| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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this rage comes, when i'm slow on mental control, when i haven't slept enough and the panic rises. i threw my bed across the room. my bed! like the fucking hulk, it hit her dresser and the two top drawers popped out. my bedside lamp was the only casuality. that and her faith in my stoicism. well, no, that's long gone. but it's never been so violent, my lack of control. i get so stressed and my mind races and it is fight or flight and i sure as hell ain't running. fucking plantar fasciitis. probably a contributing factor to this mental unrest, though mostly i blame the machines. diebold, you bastards. i've had more fist fights with solid objects than i'd care to numerate. maturity has me targeting the solid closet doors, mostly. things that won't surrender. no more holes in walls. real maturity would have me hanging the heavybag. after i threw the bed across the room i sat naked and shaking at the kitchen table, the noise in my head so loud. two swift blows, forehead to table. she cried out, god, i horrified her that night. she thought i was going to die in my sleep, my brain swelling in my skull. i told her i didn't lose consciousness, i'd be ok. but i lay awake with the throb behind my eyes and worried. my vision still isn't right. but at least i'm sleeping again. another night of insomnia would have ruined me. i watched votergate. it is worth watching, though nothing really groud breaking, nothing you haven't heard. except, maybe, interviews with shifty eyed diebold execs. i just don't fucking understand how this is acceptable. is it because their man won? don't people understand the implications of unauditable machines? no paper trail? if this election stands on 12/13, we're lost. democracy is over. i've said that a lot lately, i've said it for years. now i believe it. it is no longer subtle, media control and two parties. it is in your face, transparently corruptible voting processes, and no one cares. run or fight. or just re-register republican and blend in. it has to be fight. because of cleo, and eva, and my niece and nephew. anyone who isn't yet tall enough to ride this ride. remember when it wasn't perfect, but it was the best system around? i used to be sad because there was nothing in this world i was really passionate about. oh sweet jesus wasn't that nice. |
because it seems plain as day to me that this is fucked for all sides. |
Kerry won. I was prepared to say, Yeah, we got our way, but we need to protect the integrity of the system. Even if it makes us look bad, we have to insist on investigating anything that seemed amiss. I could be slipping too. My anxiety-depression-insomnia has increased. I can't concentrate or focus on anything. That's not new, but it's gotten a lot worse since last week. |
well, add rage. but i think that is a response to the a/d/i. i have a ribeye cooking to perfection at the moment. mushrooms sauteed with butter and cayenne pepper. walked in the rain to buy both. i'm banking on the exercise, the beef, the spice to cheer me up. i have a bottle of zin for backup. she won't be home for three hours. i'll be asleep. i wish i knew what to do. |
instead it's been foggy in the morning and otherwise perfect, the most autumnny fall i've ever seen. (colors and blue sky) it's crazy. without the news, nothing outside of my small city ever changes. it's all about riding bikes and cooking for friends and coffee. it's too comfortable to risk fighting and everything is so intertwined that to flee is nearly unspeakable, but people do. speak. |
and.. what the fuck |
the armed forces aren't supposed to be on duty off base in the united states... aren't they? the only real thing to complain about, lately, weatherwise anyway.... is the cold. on tuesday there was board games andfiveof us sat wrapped in sweatshirts, scarves and mitteny things for six hours. even though the heat was on. |
i want to hurt the bad guys. |
I hope this helps.:) |
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We Are All Dubya's Doormat. News flash for ordinary Repubs and born-agains: Bush doesn't care about you, either. By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist This just in: millions of moderate Republicans and gay-terrified evangelical Christians and intellectually numbed conservative parents who thought they were doing some sort of good by blindly voting for Dubya and hence protecting their wee ones from swarthy Islamic evildoers who want to steal their kids' Kraft Lunchables and nuke Disneyland all should be emerging from a deep fog of savage denial any minute now. Wake, they will, to the increasingly obvious fact that their beloved smirkin' president, the one who seemed to care about them so deeply just a couple weeks ago and who reached out to them and promised them the gun-happy gay-unfriendly moon in exchange for full access to their civil rights and a blank check to do whatever the hell he likes, he apparently doesn't give a damn about them. Not anymore. The truth will soon be hitting much of the conservative nation like a redneck smacks a dog: now that the fear-saturated Right has handed this failed oilman four more unrestrained years to do his dirtiest deeds and a deeply contaminated, well-greased Congress to do it with, he no longer needs their support and he couldn't care less about their "moral values" or their positions on Social Security reform or the war in Iraq or just what the hell he meant about spending the "political capital" he claims he's earned by winning the election (by the slimmest margin of any incumbent president in history). Oh, sure, Bush reached out, didn't he, Mrs. Moderate Republican? He made you a believer. He promised more intolerance for gays and more Bible classes in the White House and more laughably irresponsible tax breaks you don't really need and more dumbed-down, black-and-white, good-versus-evil perspectives that take all the pressure off of having to, you know, think. And because he unconditionally refused to acknowledge any sort of mistake, any sort of massive error in judgment or policy related the appalling Vietnam-grade quagmire that is Iraq, because he stayed "on message" and never fired Rumsfeld for gross incompetence and because he let the lower-rank military plebes take the fall for Abu Ghraib and never once wavered in the most disgusting of lies about why we needed to invade Iraq and kill over 100,000 of their people in the first place, why, he "earned" your vote. It's so true, isn't it? Despite proof after proof and report after report and dead U.S. soldier after dead U.S. soldier, you thought Bush would do better than Kerry in "defeating" terrorism. No matter that Bush's very actions, his ugly little war, his very poisonous foreign policy that has so violently destabilized the Middle East, no matter that this is what has, in fact, amplified the terror threat a hundredfold and made the U.S. more detested than ever. Ahh, irony. It's what's for dinner. And now, your reward. You get to be as misrepresented, as tossed aside, as openly ignored as the rest of us. Isn't politics fun? We are all suckers, all losers in this election. Are you a Democrat? Republican? Doesn't matter. The line is no longer liberal/conservative. It is no longer tax 'n' spend versus cut 'n' deficit, Toyota Prius versus Ford Expedition, happy godless heathen sodomite versus Mel Gibson. It is now ultrawealthy, power-hungry Bushite CEO versus, well, the rest. Do you see? News flash to conservatives: Bush just pretended to care about you, because he had to, because Karl Rove told him to, because he needed your fear and your blind faith to win another term. You matter about as much as a U.S. soldier in Fallujah, now. Oh how you will be disappointed from here on out. Oh how you will gnash your teeth and sigh your sighs and wonder what the hell happened to your fearful leader, why you feel so abandoned as your schools implode and your health-care costs explode and your air quality suffers and your jobs vanish and your women get smacked back to 1953 and your kids die miserable and forgotten in Iraq. Because now you get to sit by with the "liberal elite" as we watch in bitter satisfaction as Bush will now have to wallow in his own nasty, vicious mess, lie in his own snide and war-torn and economically gutted bed for four more years, as much of the country sits deeply ashamed and the international community sits stunned and horrified at our sheer ignorance and gall. But wait, there's more. See, we know that Bush has never been so beautifully set up than now for a cataclysmic, Nixon-like fall. This most secretive and corruption-filled and Rove-stained administration in history, with its 9/11 cover-ups and well-documented stack of fumbles and flubs and murderous misprisions leading up to the Iraq mess, it is positively bursting at the seams with potential impeachment-level calamity. You think the Nixon tapes were ruinous? Just wait for the Bush mumbles. Every sign points to the fact that history will look back on Dubya Dubya II as one of the worst-run, least accountable and most abusive, warmongering, homophobic, environmentally unfriendly presidencies in American history. Which means either one of two things: there is a very slight chance that Dubya will now try to ease off some of his party's more heartless and voracious of policies, if just to try to create a more appetizing and appealing "legacy." But don't bet on it. If Rove's recent spittle-filled announcement that Shrub will again seek a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage is any indication, Bush might very well go the other direction entirely, making history the cold-blooded, autocratic way: through policies so hollow and self-righteous and smirking, history can't help but be impressed. After all, neofascism makes great textbook fodder. What else? Well, now BushCo has no one to blame but themselves. The neocons own the White House and Congress. All fingers of blame for most impending disasters and war ills and social meltdowns point straight back to the GOP. Furthermore, the U.S. has already crashed through the $7.3 trillion debt limit, thanks to Bush. Unless Congress raises the debt ceiling ASAP, as BushCo so desperately demands they do, the U.S. government will run out of cash. We are, in NASCAR parlance, running on fumes. This, then, is the sour truth for the Repubs and the born-agains, and the sliver of bittersweet solace for the liberals. Will it not be laughable, in a soul-deadening, kill-me-now sort of way, to watch BushCo try to pin the imminent economic implosions and cultural backlashes and catastrophic social-service breakdowns this nation now faces on, say, Bill Clinton? Will it not be horribly amusing to watch this administration sink into its own self-made quicksand? Will it not be, in short, just all sorts of tragic fun to watch the cancer eat itself? # Thoughts for the author? E-mail him. # Mark's column archives are here Mark Morford's Notes & Errata column appears every Wednesday and Friday on SF Gate, unless it appears on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which it never does. Subscribe to this column at sfgate.com/newsletters. |
i'm sorry i forgot to call you i will soon |
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I think the reason I'm not overly worked up about the election is that I started taking St John's Wort and Sam-E about a month and a half ago. That and hanging around M for the past week. :) Kazu, you're thinking of the Posse Comitatus act: linky The military is not supposed to participate in domestic law enforcement. However, even in the Clinton years, that was being pushed by military participation in the war on drugs and border patrol. As long as the Marines did not take any direct action they're not in violation of the act. There's a video ont he indymedia site, though, and it looks like the tanks were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The protesters were flashing their signs to people driving by on a busy street, and it looks like the tanks just drove by. Unfortunately the video is edited so you can't see when the tank actually drove up, which is kinda suspicious, but they're at the corner with their turn signal on... Not exactly threatening behavior... |
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And start buying MREs. Save your strength for when it will be most necessary. |
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time on line instead of cleaning my apartment although i did just make one pile into three piles and then back into one pile again but more organized and i cant' decide if i want to do intellectual labor or reproductive labor or take a nap but i am watching buffy and it's the 6th season that i hate because i don't like the whole Caleb/imaginary-friend-Buffy and the acting is bad overall even alyson hannigan who usually does a good job |
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i'd like to do some reproductive labor. last night i was surfing for porn and i came across this "wild ape on the loose" photo set. it was some kind of giant false black cock traveling around some spring break location and shooting torrents of vanilla pudding all over topless chicks. these guys grow up and vote you know. |
I'm amazed at how quickly I became used to the election results. President Bush. George Bush is the President of the United States. President Bush was elected. The strange need to work out my aggression physically has manifested as well. I've rearranged my furniture seven times. I change it, move it around, change it back, move it around again, move pillows, take the pillows away, put the pillow back, in an endless series of frustrated motions. Today I've going over to my dad's to eat dinner with him and his girlfriend. She doesn't speak very good English, although she is very intelligent. She must be horribly bored every time I go over because my father and I talk about politics and the economy and we throw lots of big words around very rapidly. Sometimes she laughs, nervously, and then she gets up and starts to do the dishes. Today I have actually been very productive. I found a good couch cover that goes with the latest furniture configuration, and I sewed a drop-cloth to put over to keep it from getting covered in cat hair. I also serviced the vacuum cleaner, which was fun. I'm going to go mail out things today and try to get myself organized again. I can't go on like this. |
of productive, meaning paid work. it is supposed to indicate the work that reproduces our material condition: keeps us clean, fed, etc. it's a term used a lot by materialist-economic-marxist oriented feminists. I like it simply because it confuses people. |
really "produce" anything, but when you cook...or back in the old days, make clothing, you do. i hate law and order. no matter what, even if I disagree, I always want jack mccoy to get his way. |
she was in my clutches. she had peed in my daughters bed. she had crossed a line. i had her neck in my hands, my eyes were penetrating hers, trying to get through to her the degree of which she fucked up. she clearly didnt see the situation she's really in considering the fact that i feed her well, and love her when i can, and clean her shit while giving her a warm place to stay. she almost died. now, shes an outdoor cat and comes in when i feel like letting her in. go play skunks. in a way, im hoping the elements will do her in. cruel? i can accept that. maybe. but the cat puke (from mostly the other cat, i have two total), the cat box, the hair....ive had it. i just cant take it anymore. i have X amount of patience these days and its all for eva. not for some fucking ungrateful, cat that i never wanted in the first place. the BM with her sweaterboy wennt and got some other fucking critters so she cant take them. ** i saw that shit about the tanks. i dont think its coincidence. theres no military facility near by to my knowledge other than the federal office bldg there. moreover, they could have been swat/police tanks. its hard to say sometimes. seriously, they probably got bored and thought they would go fuck with the 50 or so protesters. |
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Please? Thanks. |
PUPPY!?!?!?!?! PUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPY PUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPY PUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPY PUPPY FOR ME!!!!!!!!!! puppy. my cleo wants a puppyfriend |
She responded with a big ol' form letter, including: "Most importantly, however, I believe that we must insist on a paper trail for every voting machine in the nation. Our citizens must trust our voting system. That's why I support Representative John Conyers' efforts to have a GAO investigation, report, and Congressional hearing on how the electronic voting machines performed in this election. This is the only way we can ensure the democratic process." So I scoured the internet and couldn't find a single piece of Lynn Woolsey support. Lip service? |
I think you should call Woolsey on it, Nate. I hate those damn form letters. You can totally tell the intern didn't even read your letter, just skimmed the first paragraph and printed the form letter they thought was the most applicable. I wrote Mike Thompson (who has an office, I might add, directly across the street from my living room) about the election and haven't gotten a letter back. I eagerly look forward. |
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If on 9/11 'we were all Americans', on 11/3 'we are all Canadians'. wisper and I still have an open room! merely two hours from the border... on a happier note, I have just been informed My Little Pony Season One is out on DVD. So cheer up, cheerless! |
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rowlfe, i'm packaging up your papers this weekend. ran out of funds. |
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It's nearly identical. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE SOUTH |
know where british columbia, quebec and prince edward island are. that's pretty bad, isn't it? |
But then again, i confuse american city & state names all the time. I'm always finding out that something i thought was just one is actually the other. Like Tennessee. Thought it was a city. I have no idea where Kansas is, or Louisiana. I can name maybe 30 states properly. Basically i can get all the states on the edges right, and that's about it. I'd say this is pretty average for a normal Canadian. In my defence, Canada has only 13 divisions, to your goddamn 50. Toronto is the capital of Ontario, which is to the left of Quebec, above NY. fucking learn it!* *meant as a catchphrase, not a threat. |
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all i did was make previously indoor/outdoor cats who were exclusively indoor in most recent years indoor/outdoor again. what the fuck is wrong with you? did i say i stopped feeding them? did i say i strangled them? did i say i mistreated them in anyway? where did i say i "enjoy" taking my stress out on my cats? so fuck you and your conclusions about what you think ive done with my cats. im not taking them to any shelter as I have have not stopped caring for them. they just spend time outdoors now, which is not a bad thing. they still have their claws and last time i checked there's nothing abusive about that. i dont want to view your occasional emotional petulance in a negative light so please, get a perspective before you flare up at me. i havent dont anything abusive. |
You did say you almost killed one, that she was "in your clutches," and that you hoped the elements would "do her in." Given that, I think the reactions from this animal loving crowd was pretty benign. Man, you've got to find a way to lower your stress level. We're all worried about you here. And Gee, chill! He doesn't enjoy taking emotions out on the cats. It sounds like he just snapped. |
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you have no clue. thursday night....i was giving eva a bath. i turned up the heat to ensure monkey wouldnt be cold getting out of the bath. the old gas furnace in the floorboard got too hot. she stepped on the metal grate in the hallway and got 2nd degree burns on her feet. i forgot how hot the furnance can quickly get. ive only had to use the heat in recent weaks. i should have known better but it was an accident to be sure and as long as there are stairs, cats, dogs, cement, tables, chairs etc, kids will have accidents, not matter how much you try and avoid them. i took her to urgent care where they treated her. she was walking before they even treated her. shes in no pain at all and is practially healed. the reslience of kids is amazing. friday i spent the day with her as daycare wasnt appropriate having to care for her feet. have you tried to wrapping and re-wrapping a 19 month old's feet alone? do you have any idea when the one you are trying to care for is in a screaming fit because her head is in pain, her nose is constantly runny from a cold and i keep fucking with her feet? oh and wheres her mother? in china. but spare me a lecture about caring for my fucking cats. spare me the lecture when i express the frustration after the fuckers pee in her crib. yeah. at that time. i wanted the cats gone from life. poof. goodbye. gone. while its not worthy of any medals, you two presumably single women really have no clue whats its like to run a previously two-parented household with a child, pets included and now run it single handedly. you should know me well enough to know im not actually going to do anything to harm anybody or anything. you should know better. |
i almost snapped. nobody or nothing was harmed when i nearly boiled over. nate's talking about throwing furniture and you're saying i snapped? come on man. |
the kid has been through hell in the last week and subsequently those caring for her. |
Get. Help. Now. |
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its just been a stressful week man. its not as if this level is stress has been a constant. sometimes we have bad weeks people. lets not overreact. i don't need help, i just need her mother to come back, which she will and i will have a few days to myself to reset. really. i thought the fucking point of this thread was to vent anger and frustration, our "hell" if you will. can i do that without being judged as someone who needs help? is that possible? both the child and i are doing otherwise quite fine. things are going as well as they can be right now and i have a reasonable head on my shoulders about things, just let me vent ok? |
Pat yourself on the back, cause you're doing a great job. Just continue to be there patrick and always say "I love you" even when things aren't going the way that you would like. Those words are very healing and she will always remember that. |
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Similar story: My brother burned his hands real bad as a kid. We lived in a log cabin with a wood burning stove as heat. He was just learning to walk, and he toddled over to the thing, put both hands on it, and screamed. His palms turned into blisters, but both he and my father fell asleep in the waiting room before they got him treated. |
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further: the whole "you don't have kids so you don't understand" thing is bullshit. I live in a culture where people have kids and raise them on their own all the time, and I can certainly observe human behaviour. let's not forget that my mother raised me and my three siblings all by herself, so I do have some familiarity with the matter. Here's hoping you don't take all your rage and frustration out on your kid(s) the way my mother did; here's hoping your kid(s) don't end up as fucked up as me and my siblings. and, finally: suggesting that you get help, as Antigone did, was not a put down or a judgement. If someone tells you that they think you're way too stressed for your own good (which you are), they're only trying to help you. it's because we care, you dumbass. not just about you, but about the little one, too. |
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i was also raised in a single parent household and I can tell you that without a double no, you dont have any fucking idea how hard it is until youre in those shoes. i thought i had understanding. nooo way. what i thought i understood and what is, are still vastly different. ive given no indication that my daughters well being has ever been in jeopardy, in fact, in lieu of her mothers absence, the accident and other matters ive demonstrated tremendous about of ____ whatever you want to call it. had you simply said "hey man, dont hurt the cats, get some help if you need it" or even made a reasonable suggestion such as platy" you might have gotten a friendlier response...but you didnt. i have X amount of patience and my daughter gets most of it. i certainly have none for that shit, not from you. "patrick, you fucking asshole. if you don't want the fucking cat then take it to a fucking shelter like Platypus suggested instead of being a goddam fucking Asshole who enjoys taking his stress out on animals much much smaller than him." doesnt translate into care gee. wanna try again? otherwise shut the fuck up. |
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Nunavut is new, it was created in 1999. It belongs to the Inuit people, and is governed by them. Labrador and Newfoudland are the same thingy. I don't know if i'm more south than you guys dave, I'll have to look on a globe with proper latitude. I'm pretty sure I'm more south than TBone though. I can't tell if Nate is being ironic or not. But i don't care. I thought/assumed Rhode Island was an actual island until earlier this year. What's the deal with that one. |
Rhode Island is the state with the longest name in the USA. |
Olympia: 47° 02' N Missoula: 46° 50' N Toronto: 43° 40' N |
righ= Noon-eh-Voot wrong(me)= None-eh-Vut go me. |
I heard of Nunavut only recently, too. And I thank Wisper for the correct pronunciation. I confess I laughed a lot when I read Patrick's story of the cat. I can't explain why....it just struck me as very funny. |
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toronto is only 43 degrees latitude? that can't be right. portland is just 20 miles north of the 35 degree line. |
Not that i know the latitude. TBone could be totally making this up. Nunavut IS a territory. We have 3 territories now (Nunavut, Yukon, Northwest) and 8 provinces. I don't remember what the difference is. Maybe population. "at risk"? Jesus people, if the USA was going to make a new state, we would never hear the end of it. Nunavut's creation being on April Fools Day didn't help, though. |
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BC Alberta Manitoba Saskatchewan Ontario Quebec Nova Scotia New Brunswick Newfoundland/Labrador PEI |
so, up there you say 13 divisions. down here you say 3 + 8 = 11 divisions. on your map i count 14. which is it? we may have 50, but that's easy to remember on account of there being 50 stars on our flag and 50 cents in a half dollar. |
13 13 13 you count 14? are you still counting Labrador? Don't. |
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pointy province goodness allows them gosh-durn canucks to enjoy subtropical temperatures of the northern united states! whoopee boy! at risk. risk 2210 a.d., to be exact. alaska is known as the northwestern oil emerates, and you can have colonies under the sea and on the moon. nunavut |
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mostly play risk but one of my friends is a catan nut. |
that might be fun. |
Latitude: 40° 00' North Longitude: 75° 09' West My phone will play O, Canada. |
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V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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