can you find someone good looking enough to screw (sober) and then turn around and say "i like to have sex with you, your mind turns me on. but i am turned off by your body. i would date you if you were thinner. then you would be a babe and a brain." a lot of girls want to be disired for their mind. i was, and yet i feel shitty and i wanted to punch him in the face. but i didn't. i smiled and thanked him for half of the compliment. dropped him off at work. have been cursing him ever since. i can understand that guys have preferances. and i can understand if i don't fit into his "type". but to have sex with me (repeatedly) and then say that we could have somehting more if i looked better in his eyes physically. i don't get it. is my mind really that sexy? if it is sexy enough then why isn't it enough? i wish he was dead. cause he now belives that i am too big to ride my scooter. good grief! i am not stuck in my bed, children aren't scared of me when i approach them. i have been told i fill out a dress nicely. i can see my feet when i stand up. i can sit indian style. i can share a full size bed with someone. and on top of all of that. i like being in my skin. i guess i just don't get it.

Ahh, that guy's a rat bastard. Don't let him get you down...

What a freaking jerk. Holy crap that makes me mad. Please tell me you won't sleep with him again. I would have burst out crying...

that really, truly sucks. i'm afraid i don't have any tolerance for fatphobia. i think it's down there w/ the real lows like homophobia, racism & other forms of rampant bigotry. the fact that it's still a form of hatred that's considered socially acceptable (take every "fat" joke on TV & insert a slur against some other group & see how people react) doesn't make it right. i've watched too many heavy-set people have their lives turned into a complete living hell by the cruel (& thoroughly unsolicited) comments of others. your body is perfect. i can't see you, but i can guarantee you of that. whether you weigh 100 pounds (or less) or 300 pounds (or more), you are simply perfect the way you are. we all are. whatever we weigh at the moment neither alters our intellect, nor our artistic output, creativity, dignity, spirituality or anything else that's real. weight is just a number. large or small, the same divine spark of life resides within. the same beautiful person lives inside our skins, whether we're fat, thin, or somewhere in between. nobody should have to put up w/ such comments. ever.

i guess the odd thing about it all is that i am not really as offended as i was when it happened. i think i have a clinical way of looking at situations like this. pat of me wants to see how far i can go. how deep he will let me get in. assuming how inadiquate he thinks i am. taunting him with sex, cause i can, cause he lets me. mostly because he is weak. but it is like a complicated weak. which is strange to me. i know that it is all bad news. i haven't talked to this guy for like over 4 months. and on top of everything he is a Cancer. not at all a good person for me and Aries. cancers are somewhat about control, while as an aries i do not like to be told how and what to do. ahh well. basically i just needed reassurance that when i build my Vespa back up, i should hit him with it. thanks.

i would tell him, "i would like to have sex with you too but your penis is much too small. it's too bad. you should get an implant, then you would be really well hung, but you'll still be stupid and ugly. nevermind, i don't want to have sex with you."

I second that,or tell him you,re going to have sex with him, get him in bed,sit on his face and smother the son-of-a-bitch to death,then leave quickly,if anyone comes asking about it just say he was sleeping last you saw him,I think it might work.

i am about maiming. not killing. there is a method to my madness.

Oh,then just do the Bobbitt thing,but then you will be hearing from the man.

you're going to stop seeing him, right, kym? I know lonely is a strong impetus to do stupid things. bored and alone can be worse than hurt and angry. I'm trying to excise the jerks from my life. well, really, there's just one. I'm learning to appreciate the value of faithful and kind. he's not a jerk to me, but he's a jerk to everyone else. he had to go to a wedding and tried to get me to be his date rather than his ex-girlfriend, who once came to my apartment looking really good, so I told him she seemed like "a real intellectual powerhouse." we used to try to out-cruel each other. ha ha, what fun. he told me he had her as a last resort, but he wanted to "upgrade" his date to me instead. I guess it's a testament to my emotional maturity that I took that as a compliment. but then he went too far. I've known he fucks everyone else over, but I never knew those people. and then my really sweet friend fell for him before I could fully warn her. not that it would have mattered. so after five years of wicked funny email and too many late-night cocktails, it's over. no more mean. I feel sorry for him because he's lost all his other friends and he's never fucked me over, but he fucked my wholly sweet, good, kind friend. and wrote to me about it. Date: Sat, 4 Dec 1999 02:56:37 EST Subject: [Cyst]'s Bungalow of Biographical Fiction ------------------------------------------------ She didn't feel like talking to him, but she wanted to know. He sat alone by the window with a pint of lager, a cigarette and the USA Today sports page. She opened the pub door and set her bag down on the table, spilling a little beer in the ashtray. "When did you start smoking?" she asked. "The day you got hired to play the part of my mother. Congratulations on that, by the way, could be a big break for you." He gave her that blankeyed smirk that started charming and ended infuriating. "I'd offer you a chair, but you took one already." Halfway to the bar she nearly walked back and grabbed her purse to go. She returned to the table with a bottle of juice, cleared her throat and sat. He looked from the newspaper, folded it lengthwise and set it on the window sill. "So, how are you, miss?" She drank some juice and ran her right hand through her hair. "I'm curious," she began. "I want to understand why you believe you can treat people the way you do. Help me out here." He took a long drag from the cigarette and chuckled after the smoke. He finished the lager and extinguished the butt. "Did she ask you to find me for interrogation?" He coughed and rubbed his eyes, looking straight down. "No, she did not," she said, raising her voice a little. "This is for my benefit. Call it a sociological study. Humor me." He looked her in the eyes for the first time since she arrived, extending both arms with palms outward. "All right, in the interest of science, I'll cooperate here, darlin'. However I must inform you I respond best to direct questions." His face shot upward to his left, as if he had been startled. "Is everything okay, here, guys?" A bluehaired waitron with a pierced lower lip stood at the table with pencil and pad. She wore a faded black Tshirt with an iron-on picture of The Knack. "Can I get you two anything?" she asked. She shook her head no, as she felt a certain queasiness. "Everything here will be more okay if you bring me another pint of lager, please," he replied. He gripped another cigarette and lit it after a few awkward attempts. "Sure I can't get you some more, uh, juice?" he asked. "No, thank you," she said as the waitron withdrew to the bar. "Isn't it a little early for you to be drinking?" she asked. The secondhand smoke began to bother her. He noticed and waved his hand in front of his face. "Day off tomorrow. Look, I think I can anticipate the way this conversation is headed, so just let me go. I fucked your friend because I wanted to, because I could, because she wanted me to." She felt her face go hot as the waitron returned with his lager. "Sometimes it's just easier to be a jerk than to detail a person's shortcomings," he continued. "Her boisterous timbre, her slightly simian features, her strictly whoo-whoo take on human spirituality. The manner in which she dominates conversations with lengthy, aimless personal anecdotes with little flavor. We went to a party at my friend's house, and she made a point of smoking as much of other people's dope as she possibly could." She finished her juice and replaced the cap on the bottle. "Do you think you'd have more friends if you weren't such an asshole?" she asked, rising to leave. She donned her coat and grabbed her bag, walking to the door. He lifted his glass in a mock cheer as she stepped outside. "Perhaps that question is more rhetorical than direct," he called after her.

I didn't get the letter. Was the girl in the letter your sweet friend? I'm proud of you for looking after your sweet friend, by the way. Those kind of people need to be protected. There are way too many people who want to change them.

the girl at the bar is supposed to be me. the asshole guy is him. the girl he talks about is my friend. he's so pretentious. "DONNED her coat"? please. I saw "the world is not enough" tonight with my friend and his former college professor father, who really needs to learn about that suspension-of-disbelief thing, especially if he's going to continue to pick the movies they go see.

I'm glad you agree he is pretentious. Never mind his lines of snotty dialogue...I can't believe he referred to his own smile as one "that started charming and ended infuriating."

I,d like to kick him in his nuts.

Get your garden shears ready, Ladies, I think it's time for a Pruning Party. Go, Violence Against Men! (That oughta piss 'em off adequately)

Ahh, fuck you, Lucy... And your little dog, too... (Evil witch of the West cackle) I'll bet you hoped I'd _rise_ to the occasion... OK. Your turn...

Whenever I see posts with your name on it, I liek to say your same out loud. I do that with Semillama, too. Because those names are really fun to say. I wish you people would stop goading (sp) each other.

oh poo. well, i have a love affair (as i am sure i stated before.) with the male form. unfortunately the guy i speak of had really nothing to offer my imagination. it is no loss there. but i couldn't like chop off his body parts. no, can't do it. i like men. i like them a lot. they are some of the most captivating creatures for me to behold. i guess if we are going to bring a discussion from somewhere else here i will say this. i like penises no matter what size they are. i prefer the ones that fit in my mouth. i have had experiences with diffrent size men. for instance this boy who wanted me to be thinner, he had a monstorous pecker, and wait-- look at that he is an asshole. my ex who was average (one of my favorites) dumped me for his pot dealer and i want to break his legs. in neither situation did i coment to them what i thought of the size of their penis. a man's character is hardly ever judged by what he is packing in his drawers. if it is, then there really isn't much to judge in the first place. now if he can shake his hips like adam ant, in my book, that is another story all together.

Oh, Tiny's just a bit... sensitive about his little problem.

Oh, and Kymichal, I was only joking about castration. I think that what men do to women's self-images over their weight is horrendous and we shouldn't put up with it. Were I to advise actual retaliatory action, it would be sitting on a street corner, remarking loudly to cohorts about how this or that guy has got a bit of a spare tire, and the other would be cute if his butt were a bit tighter, coupled with a large-scale media jacking project involving images of anorexically thin men, until the boys are as hung up about adding a drop too much of low-fat dressing to their salad as the girls end up being.

fat chance.

i am hung up about my faty intake, I love the generic non fat italian dressing i get at my local grocery store...

when i was in high school, i think it was in biology class, i got up to sharpen my pencil and this really good-looking girl said, loudly, "hey, you don't have a shape!" (meaning my ass.) the teacher must've been out of the room. i gave my flat ass a wiggle and sharpened my pencil. i really didn't think about it because, and i hate to sound racist, she was black and i just figured it was a "black thing". then a friend of mine got up (a white friend) and she said "now heeee's got a shape!" then i felt a bad. so then is started doing squat thrusts every day till i collapsed and upped my daily protein intake to levels so high that i went into kidney failure and....

What did you eat for protein? Not squirrels, I hope.

i know i'm tired but rhi i just lmao

oh thats right he had that wacky story about squirrels, or not wait, that was antigone undercover right? (sigh)

I was at a friend's apartment a week or so ago, we were mostly naked, and we were talking about asses. he was asking if an obsessive stairmaster regimen really helps, and I said, yeah, it makes your ass meatier, but I don't think I can make it be what I want it to be. and he asked me how having an ass that looked better naked would change my life. he gave me a hint, said it wouldn't. and he was right. I don't like to think that way, though. not only do I not want the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, I especially don't want to know that it wouldn't make any difference even if I could change them. I know he wouldn't like me, even if I had a perfect ass. what guys really want is a chick who will act like their dick is a special gift from god, who will tell them how much they want it baby, blah blah blah. they want enthusiasm and devotion. I think I'll just keep working on the perfect ass.

but don't you in turn want to someone to worship your body and act like it's a gift from god? (hence all the time spent perfecting it???????) .....boys just want to please you, thats all. I don' think we want a chick who will *act*.....

protein shake 6 oz. milk 2 eggs 2 tbsp honey 1 dead squirrel (skinned) put blender on grind for 1 minute to break squirrel carcass down, then on liquefy till shake is smooth and creamy. this and a stairmaster will give you a booty so fine guys won't care how you treat their dicks.

I have someone to worship my body and act like it's a gift from god. he gets fridays and tuesdays. but he wants all this other stuff, like gazing into each other's eyes and holding hands in the movie theaters and kissing each other on the mouth. it's too bad things have to be that way, because I actually sort of like him.

oh cyst!!!!!! you! we boys are always told thats what a girl wants, someone to hold their hand in movie theaters, kisses, and embracing what have you.....and now i see this, god i am so glad i am married......

I don't want to take advantage of him. I want it to be ok for us to just go out, have some drinks, smoke some weed, then go take our clothes off and fool around without all that other lovey-dovey crap. I think he wants that true intimacy that comes only from absolute trust and love, that special monogamous connection, etc., but I'd really just prefer some meaningless fun. I know that this sort of thing only works out if both people feel the same way, and, I guess even then it still has its problems. so I'm screwed. never mind.

SOME girls like casual sex SOMETIMES, Patrick. I'm not one of them/but I'm too old for those fuck-buddy type of arrangements anyway. Plus/I was never into 'casual sex'. Even in my 20's/I had only 1 one-nite stand/& 2 other guys who were basically just sporadic booty calls. I was always too scared of catching something. But yr Mom taught you right -- eventually/most women want a Mr. Real Right Thang who's gonna be around for the long haul. And the Really Big Secret is... most men do too.

hold me R.C.

Anyone content to go through life without loving or being loved has a hole in their heart.

rhiannon look at crimson's postings after that starling thing it's pretty apparent that some people wouldn't know how to love or how to be loved

it's not going to work out with this guy. someday I will find someone and it will work out. it's not this guy. I'm not going to sit at home and read my books until I find the one, though. that is the situation.

Exactly.

That was in response to heather. If you're happy to live without love, there's a piece of you missing.

I can't read the starling thread. I started it, and I saw it involved stories about animal abuse, and I knew it was going to upset me, so I'm not even going to look. hope I'm not missing much. tonight I have to go find party shoes. I agreed to be the date of two of my professional friends (programmer, lawyer) for their office christmas parties, and I can't go looking like a whore. too bad.

Then again/if I looked like Cyst/I'd prolly have a different man parking his boots under my bed EVRAY nite! Fear not, Julie (but I think you look more like a Juliette)-- someday yr Prince will come. And you're still young enuf to enjoy playing the field for a while longer. Oh & Kymical -- try hanging out w/some of Da Brothers for a change. I think you'll find yr own folks a lot more apprreciative of "the thickness". Dig?

I am bringing angry sam to my company xmas party, nico will be in japan........since my office is rather large 70+ peeps...a few may not know my personal life as much and may be a bit confused, thinking "......hmmm i thought he was married....like as a in a woman married.....hmmmmm..." the wife would have been able to come had they not moved it back a day, i think we got bumped by somebody important like david geffen or spielberg.....this place in west hollywood is like that.....but we were able to score free bar for 3 hours, free valet, and dj...ordinarily we have to pay to park, no dj and we only get like 3-4 drink coupons......i'll see to it this place, Dublins, pays for screwing up our plans and causing me to miss being with my wife...... i'm talkin shit faced.........baybay!!

I got the party shoes. hurray! strappy little black leather things, I don't have to worry about them making me too tall because I'm already too tall, $24.90. right the FUCK on. I wish the programmer party were AFTER the lawyer party, because I need to look good for the firm but the geeks don't matter. there'll probably be people in south park t-shirts, you know? and I'm afraid something might happen to THE DRESS, then I'd be screwed for the lawyer party. anyway, who needs love when you have new shoes? but, seriously, rhiannon, I think it's wonderful that people can be happy without love. happy without it, happier with it. I know too goddamn many people who CANNOT live without someone in their lives, so they'll just settle for WHOEVER IS THERE. abusive, alcoholic, stupid, whatever. they think that someone, no matter who, is better than no one. I don't think that at all. save your love for someone who's worth it. and I know someone is. hopeless romantic, I know. but what's the point of just watching videos with your girlfriends or staying at home knitting or living with your parents until you meet this person? what's wrong with dating the wrong guys, as long as there's no pretending that it's more than it is?

i have tried it before... i really unfortunately don't have the patience for it. i don't think it works for m to go after black men. there is this giddy feeling (i had it last night) when i get around a guy. i become a cheetah in the brush. i carefully steal glances. oh my goodness, he was 6 foot, goatee, brown hair, a drummer. i was smitten. fo some reason i never get this feeling when i am around black guys. i think it might be the self consiousness. i remember the black kids in school would make fun of my ass, then they would start dancing around me singing "jungle fever". it isn't that i would want to like black men, i just don't feel it for some reason. i don't know if that is someting i can adjust or what.

so what is it about your ass that's so funny?

heck if i know... tho i assume (ha!) tat it had something to do with it's size. but i personally think i have a perfect shaped and sized ass. i often catch myself lookin' at it... like right now. i said god damn!! what a mighty fine ass. i think it also could have been because baby got back just came out, and the girls on the bus didn't like me very much to begin with. i was a dork for some of my school career.

Tall chicks rock.

That's why Cyst should be a model,or a basketball player.Or a volley ball player

I don't mind if people ask me if I play sports or if I'm a model as long as they don't harass me after I say no. "why not? if I looked like you..." what am I supposed to say? "because I'm a lazy klutz and I have freckles, stretch marks and cellulite"? I let a tall guy flirt with me at the camera store yesterday. he was very sweet. he asked me what I was going to use the fuji 1600 for. "ummm, indoor shots with no flash. have you ever used it?" "oh yeah." "isn't it FUN?" "YEAH. I'm a big fan of high-speed film." "me too." "by the way, how tall are you?" he asked. it's ok if tall, sort-of-cute, sort-of-interesting guys ask me this. he was nice and all, but they charge $2 more for the fuji than they do downtown.

I have a friend N. who is very pretty, and she has said that no one ever believes her when she says she's unhappy about something. People say to her, "If I looked like you, I wouldn't have any problems." But she does. So it's interesting how "lookism" hurts both unattractive *and* attractive people.

It is definitly interesting, but not rare. Every person on the planet thinks they should or would change something about themselves (physically at least). Not me thou, i would stay exactly the same (except lose 10lbs) ooops there i go too. ah well pobodies nerfect.

i shot 3200 at 6400 this weekend, i have yet to see the results....but fast film does rock, flash sucks