any of you who are appalled, offended, agog at the vituperation, i am exercising my right to free speech, guaranteed by the constifuckingtution and if you don't like it, hard cheese. my name is sheila franke hansen and i live at 5748 shilling road in mariposa county, california 95311. i'm in the book, in case you need to call for directions. tell your nearest and dearest and whatever fake names they go by, too. the nra already has me on file. you are among the despised, i am your enemy, and in case you think i'm just ranting, look around. things happen. worry about it. impolite? unmannerly ala the internet protocols? go fuck yourself, and your pathetic mate and his cretinous, clumsy offspring. i have the courage of my convictions. you don't. i warned you not to get me started. but did you listen? no....... to quote huey, newton not lewis, you are part of the problem. ignorance and overpopulation for starters, rampant in your species. taking up space. wasting your little speck of time in the big scheme of things. drop dead. don't think for a moment you are being singled out because you are so helpless. this is the same message i give directly to everyone like you, in the face.

You better double up on your Haldol today.

to hell with the haldol. that was kinda sexy.

i'm going to regret saying that.

"Come, shall we go and kill us some venison? And it irks me the poor dappled fools, Being native of this desert city should in their won confines with forked heads Have their haunches roundly gored." -As You Like It Still, I don't mind hunters. (Bearing in mind that my family just got through turning upwards of 600 acres of homestead into a preserve.) A lot of the hunters I know are these pasty-face desk job types who like to take up arms for a man weekend when the season comes, blow away a few defenseless creatures, then come home with loads of meat that they fob off on everybody else. Which is good for me, because I actually like and know how to cook game meat. Then there's all the backyard farmers. The guy I used to live next to - Luis, who isn't even a legal citizen - has been giving me these bags of tomatoes, banana peppers, onions, and jalapenos from which I've been making salsa. Summertime and the livin' is easy. Motherfucker.

Hunting is probably the smallest problem the other species on this planet have to deal with from us. If all recreational hunting ceased tomorrow, it wouldn't make too much of a difference. What are real problems are the clearing of vast tracks of land for commercial agriculture (so vegetarians are also part of the problem), widespread pollution, and reckless human overpopulation. I know some people are the proverbial "live of the land" folks, but then so is most of the world's population. Face it, a species our physical size, omnivorous, with a global population of 6 billion is going to cause problems for a lot of other species. So, i don't think it's fair to blame it all ona few hunters when every single one of us is part of the problem. i think if we're going to point fingers, the first one should be in the mirror. The second one should be at people who have more than 2 kids and also at the folks who don't practice family planning. If you screw up up and have a kid you didn't plan on, well, you just reproduced yourself. yuo're allowed one more kid, so learn a fucking lesson already.

People are always arguing about hunting on some moral and enviromental ground (a herd of deer unchecked by natural predators really will strip a forest and eventuallys starve themselves), but the real reason women hate hunting is that it's the ultimate expression of the male sexual fantasy. Man sets out alone or in packs - the long shaft of his phallic gun is pointed down at the earth, conserving its energy. Man waits quietly, hidden. Suddenly he sees his target - a deer, maybe. In secret the man eyes the supple movement of its haunches. The mighty shaft raises pointing toward its target; there is a swift, explosive discharge; and with a single penetration there is... Submission. Man goes home proudly holding his meat. Man's wife is embittered by this betrayal and shuns him. Man comes to me and whips out his meat and shows it to me. "Wow," I say, impressed. "That's a big one." "Would you like to eat it?" the man says. "OK."

Yep, some men will shoot it, but refuse to eat what they shot. Some men will shoot it and eat it. Some men will eat what another man just shot. YUCK!

Semillama, you do understand the way that agriculture works and the fact that it takes 10 times as much land/water/resources to create the same food value in meat as it would to do it the veggie way, don't you? Ok, how much grain does it take to feed a heifer (or bull, or whatever the fuck cattle you people eat) until it's ready to be slaughtered? Ok, now how many meals does that animal make, vs. how many meals the grain would have made without the damn middleman (middle animal) ? Add to that the water and land for the animals themselves. Now tell me again why vegetarians are the problem (especially since carnivores eat vegetables too) That's why they're tearing down rainforests to grow beef. Oh, fuck it, why am I even pointing this out...I'm not a vegetarian for ethical reasons anyway. I just don't like the taste of meat; I don't like persimmons either, and I'm not going to yell at anybody for eating either one. However, I do feel obligated to correct you for trying to claim that vegetarianism is more ecologically harmful than eating meat.

Never wrestle with a pig. You will both end up covered in pig shit and the pig will simply enjoy it.

wise words. wanna rassle? in order to simplify my life and make sense of the overwhelming chaotic horror that is part and parcel of being extant on this miserable globe, i've decided that it would be far more efficient and emotionally economic to just blame all the worlds travesties, abominations and injustices on one person. so lucy, it's all your fucking fault. bitch. see how that works? nice, clean and easy with minimal mess. i figure i'll rotate the blame once a week or so in the interests of fair play and sportsmanship. and the beauty of it is that i not only get someone new to spit bile at every week, i also get to remove myself from the situation and absolve myself of any personal guilt. this is, after all, The American Way. c'mon. stand up for your country and take one for the team.

uh!..uh!..uh!, me,me,me next....

PORK CHOPS

I would like to say that hunting is bad, but I just ate a piece of chicken and whacked a fly with yesterday's newspaper. To me there's no difference in taking any life....fly, chicken, cow, human. I would never kill a human, or large animal, but I'll swat that annoying fly with very little thought. And as long as I don't have to see any sad eyes or blood, I'll happily eat my chicken. I'm a hypocrate, but at least I know it. Maybe hunting wouldn't be so bad if there were no guns involved. Wolverine used to hunt without killing. Just to get close enough to Touch the deer. We could all take a lesson from the X-Men.

as long as i'm up and have pretty much no chance of getting to sleep before dawn, i'll say this: while in PA, my mom would always go to the few hunters/farmers she burgeoned a relationship with and buy her meat produce/agriculture products from them rather than go to supermarkets. part of it came from her upbringing in guyana (there is no such thing as a "supermarket" in guyana). i think most of it was just pragmatic. she'd pick out the healhiest looking agricultural products to be harvested, the healthiest looking chickens to be slaughtered, and the best looking cuts off of a larger animal that was still hanging and being skinned or cured or whatever the hell they do with that bloody mess. i, on the otherhand, get my chicken/beef from Safeway. it's convenient, i'm removed from all the work involved, and i inherently fear folks with guns who live out in the countryside. when it comes right down to it (at least as far as i can tell), it seems that people who go out to shoot and kill their own meat do less damage than people who go to supermarkets to buy meat. you go to Safeway to hook up with a t-bone, and your dollars turn into encouragement for the admittedly destructive bovine/venison/porcine/poultry industry. i'm hardly an environmentalist. i'll tell you that destroying the ecosystem is bad while sitting in my air-conditioned apartment and tossing empty beer bottles into garbage bags. but blaming individual hunters who use their harvest for sustenance just strikes me as bullshit. people who go out and kill animals for sport can go fuck themselves until they rot in whatever hell is coming to them, but not everyone who hunts is like that. there are people out in rural places whose families wouldn't survive the winter without the meat they harvest. i relate strongly to the struggle to survive.

you don't toss aluminum cans, though, do you, swine? I have no doubt that my joy comes from the misery of others. I'm sure some of my favorite clothes have been stitched together by some starving, consumptive 7-year-old chained to his sewing machine in bangladesh. the chicken I'll eat for dinner may have had his beak cut off as a chick and then spent his whole life in a tiny cage where he was forcefed antibiotics. (or maybe not . I'm in holland and they're not quite as into that sort of thing here. the europeans are even protesting genetically engineered crops, can you believe it?) maybe hundreds of migrant farm workers have died from the pesticides used on the mediocre table grapes I buy for 99 cents a pound at safeway during the summer. to what extent can a consumer with a full-time job be concerned with the products she buys each day? what about the products her favorite restaurant uses?

and I'm all for the hunting of non-endangered species for use as meat. if some cousin-marrying yahoo goes out and shoots a deer and feeds his lice-headed children venison stew one night INSTEAD OF hamburger helper made with ground beef from the grocery store, then that's just great. in oregon there are plenty of deer in the woods and plenty of ranchers who are polluting the streams with cattle shit. I know this is my fault because I love steak, but vegetarianism does not happen to be one of the pet causes that I self-deceivingly believe I can help change the world with. I would be interested to know how much water and grain and all that it takes for a cow to provide vegetarians with their ben and jerry's for a year. and whether all their cats prefer soy or legumes.

I got a date with "The Nuge" tommorow, back woods, camoflauge, 12-pack of the highlife, laser guided, smart, hollow tipped, Remington double barrel, 5000mm night scope, tree perch, gonna gitch ya with my bottled deer pussy , don't worry, gots a buzz so i have my tools to make damn sure I don't miss cause Ima mann with testicals to the ground and I'm gonna blow up this fuckin forest , I got trip wires with the bells, and did I mention my CAMOFLAUGE underwear so even when I takes a piss or THE NUGE wants to suck on my hogg (his wife never fucks him) I am still concealed from those fuckers ,once shot a 12 pointer with my schlong up THE NUGES ass bustin a load all at the same time, both the NUGE and the 12 pointer made a similar noise, as the BANG BANG echoed through the woods, wanna be a real man, get a bowie knife, and go hunting, no camo,no scopes, no auto reload, no deer pussy perfume, no tree perches, be a fuckin man, climb that tree with yer city slicked nails, make that knife out stone, wrassle that deer and see how many of the 12 points end up in yer ass and nose, then we will see whose huntin who, damn shame deep are vegetarians.. i got yer back sheila!

I like to go crabbing. I like catching dungeness off the docks on the oregon coast. but even more I like to get rock crabs at copachuk state park in washington. I get in the water up to my crotch, I guess, and look for the rock crabs scurrying around. one time I brought a hoe with me to scoop them up with, but another time I didn't bring anything but a bucket. me vs. the crab -- no tools, no weapons. man vs. nature on a finger-breaking (ok, maybe just howls of pain) scale. then I invite all my friends over for boiled crab with garlic butter and margaritas, and I can tell which of my guy friends really like me because they offer to stay and help clean up.

i think it is utterly immoral to buy pre-packaged food in the supermarket that has kept in humiating pens and processed. thats why i do all my own hunting. i'm a carrot hunter. and i do it the real way, the way nature intended. oh sure, all the hunting stores carry the rutabaga camouflage suits and the "carrot-in-heat" spray, and the high-caliber spades - but i will have none of it. I go out to farms, strip naked and hunt carrots the way my pre-hominid ancestors did: crawling on the ground on all fours and using only my teeth.

I have a hunting trip that I dream about. I dream that when the man who set the fire that killed my brother gets out of prison, I go to the welcome home party at his family's house. I take them hostage and force Dale to confess in detail. Then I sever his spinal cord between vertebrae C6 and C7, leaving him wheelchair bound. I laugh and chuckle from my prison cell as he scoots along in his electric chair sucking and blowing the little straw to make it move. I laugh myself to tears as he shits and pisses himself then has to ask his caretaker to change his diaper. p.s. no animals are hurt in my dream

nononononononononono. not going to get involved. no. no pig wrestling today.

http://www.plan etrx.com/product/nonRx/shelf/info/400060204_introd uction.html

I for one will jump right in with that porker. Lucy, my dear friend, of course I realize the point about land area. You can't have a vegetarian as a best friend and not have heard it before. However, think of this: all that land gets cleared and used for agriculture and is off limits for all the cute fuzzy species we identify with. (insects rule the planet so they don't count, they'll be around as long as the Earth is) So that impacts wildlife as well. I admire the courage of vegetarian convictions, especially as it goes against our primate nature, which is to choose animal over vegetable whenever possible. (when insects swarm, baboon diets will consist of 75% animal protein) Face it, hunting is one of the reasons we became homo sapiens in the first place. otherwise, we probabaly would still all be homo hablis, scavenging lion kills and eating figs and bugs. (well, not all of us, just a few thousand maybe, the rest wouldn't exist...) I'll have to say that once again, cyst has provided the most clear-headed input to this debate. I have to wonder how many folks who protest factory farming ever stop to protest similar conditions in Amercian inner cities? I have also wondered what would happen to farm animals in a world of vegetarians? I know what would happen: virtual extinction. Of course, it's bound to happen sooner or later.

maybe the cattle-raising industry would continue -- the vegetarians would need to get the leather for their commune-with-nature hiking boots and birkenstocks somewhere, I think. it's cool with me that some people don't like to eat meat, but it's funny to me when they say that it's wrong.

http://eatthestate.org/02-32/AmericanNewspeak.htm The state of Washington has found a way to stem the tide of dairy manure going into its rivers. Under Senate Bill 6161, the phrase "dairy manure" is to be deleted in state laws and replaced with the more positive "dairy nutrients." The Dairy Nutrient Management Bill defines "dairy nutrient" as "any organic waste produced by dairy cows or a dairy farm operation." Sheryl Hutchinson, a spokeswoman for the state's Department of Ecology says, "What they're trying to do is change dairymen's attitudes to view this dairy waste as a commodity." ... A footnote: the bill passed the state House by a vote of 97 to 1, with the lone dissenting vote coming from a former septic tank installer. (Seattle Times 3/9)

I would like to address the true meaning of this thread, which has nothing to do with hunting. Sheila, you are a sick, bitter, lonely old woman. As much as I'd like to get riled up at your pathetic threats, I can not muster much of any emotion towards you other than pity. If, by hating my guts, your daily existence is made even one iota less empty, then please, by all means, allow me to indulge you that. I'm honored that my mere presence on this planet can cause a completely anonymous stranger 1000 miles away to erupt with spasms of bile-spewing hatred. That's quite a heady power for a mere mortal such as myself to wield. By the way, I have an ex-spouse living in California who would stand to benefit greatly from my untimely demise. Before you go forward and activate your network of secret ne'er-do-wells on my behalf, you should contact her. She may be willing to help defray the costs the operation. In the meantime, I will attemt to refrain from refuting your convictions with facts, and if you and your invisible minions do someday manage to inherit the earth, I look forward to enjoying the hospitality of your gulag.

sheila's gulag. isn't that the name of a band or something?

one thing i've learned after a saturn orbit + a few years is that an argument is rarely about right or wrong, but rather it's about who is willing to argue the longest and to what level the participants are willing to take the argument to. it is usually the neurotic/psychotic who "win" these kinds of arguments, not because they are right but because they are nuts. i use the term nuts loosely. we are all nuts. i was gonna make a really good point but, once again, i lost my train of thought. and you know what? it doesn't fucking really matter. nevermind.

I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead.

Ahem...allow me to clarify. I never said eating meat was wrong. I said I didn't like meat. I was correcting someone who said that a vegetarian diet was worse for the planet than eating meat. That is the *only* way to get me to mention the ecological impact of meat. As for Cyst's comment: I don't have a cat and I almost never eat ice cream. I don't like refined sugar either...it fucks with my metabolism. Anyway, I have to go. The Trilateral Commission is awaiting orders and I have a brainstorming session with the CFR at noon.

just eat yer girlfriends and boyfriends, we will all find ourselves a little more relaxed, not that i really give a rats ass who eats what but, I heard somewhere (and this is not verified)on NPR or something, that some researchers did evaluations on vegetarians and they found that they in fact were more "VOLATILE" in nature, more "cranky" and more "irritable". Despite my opinions of the unfair advantages, cowards/ ahem!!! I mean hunters use to get the kill at times, I still believe BROOKLYN IS TOPA OF THA FOOD CHAIN!!!!!!

We went to Carefree yesterday and I saw 2 dead coyote on the highway.I thought to myself,if I still lived in West Virginia,all I,d need was a box of Roadkill Helper.

hey, I found your page by searching Sherlock for the "constifuckingtution"!

"Roadkill Helper" I love it. I need to find a fake box of it. I would take it to Kansas and let the hicks see it and see what happens. That would be hillarious.

A hunting story.......showing the intelligence of people who hunt just outside of Kansas City....... Allright, background. My parents have a horse ranch outside of Kansas City by about 25 miles. I rented the basement apartment. During the day I went to college and during the evenings I worked at AT&T. On top of that I was a single mother with a baby (Hayley was approx. 18 months old at the time). I go to school, then go from school to work, then from work to pick Hayley up from the babysitters. It is approx. midnight when I get home from work. I take Hayley inside and go to sleep. Wake up at 5 a.m. get dressed and ready for another day. Go to load Hayley up in my beat up 1988 Dodge Caravan (hey, I got it cheap and it runs) and notice a bullet hole in the side of the van. Call the cops. Cops come (I am late for school) find out that deer season opened the day before. Cops find bullethole in garage as well. We tear apart all insulation in entire garage looking for bullet. It apparently dissolved. They take a screwdriver and pull apart the entire rear interior of my van looking for a bullethole, it apparently dissolved. Apparently my parents neighbors (about a quarter of a mile north on the road) had a party and were practicing shooting the night before. Their targets went east and not toward my house. The neighbors come over and are crazily wondering what happened. They only had a couple of beers (yeah right) and they don't know how it happened. They (of course) weren't held responsible and my parents still have a bullet hole in the side of their garage. The forensic cops determined that the shooter was aiming directly at the house on the road just due west of the "neighbors". The bullet was placed in my van not 10 minutes after I left it. If I were shutting the door of the van it would have hit Hayley square in the chest. Missouri shooters need to learn how to use the sights on their guns!!!!!

You use to be able to get a fake box of road kill helper at Spencers.

Brucifer gave me a box of RoadKill Helper. Sometimes,when company comes for dinner,I leave it out on my counter,kinda half way hidden by my coffee canister.

that is exactly what i would use it for!!!! freak out the rich conservatives that my hubby works with!!! hehehehehehe