shit. somebody's gotta tell me what the hell is going on with my foot. i went to bed last night a happy, healthy, slightly stoned man. i woke up this morning in excruciating pain. it's like some evil fucker spent the night kicking me in the achilles tendon while i slept. MY ANKLE IS KILLING ME! SHIT! i had to limp into work like a pain-racked gimp this morning. i nearly pushed a sweet little old lady down an escalator in the WTC cuz she cut in front of me and forced me to land heavily on my wounded foot. man, i can't live like this! HELP! i could deal with it if i knew what the hell i did to jack myself up like this, but shit, man! all i did was smoke a joint and fall asleep. if one of you bastards out there is responsible for this by practicing santeria/witchcraft/catholicism or some other devilish shit, i'll find your voodoo-doll poking-ass and kick you in the kidneys (with the good-foot) 'til you piss blood! OUCH! and sheila, if this is some kind of demonic Ur-Witchery you're using to try and corrupt the integrity of sorabjifest '99, it aint gonna work. i'll just have to upgrade the stun-gun to a taser and zap your ass from a wheelchair. DAMN! is there a doctor in the house?

ain't gonna work? are you listening to yourself? it is working. not that i would be inclined to dust my hands with such trifling chores as causing you to experience talipes contortus, i have my minions for that sort of grunt duty.

talipes contortus??!?!?? MAKE IT STOP! you can have my stunguns, bullwhips, satanic severed heads and i'll even throw in a few south american filching toads... BUT JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!

I've always wanted a job where I could have minions, or even henchmen, lackeys, bootlicks, yes-men, toadys, sycophants, lackeys, or simple accomplices, but I'd probably have to settle for a sidekick.

Blood clot? Possibly from sleeping on the ankle....I don't know for sure but I suspect that blood clots can cause excruciating pain.

Had you done any hooping or handball that day? But if you'd injured yrself while awake/I'm sure you wd remember. Perhaps it was just a nocturnal cramp that took hold of yr tendons while you slept. Get thee a good masseuse ASAP & get that kink worked out. Meantime/try to get hold of some arnica in tincture form/mix it w/some tiger balm/smear it on the offending spot & tie up the spot w/an old cotton sock. Sleep w/it & see if you don't feel better in the morning.

i took the day off and went to a sports therapist. as it turns out, the problem wasn't due to disgruntled voodoo doctors, twisted christians, or Sheila's Ur-Witchery. i somehow managed to sprain my achilles tendon without realizing it until the pain (PAIN!) set in. it's been a hassle, but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much anymore and the doctor's office was mad cool. after getting rubbed down, jacuzzied up, and poked/proded in all sorts of vaguely pleasurable ways, she hooked me up to this electro-shock device that was supposed to reduce the pain. then she gives me the controls and walks out of the room. shit. talk about getting in touch with your sado-masochistic side. being a gadget-lover, i couldn't help but start fucking with the thing. by the time she came back i had the little controller cranked up to the maximum and buzzing like mad. shocking the hell out of yourself can be a pretty cool experience. "uh.. sir? are you ok?" "y-y-YEAH i-i-m d-d-doin' g-gr-gr-GREAT!" anyway, it was a pretty good time. i'm feeling a little vacant in the head, but my ankle hasn't hurt since i hit level 8. and to top it off, all my whining and bitching scored me a 14-pill vicodin perscription. things are definitely looking up.

I always felt sorry for sidekicks... they never get the girl... they ALWAYS have to get resuced.. you know they're more trouble than their worth...

gimme one of those machines