it includes the occasional night out in a strip club. And learn to do it before you're past 70. Finally, a lot of straight women wrote in to insist that "not all straight guys wanna fuck other women." Interestingly enough, not a single straight guy wrote in to complain, or to claim this wasn't the case, or to accuse me of slandering straight men. What does that tell you, straight women? © Dan Savage

I love The Stranger.

You could've just posted the link. No biggie That was one of my favorite columns. There's a lot to what he says. it made me wonder if my balls are more like a chimps or more like a gorilla's, and whether relative ball size in human males can be correlated to how much they cheat on their mates. I think that a gay anthropologist is probably studying that somewhere. Or at least that's his pick-up line!

I think a woman could handle many men easier than a man could handle many women.

Sure, we cd handle multiple partners -- if men wd just pick up their clothes off the damn floor & wash the dishes once in a while. Polygamists want multiple wives becuz they're basically looking for slave labor -- in bed & otherwise. Polyandrists (is polyandry the correct term? Margret? Sem?) want multiple husbands becuz it takes usually 3 or 4 men to do the handle the responsibilities of being 1 Real, Right-&-Correct Man. As a friend of mine used to say "Every woman woman needs a funny man, a money man & a honey man." I didn't agree/but I understood why she operated that way. And you'll notice that harem business only works among animals. Becuz male primates aren't responsible for feeding/clothing/educating & raising all the young they produce by being so promiscuous. In most species/the dominant male will kill babies sired by another male/in order to being the female into estrus again so he can fuck her & produce more of his offspring. But the shit that works in the animal kingdom doesn't work among humans/becuz we aren't simply highly-evolved apes. There are a few men out there who genuinely adore their wives/condsider them to be hotties/& have no interest in straying. But most of them aren't going to publicize that view in the NY Times/for fear of being called a Wuss or a Liar by the majority of men/who can't grasp such an attitude. To all those jerks who are hell-bent on being at the top of their city's sperm-spreader list/I say: Go For Yours. But be prepared to have 3 jobs & spend all yr spare time changing diapers & running to the day-care center/doctor's office/soccer practice/etc, etc. If fucking everything that will lie still is a 'biological imperative'/then men shd be ready to face up to the consequences of that kind of behavior. Junior can't live in a tree & survive on fruit & seeds.

multiple partners is one thing, but anybody who would want more than one spouse (for any reason) is clinically insane.

emotionally i couldn't handle another lover physically I could screw 10 women a day intellectually I would never do that the burden/responsibility of pregnancy can never fall soley on the mans shoulders as you imply RC, As a female, it takes a conscious effort to spread your legs and let him in.

We've got an anthropology professor here -- his name is Philip Kilbride-- who has done lots of research on polyamory. Lots. He's freaky. As you can see, he kinda looks like Bill Clinton, too, if that tells you anything.

Not that anyone cares, but here are my beloved: Creative Writing English Italian and Psych professors.

I agree Patrick: Which is why women are GENERALLY less promiscuous than men. We know that every time we lay down w/a guy we run the risk of getting up pregnant. And that we will bear the primary responsibility for raising the children we choose to have. Thank God we still have the right to make that choice. But that cd change/depending on who ends up on the White House. I often wonder why there isn't some corner of America like Utah/but for women/where we get to have multiple husbands. I'd be very interested in seeing how *that* little society works out. Particularly if it were just outside a fairly large city. Like S.F. or L.A. or Chicago.

It's difficult enough to deal with one partner. I don't understand why anyone would want multiples.

i'm laughing my ass off at the idea that it would take 3 (or 4) little pigs to make One Real, Right & Correct Swine. damn. the war of the sexes will never come out of this sad and pathetic stalemate. i never signed up for that shit, anyway. i sure hope i didn't get drafted along the way without knowing it. to hell with all that noise. i'm going back to sleep.

I don,t think I could handle more than one man mentally,but physically I could.But then again this is from me who dreams of having some guy come clean my house while I whip him and slap him around and pay me to boot.I could really do this.

uhhh, i am looking for a new job???

Do you do windows?I,m serious I have way too much time on my hands,I surf too much,I know I could find someone to do this for me,I just can,t figure out how to do it without my husband finding out.

well, i won't be able to pay YOU, but i can do windows. the girl and I have often thought how much fun it would be to have a naked house cleaner come over one saturday afternoon......

the solitude of empty minds, publicly displayed.

ROFL at J!!! I have the same fantasy. I usually picture George Bush (the ex-prez) in a french maid's outfit scrubbing my bathroom floors w/a toothbrush & Ajax/while I'm upstairs in bed w/Benjamin Brat. And Bush is forced to sing: "I love the little brown ones, I love the little brown ones..." over & over again. Damn but I need drugs....

No hon your all good,and you crack me up.That life on the ocean,you start selling your used underwear too,I finally figured out how to launder money,maybe we can set up a phone sex hotline.I know you are smarter than me,where can we go with this?Whatever we do must be a federal crime,I here the prison,s are better than jail.

I just noticed I spell worse than normal when tanked.

J, are you geting ready for your international adventure?

I,m going to start packing today but my dog got lost Sunday and I,ve been out of my mind.Stayed up till 5:30 a.m. tanking up,got up at 9 a.m. I just don,t feel right about leaving with her missing.

Has she ever been lost before?

Never in 13 years,someone took her or killed her.She is such a sweet thing even Bruce is upset and you know he don,t like dogs.

I know I'de be frantic if one of my pets were lost. I've done this before in similar situations, and it usually works. Make a lost dog sign,preferably with her picture on it, offer a reward, explain that she is old, ill ,needs medication,is a childs beloved pet, etc. Make copies of the sign, and stick them up all over your neighborhood, at the grocery stores and any laundrymats,especially at any local vets office.And tell the office staff about your dog,in case someone calls or comes in with her.Have phone numbers on the sign,but DON'T say you will be out of town[no point inviting robbers to your vacant house!]Put a reliable friends number on the sign,you can put my number and tell them to call me collect,and I'll make arraingments to have her boarded at a vets untill you get back, if you can't think of someone there who would be dilligent in their search for her.Go door to door in your neighborhood, asking if anyone has seen her.Tell any and all neighborhood kids about her and offer them $25.00 [or more] if they find her. You will be surprised how many kids will try to find her,and they can cover a lot more ground than you can alone.But start your search now,[if you haven't already]. I've gotta feed a baby amazon that just hatched, and then go to bed,so I can go back to work.You leave on the 17th don't you? So I will talk to you tomorrow when I get home from work.Good luck!!! P.S. Bring me back a pool boy from South America

The federal pen is Way better than jail, J! I don't mind doing some federal time if I can walk away w/a few million stashed & waiting for me afterwards. So tell me how you figured out how to get the $$ out of the country. And I'll figure out a scam...

And post lots of notices about yr dog -- with a photo is possible. If you offer at least a $50 reward/kids will be motivated to go out & look for it/& make a long-distance call to tell you they've find him.

I did just that, went around the whole neighbor hood,taped on every mail box put a ad in the paper and paid some place called pets line $25.00 bucks to help me find her.I call dead animal pick-up everyday.R.C.,you get that scam on,I,ll tell you when I get back,as usual I fucked off and at the last minute have to pack.Agatha,I,m sorry,same thing,fucked off and waited till the last minute for mailart,so don,t hold things up cause of me.My husband yelled at me so loud I know the neighbors heard yesterday about this very thing.I really have a problem with time.I,ll miss you all and remember if you don,t hear from me by April 1st call the cops.love,J

k, will do. I hope the dog shows up at some point along the line here.

Women are attracted to power? No honey, I like to F***k just like you men folk.

correction-THE men folk.

But you are probably right about many women. ok Im done now, sorry about that original mix up I read your whole post and then forgot that there was a female name at the end of it. The women like power and money thing just made me think of some older rich guy philosophy.

you read the whole post? did you happen to catch the date on that one? HOW DID YOU FIND THIS SITE IF YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY UNABLE TO READ NUMBERS

well.........I am randomly "surfing the web". And yes I read the whole post. I am interested in real issues like some of the one's featured on this web page, and I would like to thank you for anserwing my post which I do realize was entered into a forum that is very old. This was done on the assumption that someone like my self randomly surfing the web, would come across this in less than a matter of hours, so....I decided to enter a post being that I would most definately get some feedback. Golly!.... I was right.

So... whisper...Whats up?