| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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I'm in a big culvert, one I can coil up inside of, and it's dark. Then there's a flash of light, I snap my head around and there's a man in the culvert, bleeding every which way. I'm wearing a white dress and it rips when I lean over. Wake up. Check my email. Friends #2 and #3 in the past three days to die. Olaf had cancer, he built his own coffin. I remember the last time I saw him we had tea together in his house, filled with his crazy art, and talking about music. Lisa the Lawyer was in an accident on 101, died instantly (or so they say, what is instant when you face eternity). Lisa and I played Monopoly together a lot, which sounds odd, but she and my father and would get together and play. And she's pantse us every time. First Michael, now this. You just can't win. |
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my great-uncle died four days ago. a cousin is in a coma on the verge of death, will they shut off the machines? my mother is next on the list. i'm going to see her today. i hope she makes it through this three. the doctors say it's just a matter of weeks, but what do the batards know? a few weeks ago they said it was just a matter of days. i'm sorry miss isolde. |
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I love the predictable insults about being a Catholic....seriously. Like being called a Catholic is some kind of insult. Not only is the whole idea stupid as hell, VV's continuing repeditiveness shows a serious lack of ingenuity and a lack of being able to handle the truth. |
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spider is my friend. v.v. sucks. spider is way cool. v.v. is not. if all catholics were like spider, they would take over the world, and squash v.v. like the nasty little buggy he is. |
In case you somehow missed it, Vv. Spider is Catholic. And holy cow! She hasn't even burned her first witch yet! Can you believe it? Spider, you slacker! Come on, I'm sure you can think of at least ONE witch you 'd love to burn.... |
V.V., you *do* insult me. True, I'm not hurt by your insults because I think you're a madman, but even you should be able to follow the logic of "I hate all Catholics" + "Spider is Catholic" = "I hate Spider." Not that I care. I'm just trying to get you to admit it. |
She said, "OK, I admit it," and in the same breath continued to deny it. I tried to get her to see the futility of just saying the three words without meaning them, but she just kept on denying, denying, denying. It's really frustrating when people simply refuse. to. accept. what. is. staring. them. in. the. face. |
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fights, you and me, spider |
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I have little patience in arguements with people who won't own their own shit. It drives me nuts. I keep thinking "Just be an adult and take responsibility for your own actions/words/whatever already." And then I get pissed off and usually don't talk to the person for a good long time, if ever. |
That sounds like something Rollins would say. He did have this bit where he talked about being labeled a "decorator" because he lashed out in frustration at a airline employee. The decoration referred to was to smear his personal problems or "shit" over everthing. |
We had Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's house; my aunt's 50th birthday was also on 11/27. (This aunt is my mom's younger sister and they're six years apart.) OK, so my aunt naturally was getting a lot of attention at the dinner, as, duh, she was hosting it and it was her birthday. Several times during the dinner, my mom made weird non sequitors about feeling ignored or about having a bad childhood. OK, that's par for the course. The next night, my dad, mom, and I went back over to my aunt's house for leftovers. My aunt got my dad to talk about his childhood, which was pretty dang bad -- he talked (reluctantly) about how little he had, what it was like to be the poorest family in his poor village, not having a father, etc. (He didn't even have real bread to eat....his mother had to use sawdust instead of flour. That's the level of poverty we're talking about here.) My mom piped up a few times with statements like, "Well, nobody wanted me, either." and things like that, which the rest of us ignored. (Frankly, I think it's pretty fucking insulting and twisted for my mom to try to compare her childhood with my dad's, which she does *often,* and it really pisses me off that she's always trying to get sympathy for how she was mistreated. Nobody else in her family acts like that. My mom's siblings have all gotten over having a crazy mother, but my mom's still carrying on like she was still 12 years old.) So then on Saturday, my mom approached me and my dad with the idea that we all (her, my dad, me, and my brother) take a special trip for Christmas. Remember that my mom and dad have been divorced for a year. My dad said he wasn't comfortable with that idea, and my mom just would not acknowledge why that could be. He and I tried to point out to her that we were not a family unit anymore and that my dad wouldn't want to share a room with her -- hell, what person would want to sleep in the same bed with their ex? More arguing....eventually she got to a point where she was accusing the family of ganging up on her and saying her idea was stupid, because everyone was always against her. I lost my temper and yelled at her, saying I was sick of her always having to be the victim. She's not a victim! I brought up the conversation the night before, how she was perpetually trying to get sympathy. More arguing....then she denied that she was responsible for the divorce, because my dad was the one who signed the papers first. WTF? She was the one who left! She's the one responsible! More arguing...more denial on her part...denial denial denial...finally, I said, "Could you please stop playing the victim for once and take responsibility for the things you're responsible for?" She says, "OK, I admit it," and then in the same sentence goes on to accuse me of jumping on her when really she's blameless. I said, "You're doing it right now! You're acting like the innocent victim right now!" And then she just walks away from me and goes upstairs. I just re-read what I wrote here, and I can see how I could sound pretty callous. My mom did have an unloving family growing up, she was told many times that her mother never wanted her, her mother *was* mentally ill...all this is true and a real trauma. The problem I have is that my mom has refused to get any help, and she refuses to move on, and she continually tries to use her childhood as an excuse for her current problems. It's like she likes suffering needlessly. SO FRUSTRATING. Whew. |
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i had a mentally ill dad, and a wacky childhood. its never ever been used as an excuse. if anything, its a source of strength. I don't think you were being callous. sometimes, people need blunt, direct and even angry redirects to realize how they are being. im willing to be you've been far more patient with your mom over the years. |
I can understand your mom's desire to go on a trip together. I'm often wistful about my own family's breakup, even thought it's been almost five years. Both of my parents were at my sister's baby shower. It was the first time in years that the four of us were in the same room together. But my parents wouldn't stand together to get their picture taken, even with my sister and I between them. :( |
My mother likes to play up how "well" my sister is doing, but I know better. When I give her simple truths without being short, or blunt, or callous or anything, instead being sympathetic, yet serious and calm, my mother plays the victim. Only she plays the victim of her own mistakes. She made her mistakes when raising my sister (of course she did perfect with me, hah) and because of her mistakes, she will be paying for them for the rest of her life..... It is so hard sometimes cuz you just want to yell and scream and bring them back to reality instead of a land of self induced delusions. You just want to shake them until they wake up. No whining, no pity parties, none of it. Just owning your own shit and dealing with it. My mother is too far gone to do this. And because she is in denial of her mental health issues, she is not getting help. My Dad does what he can, but lets her get away with way too damned much, cuz he doesn't have the balls to stand up to her, for her. He's afraid he will lose her if he does, and that would end his world. My mother was his first kiss, let alone anything else. But he does see reason, so usually when I have to do what you have had to do, I can say it to him. I have an escape that you don't. I am sorry, but I truly believe you did the right thing, and you weren't too harsh or anything. It isn't easy to deal with, and it gets frustrating as hell, but you did not do anything wrong here, and you weren't being too hard on her. Sometimes you have to slap someone in the face with a little reality and ask for forgiveness and then later they see that you did what you did or said what you said for the right reasons. With the right intentions. Making the right point. I hope your mother will see this in you. |
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