i think i am in the mood for sex now. can this be possible? i have heard so many times the cliche` "i'm not in the mood." but i am in the mood right now. it looks so weird from in here. i think i am a little seething ball of sexual frustration. but am i really frustrated? at what point will it be unbearable. it is said that the most unbearable thing about life is that nothing is unbearable. and while i can go another day, another wek another year without sexual contact <or as Mr. Gaye would say "sexual healing"> every second, minute, hour sems like hell. but maybe it is what it has always been, the affection. i don't truly need the sex. i need companionship. new companionship. the people i know have worn me thin. and i have grown tired of their stories. i need someone new to lagh at their silly jokes and be interested in a story they tell everyone. sex can wait, i find it can bore me even. but human contact. that little grin you try to hide when they look at you or catch you staring. god damn it do i need that! i can't drink it away. cause drunk i become this monsoon of ugly girl lust fury. and it makes it 10 times worse. every guy has fought a girl off like me. that girl who isn't all that pretty and you can tell she doesn't really know how to conceal the fact that she wants you to like her. she has a really good looking friend you want more. and she won't stop talking. she won't just shut up and stop following you around. she confesses to writing manic poetry and taping pictures to her walls. you wonderif she still lives at home and if she can take a hint or not. i am her. i am that girl. yeah it doesn't feel that good.

Human contact. I think I need to do something other than leave the house, work, and then go home. I miss people. affection.