| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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OK - on to the story. So as some of you might recall I'm going to London this week. H had been planning to go there too, but then was sidetracked, and decided to go to France with a girl he was friends with but had a thing for (but who obviously didn’t like him from the stories I heard – I think she liked that he was there platonically with the money and gifts for her while she dated other people). He had even began to indicate to me that he was getting the impression the only reason she invited him was to make her ex jealous, and so he could foot most of the bill for their jaunt. Luckily, 2 weeks ago she bagged out of the trip altogether leaving him with an non-returnable ticket to Paris. The latest plan then became he’d fly into Paris and then go to England and visit people there, including me, for most of the trip. This filled me with nervous ‘is it a date or isn’t it a date’ anticipation. I figured I’d just have to deal and play it by ear. Today he called me and told me that his plan to stay with a friend had fallen through - since the friend is also bagging out of the trip - so could he stay with me at my hotel. OK, now I’m about to explode with ‘What what what? Is it a date what what?’ feelings. I feel like a lot of weird circumstances have come together to make this little date happen (divine intervention?) and yet I’m having a hard time focusing on ‘going with the flow’. I mean, it would be heart crushing if he really finds me so totally physically repellent that there is no issue at all in staying in a hotel room with me but meanwhile, what if he has the same vague longings I do hmmmm? What could be more perfect than a rendezvous with a lifelong crush in a foreign country? I mean, I think the only straight male single friends I have that I would stay in a hotel with and have no ideas about anything more are ones who I know very, very well and who I feel like I have a defined relationship with - like former roommates. So how do I figure this one out, and do I change my reservation to two twin beds or one double bed? The latter is a bit precocious and pressuring but hay, he’s fab! OK, I have to go barf now. |
drink a little go get him, it's about time |
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Still, I can't let an opportunity like this just pass by me. And there will be opportunity for much booze consumption. I mean, if I don't shag him silly who will? Some girl whose not worth half his time? He'll probably marry her or something and then I'll be bummed I never did anything when I had the chance. I mean, he can't be totally immune to the idea of single boy + single girl + hotel room = shagging. Can he? He is an adult for God's sake. And if he really found me horrible he'd just have gotten a hotel on his own. I'm not nutty here, am I? |
If you have the same flight, start by inducting him into the mile high club,, it's all downhill from there. He is a guy, chances are, he too, would love to have a kinky european tour..... |
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No, seriously...just tell him. Otherwise you'll have those hated words...sexual tension. (At least on your side?) The worst that can happen is he'll say: "Well, DL, sorry, but..." Or you could not tell him, I suppose. I'm with Margret on this one. |
I've lost seven pounds in the last week. I had to buy new jeans. my roommate says now I look too skinny. ------------------------------------------- leaning back against the corner, you looked like an erte model. you were totally stunning. i couldn't let you leave. i didn't want you to leave. i wanted so badly just to touch your hand. god, your hands, your fingers. i wanted you to unbutton your coat so i could put my put my hands on your back and feel whatever warmth the cold night might've left in your body. ... i wanted to hold you. i felt your cheek brush against mine for the briefest of seconds. ... it was monumental. i said your name aloud dozens of times on the drive home, chewing on every letter. ---------------------------------------- this is killing me. if I lose another seven pounds, I will look like skeletor. |
be careful. |
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I have lost interest in sleeping and eating. this can't last, though. eventually I will have to act normal again. I don't mind losing the weight, but now I've started losing friends. |
and the worst and the best i have a little one of my own right now. |
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unless you're offended by that ridiculous kind of question. i was just thinking about it today cause my birthday's in 2 days and someone told me how much of a pisces i am. not sure how i feel about that. anyway- my point is that i change for people. i can't help myself, i always do. |
my moon sign is pisces. leo rising, taurus sun. an astrology freak I once knew told me I'm a cow in lion's clothing. I'd never heard anything more awful or true. |
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i'm leo rising too. am i a fish in lion's clothing? that doesn't make much sense. |
Cyst, your love thing doesn't sound very good. You're wasting yourself away, changing your appearance, for what? You're a Leo rising, even with that Pisces moon you should still be regal enuf to know that he should like you for who you are not what you're gonna become for him. But then again with that Taurus sun, Pisces moon combo you'd be a real sensualist, addicted to feelings, pleasure, and pleasure-pain. But w/Leo rising, you should look for a friend to date. What is your Venus & Mars in? Happy Birthday Heather! I've had my heart broke by many vague and non-commital Pisces men but the women I like very much. Actually the men I like too but they seem to just evaporate before your eyes. One minute you are the center of their world, the next minute they've moved away with no forwarding address. Has this happened to anyone else? Why did someone tell you you were such a big Pisces? |
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I do notice a big difference between males and females of the species. Like some signs are more naturally at home in one gender - prob because society approves of those qualities. Like w/ Pisces: artistic, sensitive, selfless givers (up to a point), prone to giving people what they want (when they want) - OK for girls, not as easy for boys. |
Honestly I got on better with my married friend who I visited there. There's definite sparks between us but he's married with tot and his wife is very cool too so I can't complain. Oh wait, I can. He's hot and we get on like a house on fire. Why won't someone make a robot of him for me to marry? Also these things do not exist in England: Skunks, Martha Stewart, the phrase "As Happy as a Clam". |
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Maybe that's what's up with your traveling companion? |
Six months ago I was still pissed off at my ex, but not too pissed that after a few drinks I couldn't talk with her. So, at a psrty (the few drinks part) I did, said some harsh words, and later that night she was all over me. We're back together, and the trend continues. When we talk about things and I'm calm and collected she calls me "snobbish" and "holier than thou." When I'm pissed off and yelling, she says I'm "being honest" and "sharing my feelings." Confusing, that. I'm thinking about breaking up with her. |
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Dammit. |
Also, I really do wonder about people who say they 'used to be nice but learned to be cruel to those they care about', being kind (at least for me) isn't something you can turn on and off, it's who you are inside. I mean, who can just re-wire their whole behavior towards others? 'I became mean to be lovable'? Come on. I really don't know if I believe these people were ever really 'nice' at all. As for it increasing your attractiveness; don't we all have married friends some of who are terriffic for each other and are best friends and a dream to be around and others who are a drag because they are stifiling and hassling each other all day? I mean, anyone can have a relationship, but one that doesn't irritate you to tears is something special. Antigone - My ex didn't fight and it was really really irritating. Our conversations would be like: Me: this thing is really upsetting me Him: (silence - 3 minutes) Me: you know, I'm upset Him: (silence - 3 minutes) Me; would you like to tell me what you're thinking about? Him: I was just thinking about that song by the Pixies... Splendid. He didn't like to admit anything was wrong between us ever, assumedly because if we didn't agree on everything that mean we were gonna break up. In the end our inability to talk about things that were really important just killed it. Maybe your girlfriend grew up in a house where people only yelled their truths, and that's why she doesn't trust anything but screaming fits now. |
I want to thank you all for being my friends,I love you all,you all have got me through some really tough times and I sure do appreciate that. I miss the ones who went away,Cyst,Spunky,Cat,Crimson,Pug,Sheila and sorry for anyone I missed,and the ones who couldn't help it,Fetid Beaver,PetRock. I also miss drinking all the beer I use to be able to do,seriously I could pack it down,now I get bloated, if I'm lucky I can get down two,if I'm lucky and that's just not right! Then I saw that most things I posted here were negative,spawns in jail,ripped me off,beat me up... Then things got better,when I first started posting here I had one grandbaby,now I have five and I see them all except O,his mom A moved to Flagstaff last August,I guess she likes poverty with a view. I forgot where I was going with this.But I loves you all. I am getting senile,that's what you get for talking to Larry for forty f*cking years. Love, Janny |
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what's up with that? i don't remember issues with cat. might be selective memory...plus i wasn't around all that much during the cat time, i think. so i missed something. |
and the boys want to think it is a secret, but girls always know. that said, i miss her too. none as much as the kid who wore glitter. everything has changed and nothing has changed and somehow i haven't killed myself. |
The party I posted about above was sort of a romantic turning point for me. I'd just gone out on a date with the woman who is now my wife, and that must have motivated my ex girlfriend to want to get back with me. Like an idiot I did, postponing marital bliss for seven years. Worst boneheaded mistake I ever made. But now I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've ever been. |
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Tiggy, I'm really happy for you. You deserve to have the live you've got now. |
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sometimes i think that, as these boards dwindle to nothing, that the last two standing will be dr. pepper and me - trading trading incoherent stories and non sequiturs. |
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I second the "yo, don't kill yourself" sentiment. It's just over three years since one of my ex girlfriends killed herself (April 17th, 2006) and it still gets to me. |
There are one or two people I don't miss, but I feel weird about naming them. They'd probably sense their names getting invoked, show up all "OH HO BITCH I NEVER LIKED YOU EITHER," and then I'd be like "well....um" and feel like an idiot. You know? I miss Crimson. |
I don't think that the boards are dwindling to nothing. I think they're less active than they once were, but I'm not sure that means that they are dying. Maybe they're just experiencing dormancy. I feel like no one new has found us in quite a while, while a lot of former posters are MIA. I wonder if new people drift in and become intimidated by the sheer volume of material and drift away. Not a big fan of the self killing, either. Don't do it. |
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Heather, are you considering killing yourself? please don't. i care so much about you and if you weren't around so many people would be devastated. plus, there are so many surprises in life. you never know what could happen to change things around. and for better or worse, i'm not going anywhere either. sorabji is stuck with me. |
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i know my periodic absences have less to do with anything regarding you or this place and more with my just not caring. which sounds bad now that i reread but for whatever reason i sometimes go to this place where i dont want any friends virtual or otherwise and i let some relationships slip by. im not one to talk to much on the phone though i seem to remember a period of time when i was going through my seperation and divorce where i talk to heather on the phone quite a bit. but maybe thats a dream. I cant be sure. i sometimes avoid email and even regular mail. myspace accounts sit dorman. livejournal? cant remeber the last time. sorabji falls into that realm sorta. what i love is that sorabji doesnt judge me for my periodic and inexplicable absenses. sorabji.....the best booty call one can make |
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I don't remember a lot of the people that used to post here, more often than not I payed more attention to Sarah's recipes and dave's (and Tbone? was he a music guy too? I feel like he was) music recommendations than the social aspect of these boards- but I also know the posting was usually funny and insightful, and truly entertaining for someone with a shitty desk job and not enough internet. Anyways- I felt like I passed a point where I could introduce myself and not have it be weird- so I never bothered, but I guess it would be even weirder if I became a decade-long lurker. So, uh, hi everybody, I'm Jen- I stumbled into Sorabji because of the mojave phone booth story (back when I lived in the midwest) and stayed because Mark's stories made New York seem like a melancholy yet magical place. I kinda blame him for giving me a reason to move here. 8 years later I'm starting to doubt I'm ever going to live anywhere else. |
Heather, please do not go there. It's been eleven shit twelve years since Darcy hung himself and it still hurts and I still miss him. Fucker. |
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You know who else I miss? Hugh Jarms. DAVE HOW DARE YOU LEAVE US |
hmph can you pick up vibes online??? |
I love it when a plan comes together. I don't post as much perhaps because I am lazy or more distracted. I also think that 9/11 has had a fundamental effect on the boards as well.The last eight years have been pretty damn serious. I'd post more but right now I'm trying to keep a baby from going into fussy territory. |
This place is a part of me, and I remember vividly the times I've met sorabjites in person, or nearly did: When Sem and I got smashed at the Pirates Alley Cafe. When I had sushi with Nate when visiting California. When I talked on the phone with J while in Phoenix after my nephew was a newborn about to have heart surgery. SorabjiFest in NOLA, of course. Wasn't that a lifetime ago? Visiting Mark, eating steak with him in Queens, and seeing all of his AM radios. Chatting with Dave but not having time to get together when I was in Seattle a couple of years ago. Goddammit, folks, we've got to have a family reunion one of these days. :) When I think of this place I'm reminded of a photo I had of all of my closest friends in highschool. I'd look at the pic and everyone in it seemed to embody a god in a pantheon, an archetype. I just feel like I've always fit in this mount olympus we've got here, and that you all are gods in your own right. |
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i was going to add: EHF but you all are being so damn sincere. i really miss Sheila the most. i met her, and the geese, and all those fucking cats. i also miss swine, czarina, hugh jarms (!!), and the boognish. and cyst. . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ...... ..... .... who have i met? heather, agatha, nate, sem, tig (which in truth i was so drunk i barely remember), and i missed by a hair J and Czarina in nola. missed Danielssss by way of a family emergency. i think the next sorabjiFest could be moonit's wedding weekend in Las Vegas. not to ruin or crash moonit's wedding, of course, because that would be creepy and possibly inappropriate. but it would probably be the only time we could all meet up. how often would she be on our side of the planet? plus vegas, it's cheap to get to from everywhere, it's cheap in general, and the weather is great. |
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I am glad that the spring is around here and I glad that summer here too. Maybe, I am thinking about finding myself a girlfriend? I haven't had a girlfriend since my divorce, and my daughter is looking for a job and trying to go to college. In other hand; my job been steady slow and I have noticed that some young people are unable to have or hold a job, my nephew been out of job again. |
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there is nothing wrong, nothing needs to change except inside of me. i have no real idea where the despair comes from. i have an amazing and magical therapist and a lot of wonderful friends that i can count on for anything. you just wouldn't believe how often i think about it, and how confused i am that i do. patrick, we did talk on the phone quite a bit. it was nice. never did run into each other though. i don't have that phone and i don't think i have your number anymore. j wasn't in NOLA, was she? czarina, what a freaking firecracker. damn.i remember the boys all being so quiet. |
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You all are totally welcome to crash my wedding - I'm not taking it very seriously and drew certainly doesn't - that is, of course, assuming I make it; as we had our bonuses cut, which was massive part of my income; which is why I have been quiet and hiding lately. However, I have another plan, that involves me knuckling down and not wasting cash which as a Leo I tend to do lots of... I am planning on being there. I'll be the one in rags. hehe |
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Who knew? |
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that was pretty awesome. of course now that i dont live in LA anymore everyone seems to be passing through. |
the simple and not-exactly-true statement is that i am a completely different person. |
I heard from Fetid Beaver, he tells us all to f'off... the other side is not what anyone thinks it to be. so heather, stay and dance a while. I have been writing a workshop about the shadow self and how it is represented in addictive behavior such as gambling, and researching Oazark and Appalachian folk hero literature that smacks of the shadowy archetype of the dark side of humanity. And gesturing toward Robin Wiliams' Fischer King role, further comprehending the initiatory power of trauma, and so on. Workshop is Sat Oct 9 at lake of the Ozarks. I have not heard from Droopy which is still somewhat alarming... and still no word on a password for scrabble, which is not. Can we ever be free from self? untethered? shifting about the void? into internet land and sorabjiville, but still never quite free. I'd like to explore just how free we /I really are/am. yeah, wtf. Me in my saggy baggy whitey tidey Hanes. At least the ssss is gone. |
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i am glad you have changed on this, that selfserving of all self serving acts, self-annihilation is not at all being mindful about anihilation of self. Right. Just grateful you found the voice to say the words. Someday, the record may elucidate the why's of such feelings, of being not-exactly a different person when data would suggest you are indeed a different person. and if i can say so, an important person to many. But I digress, and don't want to cross contaminate or whatever it is that i do so well. Yup, never just the right words. They are so imperfect. But even images can portray a lie, yes? |
self-serving sure. when you have enjoyed hours daily of desperate, hopeless, weeping, despair for no earthly reason the only hope is that you are not required to stay. |
I have a particular and perhaps odd view of suicide, and likely will someday act on "the gulf of mexico in the sunset walking exercise" desire to end my life, but not now, and not for no reason. My reason as far as my degenerate thinking can fathom would be... if there is no hope for continuing in a healthy, independent manner of living, I would not want to burden my sons with caring for me. It's that simple, and that particular. Otherwise, it seems to me to be a choice that hurts the people left behind. I always felt, and only recently have ignored the feeling, of being slightly if not wholesale disconnected from everyone. Only child, fairly alone, independent, not tied down, yearning for connection and roots. This after being born in a family so enmeshed that you had to ask to take a shit, and everyone had an opinion. they mostly left me alone, the little people pleasing anarchist that i was. My parents are both dead, mother 45 years and father over 30 now... I have no siblings save two step sisters one of whom has dropped out of sight and the other won't talk. My other sibling has never sought me out, nor I him/her. All I have is a baby picture that my father's girlfriend sent my mother at the time. So disconnect, yes I understand, but with someone as creative, gifted and beautiful as you, I just don't know enough to understand. And who says we are "required " to stay? that sounds awfully religious, or am I entirely off base as usual? Noooo, the challenge is to get in the cage, day after day, whether NOLA or Vegas or in your own backyard, and love, sweat, share, and help until your spirit is filled and your body exhausted. And we aren't required to stay in the cage...either...there is a park here and there, a satin pillow topped mattress, and a moss strewn stream filled with watercress if you're hungry. Everything you need, everything i need , we each no doubt have...in abundance...it is my wants that get me into trouble, it is my view of the cage as drudgery that saps my joy de vivir! it is the emptiness of loneliness on a friday night that cries into the void. ok, enough of this self serving stuff. On to Ice Cream... |
that's the point, there is no more angst to hear about. i am not that person. |
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Playful images, joyful moments, surmounting the odds and loss, circumventing disaster as if the trickster is laughing with us, encouraging the next unknown adventure. If nothing else, this is one big adventure, to paraphrase Peter Pan remarking about death. And if we are indeed the sensate arms and fingers and noses and tongues of a loving creator, forgiveness takes on a new meaning. What possibly could go wrong and stay wrong and hurt us? Even and especially picking the wrong life partner does not have to be a terrific and horrible event, unless we make it so. None of us are who we were ten years ago, or maybe we are. It doesn't really matter if I stay in the present. Thee boards and these threads can remind me where I was and who i was when i posted something, and yes, that is certainly part of who I am, but it does not define who I am now...or what i am becoming. I AM.... BECOMING (sniffle) the Netty Pot MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! back to gluttony now for a momentary station break |