I've periodically over the summer borrowed the old lady's mower from the shed up the mountainside, and figured it was the least I could do to mow her lawn while I was at it. It would seem that kids just don't mow lawns anymore these days, and she was in the same predicament that I was. This also had the effect of having three separate neighbors talk to me for the first time, asking if I was that boy who mowed Bessie's lawn for her, and wasn't that nice of me. Since we haven't had any all-night-until-dawn parties this summer what with the Coonass having moved out, I think this has done wonders for our reputation in the neighborhood. For the last four or five weeks, I've put off doing the lawn, as we haven't had much rain, By this weekend, I figured I couldn't skate anymore and reckoned to do it Sunday. On Saturday morning, I left the house early to go on duty as a volunteer medic/firefighter, and saw a cop pulling up to the house next door. Didn't think much of it, as I was still asleep; figured one of the ne'er-do-well tenants was in trouble again. Sunday evening, after it cooled off a bit, I went up the hillside to get the mower. I had seen the Wild Man of Borneo stomping around the place a little earlier, but he was apparently gone. As I opened the shed and started getting out the mower, I heard a shout, and there he was coming up towards me. It turns out that he speaks after all, though his English isn't any better than his mother's. He wondered why I was doing it; hadn't I heard that his mother died? It turns out that she fell down the steps in the dark early Saturday morning. He said she was better now, she had wanted to die. He was very calm and matter of fact, though I was shocked, and offered my condolences. It turns out that the cops were there from 5 AM to 1 PM; I have no idea whether to be suspicious. But the whole thing left me a little stunned. As mourners were arriving at the house, I mowed both lawns, put the machine away, and went inside.

Now none of us can ever again mow the lawn without thinking about this incident. I already suffered from obsessive ideas while mowing, but it usually resulted in Things I Need To Tell Blindswine. (for his own good) In the future I can visualize mowing the shriveled heads of little old ladies muttering last words in gibberish. The prospect is so intriguing, I'm going out to do it this minute.

I still can't belive you have to pay $125 for any kind of lawn service, unless your house sits on 4 acres and it takes him most of the day. I mean yesterday I saw push lawnmowers on sale for $129. NEW. Last one I bought at a yard sale (tag sale) for $10, and it cost $1 to fix. Looking around here have got 4 riders, 2 self propelled and 2 push. (brother used to be in the landscape business) and I repair equipment large and small. Most of his lawns were done for the $25-$50 range.... never over $100, unless it involved building retaining walls and moving dirt - just talking cutting grass and raking leaves stuff. My cousin is retired and just bought a very nice $1800 riding mower, and yet he cuts grass for several people, including churches, and none of them are over $50, including the cemetery, and thats a real pain going around all the markers. Look at the numbers. Say it takes this dude 12.5 hours to complete the task, thats still $10/hr CASH, no tax, tag and title and thats not bad money for pushing around a mower and raking leaves, not a hell of a lot of overhead either. What - a pick up truck and *mabe* $250 lawnmower if he bought it new and got a name brand? He probably already had the pick up truck. I'm not complaining about people making money - I'm talking about people PAYING too much money for things that shouldn't really cost that much. Prime example plumbers. Mabe its worth it to some people to pay $80/hr not to get residue of their own feces on their hands... but shit (pardon the pun) if I'm paying that much an hour I would expect something more along the lines of personal pampering, not plumbing. Last thing I paid $80/hr for was a monster bulldozer, pushing down full grown TREES and cutting a road back in the middle of the woods. That was $80/hr for the dozer, fuel, operator, *everything* and that guys overhead included a tractor trailer n lowboy to haul the dozer around, I'm talking say $150k capital investment in equipment alone. I thought that was a good deal. He did an excellent job too. It seems logical that the cost of a service to a customer would be somewhat in line with the cost to the business owner, plus profit - but its nowhere near that these days. Why? People mainly. People are NUTS. Say the plumber got sued by someone. Mabe a good reason, mabe not - but he gets sued and has to have insurance and a lawyer and all that crap and his costs skyrocket. But alas all back to people being nutty and emotional. Anything that preys on people being nutty costs TOO MUCH. Weddings, funerals, plumbers, anywhere you throw logic to the wind you end up with excessive cost all the way around and no one wins. I want to start a campaign for people to just CHILL. If something costs too much - just say no. I'm concerned about society in general and whats becoming the new set of values. Overinflated egos and salaries and costs and a totally detached remote control push button insensitive method of doing business based strictly on profit and how to best manipulate people based on their emotional weaknesses. Thats really cold. That sucks. What ever happened to simple living? Forget about cultural, religious, racial, socioeconomic, and political differences, all the things people use to identify others as NOT part of 'our' group - thus justify not having to treat them as equals or even as human beings. Mabe I'm a nut. Or mabe I'm struggling to accept what living in this lifetime has become. Either way, $125 is TOO DAMN MUCH. For $125, I'll not only do your lawn, I'll throw in a 30 min shoulder massage, and if you help, we'll be done in half a day and you can keep the mower as a bonus! Now to me THATS the way to do business. Everyone wins. :)

Sign me up NOW!!!