i very quickly need to [ahem] "buy" a copy of MS Project. can anyone help? dave.?

I've got a copy of Project98, sarah. I can zip it up if you've got a place to upload it to (it'll probably turn out to be about 90MB zipped) or I can burn a copy and mail it to you. Just don't tell Bill G.

Dougie, you totally rock. check your email.

Sarah, it's up. Check your e-mail for key.

now i have you! buwahahahah!

What does MS Project do? I have been discovering wonderful things about photoshop 6. I used to hate it, now I kinda know how to work it, its cool.

Its a scheduling program, we use it her at work to determine who is doing what in the department. I"m sure it has other uses, but I don't know what they are.

You are all under arrest. tut, tut, tut. Software Piracy. I'm shocked. Besides, you're cutting into my retirement fund. At least whats left after Janet Reno decided Microsoft was getting to big. So please after you've tried that loaned copy, buy your own licenced version.

bah.

i'm with dave. wtf is wrong with stealing? in fact, on my way home today i'm going to stop by safeway and steal me a few ny strips and a nice bottle of merlot. thank god i'm wearing my baggy pants.

i don't have access to all the usenet binary groups with @home. does anyone here have any experience with premium news servers?

besides, watcher, you'll likely see more social security than i will. not only that, how much of the revenue from 100 licensed copies of ms project do you think would make it's way into your retirement fund? i'd be contributing 1/100th of that.

IFYOU ONLY KNEW DAVE.

if i only gave a shit. i spend 100% of what i earn. that's how i contribute.

Dear Watcher, i'm trying to get a goddamned job. i emailed my resume to some high falutin design firm and by some divine act of the almighty i got an email back from the HR lady, asking me if i have experience with MS Project. WHY OF COURSE I DO, i responded. I AM THE WORLD'S FOREMOST FUCKING EXPERT ON MS PROJECT. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PROMPT RESPONSE AND IF YOU HAVE ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT ME AT YOUR EARLIEST BUTTFUCKING CONVENIENCE. OH SO SINCERELY, SARAH. so now i need to very quickly learn how to be the world's foremost fucking expert on MS Project. and for the record, i would be happy to pay for a copy licensed copy if A) i had a job and was making money so i could B) afford to pay for it instead of steal it so i can C) get a job in the first place. but thank you for your kind attention to your own fucking retirement fund. very truly yours, sarah

sarah, it's a microsoft product. how hard can it be? the real challenge is having planning skills, from the big picture down to the minutiae. something most people who've never been involved with any kind of administration are sure to lack. project management should be taught in high school. if you have those skills, msproject will likely be a snap. good luck, dear sarah.

Sara, You want 98?

do you know how to make hairy ghantt diagrams?

Hey Watcher! Why do you think we all assumed "pirate" names??????? Aaaaaargh Sarah,you go girl!You ARE the worlds fucking most knowledgable expert on the MS Project![Should you need a reference,I would be glad to provide you with one] The only thing I'm not understanding,is why Nate has a hairy diaphram,in his baggy pants?

in my panty bags.

He stole it. Good luck with the job search, Sara. I can wait for my retirement penny. At least that might be what it's worth when I retire if they invested it well. Right now i don't think I could follow the decimel point that far.

Yeah, prove we ever made the transaction, douchebag. And anywho, you're posting here on everybody's (at least US taxpayers') dime, assuming you work for the SS administration. If I can help somebody find a job by giving them access to something I own, don't you think that by her being employed at a place which will purchase said software, probably in bulk, that will help your 2 bit retirement fund even more than had she gone out and purchased one copy herself?

Get a grip Dougie. It is a joke. I just would prefer no one get caught with pirate copies of software. The industry and government just love to prosicute (I know that's misspelled).

Ok, Watcher. I gotta grip. 3rd Rolling Rock's going down right now -- God Bless Latrobe, PA and their glass-lined tanks!

and the green glass that allows your 6 pack to get nice and skunked.

no way no corn brew gonna get skunked. starts off skunked.

No, really guys. It's not skunky. It's really sweet. MMM...s w e e t s w e e t b e e r .

i like rolling rock. but at this point it certainly can't help me get a grip.

I remember when you could get 3 12 packs of Oley Gold for under 10 dollars. How dry I am.

It's been sooooo long since I've had a beer. But, alcohol and antihistimeans (god I wish I could spell), antihistamines (I found my dictionary) don't mix. At least not with me they don't.

i strongly recommend whaler's and blue sky brand "ginger gale" soda. good stuff.

Never heard of either. Must be a west coast thingy. I like a Jack and Ginger once in a while though.

I prefer crown and ginger.

Crown Royal? Never tried it. Is that Canadian or Bourbon?

blue sky is out of new mexico. whalers original dark rum comes from hawaii. it's thick and hell taken straight. but very good mixed. i used to find it exclusively at trader joe's. now i find it at the liquor store in town.

Whalers is in the white bottle right? Crown Royal is Candian whisky I believe. Its sweet...good with ginger ale. Similar to Seagrams only better.

Rum's pretty sweet, and always gives me a hangover. Drinking rum & coke is like having dessert. If I'm not in a beer mode, I usually stick to vodka & gin.

the bottle is black or dark, dark brown. i'm not sure which. it has a cork.

nate, what's your tequila? mine's herradura.

herradura is goood. i don't really have a tequila. mostly i drink margies with sauza hornitos. my cousin has bought some very limited production mezcals that are divine. i can't recall who made them, though.

yeah, I don't like to waste herradura in margaritas. I've been using a bottle of the crap 50/50 sauza for those, but I should get some of the hornitos for that purpose.

hornitos is a great value. i've noticed they've boosted the price a bit recently, the secret is out. i remember paying $17 a bottle for it. i like patron, though it is over hyped. i like don julio. mm. i'd have to say my liquor of choice is vodka, when it comes to straight sipping. or gin. bourbon and rum for mixing. plus the occassional margarita.

the old man and I have been into entertaining at home lately. so we're always stocked with general mid-range booze: ketel one or absolut, bacardi, sauza (next time hornitos), some crappy triple sec but who cares, gibson's. plus some port, the herradura, and a couple of bottles of 18-year-old single-malt scotches that cost closer to $100 than $50. and we always have a couple of bottles of champagne in the fridge for when I decide to get drunk on mimosas, and a few bottles of $10 red wine, and usually a six-pack of boring pilsner like beck's or heineken or corona or urquell. AND finally we've realized what a friend has been telling me for years: you can never have too much mixer. so we've always got orange and lime juice concentrate in the freezer, plus unopened club and tonic water on the ready. we sound like alcoholics, but really we're just barely well-off enough, for the first time in our lives, to be ready to have people over at a moment's notice. the bathroom's almost always clean, too. snack food is the real problem. there never is any unless we make a special trip.

that sounds really peachy.

and makes me feel pathetic at the same time. though thats hardly your fault.

Cyst, can you recommend a good port wine that's under $35?

no, actually, I can't. I don't know anything about port. the port was a gift from last fall. I don't think we've even touched it since then. I've seen it at trader joe's. from some web site: --------- Hooper's Vintage Port, Portugal, 1984, $12 G+ Sound, with pleasant fruit and typical port spice and heat, but somewhat light in color and flavor. Hard to complain at this price, though. --------- it is nice to have liquor around, but it's amazing how fast it all goes even if you only have six people over for an hour or so. we bought the super-spendy scotches in nevada (cheaper still in california) and at duty-free shops. in washington, the price of liquor is 50-something percent tax.

yesterday was my birthday and oddly enough i got two, count em TWO calls for interviews. both are on monday - on at 8:30 a.m. and one at 4 p.m. being unemployed i'll admit i haven't seen 8:30 a.m. in quite a long time, so that should be interesting. i went to the gym in the morning and then kevin took me to trudy's north for yummy mexican and i had two frozen margaritas swirled with sangria and we split fajitas. and then we went to ross dress for less and bought really hideous but fun clothes. then we sped down the highway to the speakeasy on 5th and had happy hour on the rooftop. it stopped raining and the sky was pretty and a bunch of people that kevin invited showed up who barely know me at all but they did a great job of pretending to be my friends. they even bought me a few drinks. our waitress was wearing the most peculiar outfit. she was about 22 years old. she had on huge multi-spiraled silver hoop earrings, a nose ring, plain brown hair and lots of eye liner. she wore tight black jersey cotton slacks (a little faded from being washed a lot) and over that she wore a asian type print sarong with pinks and oranges and gold in it. her belly was bare and she had a belly ring and then she had on this crocheted faded dark purple halter top. i think she also had on a watch with a very wide black strap and some other bangle type wrist wear. she was like indie gypsy or something. she had strange eyes, the look on her face made her seem like she couldn't really hear you when you were talking to her but it was quiet, sans music on the roof, so that wasn't the case. i went up to the bar at one point to order a special brandy. i said to the bartender, it's my birthday and i'd like a special brandy. and he sort of grimaced and said he didn't think he had any brandy up there. he looked around and sure enough no brandy. he said he could send some up from downstairs, and i said, don't bother, i'll take a grand marnier. he then apologized for not having a proper snifter, and i said it's okay, and he gave it to me on the house. yum. after that we went to star canyon for desert and i got my favorite heaven and hell cake. then we went to red eye fly and saw two bands, The Bed Bugs and Masonic. there were a bunch of kids there, and kevin's brother ryan is the manager for Masonic, so we got in free. you really appreciate free when you don't have a job. and jeff bought me a drink for my birthday and i got a little loaded but not too much and i was able to stay up later than kevin for once. he got mad when the guitar player for Bed Bug was talking to me, but i was introduced to him by this girl named Erin who said, "this is Kevin's Girlfriend." but there was no drama. i slept like a rock. now i get to go to the bank and deposit all the birthday money i got from relatives who know that i am broke and who had mercy on me. my jewish "oy vey you never write you never call here have something to nosh" grandmother sent me money and a card in which she wrote - and i am not making this up - "I know you have a degree in Communications and yet you do not communicate." turning 31 was much less dramatic than turning 30, and thank god, because turning 30 was totally exhausting and i never want to do that again.

happy birthday. we went to the charity silent auction. saw a bunch of things we wanted but couldnt buy. An original Paul Frank stool, a b&w bob marley print. And some things we didnt want, but we cool to see. a brittany spears autographed 8x10. A Jimmy Stewart signed 8x10. An autographed virigin suicides poster, by Sophia .....and so on. Ran into friends, drank too much wine on an empty stomach and rolled a joint on top of a newspaper stand and got so damned stoned. Havent smoked in nearly a week so...tolerance was LOWWWWW. Went to meet up with some other friends afterwards at this new shi shi place that opened up. A weird bunch...im closer to some than others. They are all big shot music video peeps. My one pal Jim, whos done numerous music videos, inlcuding a Jay z video recently was there. i always like seeing Jim. Mega talented cat....every girls dream. Money, talented artist, mega connections, intelligent, well read. There is another cat ...who is sorta like the ring leader. Hes the big shot video guy, and all the others are like his minions. Its always a strange time seeing them. They are better as individuals than as a group....as a group...they are typical hollywood elite. individually they are all really great people. Anyway... Order Amstels from this "fresh off the boat" Alabaman girl who had never heard of Amstel. She won't last long in this town.....her accent was a mild breath of fresh air but perhaps an achilles heel for her in days to come . I was pretty tipsy, havent eaten and Im starting to feel like Im making a fool of myself. I tell nico we have to go. she wants to drink one more. i express to her i have to go. she belittles me and tells me im buggin her. I say "fuck it, you can drive, im walking home" the drama continues....but needless to say i got more drunk than i anticipated, of course I paid for it today.

"I know you have a degree in Communications and yet you do not communicate." you should write a philip roth novel.

"An original Paul Frank stool" Dried, or fresh?

oh shit