it's poetry. it's bad. so shoot me.


sorabji.com: Words: it's poetry. it's bad. so shoot me.
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By
Pezzy-poo on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 11:52 am:

    i wrote it. i would really appriciate some criticism.

    what can i say?
    when i'm in love, i write.
    when i'm in like, i write.
    when i'm in dislike, i write.
    when i'm in hate, i write.

    ahem. here goes:


    the love song of a giantess

    i’ve lived my live by being too tall
    too imperfect to be good at anything
    too loose-ankled to jump, to sprint
    too nasal-voiced to sing

    too nearsighted to go without glasses
    too shy to be torn from my books
    too rebellious to get good grades
    too ugly to be a recipiant of looks

    but now i’ve grown in sense
    and i’ve even begun a couple of itches
    but nothing changes what was before
    i’ll never be the queen of bitches

    i’ve since put hours of careful thought
    into every imperfection of my face
    and made myself the very picture of loveliness
    to myself, if not for the rest of the human race

    i’ve put restrictions on myself
    down to limiting what i say
    but nobody seems to listen
    they don’t care anyway

    i’ve tried to make myself perfect
    from a simple grain of sand to a pearl
    but no matter what i try to do
    i still seem to make guys hurl

    but still i keep on going
    a victim of my height
    nobody can ever tell me
    how to be released from my plight

    every time i fall in crush
    i think i know what’s right to do
    but every time again again
    my heart is torn in two

    i’ve tried by asking him out
    by leaving handwritten pleas
    but they don’t see, they don’t guess
    from the giantess, they always flee

    i try to talk myself out of it
    ‘cause i know i have no chance
    of ever possibly winning
    one round in the game of romance

    i know this sounds kinda funny
    in a poem, even though
    it’s ordinary for me
    bet’cha that you didn’t know

    please, please give me a chance
    even if you only come up to my chin
    because if not, i’ll go and cry
    and wonder what might’ve been

    i know that eventually i’ll stand up
    and wipe away my tears after my cry
    because as yoda always said
    “do or do not, there is no try”

    i know with all this rambling
    you probably think i’m a silly goose
    well, i am. you never know
    about me when my words are on the loose

    so i think i’ll draw to a close
    after i finish the next stanza
    unless you think you’d do me a favor
    and shoot me with a panzer

    so now i have only three more lines
    two, to present my plea
    so here goes: chris?
    would you like to do something with me?


    is this cheesy enough, or should i add some more swiss?


By Dougie on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:08 pm:

    I enjoyed this stanza, pez:

    "i’ve tried to make myself perfect
    from a simple grain of sand to a pearl
    but no matter what i try to do
    i still seem to make guys hurl"


By Spider on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:13 pm:

    Asking someone to comment on your poetry is like asking someone if they think your kids are good-looking.

    But I'll do it.

    Do you consider cheesiness good, in this case? Because your meter is inconsistent, which normally would be a bad thing, but if you're going for cheese, then it's great.


By Trace on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:17 pm:

    One word, long
    :-)


By Pez on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:17 pm:

    well, nothing else seemed to work. i usually don't go for rhyme. usually it's rhythm ("i've got rhythm, i've got music, i've got my man who can ask for anything more?") or texture. but i started out with "i try to talk myself out of it/‘cause i know i have no chance/of ever possibly winning /one round in the game of romance" so i haaaaaad to rhyme.

    i've already made a handwritten copy to maybe give to him.

    but i don't know. i scare myself.


By Pezzy-poo on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:21 pm:

    i'm not going to chat about my other poetry. like the mistake of mixing translation with original language, or my unrhymed, unmetered poem that went on for like 54 lines.

    i would like to have better meter, but it's hard for me. oh well.

    that's what i get for writing a long poem in half an hour.


By Trace on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:23 pm:

    Pezzzy, poetry is in the heart. As far as I am concerned, there is no correct meter. You write what you feel. If people like it, good for them. If people do not like it, good for them!


By Nate on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:31 pm:

    i thought it sucked. if you gave it to me, i'd try to get you into bed and then dump you.

    do you like anal sex?


By Spider on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:33 pm:

    What's wrong with long poems?

    I liked your poem. It was funny and sweet and will probably make Chris laugh if you give it to him. (Laugh in a good way.)

    Meter isn't hard, it just takes effort. And no one said the first draft had to be the last draft.

    Not to say that you should fix the meter in your poem. Do whatever you want.


By Pez. who the hell is peachguy and why is his name on my list of titles on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:34 pm:

    thank you.

    i have an announcement to make:

    after three years and nearly 250 poems, i have come to a conclusion:

    i am addicted to poetry!

    writing, reading, archiving, revising

    and then there's composing verse to scare silly people who don't realize that poetry can be about anything.

    i wanna eat your head.


By TBone on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:34 pm:

    Poetry is whatever you want it to be. Don't ever feel like you HAVE to do something. The rhyme, for example. For me, the rhyme feels forced.

    I was in a class where we did nothing but write poetry and write very detailed critiques of each other's poetry, the rewrite our own, etc... The main things that I learned there were that rhyme and meter are WAY overrated. My best poems had neither.

    I agreet that it's a tad long. It wouldn't hurt to slim it down a bit. I LOVE the Yoda quote.

    If you want a detailed critique, I'll give you one, but it would just seem mean to spout one out.

    I liked it, though. Also, there's something very special about having a poem written about/to you. I imagine if this guy is worth your time at all, he'll really appreciate it.


By Trace on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:35 pm:

    HMMMMM


By Pezzy-poo on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:36 pm:

    nate, i thought you were engaged.

    never tried it. there's many things i haven't tried.

    yikes!


By Pez on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:41 pm:

    for some reason, i am very tempted to put "hermaphrodite" as part of my email addy.

    i've never been on the receiving end of very much criticism. i'd love to have some.

    hell, if i'm ever going to be published, i need some. now.

    thanx.


By Trace on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:45 pm:

    Pez, you kinda turn me on. in a wierd way


By Pezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 12:50 pm:

    i do that to people. sometimes.

    i once made out with a guy i'd known for about four hours. i'd never been kissed before, so i didn't stop him.

    it felt like being licked by a dog and he wasn't too good at shaving.

    i managed to avaid him until he gave up.


By Nate on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 01:13 pm:

    i am engaged. anal sex isn't cheating.

    besides, it wasn't an offer, it was a critique.


By Pez on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 01:17 pm:

    ah.

    sorry i took it the wrong way

    thanx for the crit.


By TBone on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 01:19 pm:

    I'm sure her future poetry will me much improved due to your inspired criticisms, nate.


By Pezzy-poo on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 01:24 pm:

    i'm sure by now that the force of 237 poems printed out individually along with an index and secured in a binder would be a formidible force to find shoved up your ass.


By Trace on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 02:39 pm:

    I would pay real money to see that.


By moonit on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 03:49 pm:


    I'm wondering if Nate has met his match.


By moonit on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 03:51 pm:

    oh, and i loved the poem, it made me laugh, and laughter is a good thing.


By Trace on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 03:51 pm:

    I think he has


By Nate on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 04:34 pm:

    i doubt it.

    we'll see after i plumb her rectum.


By Trace on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 05:15 pm:

    I thought you were not talking physical...plumbing. And why fuck somone up the ass just because she write poems?
    FUCK YOU, YOU ASS.....


By J on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 05:21 pm:

    We always let Nate fuck us up the ass,it is a Sorabji initiation thing...don' t tell anyone outside of here.


By Cat on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 05:32 pm:

    I just want to state for the record...that I never got my official welcome. I'm still pouting over it.

    I think my derriere is perfectly suitable. Is it because I'm Australian? Because I don't kill turkeys for thanksgiving?

    Every time I read someone else getting the ass fucking that should rightly have been mine...I just want to cry.

    And don't even bother now...it's too late...(heart-rendering sobs)


By Nate on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 06:22 pm:

    shit, cat.

    all those nakeys you sent me were frontal.. how am i supposed to fuck an ass i can't see?


By moonit on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 07:01 pm:

    well i also escaped the natewelcomewagonpenisassfucking.

    so prehaps he just doesnt like us southern hemisphere girls.

    altho he did send me a naked picture.

    i am still wondering if it was him.


By Cat on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 07:03 pm:

    I love it when you play hard to get Nate mate!
    But you know that, don't you?

    Hey Pez, on the subject of playing hard to get...don't give that boy the poem. I'm presuming you haven't even had a date yet, right??

    You need to play it a bit cooler. Boys scare easy when confronted with too much emotion up front. Especially if he's not feeling the same way. Be gentle with him at first and don't overwhelm him or he'll be bolting across the paddock like a scared roo.

    Wait at least until you've locked lips...then he'll be lapping up your verse and begging for more.


By Cat on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 07:10 pm:

    Damn it Moonit! I knew there was discrimination against us southern belles. It's just cause we can spell properly and only have to go down on one knee to greet our head of state.

    But what did you do to get a nekkid pic of Nate? Now I'm jealous...forward that pic across the Tasman pretty please.


By moonit on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 08:12 pm:

    I wonder if I still have it. If not he also sent it to Gee.

    Whats yer email addy there cobber?


By Cat on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 08:26 pm:

    Maaaaate...You're true blue!

    Sent it to Gee too heh...he is such the slut!

    And if you have any nekkid pics of Antigone, they'd be mightily appreciated.

    I'm good for Patrick's...they're already plastered all over my ceiling...it was a bit tricky cutting Nico out tho.

    (p.s. Did you see Nate's thread: "I wish you were - sending me a pic of my cock)


By moonit on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 10:01 pm:

    No i only have Nate.

    I think one of Swine would be nice to add to the collection.


By Antigone on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 10:03 pm:

    Excuuuuse me, Cat? From whence comes this ardor for my nekkidness, hmmmm?


By Antigone on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 10:07 pm:

    Oh, nad great poem, Pez. It's not too long. Very readable. And, it's supposed to be about giantness, after all...


By Cat on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 10:17 pm:

    Anti..My secret passion for your nekkidness has been brewing for some time...spilling over like foam from a middy of Fosters.

    Now ain't that purdy and romantic?


By sPIDER on Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 11:58 pm:

    Nate never sent me any naked pictures. :~(

    He never harrassed my brother like he promised he would, either, the yellow bastard.


By J on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 01:31 am:

    I sent him a picture of spawn,just to see if I could,it worked. I may send the picture of my ass now


By agatha on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 02:22 am:

    nate and i arrived at roughly the same time. i never got the greeting, either. i can't remember when we even began adknowledging each other, actually.

    i'm going to have to wait and reread before i comment on the poem. one thing i will say is that i don't like it when people shorten words in poetry. for example: "'cause..."


By Nate on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 10:01 am:

    agatha, you've never deserved the greeting.


By agatha on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 11:02 am:

    well, that's not very nice. or, it is. i'm not sure which.


By Trace on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 11:04 am:

    i have no response to that at this time


By Gee on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 11:45 am:

    I think that was a compliment.

    I got my greeting from Swine, didn't I? I can't remember. sometimes I mix Swine and Nate up.


By Cherry-flavored pez on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 11:47 am:

    ahem.

    this is poetry.

    i didn't mean to post my writing as an excuse to start a discussion to chat about nate's cock.

    or anal.

    to answer questions: yes, i have been on dates. although not many of them, but that's not all my fault. certainly not for me being aloof (oh wait...maybe i was...)

    i was thinking of giving it to him...but then i decided not to. let him ask about my poetry first and practically walk into reading the poem.

    actually i'm thinking of starting a fanzine called "oh my god! it's YOU!" and using that as an excuse to interview him.

    sounds good to me, anyway.


By patrick on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 12:23 pm:

    i didnt read the poetry, no offense, just doesn't interest me.

    im willing to bet that I am the only sorabjite to have beared all for you freaks to see, well it wasn't FOR you per se, but you know what I mean. Meanwhile the rest of you send along pictures of birds and cocks and whatever else the you dream up..... Oh wait i think i did see a partial of agatha's boobie, but that was a picture of her and her daughter which doesn't really count and I'm really afraid of Dave, so I'll step away from that, but the others....bunch of pussies....


By Dougie on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 12:28 pm:

    They don't make big enough monitors yet to do justice to pictures of my weenie, so y'all'll just have to wait.


By Pez on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 12:29 pm:

    well...sorreee! i know what sort of people work at the film developing places and i don't have a digital camera.

    besides, i probably wouldn't want a nekkid picture of bouncing around the internet in the first place.

    what if my ex got a hold of it? :eeeeeeewww:

    must go take shower to rid myself of that ~nasty~ thought.


By Trace on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 12:29 pm:

    Puleaze...............


By patrick on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 12:49 pm:

    dougie dont make me pull it out


    ...people are so uptight with their bodies......so what if your ex got a hold of it, he's seen it before right? what can he possible do to a piece of paper that has reproduction of your flesh? wank? you should be flattered. polaroid cameras cost about $25 and the film is about $1/shot......if you want to bargain shop, you can get a neato old school polaroid for cheap on ebay....anyway.....


By Nate on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 02:42 pm:

    patrick is my bestest naked advocate.


By Isolde on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 02:44 pm:

    HEy! I did my part. Nate has a naked picture of me...the rest of you are all just slackers.


By Nate on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 02:59 pm:

    this is true. i got one from sem and gee, too.

    i'm waiting for the ass pic from J.


By patrick on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 03:13 pm:

    damn! share share share!!!!!!!!!!


By Pez on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 03:37 pm:

    my ex has something worse though...an old floppy of my poetry...which he hasn't given back to me or destroyed.

    i don't like my ex. he looks like a wet rat. and i still don't know if he believed in using a toothbrush.


By TBone on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 03:39 pm:

    Ooh. the stealing of the floppy full of poetry...

    I did that once to a girl...

    She got me back.

    Damn, I wonder what ever happened to that?

    Skittles and Cheese, man.


By patrick on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 03:49 pm:

    wet rat? hmmmmm would that be similar to a wet beaver? they are in the same vermin class of species right?q


By Cat on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 04:00 pm:

    During my experiment with being a hippie years ago, I lived in a rainforest at the "Rainbow Community". A mob of us, who couldn't handle living without four walls, shared this big ole house.

    Anyways, I was stoned and nekkid when the Mormon's came a calling. Sadly they didn't have cameras or I would have posted you a pic of me nekkid and their faces.

    The mormon boys were kinda sweet though and came in for tea (I put on a sarong), but they didn't want to share the bong or leave flowers for Buddha. Neither them nor us were converted, but it was a pleasant afternoon that ended with my lover and I wearing their ties, and them wearing daisy chains.

    Since then I've regressed to being repressed about letting strangers see me nekkid.


By Trace on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 04:10 pm:

    Look what the cat puked up!


By J on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 04:50 pm:

    I may have to put a marker to the ass picture,at least down the crack,It shows a little more than my ass.That was the night I was "helped"up the stairs.


By TBone on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 04:52 pm:

    The Rainbows just had a big thing right outside Missoula. Lots are still around.

    Then we had a Hell's Angels convention.

    The police were all worried about the Hell's Angels, but they were well behaved relative to the protests by the Rainbows.

    They managed to prove themselves less well behaved than one of the more notorious groups of troublemakers.


By Cat on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 05:40 pm:

    Nah, we just lived in a place called the "Rainbow Community", there was no organised political thing to it and we weren't called "Rainbows"... just smelly nekkid-dope-gardening cropouts.

    But what are the Rainbows over there? Email me and tell me more pretty please Tbone.


By Daniel ssss on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 06:09 pm:

    Whoa! hippy days, rainbows, field crops, daisy chains. Gawd, gotta run a search on 'em. Careful Cat, Graceful Cat, a hipster....I've read your FBI file, dear.

    Journalists. I didn't read the poetry either.


By patrick on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 07:10 pm:

    c'mon J don't do a thing, no one wants to see a censored butt shot


By Pez on Saturday, August 19, 2000 - 03:52 am:

    frankly, i'm disappointed.

    oh well. this hippy stuff is interesting. tell me more! tell me more!


By Cat on Saturday, August 19, 2000 - 04:19 am:

    Daniel, the FBI file is just all supposition...they never found the weapon.

    And Pez, sorry but I was really a fake hippie...it was just a three month bump along the road. I think Daniel is the real deal though, and can probably tell more genuine stories of hippiedom.


By TBone on Saturday, August 19, 2000 - 03:14 pm:

    About the rainbows:

    From what I know, (not a lot) they are loose-knit group that meets every year somewhere to live in the wilderness and do hippie things. They aren't very organized, as they don't seem to have leaders. They promote peace, love, loving nature, and whatnot...

    In reality, they all but destroy the areas of wilderness that they choose to inhabit, and they tend to stay in whatever town is nearest the last place they gathered until the next gathering. When they chose to protest the Hell's Angels (reason unknown) they not only provoked the Bikers, but commited a great deal of violence themselves. I think it's generally agreed that they were less well-behaved than the Hell's Angels.

    Had this situation not arisen however, I'm sure they would have lived up to their image of peaceful living...

    While I was changing the oil in my car, one biked up and told me that fractals are the way to God.

    I think the local marijuana dealers are still trying to re-stock their inventory. I heard there was a shortage.



    Well, not all of them. Many of them have homes that they return to, many have real jobs and stuff...


By Danielssss on Sunday, August 20, 2000 - 01:52 am:

    Trivia question from the Oldster: what's the difference between "Rainbows" and "Deadheads"??

    Do "suppository" and "supposition" come from the same root?


By Pezzle on Sunday, August 20, 2000 - 02:22 pm:

    deadheads are fans of the grateful dead. actually, there was an article about what happened to some of them since jerry garcia died, in the oregonian a couple of days ago.

    i suppose rainbows are mostly poseurs.

    that's enough brainpower for now. i've got to find out how much moby tickets cost and where i can get them. and knit.


By moonit on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 03:19 am:

    mmmm moby.


By TBone on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 11:48 am:

    Where's Moby playing?


By Pezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 12:23 pm:

    in portland, at the roseland. thursday, september 14th, at 8 pm. tickets cost $27.50 plus fees.

    turns out there's a fastixx right in the store, in electronics. i could get my tickets before my break is half over (and i only get a 10 minute break).

    i'm not missing moby this time!


By TBone on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 12:28 pm:

    Ooh!

    Hmm...

    (calculating)

    err... money... argh...


    Lessee... It'd be about $28 Fuel each way... the ticket... a place to stay... Damn. Someone tell him to move it to the weekend.


By Dougie on Friday, December 8, 2000 - 12:51 pm:

    Il pleure dans mon coeur
    Comme il neige sur la ville.

    Or something like that. Verlaine would turn over in his grave. Anywho, it's snowing here! Not much mind you, but it's snowing. Beautiful, large, wet white flakes. I love snow. I love how everything becomes quiet and muted when it snows.


By pez on Saturday, December 9, 2000 - 03:38 am:

    i once snowed the night before my birthday...i was so excited...but it was all melted the next morning and i had to go to school. that weekend i snowed, and my sister and i were snowbound at her best friend's house.


By Grinch on Saturday, December 9, 2000 - 04:17 am:

    I hate snow. hate. passionately. detest.

    Cold, wet, sloppy. miserable unthaw. covers, soaks, squelches. freezing, breath gets solid and... blood stops flowing.

    nerves deadened, faces numb, fingers numb.

    Cold and miserable.

    Snow.

    makes. me angry.


By Isolde on Saturday, December 9, 2000 - 08:59 am:

    There's a lot of snow here right now, and I adore it. It gets a little tiresome, but it's so wonderful to come out into this magical frozen world...


By Gee on Monday, December 11, 2000 - 03:09 pm:

    snow storm warning in effect in Toronto.

    maybe I'll get snowed in at work. wouldn't that be exciting?


    I love snow.


By semillama on Monday, December 11, 2000 - 04:25 pm:

    Everyone's excited about the snow storm here, but hell, I can't can't call it a storm if I can still see way across the street...


By Tom on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 01:20 am:

    Hrm. We received a pamphlet today, from the management company, about what to do in case of sub-zero temperatures; leave water running, open the drawers that contain the water pipes; call the manager if your pipes freeze; schedules for snow and ice removal...

    It doesn't really ever get that cold in Portland, does it? These guys are just yanking my chain.

    God, take me back to the Valley if it starts to snow, okay?


By pez on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 02:14 am:

    i have SNOW on my car! (it wasn't really snowing in gresham, but it was at my house! now if it could only cancel finals....)


By Hal on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 02:32 am:

    God its cold here...

    FUCK, -20 degrees...

    I hate Montana.


By Isolde on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 08:23 am:

    You said yesterday it was -25 and you weren't troubled...I think I prefer the snow to this endless, endless fucking mud.


By J on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 09:24 am:

    I love it here in the winter,the sun is shining,the birds are singing,it doesn't snow here,would have to drive up north for that,not that I would.


By patrick on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:34 pm:

    i want some snow....

    every has snow


By patrick on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:35 pm:

    i want some snow....

    everyone has snow


By Isolde on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:39 pm:

    I don't have snow anymore, I have rain, high winds, cold temperatures, and MUD.


By J on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:53 pm:

    I don't like snow,and I don't miss it,last time I was in snow was in Flagstaff and they had to pry me out of the hotel room.But I was looking at the office cam the other day and it was snowing and it looked real pretty.


By Anonymous on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 03:14 pm:

    My hair was long and blowing in the wind
    As I walked from the side street to the main street.
    I had my high heeled boots on
    And I was free.


By Suomynona on Wednesday, December 13, 2000 - 02:40 am:

    yum.


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