like an old lover, coming back to threaten the safety marriage awakening an old inner life I thought was gone, (and now I am awake I summon the reasons the counter visions) who could leave me flat, reject me, drag me through the mud, I went to the auditions in the dream, somehow my job started it, Selden was in it, and some young students, tall boys, and he was encouraging them encouraging me, to try something, as he can do, backhand teacher that he is, and at the auditions, I was called to read, and I did so, by accident, listening for the good and bad, barely hearing my own voice, and was asked to wait by the stage manager, though I hadn't seen the director, and turning over the possibilities in my mind did he want me for Gertrude could I cancel one of my classes (or both?) to make rehearsals, would I be good enough, probably this was a false start, surely... I am waiting, he is talking to boys, should I wait and wait, or shrug my shoulders and walk on out the older dream of graduate school (all the missed classes) appends itself Is he asking, looking directly at me with his dark eyebrows, his jet black hair, am I single, do I want to go out, and I composing my answer, sure, too casual, i'll bite, too suggestive, o.k. or is he asking about my headshot and resume, and I, fumbling for explanations, will it slip, dissolve into wakeness, the window closing with a snap, Where is my resume? With the picture of my years ago self stapled to the front. or (now half awake) did he see me years ago, in something he's remembered all this time, (seeing) myself in Greg's arms, being carried like a sacrificial victim deposited into the chair, on the stage, before the paying eyes, to speak my dreams? What is the significance, when I stopped having those dreams, and made my plans accordingly, that I turn off the radio alarm, I sit here and write this, (but thinking ahead to the meeting in 1 1/2 hours, but writing)? The A+, am I not happy enough? Am I in trouble? do I want to be? ah... Will I tell you? And if I do, am I folding and putting away in a drawer, or does that bestow a significance.... |
What are you eating before bed, or do you just do a line, smoke a bowl and shoot up a little bit??? I never have dreams like that, most of mine seem to involve midgets. |
it was the noodles and shrimp with the tomato-ginger sauce at Doc Chey's... |
Yeah my guess is the seafood. |
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