Bargain Tombstones


sorabji.com: Dreamland: Bargain Tombstones
By TBone on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 03:01 pm:

    Last Night:

    I was riding a horse along a forested dirt path. Occasionally, I passed people selling things on the side of the road. Particularly I noticed the tombstone sellers. I stopped at one -- a very short man -- and picked up one of the tombstones. They had been laying face down, so I turned it over and saw that the engraving was only partially done. I looked at the back again for a second, and when I glanced at the front again, it was complete. It was a simple, stylized image of a flying hooded figure with a scythe chasing a ghost. It was almost cartoonish. I picked up the second tombstone and again saw an incomplete engraving. More deliberately this time, I turned the face of the stone away and back again quickly, and again the engraving was complete when it came back into my view. The scene was similar to the first.
    At this point, I knew that tombstones are engraved by Death Himself. (I've been reading too much Terry Pratchett.) The tiny salesman told me I could have them for very cheap, since they were his last two stones, and it was getting late.

    I strapped them to my back and rode off. A short while later, I looked back and saw the dark shape of Death following me -- very cinematic. I pushed my horse into a full gallop, my goal to reach the ferry before it left. With Death slowly gaining on me, I made it to the tiny villiage, flew through and toward the dock. I could see that the ferry was just about to leave. But I was going to make it. As my horse ran full-speed toward the water, I realized that we weren't lined up with the dock. My horse jumped, and the people on the ferry watched us pass several yards to the right. As we began to fall toward the black water, I kicked myself up off the horse, pulled my bag off my back and tossed it away from me.

    As I hit the water, I realized that I still had two tombstones strapped to my back.


By kazu on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 03:39 pm:

    i hate when that happens


By reaper on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 03:40 pm:

    dang. for a second there i thought this was sort of a blend of fact and fiction until i saw it was under "dreamland" (and that you were on horseback and lugging two gravestones on your back). wishful thinking - i would love to come across a tombstone seller and buy a couple of stones at close-out prices. i was going to ask you if you were going to make a coffe table out of one of them.

    i've read too little terry pratchett, but i have read "reaper man".


By TBone on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 03:50 pm:

    I just finished Reaper Man, actually.


By droopy on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 04:04 pm:

    "are you a skellington?"

    when i came back here just now, i thought my post had been erased and replaced by someone calling himself "reaper". i have absolutely no memory of signing that post as "reaper".

    weird.


By Karla on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 04:52 pm:

    It must be the vicodin, Droopy. BTW... how's the knee? I'm always impressed when someone can retell their dreams in narrative form. Mine aren't like that... just random flashes of scenes and images with no sequential logic at all.


By droopy on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 05:01 pm:

    the knee's fine - swelling has gone down. i had it x-rayed last week: i have to stay in my brace for another 3 weeks.

    you're probably right about the vicodin. i took the last one i had last night and stayed up all night reading an icelandic saga. i decided not to try wangle any more pills out of my doctor.

    my dreams - if i dream at all - are always random, senseless. just like my waking brain.


By semillama on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 07:12 pm:

    This thread needs just one more thing to make it classic sorabji.






    ASS SEX.



By lapis on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 09:07 pm:

    ass sex?

    one morning i was laying on my stomach and my boyfriend laid down on my back..... started tensing and relaxing my butt muscles which makes him talk to his penis.... "you don't go there"


By Czarina on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 09:55 am:

    TBone,why didn't you activate your tombstone airbag function?

    And then have floating ass sex.


By TBone on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 02:51 pm:

    In the event of a water landing, your tombstone can be used as a flotation device.