so i have never had to invoke the rule that most people do of "never date a co-worker" so when i started this job in my training class i spied a boy who was just my type, dorky, artistic, a bad hair cut he obviously did himself. but with a certain flair of fashion sense. so we pass eachother in the hall ever so often. todya he asked me if i wanted to go and see a movie (chinatown. polanski, this boy is perfect!) and so i am cutting out of work early to go see a flick. but it wasn't a formal invite just like kinda friendly, he offered me a ride but i have my own. he was like well why don't you cut out of work when i do at 6:30. i get out at 9. we were talking about how we beat the system etc. and i said yes. (how could i not, really?!) so tonight it looks like i have a date. or maybe not, am i jumping to conclusions here?

you have a date! and woohoo to dorky, artistic, bad own haircut boys with their own fashion sense you can't have mine

man. I'm bitter.

we saw the film. very nice. jack nicolson a favorite of mine. him and christopher walken. anything like prior batnman i like him in. he was in top form. i suppose tho, so was i. we saw the movie, we step out of the theatre and he says "you wanna go and get a beer?" so then i raise my eyebrow. stepping outside the boundries of just a flick for two hours. had a couple at a cute little club a walk away. we talked about the US versus Europe. the trends of society, jazz, the insanity of classical music, my passion for all of my many crafts. we listen to this band that had a digeredoo. i like digeredoos. he paid for nothing. we walked back to my car and he asked if i worked tommorrow and said he would se me at work, but we should hang out again soon. he wants to see my band play next week, and take me out for a drink on my birthday. hmmmm. i floated for a few moments then a man passes me on the street and says "does your face hurt? cause it is killing me." oh wait a second, it wasn't a date, i am not as pretty as i once thought and that man's gift of himself was a horrible one. i thought long about the theory of the "gift of yourself." the dark half to it is what i felt when that guy said that to me. the complete stranger. no one can hurt my feelings like he did. because of all the things i went through up to that moment and everything he went through etc. that chance meeting was unique in it's entirety, and could possibly have changed my life (won't really know for sure for some time.) i guess i only wish he would have said something like that to a girl much prettier than me. times like thos kind of remind me exactly what i see in the mirror and the image i have crafted all around my brain doesn't replace just being physically attractive. as i longed so much to be when that man said that to me. i wanted to be just drop dead gorgeous so i could truly think nothing of it. my face wouldn't be killing him, because 50 million men wish they could follow a trail of my shit a mile long just to see where it came from. so his little quip would mean nothing except that he would never know the power of choice pussy, a beautiful girl spitting at his feet and telling him to lick it up, and say that is as close as i would ever come to kissing him. and watching him fall to his knees and do just that as i bat an eyelash. but i am not that girl. i am too intellectual, too enlightened to admit that his quip broke down a small part of this great wall of me. i told him "that is what i thought." and walked off, continuing to my car. quite possibly that is all part of the plan of the great magnet.

What kind of person goes up to strangers on the street and tells them they're ugly? That's pretty sick. Don't even think about that guy anymore and DON'T let what he said affect the way you see yourself.

Kymical, I wandered into a frat party once in college, having just been to a show that I really enjoyed and not wanting the evening to end. I grabbed a cigarette, and made the mistake of asking one of my hosts if he had a match. He said "yeah, how about my ass and your face." It really depressed me, because it seemed like random cruelty when I was in a happy love the world I just had bliss mood. I hate to be a bumper sticker cliche, but mean people suck. You should carry pepper spray and accidentally discharge it in the immediate area of wantonly cruel assholes. There is no natural justice, but that doesn't mean you can't be a vigilante.

i watched citizen kane over the weekend and it occurred to me that jack nicholson borrows more than just a little character from orson welles. anyway. i just thought i'd share. have fun on the killing floor.

Kymical, give no creedence to the words of freaks on the street. Your co worker would not have asked you to go to a movie if he didn't think you were cute. Now you'll just have to see if he's a freak or not. It sounds to me like you were on a pre-date that 'getting to know you' routine. Good luck missy. I wish I'd get axed on a date. I just went to lunch w/ a boy from work and he told me he's moving away 'cuz he met someone in another state. Now when will that happen to me? I'm having total post-vacation 'what should I do with my life' feelings. I'm satisfied with my life, but is that enough?

want answers? march into the kitchen and chop your right thumb off with a meat cleaver. that oughtta give you some perspective. ok. i'm done sharing.

yeah but did ya score on vacation?

wait, seeing other thread

Ya, it was sort of a bummer to not score and sort of not. He looked handsome but seemed vain, and his commentary about broads was such a put off. There WAS absurdly long 'nervous chatter' before going to bed, but I just didn't have the interest to go out on a limb after he was telling me about all the 'pretty women' - gak. I don't think I'm a dog but he really made me feel that way. Fuck him. You know, even the ones you don't want, you want them to want you (I believe Robin Zander would bear me out here). I wonder if he was just nervous and saying stupid shite? I'll try cutting off my thumb but I'll have to wait till I get home and I still need to unpack so it might take a while till I get around to it.

I've been doing the pre-date thing with this girl for like a month now. Just as things start to move along, this creepy guy from bowling (We are on a league together) starts creeping her out. He follows her around, and attempted to follow her home. Now she's all weirded out and suspicious. I'm scared if I ask her out on a real date she'll think I'm a freak like the guy at bowling... Fuck, I hated this highschool shit in highschool, I hate it even more now. Any of you ladies who have some advice, i'd appreciate it.

make like you can protect her from him. kick him in the head and tell him to leave her alone cause you have noticed that it bothers her. ask him what his beef is and if he wants to take it outside. if it was me (as the girl) i would either want that guy to date me or i would try to make it really hard to follow me. like walking through gay clubs etc. or i would just confront him and threaten bodily harm. sounds like she is nohthing like me, i can see why you are doing the pre-date thing with her.

Jesus, I can't believe you said that kym. It would have hurt me too, but I would have been more pissed off than hurt. I'd at least say Fuck you, or punch his face in, or something. You just don't say things like that. One time I was going to meet my husband at his workplace after work. When I met him he got out of his jeep and I gave him a great big hug. This guy driving by said "Get a room!" My husband said fuck you, but I knew the guy didn't hear it, so I said "HEY FUCK YOU!" he said "Yeah yeah." It made me feel good. It didn't hurt when he said it. If it would have hurt, and made bad of the situation, it would have made me feel even better saying fuck you.

It doesn't matter if the person who's insulting you is full of crap, and it doesn't matter if you know that that person is really literally Nothing and their words are compleatly meaningless. it doesn't matter who they are or why they're saying what they're saying. it hurts because they're just repeating what you've been telling yourself all along. I have no advice, but I do understand.

but they're wrong and so are you for saying it to yourself all along why aren't we as deeply affected in a good way when someone tells us how great we are?

sometimes I wish I could go just one day without having people look at me. sometimes I wish I could be small and plain and anonymous. thank fucking god guys still think I'm pretty. later on I'm going to have to settle for just being smart. I'm always going to look weird. la la la la la

i belive that what he was looking for was a reaction, like saying fuck off or something. but at the time, i didn't really think he needed it. not from me. i didn't have to answer to him. if he thinks i am ugly, that is fine, i hadn't immeadiately thought of going to bed with him either, but i didn't make a comment to him so he knew. i like when people say nice things about me. i try to think of the nice things people say to me. like this gay guy at a club once told me "you have a front that says hello and a back that waves goodbye. you are gorgeous honey! fuck them if they don't see it." he was very nice to me. most of the compliments i get have been from gay men tho. i like and hate that. i like it cause it proves that it is obvious to just about everyone not just me that i am good looking with many assets. but i hate it because, the fact is they are gay men, and they will never really act on the idea that i am good looking. but they won't say things to butter my bread either. i have almost forgotten how i exactly felt when that guy said that to me. i moved on. i just had to admit that it happened is all. i am stronger than i think he knew. and i guess than i knew as well.

I often feel like I wish we saw ourselves like our friends see us. I mean, I certainly have a lot of very nice friends who sublimely think they are shite and when you are their friend you know it's not true. Yet it's hard to convince people out of self-flaggellation. Warner, ignore the stalker and act like a real buddy to the gal. Yes, having a man around to defend her to some degree against creepy stalker guy is something she would especially welcome now. You'll look foxier than ever. Plus, if she has continued to go on pre-dates with you she must like you that far so just keep on keepin' on sir.

Thanks for the advice. I wasn't especially keen on the "kick him in the face". As a pacifist, I can get into a fight just fine, but fighting back is a bit of a no-no. I don't think I would want to see myself as others saw me. I don't think I would like to see my freakish self... did that make any sense?

just came back from the grocery store. when i parked an old guy who was hanging around outside the building, homeless or down-and-out, came over and started helping me set up my chair. i have to pull the body of the chair out of the backseat and put the wheels on, stand it up, put the cushion on; not really all that difficult. his help slowed the process down a bit, but why not let him feel helpful. when i was in the chair he tried to roll me toward the store, but i said "no thanks" and went to pull the beer box i use to put my groceries in out of the trunk. he went off and stood against the wall looking at me, then said "can you spare some change when you're finished?" I said sure. I went and bought some food, then came out and gave him the change ($3) and some food, including a couple of oranges. if i could leave this guy with anything, it could at least be vitamin c. though he probably won't eat them.

I just had a great first date/ pre-date with a woman I just met on Friday night. I'm in Madison, and among other things I'm an announcer for the MWO, sort of Pro Wrestling with mud. We had an event at a local rock club, and she, the woman in question ended up working the merch. booth with a pal of hers. While I was on stage I noticed her in the front row smiling at me every time I looked her way. There was a door prize session in which marital aids were raffled off, and when I announced the riding crop I asked for a volunteer to help me demonstrate it's spankability, she tilted my way and I let her have three quick ones on the butt. Later, after the mud wrestling was done she stopped me in the crowd to ask my name. I told her and she invited me to join her out for a beer after the show. At the Paradise ( a bar I lothe) we exchanged numbers and charming conversation. She was genuinely intrested in getting to know me, this was not a pick-up. I was so excited I went right home and called her immediately to ask her to dinner the following night. To my surprise she called me back when she got home and accepted. We met out Saturday night for dinner at the best restaurant in town, L'etoile, a place I used to work and a place that owed me dinner. We had Austrian Reisling, appetizers and desserts, then went to a wine bar for beer, ended up at her house for kisses and Aeon Flux cartoons. I said goodnight at a reasonable hour and that was it. No rush to quick to sex, no possesive head trips, just a fun evening between two new friends. I still can't believe it happened. When you least expect it, along comes a like soul. I do not like dating, or pointless sex with women who don't really want to be there or the politics of "the rules". I look forward to spending more time with Syd whatever happens between us. I'm glad to read so many other thoughtful people's stories. It makes me remember that I am one of the good guys.

I kissed a boy at work yesterday, just on the forehead tho. He's really square, wears a suit to work. Very Irish-American. Not alterna - arty-whatever like me but I think he's adorable and he is sufficiently sarcastic so that rates high in my book. I went over to the area he works ostensibly to chat to this woman who sits near him but really to see him. Anyway when I was about to leave he yelped over his cube to me so I popped by. I had been asking the woman about where our intern, a redhead named Brian, was and this guy is also a redhead named Brian so he said 'I know you were looking for a redhead named Brian though I know I'm not the right one...' so I touched his hair and then kissed him on the forehead and then he went 'Yes! Calling you over here got a kiss, well it was definitely worth it!' We then had a very flirty conversation and when I asked him what he was working on he showed me a map of the city and he pointed out the area where I live, which I was pretty surprised he remembered. I didn't even remember telling him that. When I left I said 'Well I'll always remember what you told me at the holiday party' and he said 'did I tell you I love you?' And I said 'No, but if you'd like to tell me that you may, but maybe it's too early in our relationship now. No actually you told me to think of you as 'the little train who could'" and we laughed. He's adorable, and I was really surprised to be flirted with. I'm sure I blushed when he said 'Did I tell you I love you?' Later I wondered 'is kissing his forehead sexual harrasment?' We don't work in the same department so I think I'm safe.

sean you are a wanker my life is falling to pieces because of words. you have no idea.

Yes Patrick, please continue. This is a place for confession.

I am sorry, I am afraid i can't. sorry to do that.....

today is my day off. i have three days until the shows begin. i was at the place where we are going to play friday. i hate the people in this place. it is like i am on a different planet. they are all awkward and carte blanche with me. and all clicque. but they are all so perfect. if ever there was a place where mine eyes could see such masculine beauty it was here. every one of them i see, appears to be perfect. magnifique. i want one. i think i really do like this David boy. but i don't really think it was a date. i think i am just a really interesting person, and he wanted to hang out. besides he probably has a girlfriend, and i am leaving this place within a month anyway. so what is there? i don't want sex. i have gotten tired of just meaningless sex. mostly cause usually to me it isn't meaningless. i think i just want to get into a heated debate about the anger factor of jazz musicians, i as he is disagreeing i would smother him with kisses. i am a romantic you know. i can think things like that. want to invite him to come to my show on friday. maybe he will come see me play and clap for me. and ask for my autograph and i will write, "circumstance will decide." and he will look at me puzzled and i will kiss him! we all know these things are not going to happen. i am not that confident. but he has been to France, and he has traveled to many places i have never been (but oddly enough he thinks ihave seen many places as well.) he is from illinois i wonder if all the guys are like him there. i was looking at colleges there. wednesday is my birthday. all i want is a new case for my cello and a juicer. i want to be jack laLane and wear a blue zip up jumpsuit. oh yeah. cary cars with my teeth and shit. i think i should go wander the streets today.

Patrick - You are a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a delicious cheeze sandwich. Kymical - Ask the boy to come to your concert, then smother him with kisses. Holiday romance is definitely the best.

Isn't it always the case that non one notices what a catch you are until like a month before you move far away? That happened to me last May, when ian attractive woman in the Marquette music scene flirted with me (the first such occurence in 4 years or so). So of course, I couldn't follow up because I was moving 300 miles away...fuck Cupid and his lame-ass timing.

they always flock to you right before you move away. that always, always, always happens.

which Sean was that? The WAYD Sean or the Pick-On-Swine Sean?

did i miaa something? my head hurts and my mouth is pasty. the idea was to log off, shut down and go home. the reality was a vicious pub crawl down bleecker with the "mission to mars" girls. when i finally got home and passed out, i dreamt of childhood adversaries chasing me down dark alleys and stabbing me in the jugular with broken beer bottles. i'd grab my neck; my blood projectiling up and away, painting strange new designs on aged new york masonry. in my dreams i am slipping away, shuffling off, losing grip... "I'LL COME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!" and then i'm laughing. laughing because those words sound as stupid in real/dream life as they do in b-movies. because there are few things more pathetic and ineffectual than a man with a broken beer bottle stuck in his neck tossing empty threats at phantom menaces while his lifeblood gets avant-garde with the bricks he's about to die on. just because. so now i'm awake. i've got a cramp in my leg, a process automation presentation in two hours, a table full of "life on mars" propaganda, and apparently a "Pick-On-Swine" Sean. i'm getting way too old for this shit. anyway. i gotta get up and go to work.

or they flock to you when you are committed to someone else. being a married man seems to be an asset. Sheeesh, I was always the dork, the sweet boy who had the long term relationships. I had three in high school and college. I have never received as much attention from women as I have in the last 2 years......maybe i, like cyst (according to margret), suffered the late blooming decent looking syndrome...maybe, I dunno I got one of those leg cramps this weekend. Lack of potassium, it always happens when i am asleep. I was dancing that night at a party and well, i didn't stretch it out or anything when I came home. Crashed on the love seat, all contorted 6'2"....woke up, dream like, back of my calf swollen and stretched, excrutiating pain.....fortunately it comes when i am asleep.....i barely remember it, however the sore calf the mext morning is s sutble reminder. Saw my first professional hockey game. Scored free skybox tix from a friend at the Staples center, the big and new money pit of LA. Kings lost to the second worst team in the leagure, Nashville. they were up 36 shots to 12 or so...i was almost pullign for nashville to score so i could acually see some competition....it turns out they did and even won it in overtime. my life is not so bad today, the falling pieces have been reduced to a light drizzle.

I think the married and committed are appealing for the same reason the moving away or lives far away types. People just really behave differently and more openly when a relationship is not a threatened. I was just visiting a married friend of mine when I was abroad and it was really terriff. There is decidedly something between us, but nothing will happen - HE'S MARRIED, and happily, and not even a scumbag. Because he is in a place of comfort w/ his marriage behind him tho, he treats me like a human being rather than some 'broad' he needs to impress or size up, and I think we are more at ease being close because the romantic element isn't in the way. Of course I like him more than friendly, but I'll settle for friendly with him. But surely part of the attraction is that he is really sweet to me in a way that if we were both single I don't think would happen. Of course, this sucks. I really just wish that men treated me more that way, just like a person. It sucks to feel like an object, or the enemy. I try not to do that.

i see what you mean. I also think women can be attracted to the fact that the man is committed, an appealing concept to a lot of women. Also it's a power trip for women to steal the attention from the main squeeze. It's an ego boost if woman can lure a man away from his wife. I have had women, who knew damn well I was married, tell me how handsome I was or bluntly that they wanted me to take them home. Als in LA, there are different circumstances at play though. I think our peers often shower my wife and I with compliments because the realize we are not together for power, money or any other superficial reason otherh than the obvious. We seem to be on an endangered species list here. Women, generally speaking, in LA, because of the entertainment industry, tend to be drawn to powerful men, often marry for superficial reasons. Divorce is emminent. There are countless examples of this. Very often, when people meet you, the first thing they want to know is, "what do you do?" sizing you up, to see what they can get from you, be it a phone number, a contact, or an audition or whatever. At least those on the glamorous side of the industry anyway. Most of my friends are on the backside (i.e. crew, blue collar union types) of that and we are fortunate to know enough genuine people as not to make this an issue. poop

Wait, how did 'poop' wind up at the end of your mail? I reckon it doesn't matter- I like it! I do think that it's attractive to see a couple who are together and treat each other well. You could always fantasize you're part of the pair. Honestly, as a single gal it gives me hope. I don't get people who can't be around happy couples, it's kind of pathetic that it has to all be about you and your being single. The women I know who have gotten their stupid asses involved with married men never seem particularly happy. I think it really appeals to the masochist in some, because pain is all you really seem to get out of it. LA is friggin' bee-zar with Power Couples and such. I knew a lot of people who moved out there after college to work in entertainment industry and on my one visit there I thought it was one of the odder cities I've ever visited. A guy working in a thrift store approached me and asked me how his hair was, I shopped in a store where all the clerks (male) didn't wear shirts, and all the women seemed compelled to dress like hookers. Did you ever see Spaulding Gray's Monster In A Box? Does a monologue about how he gets a job interviewing people who live in LA in this experimental theatre project but the stipulation is that they can't be involved in the entertainment industry and he finds he has a really hard time finding people to interview. It's funny. I love Spalding Gray but have less love for him since he left Renee (plus his stories just aren't as good as they were). Same with knowing that twit-riffic Hugh Grant is getting blow jobs from hookers. What about me? Bad married man, bad, bad.

it is official... he has a girlfriend. now it is easier i think. we went out drinking last night and had birthday beers. now he is just a number so i don't have to take chase, he is not quarry. he is like diet caffine free soda, i am not after it, and it looks deceptively like the regular kind. he told me he wants to take pictures with me sometime. asked to borrow my developing tank. and smoked my last cigarette. i wish he wasn't so bleedin' perfect. ever pop culture reference i make, he has the follow up. from johnny dangerously, to the david byrne/brian eno combo (he just happens to have it on vinyl) he is so fucking awesome. it was my last pint of the evening. the bar wouldn't give me a drink cause it was my birthday at midnight. and we are talking and he says "so kym, when are you going to go to europe and live there forever? you know that is where you belong." i never told him my passion for things east. it was like he was some sort of chosen one to prod me. then he says that his girlfriend went over seas and did a year somewhere, i forget where. i lose all the fucking time. and the strange thing is he has never been to new york. he has been to france. got in his car one day in chicago and just drove. all the way to tucson, and decided to stay. he looks at my watch and he knows that it is eurostyle. (sigh) i want him in my aresenal. today is my birthday. and i am unusually disapointed. i think someone should send me a singing, stripping dork-o-gram. just to show you care. i guess at least i won't have to say i am sorry when i leave this place. i have to stay one night in the same hotel as dillenger tho. before i go.

The Hotel Congress. I love that fucking place. Get the Princess Bagel for breakfast.

Please explain Princess Bagel!!! Kym, o that sucks on the boy front. I mean, the least he could have done was hold up the charade until after your b-day. I just got dumped on my bday (for the 4th time - what up with that?) last year but he was a dork-boy anyway. Still it made me angry he was interfering with my festive mood. Fuck him. Don't worry, there are other cultural reference freaks and you will meet one. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY YESIREEEE BOB HAPPY DAPPY TO YOU Has that cheered you up? How old are you now (as the saying goes)?

palindrome year. deuce deuce. i went out and bought david byrne's score for "The Catherine Wheel" from 1981. this is so fucking awesome. guest appearance by Brian Eno. so now i am making cupcakes, not because it is my birthday, but because the boys are coming to visit me out here and play a show and they will be here tommorow. and one of the things i do for them is make cupcakes every now and again. it is kind of like welcoming the warriors back from the hunt or something. i don't think he knew that i was interested. i am really really good at hiding such things, even when i don't try to. i think he just thought i was looking for a friend anyway. apparently very few girls go after guys with the intention of trying to get them into bed on the first date. i hate to think i am the only one. and i hate it when guys play hard to get or they don't give it up after i buy them dinner. maybe that is the real reason i make cupcakes. or maybe i am just fattening them up for the slaughter. either way, they have sprinkles on them!

have heard Eno's Ambient Series from about 5-8 years prior to that? Music For Airports Music For Land Music For Films these are some of the best Eno I have ever heard. Oh yeah an there was another project he was a part of out of Germany around that same time, mid 70s, call Harmonia...it was aconglomerate of krautrockers.....truly amazing shit....

Happy Birthday Kym. How many birthday sthpankins this year? Run around in your birthday suit today. It'll make you feel better. I do. Every night. I'm sorry it had to be that way for you. But look look at it this way: 4-5 weeks ago you didn't even know what to do around there, right? Are you still going to Atlanta? I'm going to travel. I'm going to integrate it with my career. I don't think I'm going to go to Evergreen anymore either, it's a little blasse` compared to what I had in mind.

true....all good points. a few weeks ago i was reaching out. now i am considering running away. and luckily i won't have the awkwardness of seeing him at work. the other night he quit the place we work at. so i won't see him at work, heck i might not even see him again. (i have a feeling he isn't coming to my show.) so that is helpful. i hardly ever get this opprotinity with my crushes, usually after i have stalked them i find out they want nothing to do with me, i have to try and avoid them, which is twice as hard after the fact. but if he is working someplace else, that will be no problem at all. lucky me. i have had only one birthday wish since i was 17 and had my first boyfriend. to get laid on my birthday. and every year, i will hold on to a guy to try and get sex on my birthday. but those fuckers always weasel out of the relationship. (sigh) i am just a sex kitten really, maybe this is my crime. my friend dave (from dallas) sent me a e-mail birthday card of these 3 gents in cute briefs, smoking cigs and drinking beer and ripped like jeans in the fuckin' 80's. this made me smile, cause i didn't have to like say it was my birthday. and then he called to tell me happy birthday. that dave, what a guy. as far as Atlanta, i want to go out there so bad now it seems unreal. i just want to leave my job now and do it. cause there is so much for me to get done. but i have a show to play etc. so it looks like i might come back from dallas, and if i ain't got a job waiting, i will just turn around and head to Atlanta. some have branded me impulsive, but i no longer care, i am 22, and sexy, and witty. where can i go wrong, except with how to tactfully express my feelings towards others. the next guy i date will have to play the digeredoo. i have decided. that sound turns me on. good call, kym.

Kym, maybe you should work at your job that you have now for a couple more months, save all of the money, and then go. That way, you won't have to rely on your father for the money, which is something you should avoid doing at all costs. I had a similar relationship with my dad when I was your age, up until I turned 22. Then I quit school, moved to the West coast, and stopped taking money from him. It really helped me to earn respect in his eyes, for him to see me struggling and figuring things out on my own. Of course, you aren't going to listen to me, because you have already made up your mind.

yes yes, listen to agatha.... atlanta is cheap kym, but i have always maintained and advocate wholly the philosophy, the less you depend on others the better off you are......i have never had to ask my folks for cash since leaving at 18, except to buy my wedding tux. I had to get it myself because my mom thought for some reason i was the antichrist for not wanting to rent a tux. nontheless..... my brother, who is a lost soul, 7 years older than me, can't even maintain a pager bill, muchless a car, apartment whathave you. he is bitter and jaded and and has depended on others for way to long. now he has lost his way and blames everyone else. save your money, squirrel it, it's ramen time, then head to the city. again, i would be delighted to give you some direction.....on cheap places to live and cool places to meet folks nad play music....if you go. feel free to drop me a line

Hee hee, I just ran into the boy who I kissed at work a coupla days ago. I was out to lunch with my old (male) roommate. Ex-roommie told me my co worker was looking him up and down with a 'who's this guy?' kind of thing. Hee hee. OK, now if that 'already taken' magic really works (see previous statements about being married being a turn on to single folks) the co-worker should be all ova me soon. He's still square tho. Too square?

He probably just looks square. Red hair rules.

indeed, red hair is the best!

Save your money,you'll feel better doing it on your own.But Atlanta? The South is strange----be prepared.It's kinda like stepping into the past-- and then not being able to move forward.For that matter,everything moves in slow-mo here. And red hair most certainly is divine.

I liked Atlanta when I was there about 5 years ago. You had to drive everywhere it seemed (maybe just where we were staying) and the high museum was cool and there is Krispy Kreme. But the south is definitely its own country. Patrick should probably give the inside scoop here.

just stay within the city limits and it's all good. Atlanta is all about sprawl but the MARTA rail systems works pretty well if you stay in town.....MidTown, Viginia Highlands, Little 5 Pts, Grant Park, East Side, Cabbage Town, these are happenin areas all with in 5 miles of downtown....moving beyond these areas, it becomes like any other major city and it's suburbs....Krispy Kreme......yuuuummmmmmyyyyyy!! the high museum us one of my favorite Richard Meier works. He also did the Getty here, but it's not as appealing........

You know, I've had krispy kreme, and it didn't strike me as being any different from any other donut. a place near my hometown used to make these bismarcks that were as big as three of your fists.

Krispy Kremes, as I've said before, aren't what they used to be. Ok, if you get them hot at the place on Ponce, maybe. But the ones you buy in the store are stale and gooey already. No shelf life.

Ah, that must have been it.

half way there on the crazy kymical tour. in dallas at the moment. playing my second show on friday. the show in tucson....nothing short of phenominal. and the boy? he didn't show. in fact every person i invited to the show didn't come. but we made 32 dollars! we have never played for money it was in interesting change. i think the cello makes the money roll in. people throwing down 5 dollar biils! i loved it. still undecided about atlanta, but at this point leaning towards it. i will everyone posted.

agreed Nelly, i used to live a few blocks form a KK in raleigh......coming home after a late night, we found ourselves in line with 30 other cops waiting for that first batch of the a.m. when my dad was going crazy he would hang out at a KK for hours on end, drinking coffee, listening to his headphones, rocking his foot incessantly on the bar......the waitresses all must have felt sorry for me having a crazy dad, so wenever i would scoot in on my skateboard, they always hooked my up with the big ass chocolate topped cream filled donut and chocolate milk.....my fav.....the donuts seemed to be bigger then.....or perhaps my growth has lent it self to that perception

a weird, cool and creepy thing happened to me today. I left work early to go spend several hundred dollars and this attractive, older man hit on me. he told me I was pretty, that I was beautiful, and he put his hand on my shoulder, over my thin silk sweater, and sort of rubbed it for a while and told me it could all be free as long as I didn't tell anyone. so I'm not telling. wow. I know I should be offended. but I'm so not. you know how they say some men recognize victims? I totally believe that. but now I realize some men recognize opportunists, too.

have you been reading the unsealed diaries of sylvia plath in this week's new yorker?

no. should I? I'm also supposed to read a defense of "eyes wide shut" in this month's vanity fair.

just strikes me that you might find the diaries interesting. i read the kubrick article in vanity fair (i have subscriptions to v.f. and n.y.) - the diaries are more of a page turner. *************** Dec. 1950 You kiss. he takes your hand, pulls it along. You touch soft, writhing flesh. You scream in a quick indrawn breath. So this is what it's like to have a boy want you to masturbate him. You pull away, disgusted, yet not disgusted. Lightning hasn't struck you. It's only...but you say, "No no no no no no no." He realizes now, maybe that you are only a kid, only eighteen. So you go back to the fraternity house. You know that you won't go out with him again if he asks. But you will never be alone. And you hate him because he has deprived you of that - walks and aloneness. And you hate him because he is a boy. ************** Sept 20, 1952. Stymied. I want to say: There is a purpose, a future. This is for some goal, some end. But it wasn't. The end was coition, physically. But I wasn't having any of that. I was being pragmatic. I felt like being kissed, petted, made love to. I would take it as far as I wanted to. To hell with him. I am not a tease, nor a whore - he could go home unsatisfied, rape a stranger, I didn't care. He had tried, chivalrously (knowing a woman would be insulted if he didn't). He is smart. He knows what he can expect from me. so he can take the consequences of associating with me. To him I would perhaps be a dead end. No intercourse, jus a halfway deal. But I am not yet the smart woman who can keep her reputation and be a high-class whore on the side. Not *yet*, anyway.

thanks droop

Does anyone know off-hand when Ms. Plath married Mr. Hughes?

june 16, 1965.

dammit. '56

that man the other day. he was a cosmetic surgeon. I just went in for a consultation. he told me it would be his pleasure to make me even more beautiful than I already was; I just couldn't tell anyone. it was so fucking creepy. I felt really light-headed; I was afraid I might black out. I hadn't eaten all day. and I usually have to sort of remove myself mentally before I can even go in for a travel clinic vaccination. but here was this doctor, totally fucking hitting on me, touching me just slightly inappropriately, telling me again not to tell anyone, that he would be, what, "more than happy" to do this right now as our little secret. no nurse, no medical charts, no big visa bill. christ. later he told me, "I really wish you were enjoying this." he was from the south and was really handsome. he told me he just likes to help pretty girls, that's all. and I fucking let him.

yesterday I was afraid I might be having complications, but I didn't want to call since it never officially happened. I think I'll be ok. I asked my friend whose father is a doctor. she said I would be ok. I am still totally obsessed. I got my hair cut again. I bought another new dress yesterday. I will have him.

cosmetic surgeon travel clinic vaccination cosmetic surgeon travel clinic vaccination cosmetic surgeon travel clinic vaccination cosmetic surgeon travel clinic vaccination are we missing info here........ you have a complication, you go to the doctor, he hits, you accept his invite.... sheeeeesh i can't keep up, why bother....

what did he alter, cyst? how fucking creepy. your friend likes you already, you don't need fucking plastic surgery to win his heart.

whoa. that's "boiled-bunny-on-the-stovetop" creepy. without question, that's gonna win hands-down next time he and his friends start vying for bragging rights.

What the fuck just happened? i am from the Flyover and slow on the uptake with you urban city folk.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery anyway. that was the plan for the new year. I just thought I was going to have to pay for it. I was just saying that I get so freaked out by injections and scalpels and weird medical shit, that I need to psych myself up just to get, say, a hepatitis shot. monday I did not go to a travel clinic. I went to a cosmetic surgeon. and monday I had no idea the doctor was going to offer to fix me up for free, right then and there. it was supposed to be a 15-minute consultation. so then I felt very sick, since I wasn't prepared, I wasn't in patient mode at all. and it was so creepy that he was telling me how attractive I was and how it was all his pleasure -- he didn't want my money -- and the way he was touching me and how I couldn't tell anyone. I was a little afraid he was going to kill me. but he didn't. and I'm fine. I guess.

anyway, I look good. nordstrom started carrying a bcbg line. today I tried on a little black dress. I picked up the large, but it was like a sack on me. so I put the medium on. it was still too big but the sales clerk said she could have it taken in for me. this is as good as it gets. I wonder if any of it will make any fucking difference. I can't wait to take my clothes off for someone.

What did he do?

(I don't want to tell and) he said I couldn't.

good girl, always do what men tell you to do.

chances are cyst you can thank my wife for the fabric design of that bcbg garment...ahh anyway... i wont get into why cosmetic surgery and other beautifying surgeries are really really obnoxious .......but i will say I am sorry you feel the need to do something like that cyst, I won't tell you you are beautiful, you know that by now. I just hope you avoid creepsters in the future...... i have heard my fare share of creepster stories lately, mostly from a friend, she is nekid dancer......i can't believe some of the shit she hears from sleezies.....i have to wonder what the hell they are thinking.....as if something positive will come from a statement like "You need me to take you home tonight." or better yet, and uninvited hand on the crotch..........

Ugh. Did you go under any anesthesia? I could only imagine what he could be touching if you were out.

it wasn't a big deal. it was just very surreal. I already knew how vulgar the world was.

cyst. email me and tell me what you had done. i had a consultation that cost me $55 but i think my insurance is going to pay for the procedure. i need info. let's dish. please.

Being drunk and playing tetrinet is really frustrating. I didn't realize it took so much stamina.

I forgot your address, sarah. you email me first, dear.