stuck your finger in someones asshole?


sorabji.com: Have you ever...: stuck your finger in someones asshole?
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By X on Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 10:02 pm:

    i had the rare experience of stimulating my boyfriend by sticking my finger in his asshole (which is where you trigger the prostate) he seemed to like it and it made him moan with delight.. even I liked it :)


By Kalli on Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 10:48 pm:

    Really?

    I always use canteloupe and epoxy glue....


By X on Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 11:28 pm:

    guys like it... you should try it! it's actually considered the male 'g' spot.. and it makes them incredibly hard. (why do you think gay men like to get the hump on all the time? *laughs*)


By Hal on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 12:26 am:

    I'd try it if it didn't sound so fucking WRONG....

    I like sex just the way it is... Although right now thats nothing, but hey I'm being patient, which is tough for someone like me to do.


By TBone on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 12:52 am:

    y'know, if you're not getting any, you might as
    well hit up the sperm bank. They'll pay you if
    you can keep your hands off yourself for a couple
    weeks before you go in. They're advertising like
    crazy here.

    Their ads always have this huge sperm with dollar
    signs for eyes.


By moonit on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 01:15 am:

    can you scan that? I think the picuture in my head can't do that description justice.

    Hal - any luck with the cd and stuff yet?


By TBone on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 01:43 am:


By Hal on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 04:21 am:

    Moonit, the EAGLE HAS LANDED... The package is her, and i must say, KIWI MUSIC ROCKS.


    I wish I had the full version of that song though, I'll have to napster it up... And I'm making your compilation right now, actually... Twill be good stuff I promise..

    And TBone as for the spearm thing, I dont' think there is a Sperm bank in Billings. But hey I could use the cash.


By heather on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 08:18 am:

    what are they doing with all that sperm?

    weird experiments?
    why 'minors encouraged?'

    seems pretty creepy.

    there were always signs up in the dorm where i
    stayed first year. they asked for eggs and offered
    a lot of money....but they had a lot of
    requirements. it was so much money, like
    thousands, that i started thinking about what that
    would mean. they [it seemed like couples looking
    to make specific kinds of babies, maybe to fit in
    with their family] would interview
    you...spend time thinking about whether you were
    good enough.....
    i wondered what it would be like to know that they
    would raise a child that was physically half you.

    someone told me that they harvest a LOT of eggs
    and that women have a limited amount which could
    be bad if you want children in the
    future....someone else later disagreed...do any of
    you know?


By heather on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 08:19 am:

    yea, i can read....minority....dumbass....


By semillama on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 09:46 am:

    slack.


By TBone on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 09:50 am:

    Well, there's an essay apparently with this thing,
    but it's anonymous (no interviews with clients).
    Women do have a limited number of eggs, but I
    don't know about the rest... I was under the
    impression that it would be highly unusual to run
    out of them in a lifetime under normal conditions.


By Czarina on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 10:13 am:

    TBone,that ad is classic art!A trip to my local graphics shop,and thats going up on my bathroom wall.Sometimes treats come from unexpected sources.


By Pug on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 10:50 am:

    An old girlfriend tried pulling the finger up the ass routine while we were fucking once....I didn't care for it, personally-----but I'll admit it may be because she took me by surprise....
    I wormed my thumb up another ex's asshole while I performed cunnilingus on her----she didn't seem to mind.....


By Kalli on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 11:22 am:

    "wormed my thumb"

    a friend of mine and i were talking about terms and words that would be totally wrong to use when talking dirty to another person.

    "hey nice crotch! wanna see my weiner? we can bone eachother right here on my couch while i worm my thumb up your ass as I munch your snatch!"

    i'm hot.


By J on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 11:42 am:

    It upsets me to hear someone ask if you want to bump uglies, too sexy.Not.


By patrick on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 11:53 am:

    i think egg donation is an elaborate process. I mean they cant exactly shove a finger in your ass, poke around and out pops the egg like they can with sperm extraction should that months Playboy in that cold office not do the trick. Its a surgical procedure than can be painful, and very specific conditions must apply, and its only an option during certain times of the month. When we were broke 20 year olds, the wife looked into it.


    i actually had a very very very very very gay dream last night. very very very very vivid, but the thing is nothing happened. but there was a lot of prep work.


By Pilate on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 02:28 pm:

    Having gay dreams is a good omen. Always.

    The old finger up the ass routine. Is this a trick question? Have I ever put my finger up someone's ass?

    Heh.

    Truth is, though, I actually don't do that sort of thing very often. I know it's supposed to be some kind of gay stock-in-trade, but I'm more of handjob kinda guy. And oral. But I'm also willing to go to some pretty weird lengths to get someone off. After playing the field for a while you might accidentally end up getting more than your finger up someone's backside. What the hell. Life's short. Live a little.


By patrick on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 02:46 pm:

    yeah it was strange pilate.....i was at this gathering, fow who knows what, with many unidentified people....and well the wife was there, but in the space, off to the side, there was this guy....its hard to describe him, but he was kinda dark, buff and had a huge cock, and he was there to fuck me, as sort of like a service, we went about it like it an oil change, meaning the preparations. he was supposedly an expert, his cock was engineered to plug male ass. we spent an elaborate amount of time preping his weiner, he didnt like condoms but he had this thing, he said it was a condom for pregnant women, much thinner and barely noticable, and there was the discussion if my bum was cleaned. it went round and about, distractions, the wife was there helping me out, like this was some sort of rite of passage.


    very strange dream, there was tons more to it, but thats the jist of the gay part.


By semillama on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:08 pm:

    As opposed to the jism of the gay part.


By Pilate on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:09 pm:

    That sounds like the world's coolest dream. A huge-cocked guy ready and willing to drill your ass as a rite of passage. Yeah. And to think that I dreamed about fishing last night.

    I don't dream about studs often enough. Fortunately, I've got the real thing lying next to me now so I can get some whenever my perverse little heart fancies it.

    Getting pumped up the ass, for me, WAS a rite of passage. But it wasn't done very nicely. I was a teenager. I didn't really have any major clue about what was happening to me. But it can be done graciously.

    A kinder, gentler assfuck.

    I'm not really into the whole anal thing. Never have been. But if I end up in a situation that calls for it, I'd certainly rather be the active partner than passive. I generally refuse having anything to do with the passive role. There is some kind of extreme submission, to me, in allowing someone to do that to you. Submission isn't my strong suit.


By patrick on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:13 pm:

    thats one of the myths of homosexuality, more times than not, gay men don't take it in the bum, they most often prefer oral to anal.


By Nate on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:28 pm:

    that's not my recollection of prison.

    i've been wondering about something. i've periodically had the opportunity to view a picture of men with huge ass tulips. giant gaping windows to the colon. portals through which you could drive a compact car.

    how do you get to this state? is that a side effect of fistfucking? eating poodles with your ass?

    i'm just wondering if anyone knows.

    no, actually, i'm specifically asking the gay people because i know your kind have perverse hedonisitic orgies with human sacrafices and poodle eating contests.


By Pilate on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:44 pm:

    Ass tulips?? Christ, now there's a band name.

    Last poodle eating contest I attended turned out to be a jolly good time. About a dozen of us buttfucked the poodle just prior to roasting it on a spit. The human sacrifice paled in comparison. After stabbing the poor brute with a sharpened dildo we cut him open and snorted cocaine off his still-beating heart.

    Ass tulips. Man, you've gotta be kidding. I don't know nothing 'bout no ass tulips. Honest.


By Cat on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:56 pm:

    My poodle would probably take about 1.5 hours on a rotisserie. But you'd definitely have to marinade him a bit, cause he's kinda wiry.

    I think I have a recipe somewhere for cajun poodle thighs. There was this great page, People Against Poodles, with all sorts of tasty recipes that all started "first, skin the little blighter".


By semillama on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:59 pm:

    is that anything like godhatesfigs.com?


By Nate on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 04:08 pm:


By Kalliope on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 04:27 pm:

    God Nate. I'd so do you.

    I think everyone has been having sex dreams lately patrick. I'd blame it on the moon or something but I think we're all just a bunch of horny (another non-sexy word) little tykes lately.

    I dreamed I was this girl. She was dominating me..and it was the same sort of thing..like we had worked out a deal or something and it was purely professional. She tied my hands behind my back and was trying to get me off with the bottle opener part of my corkscrew. (It made sense in the dream..I swear) Thing is..this all took place in front of my apartment which was on a main street. I remember trying to be affectionate, rest my head on her knee or something but then feeling like this really was a buisness deal...

    weird.

    I don't have dreams like that often enough.


By patrick on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 05:33 pm:

    yeah the thing i never got plowed by this guy, and as far as cocks go he was flawless.....and he was rather non-chalant about it...like he was there to fix the TV


By Cris on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 06:49 pm:

    Wow Nate, that picture was.. weird? *laughs*.. i've never seen someones asshole as stretched out as that one. I've heard of how you can relax the muscles, but i didn't think they could become 'that' relaxed! Okay I have to seriously check that site out. I'm going to give you guys this messed up links.. http://www.sickmotherfucker.com/
    this is just a site in case you've never seen it before http://www.bangedup.com and there's the link to a picture that just looks weird.. and yes, it's an ass..
    http://www.bangedup.com/archives/balonbaffoon.jpg

    Nates picture reminded me of a picture that's on that site(sickmotherfucker), except it's a girl shitting into another girls mouth. Almost makes a person want to lose his lunch, either that or chomp down on a fresh pile of poo. And if it's chomping you're thinking of, then hmm.. *laughs* because i'm not really sure it'd be a 'good' thing, ya know.. like martha stewart always says!

    alright.. enough of this bull'crap'!

    see ya


By Dougie on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 07:26 pm:

    No Cris, I'm not sure what martha stewart always says about chomping down on a fresh pile of poo. Must've missed that episode. I'm sure she served it nicely though.


By Hal on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 09:31 pm:

    Its funny I always dream of women... Is there something to be said thats wrong about this practice???


By Dougie on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 09:34 pm:

    Hal, if I were you, I'd seek professional help about those dreams, with not a moment to lose.


By Cris on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 10:56 pm:

    martha doesn't say anything about eating crap.. she's always saying 'and that's a good thing.' after she makes her dishes of whatever goobily gock she has planned out. And really, what is her deal? That woman has it good. And shouldn't she be a fat blimp by now? She makes all this good looking food (How does she 'not' eat it?) Maybe she 'does' eat it and just barfs it up afterwards (she has to keep her girlish figure folks *laughs*) or maybe she gives the scraps to her servants... And another thing, is she a lesbian? I think i'll just leave that up for question, because i DON'T want to know...

    And since i'm feeling like discussing weird crap... what the hell is up with the stupid teletubbies? Did anyone ever stop to think about what damage those dancing blobs of color are doing to the poor children who watch them? What about the parents who have to watch the children go through the torment of watching the dancing blobs with the psychotic baby in the sun giggling like a fruit bat on crack cocaine?!?!?! All I have to say is the people who make that show much be smoking something really good when they sit down to write that shit! And whatever it is, I WANT SOME! And maybe, just maybe, if you gave martha some of it too she'd lighten up and stuff her fucking face with the double chocolate rocky road cake with chocolate frosting and nuts (made from scratch of course!) that she baked for 'her' psychotic show that MILLIONS tune into everyday! (I'm beginning to think martha and teletubbies are just cults waiting to happen *laughs*) *ponders starting a cult* Eh, I'd rather just pick my nose..

    Well, that's about all for now... I just wanted to discuss those topics.. And now i'm gone like an elephant on prozac trying to deal with his whore of a mother and incestual sister (who had sex with her 'other' brother last saturday) and lets not forget gramma is addicted to crack!


By J on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 11:34 pm:

    Hey,go easy on grandma's on crack!!!!!!


By Cris on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 11:41 pm:

    yeah, the poor bag needs to get loaded once in a while! *laughs*


By TBone on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 11:52 pm:

    Slow your roll, Cris. You're gonna run out of
    things to "What's up with that" about pretty soon.

    And watch it about the Telletubbies Cult. You
    just watch it. We've got more power than you
    could ever imagine.


By Cris on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 11:59 pm:

    disturbing... no?


By StarvingCollegeStudent on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 02:16 am:

    I am proud to say that my father was some guy who jacked off at the right time and the right place and got paid for it.


By Cat on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 02:44 am:

    Was he a Telletubbie? The purple one? Did you get his lovely eyes?


By Hal on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 07:21 am:

    You know the first guy who played BARNY, the cute loveable child molesting dinosaur, died of a brain embablysm cause from a little incident he had with some Jack Danials and some CRACK...


    And don't get me fucking started on Teletubbies... I mean what the hell is wrong with the cartoons my generation was watching Huh??? GI Joe, Mask, Transformers, Voltron(Which might I add was the original fucking power rangers), Scooby Doo, Loony Toons...


    Jesus, get the kids to day on some of that stuff, its good for them, I mean look what it did to me.


By semillama on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 09:32 am:

    Hell, Voltron and the power rangers are all part of a Japanese cartoon genre. Look at Battle of the Planets, a Voltron precursor.

    That new Transformers cartoon, the one that's all computer graphics, that's pretty good. Jackie Chan Adventures and the new X-men cartoon are also decent. But, damn, everything else is ome take off on Pokemon!


By patrick on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 12:19 pm:

    i liked Starblazers.....


By Pug on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 12:38 pm:

    Let me tell you something about "Teletubbies"....when you're on hallucinogens, that shit becomes high art!!!!!!!! Even better (altho far less coherent) than those old Sid & Marty Krofft shows....
    They need to bring back "Sifl & Ollie", tho---that was prime getting-fucked-up entertainment.
    I'm pretty old-school when it comes to anime---"Kimba the White Lion", "Gigantor", "Astro Boy"....
    "Dragon Ball Z" is the shit, if you have the gumption to follow the complicated plots & shitstorms of characters.....
    CNN and "The 700 Club" are great cartoons----especially if you're a masochist.....


By semillama on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 12:51 pm:

    If you want great anime, "The Legend of Escaflowne" is the shit.


By Hal on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 02:16 pm:

    Ghost in the Shell, Limited Edition Directors Cut Widscreen with subtitles....


    Now thats anime, although they were both produced by Manga. I really want to see "The Legend of Escaflowne" I just can't find it any where.


By J on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 02:30 pm:

    I'm still trying to comprehend that ass picture,is that blood or poo? And the whole shape of the ass is strange,it's an odd ass.


By Hal on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 04:03 pm:

    J... Don't think too hard about it you'll give your self a fucking brain embylism...


By Cris on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 07:58 pm:

    Hey Pug, I agree with that they should bring back Sifl and Ollie! Those sock puppets ruled! Cartoons and shows these days are just plain stupid! My favorite cartoons came from the 80's! Holy crap! Did anyone ever used to watch Zoobilie Zoo???? I've been trying to find some websites to that show, but no such luck.. That show was freaky! But i loved it! Weird people dressed as animals freaked me out a bit! But it was pure entertainment! Hmm.. What are some other shows i used to watch in the good ole 80's..
    My Little Pony Tales, Care Bears, Gumby, Pinwheel, Reading Rainbow, Out of This World, You Can't Do That on Television, Fraggle Rock, Fun House, Night Court, Punky Brewster, Pee Wee! And soooo much more.. Anyone ever remember the show with the Whammies? Anywhoooo... I love the 80's!

    peaaaace!


By crimson on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 08:27 pm:

    every now & then, usually when i'm tripping, i get in the mood to see old hanna-barbera cartoons. the reaaalllly bad shit. the cream of the crap.

    the herculoids. thundarr the barbarian. atom ant. squiddley diddley. hillbilly bears. shazann. the perils of penelope pitstop (& anything else that paul lynde, my lord & saviour, might've done voiceovers for). you know, the kind of shit you can find chronicled here:

    http://w3.nai.net/~wingnut/Hanna_Barbera.html

    other stuff that fried my brain: ANYTHING by sid & marty krofft. the banana splits. cecil & beanie. terrytoons.

    for a contemporary mindfuck, i recommend getting knee-dragging stoned & popping in a "bananas in pajamas" video. you'll either laugh your fucking guts out or start screaming & never stop.


By Hal on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 08:51 pm:

    That sounds so good right now.


By Cris on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 10:26 pm:

    i second that motion and i love the jetsons! i always wanted to be like them when i was young! i wanna live like them too!!!!!


By Cris on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 11:41 pm:


By Cris on Friday, February 23, 2001 - 11:54 pm:


By Cris on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 12:37 am:


By dave. on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 01:04 am:

    i always thought muppet babies was good after a night of hard tripping.


By crimson on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 01:23 am:

    that sounds good. & if you're into recent kiddie TV fare, try tripping to "rollie pollie ollie" on the disney channel. it'll just melt your brain.

    & never underestimate the power of the "bozo super sunday show" to cripple a room full of derelicts. pug & i were converted to the bozo show after a long night of profound intoxication. we were laughing...but out of a sense of pure cosmic horror. there are moments when things seem so patently fucked up that all you can do is sit there & laugh like some kind of deranged baboon.


By Hal on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 02:19 am:

    No the best show to watch while tripping is the Flintstones. I mean everytype of episode. The celebraty episodes, and just the regular ones too..

    Also scooby-doo, but that show kicked ass anyway.


By dave. on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 02:38 am:

    i just don't do that anymore. i've done enough damage to my brain. these days i'm at war with my liver.

    the muppet babies theme song sets the scene:

    "when you're room looks kind of weird, and you wish that you weren't there.
    just close your eyes and make-believe and you can be anywhere."


By dave. on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 02:45 am:

    i just don't do that anymore. i've done enough damage to my brain. these days i'm at war with my liver.

    the muppet babies theme song sets the scene:

    "when you're room looks kind of weird, and you wish that you weren't there.
    just close your eyes and make-believe and you can be anywhere."


By dave. on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 02:46 am:

    somebody erase that.


By dave. on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 02:47 am:

    anybody.


By Dougie on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 11:02 am:

    Jesus, Cris, where do you find that crap? I just woke up -- not a pleasant way to start the day.


By Cris on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 02:22 pm:

    it was from the page that nate posted earlier... i was just scoping it out and found them... i've never laughed so hard in my life.. i have hours of fun on that site :) i'll keep you posted when i find new ones!


By dave. on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 03:32 pm:

    you're too good to us.


By Cris on Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 08:32 pm:


By patrick on Monday, February 26, 2001 - 12:10 pm:

    would you cut that out.

    you can't post obnoxious pics around here without first posting a pic of yourself, ideally in a promiscuious pose. We've all had to do it, so it seems you have nestled quite well here, so on with the ass pics sister.


By Nate on Monday, February 26, 2001 - 03:50 pm:

    goddamnit.


By Hal on Monday, February 26, 2001 - 09:55 pm:

    Yeah fuck Cris, I though we had explained procedure... ALRIGHT, who didn't explain procedure to this girl, damnit I did it to the last newbie, its not my turn...


By Cris on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 04:18 pm:

    eek! what did i do wrong? i don't know anything.
    what's the procedure!! someone tell me before i
    jump off a clif


By Cris on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 04:19 pm:

    it did say cliff


By Nate on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 04:52 pm:

    who the hell do you think you are?


By Hal on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 05:10 pm:

    Yeah fuck, shit, dammit, ass, rape, monkey, fucking, cocksmoking, salad tossing, shit eating, fun fucking, damn dude...

    Come on get with the program...

    (ps: just fucking with ya.)


By patrick on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 05:31 pm:

    eat a dick cris












    welcome


By TBone on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 05:31 pm:

    Don't apologize, hal. Ruins the effect.


By Hal on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 07:24 pm:

    Well FUCK I'm SORRY FOR RUNING THE EFFECT...


    CHRIST, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING FUCKING RIGHT AROUND HERE...


    FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!


    Why doesn't some one just kick me in the fucking head?


By TBone on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 07:46 pm:

    Ass.

    You're apologizing again.


By Hal on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 09:07 pm:

    Your right... And you know what...


    I'm NOT sorry.


By Cris on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 11:38 pm:

    am i suppose to be frightened? and WHERE is aunty em when you need the bitch?!?!?! will someone PLEASE tell me what's going on here?!?!?!?! heh.


By Czarina on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 12:28 am:

    You're not in Kansas,anymore.


By pez on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 12:28 am:

    no. remember the labyrinth. worms can talk, and owls turn into david bowie. not to mention the odd multiple theriomorph.

    here's a tip: if this place drives you sane, wear dark clothes and jump in and out of the way of cars. scares them shitless and makes for a good laugh.


By Czarina on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 01:34 am:

    My revenge maneuvers are usually implemented utelizing subversive techniques.I bide my time,and put together a little psychological profile,so I know where their weakest spot is,and thats where I strike.
    I especially derive pleasure,if I can get them to tell on themselves.


By Czarina on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 01:40 am:

    ooooh,sorry wrong thread.Thats suspossed to be under
    The Cruelest Catagory.


By pixi stix on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 02:05 am:

    haha.

    the jewelry people are afraid of me. because i grin.


By Hal on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 04:03 am:

    I just pick up at the point of someone's arguement about something thats the weekest and exploit it.


By Nate on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 01:21 pm:

    i just fuck 'em in the ass.


By pez on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 02:02 pm:

    i create a prank...sometimes i say mean things (not always intentional). i remember once ringing up some baby clothes for a woman, asking "when's the baby due?" her answer? "right there, in the stoller."

    oops.


By Nate on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 05:00 pm:

    hey pez, you like the finger in your ass?


By J on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 01:10 am:

    And so the conversation turns......


By pez on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 02:43 am:

    i'm afraid that's an experience that i currently lack any and all knowledge of. ask me when i have a boyfriend.


By Ton1 on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 12:19 pm:

    thats an experience you got too try out,cause a lot of boyfriends gonna demand that,im sorry but that is human nature!!! all the way from norway.


By Nate on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 01:04 pm:

    most everyone has a finger and an asshole.

    you don't need a mate.

    just a finger and an asshole


By pez on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 02:39 pm:

    whatever. i have a finger, i have an asshole; i have better things to do than masterbate.

    posting arguements with you, for example.


By Nate on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 02:56 pm:

    the glory of it all is that you can do both at the same time.

    well, i guess it's a little hard to masturbate with a finger up your ass and post at the same time.

    shit.

    nevermind.


By patrick on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 03:19 pm:

    id' masturbate, finger an all day over arguing with nate as much as i like the fucker..i like myself a lot more.



By Platypus on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 05:12 pm:


By J on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 05:36 pm:

    Thanks for the link,I had been too busy diddling myself to post today,maybe that link can help me too.


By Hal on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 01:44 am:

    Thats wonderful... Everyone needs a one handed keyboard for all the wonderful things one must do while posting...


    Somehow I wasn't quite thinking of masturbation in that, but I suppose it could be one thing to do with a one handed keyboard. I was thinking more of coffee.


By pez on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:01 am:

    how about foot typing? i'd love to be able to eat ice cream from the carton and type at the same time.


By Hal on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:17 am:

    Yeah...


    You know a long time ago I got a regual NES for christmas, and it was new on the market then... I was psyched... any way I got three games. Super Mario Bros. (the double pack with duck hunt included) Contra, and Zelda...

    I was ok with all of them, Great with Contra, and I kinda sucked at Zelda... My father on the other hand didn't like to play any game but zelda. What was odd about this however is my father is missing a finger. He found it really hard to hold the controler, so he started playing with his toes...


    He beat the original Legend Of Zelda with his toes, and he hasn't touched a game system since. I want to see him beat Ocorina Of Time with is toes, wimp.


By pez on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 01:33 pm:

    that kicks ass. i tried to play the piano with my toes once, but they don't have the same dexterity that my fingers do. but i only tried for like 10 minutes.


By Hal on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:02 pm:

    Yeah, I was impressed and still am to this day... Because I played the original Zelda the other day, took me two days to beat it. But still I'm an expierenced gamer now, and it was still a tough game.


By pez on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 05:26 pm:

    i've never been one for video games...never had any of those consoles...but i got a high score on the simpsons once, at the portland ice cream parlor (i think it has another name now) playing lisa.

    i need to get a bunch of people together for a huge card game. that'd be fun.


By Nate on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 06:26 pm:

    hm.

    i just remembered the hours i spent in smokey rooms playing drunken spades.

    i miss my liverkill days of yon.


By Hal on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 06:37 pm:

    Videogames saved my life.


By pez on Saturday, March 3, 2001 - 12:43 am:

    on the band bus...playing hearts and mau for hours...that's the only way to go to sanfran with 100+ people.


By Can i be any more dumb on Saturday, July 14, 2001 - 03:41 am:

    I am one of the aliens that shoved that probe up Cartman's ass. You know what? I think he liked it. Humans beware, this year, we aliens have new probes to use! They are the size of small poodles with razor blades on the sides... Oh, don't worry, we will use plenty of lube.


By Gordo on Friday, November 30, 2001 - 12:03 pm:

    so for the adults among us;

    ICE CHARGED SPECIALS.
    ram a lump of ice up his ass when he is coming.

    hold a lump of ice below his balls when he is coming.

    HOT LOVE
    eat a chili pepper just before a blow job.

    sprinkle black pepper on your finger and put it in his ass.

    WET ONES.
    get a woody in the bath and hold her underwater when you are coming.

    get her to hold you under water when you are coming

    hold her underwater whend she is coming.

    FOODIE FADS
    Rub raw egg into his ass, pour soda water over it and slap him hard on the ass cheeks. Try it you wont believe what happens!

    eat a banana from her pusss.

    eat a grape from his ass (make sure its not a hemeroid)

    QUICKIES.

    on the back of a bus

    in a phone booth

    in your sisters bed

    with your brother in your sisters bed

    with your brother and your sister in your parents bed.

    nah, not the obvious one.


    ENJOY!


By Dougie on Friday, November 30, 2001 - 12:15 pm:

    The obvious one: with Gordo's ma and pa in Gordo's bed while Gordo sits tied up and watching. Hold Gordo underwater while pa comes on Gordo's backside.


By Gordo on Friday, November 30, 2001 - 12:31 pm:

    Tried it.

    The phone always rings and no one can agree who should answer.


By semillama on Saturday, December 1, 2001 - 10:04 pm:

    That's what voice mail is for:

    "Hi, I can't come to the phone right now, my
    dad is simultaneously drowning me and
    splooging all over my back..."


By Gordo on Sunday, December 2, 2001 - 12:06 am:

    Reached a compromise.

    Next time the old man gets horny we disconnect the phone and use the cable for binding cord.

    Thanks


By Dani on Sunday, December 2, 2001 - 01:16 pm:

    I have never stuck my finger up someone's ass. Being that my ass is exit only, there has never been a finger stuck up mine either.


By semillama on Sunday, December 2, 2001 - 07:22 pm:

    Hye, you wouldn't be that Gordo who roleplays
    a pixie, would you?

    The commercial with the worms that sing and
    get mowed over for PS2 just came on. I love
    that ad.


By Dani on Sunday, December 2, 2001 - 09:08 pm:

    Nope, that would not be me. Sorry.


By eri on Sunday, December 2, 2001 - 10:33 pm:

    After I had my oldest daughter, I went to the doctor for my 6 week check up and she tried to stick her finger up my ass to see if the stiches were healing right she said. Sorry my ass is exit only, and anyone I am close to is the same way. I take that personally.

    Of course, being in theater, I think against the norm. That's allright. I don't need fingers up the ass to confirm or deny my sexuality.

    I have had a little too much wine tonight. Can you tell?


By Antigone on Sunday, December 2, 2001 - 11:00 pm:

    I dunno. Is your finger up your ass?


By Cat on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 12:27 am:

    "Sorry my ass is exit only, and anyone I am close to is the same way."

    Guess we're not going to be close buddies then :( And I was sooo hoping we could trade girlie secrets and lipsticks and Trace and stuff.


By dave. on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 12:49 am:

    my dog has some lipstick you might like to try.


By Cat on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 05:18 am:

    Not if it's the lipstick your dog wears when he smackeroos up to your big fudgesicle.


By dave. on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 09:46 am:

    no, it's not that lipstick. it's another lipstick.


By J on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 11:35 am:

    My ass is user friendly.


By agatha on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 12:28 pm:

    dave, stop! you're embarrassing trucker.


By LoneStranger on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 06:31 pm:

    I did.

    LS


By eri on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 09:52 pm:

    My finger wasn't up my ass, I was just a little loose with my tongue (go ahead, I walked into that one)

    Cat, you misunderstand my meaning. I never said that I wouldn't be close to someone who likes things up their ass, I just am not close to anyone into that right now. I am all for diversity in sexuality so long as it isn't mine.

    I do have more than enough lipsticks though :) Unfortunately I am too open to actually have girlie secrets, I just blab.


By semillama on Monday, December 3, 2001 - 10:31 pm:

    For the record, I myself have put my finger in
    someone else's ass by request.


By Czarina on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 12:11 am:

    Thank you for sharing that with us.


By Antigone on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 02:29 am:

    I just gotta ask...did you sniff it?


By Pizzle on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 02:33 am:

    and just how long did your mom ask you to keep it there?


By Dani on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 07:59 am:

    Your a pig. Your mean. Your nasty. Sem is gonna have your hide. I look forward to watching.


By LoneStranger on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 03:10 pm:

    Dani sounds like a voyer.

    LS


By Pizzle on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 03:14 pm:

    Pizzle<<<<<<<<<<<<,bending over. waiting.


By Cat on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 04:17 pm:

    Go fizzle your schizzle, Pizzle.

    Only Swine gets to make comments about Sem's Mummy, since he owns her ass.


By semillama on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 06:28 pm:

    Pizzle's mom is actually the only mom on
    record Swine refuses to own, saying that she
    really depreciates al the other moms in his
    stable. Said something about how she made
    the Venetian canals smell like rose water
    compared to her sweat.


By PIzzle on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 10:17 pm:

    Not surprising really considering she died of lung cancer last December is it?


By Cat on Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 10:32 pm:

    Well I'm sure wherever she is, she'd be very proud of her little Pizzle. Offering accommodation to homeless pricks is a real community service.


By Pizzle on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 10:58 am:

    shes in the freezer out in the garage.

    shes coming out for her birthday next monday.


By J on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 12:02 pm:

    Are you planning on sticking your finger up her ass? Do you still have your finger up yours?


By Pizzle on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 12:10 pm:

    Too cold to give her the finger.

    Will just settle with tongue in her cold mouth.


By Dani on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 01:06 pm:

    Um, according to dictionary.com, there is no such word as voyer. Being that I have no clue what it means, I cant reply till you tell me what it means LS.
    When I think of the word voyer, the only thing that comes to mind is something to do with porno stuff.
    I dunno.
    Actually, I'll just make it easy with a simple reply.
    If telling me that I sound like a voyer is a bad thing, my reply would just be fuck you. If it's a good or nice thing, than thank you.

    D


By patrick on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 01:15 pm:

    *shakes head*


    well dani, of course there is no such word as "voyer". not only did homeboy mispell it, you are too dense to realize he mispelled it, muchless to even know what it means.

    its called voyeur and it means one who likes to watch others for sexual gratification.



By Dani on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 01:28 pm:

    That sure is some sense of humor you got there Patty.
    Apparently, you were to dense to realize that I knew he mispelled it and thats why I made the porn comment because I knew what he meant and what it means.
    Soooo, who's the stupid one now big mouth?


By NoPeepingTomDaniTheSlut on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 01:34 pm:

    Furthermore, I would much rather participate than observe. After all, thats what makes a slut a slut...righto???


By LoneStranger on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 02:13 pm:

    Damn. I should have just used a dictionary. It wouldn't have been too hard... www.m-w.com is at my fingertips. But alas....

    It's too late now.

    Dani:
    "Your a pig. Your mean. Your nasty. Sem is gonna have your hide. I look forward to watching."

    Obviously, you like to WATCH sometimes... :)

    LS


By Dani on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 02:44 pm:

    Thats not what I meant by that statement LS. When I said I looked forward to watching, I meant I looked forward to seeing Sems witty and funny reply to that idiot Pizzle person. Sem usually comes back with some funny shit and thats what I was looking forward to watching.
    Dont worry about the spelling...I cant spell for shit most of the time.
    Wanna see some SUPER bad spelling?? Go read some of Patty's crap. My 11 year old spells better than him.
    I now understand why you made the "voyer" comment and I see there was no sarcasm intended. So thumbs up to your sense of humor!

    D


By Pizzle on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 04:35 pm:

    Dang! and here was eye freshly showered waitin for bubba to come an' ream my sweet cheeks.

    So all I'm gonna get is a spellin bee then?



By Dani on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 06:06 pm:

    With any kinda luck you'll get run over by a bus.


By semillama on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 07:32 pm:

    Only if it mistook his ass for a repair shop and
    tried to go in for service, an easy mistake to
    make as it too is greasy and leaks oil, and is
    always full of grimy men and their tools.


By Pizzle on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 08:05 pm:

    A big ass cries out for big tools.

    Wanna piece?


By semillama on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 08:17 pm:

    you'll have to do better than that.


By Pizzle on Wednesday, December 5, 2001 - 08:55 pm:

    So now you're looking forward to our little lovers exchanges eh honey?


By semillama on Thursday, December 6, 2001 - 02:26 pm:

    I was referring to your feeble attempts at
    insults. I'd rather read something intelligent,
    but if you wanna keep waving targets around, I
    won't pass it up.


By No on Monday, July 19, 2004 - 06:12 am:

    you are a buch of nasty finger ass fuckers


By B-bone on Thursday, October 28, 2004 - 11:57 pm:

    i like to shave my nuts and put them on someones chine


By B-bone on Thursday, October 28, 2004 - 11:57 pm:

    i like to shave my nuts and put them on someones chine


By kazu on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 02:40 am:

    i just LOVE when these threads
    are revived.

    i can't sleep. my skin hurts and
    my muscles ache and i'm warmer
    than normal.


By Antigone on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 04:34 am:

    sem never told me if he sniffed it.


By semillama on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 10:32 am:

    not that I recall.

    That was a pretty good zinger, though, if I do say so myself, about the bus.


By Gee on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 10:47 am:

    I think his silence is answer enough.


By kazu on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 11:36 am:

    NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!


By patrick on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 01:30 pm:

    sweet, kazu.



By Gee on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 05:12 pm:

    hey, Kazu, don't knock it till you've tried it.



    have you tried it?


By kazu on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 09:06 pm:

    IT'S A ONE-WAY STREET LADY


By Mommy on Monday, January 3, 2005 - 03:38 pm:

    my daddy likes it when i lick his ass. he likes to cum in my mouth when my fingers are up his ass.


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