I had dinner tonight with my brother in Hong Kong and, tired of the usual spots in Kowloon, we headed to Repulse Bay. Somewhere along that windy road, I got nostalgic and starting wondering how we ended up together in a car in a strange country, behaving like it was totally normal. When we were kids, we were in boarding schools, segregated from each others sex by a busy road. More nights than I can count, I ran across that road to sleep under or near my brother's bed, because he was all I had. That closeness remains and continues because his children bring me more happiness than I ever imagined was possible from sticky messy little humans. But while he has found his port of call, I'm still looking. And lately, I'm having real problems with some of the decisions I made years ago. I can't explain it really, except to say that I chose the "road less travelled" and now I'm wondering at the loneliness I experience along that supposedly exciting path. I wonder if I'll ever have those things people consider normal...family, home, security. More and more, I'm starting to believe that I somehow missed the "happy bus" and now it's all too late. I chose career, and maybe that was a lousy card to put my money on. I don't know. It's all such a gamble.

Life is a gamble,Cat.I don't think there really are any wrong choices.We all just kinda fumble along.We can't live for the "what ifs",because thats not reality.All we can do is accept our choices,and maybe try to learn from them.When the time is right,you'll have the things you want,and with the right person.

Cat,I'd just about sell my soul to wear your shoes.In the end,all you really have is yourself.

what's the trouble, cat? have you been avoiding the family/home/security, or just not been able to find someone walking the same direction on your road less travelled?

well cat you're not getting anywhere sitting on the side thinking you should have taken the other route.get up and run till you find another fork. come stateside and get drunk with us!!!!

that's what i'm waiting for.

what...the new fork...or for cat to come over and get drunk? with a little effort you could get both.

i don't believe in forks. i'm waiting for cat.

you eat with sporks?

sorry, that sucked

yup.

I bet you're both the type of californians who always eat their far-eastern food with chopsticks.

You go ahead and get drunk without me. Your virtue is probably safer that way. Sorry about that self indulgent post, I was just feeling all lonely and depressed and empty. I should stay away from the keyboard when those moods strike.

i do when presented. i feel it terribly tacky when in a japanese resturaunt to eat with a fork, unless thats all they have on the table, which is usually the case at chinese joints. we have some really nice chop stick sets at home...chalk it up to nearly 6 years working for a japanese co. ....the mrs. that is. i even take the wrapper and make a little stand for my chopsticks. and I also eat my miso straight from the bowl.

I've heard it's impolite to rub the splinters off your chopsticks because you're supposed to pretend that your host is using only the finest solid-wood chopsticks. maybe I heard that here. I don't use chopsticks because I can shovel faster with the standard western tools.

i can eat faster with chopsticks. i eat sushi with my fingers.

uhhh... certainly not chopsticks, but related to family... i have graduation coming up and i have 2 people coming, maybe just 1 (my stepfather could be an ass and not let my sister come, and then it would just be grandma). No one will happen to be in Kansas on May 20th and looking to kill a few hours in the heat watching a complete stranger graduate from college, would they? I get all mopey when I hear everyone talking about all the people they are bringing, and talking about the big party their family is throwing for them. blah. I need a cheering section, to boost my faltering ego.

I hear you on the whole "Road Less Traveled" riff. I pretty much sacrificed common sense & comfort & security for mad, bohemian aims....mostly I don't regret it....lost a girl I really loved who pretty much bought into the whole "Happy/Normal" trip. But deep down the truth is I know I can't go there----I can't even speak the language. That's what it all boils down to----I don't speak the language. Probably never will. Sometimes I envy those who can. I keep telling myself the "Road Less Traveled" will eventually pay off. Sometimes I half-believe it.

that maybe cyst in someones private homes, but chances are they aren't using chopsticks out of a wrapper. i think its ok to rub the chopsticks when they come out of a wrapper. they wife has been to japan numerous times and does that...i'll ask her.

It's never too late, Cat. You know that. All you have to do is live it. A very wise and generous person has taught me that in the last few months. I can introduce you to her, if you like...

yeah, your wife would know. I bet the staff at most japanese restaurants in america couldn't care less what you do with those chopsticks. amanda -- congratulations on your graduation! if I was going to be in kansas on may 20, I would definitely try to make it. but I'm pretty sure I won't be.

i love it when you say shit like this... "if I was going to be in kansas on may 20, I would definitely try to make it. but I'm pretty sure I won't be." it's telling your buddy ,stranded in the desert, you got a case of bottled water at home in your garage.

A.E. Send directions; I'll be returning from Minneapolis just the weekend before, and Kansas isn't that far. Aussie land IS that far, so no weekend trips there. How about this: having what you think you think you are missing, and then losing it all... That tis better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all shit is... well, just shit. We do tend to throw people away and tend to hang onto to things. We have it backwards. But your initial thought: sorabji land as family. there is more than a twinge of feeling that whenever I write here, read here, or think about the characters I've met here. There's an interesting if not baffling connection in this online life we share.

the funny thing is that most of us aren't real.

Yeah. Funny, that.

Come ride the happy bus!

Nate, et.al., isn't it great that most of us AREN'T real??? The goats say hi. They believe that most of us live in an illusion any way, but what the hell do they know? They're goats. They eat garbage. They shit wherever they want. They have suspecting eyes, they follow you everywhere, they nudge you awake and want to play whenever you try to sleep, they jump on your back (right?) for piggy back rides (thinking in an illusionary way that they are pigs), and they eat those shiny discs of software that daddy brings home. I'd add that most humans live in that fantasy land too. If only I had a few more dollars...if only I lost ten more pounds...if only those wacky sorabjites were real...if only the world weren't flat (subjunctive mood)...if... Those out there who have that land line number travelling down the wires I rent from the road up the creek down the last pole and careening somehow somewhere underground up the hill and through the vineyard....know I exist... Yet, perhaps I am just a sophisticated program of voice prompts and voice responses elicited deep in the middle of the sorabji desertnightstorm. Like Chris REeeaaally lives in France. And Sarah in Hawaai, and Cat Down Under, and Nate in California, and Sem now in the bayoued deep southland swamp. What is this geography of desired connection anyway? ANYbody got a clue?

ps I eat faster with chopsticks too.

What are you talking about? I live in Ohio. Czarina lives in the swamp. IF we can manage to cross our paths in a couple weeks, she will be the second sorabjite I will meet. I think J should try and wrangle a visit to her pal Cz at that time as well... I'll be in the Big Easy April 18-21, I believe.

Really? Want to meet me too? Impromptu Sorabji fest in New Orleans!

Say... I'm going to be headed from Dallas to Philedelphia by way of Knoxville from April 16th-27th. My schedule and the route is flexible. Anyone want a visit?

That's approximately when I will be in N.O., although you (and most sorabjites) are welcome anytime I myself am in Columbus.

Well, does you yourself want to have a beer at the House of Blues with me myself?

I my own self would be thrilled to bits. Let's coordinate a date with her highness the Czarina, who is of that locality.

Ya'll can pencil my name right in for that date! I wouldn't want to miss this!Oooooooh,a wild and wacky Sorabjiland trio on the loose in the Big Easy.Oh my my.

Sem, I thought you were in Madison WI, for real. And travelling to N.O. I'm jealous y'll be meeting the Czarina, her highness herself, as I've always wanted to be graced by her presence.

And I'm jealous ya'll will be meeting Antigod. I've always wanted to be disgraced in his presence.

um, sushi if you're really supposed to eat them in one bite why do they make them so big that you choke ? also. i hate that commercial where two guys are sitting down to sushi and start complaining that it costs $1. what sushi costs $1? another note: it is hard to find someone walking in the same direction. sometimes i don't know if i'm expanding my horizons or succumbing to compromise.

how long will you be in philadelphia?

Who's going to Philly? OK, my itinerary: this next week: Pittsburgh week after that: Columbus, unless we get additional funding for Pittsburgh. Third week in April: New Orleans. Fourth week: S. Ohio First week in May: S. Ohio Second week in May: D. C. After that it's a little vague.

in june you are coming to the bay area.

Oh good.

BTW, any of you folks headed to N'awlins or already there, email me and I will give you my cell phone number so we can touch base once I'm on the ground there.

amanda, did you mean me about Philadelphia? If so, I'm going to be there for about three days, leaving the 27th of April.

Cat, you have a standing invitation to be disgraced, any time, anywhere...

Damn straight! Antigone, you and Amanda should go to the Mutter Museum, you'll enjoy it immensely.

A speech impediment museum...only in America.

Actually, since I don't care to learn how to insert umlauts, it's slightly incorrectly spelled. IT's actually a museum devoted to medical oddities of the nineteenth century, and is a good challenge to one's tolerance of gross things. Rhiannon posted a link here once, I think. It is where Rhiannon and I went when we hung out in Philly last year.

i'm not going to be in philly then. but i am going to new york on the 5th and it is only an hour (maybe two) from philly. my roommate is moving to cleveland for the summer and i am going to visit her sometime, sem if you are still in ohio (i'm not sure how far apart cleveland and columbus are) we should meet up...

i'll be in Chicago May 29th - June 2nd. im pretty sure no one i know here will be there.

Chicago huh? Getting real close to me.

bring me some of them pink things, and i'll buy you dinner!!!!

Pink things? Panties? Nipples?

naw man...those things you sent me

Ah yes, the things. I'll see what can be done by May.

I wish I could go to New Orleans,but I already have tickets to Costa Rica,fron Aug.18th to September 3'd and after finding out how much I owe in taxes this year,I wish we hadn't got the tickets already.As it is,I'm looking for some wayyy cheaper hotels there,and I'd even go camping if I wasn't afaid of those big iguanas.But one day I hope to get to the Big Easy during Mardi Gra.It's still on for Rocky Point though Czarina,I have some money of my own saved and I'm paying for it,God knows I need to get the hell out of here for awhile.

the newest addition to my household: http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/t/toyecho/

oh my god. did you guys do this? somehow 300 people found that stupid page I put up, and a bunch of them are ANGRY about it. Name The baby lover From The US Time 4/2/2001 5:04:28 PM Comments: I agree w/ all the other parents it is discusting that you would do somthing like this on a baby pages website. I think that you shoul think of how high your IQ is because I don't think that it is very high I'm estimating it at about .5!!!! Maybe you should use your peanut sized brain next time and think about what you are posting where. Iam very mad!!!! I have posted a lot of the children that I babysit on this website w/ all of thier parents permission. Babies names not avalible. Just a little piece of info incase if you didn't think of it yourself, maybe you should star a sight where you can post your brand new cars that you have just bought. Please take sometime out and think about what I have written. Are you people teenagers that posted this? Are you going to keep us updated on your cars growth? I also think that you should give her a better name like Calista Marie E. I also think that you should remove your stupid car post on a baby's page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think that this is cute at all. I think it it very, very dumb, like you Julie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Name nun ya buisness From Ca Time 4/2/2001 6:03:01 PM Comments: How retared you are.... You shouldn't be so proud of a UGLY CHEAP car. If you want to act like a child and show off your new car, then buy something worth showing off, not a Toyota Echo. Just shows you couldn't afford anything better. Name Mom From Anywhere Time 4/2/2001 7:24:39 PM Comments: julie, Are you trying to impress someone?, or better yet are you trying to be cute?. Sorry little girl you failed at both! Maybe untill you mature, you should trade that car back in for your Barbie Doll. This is a baby & family website. Grow up little girl. find somewhere else to play!

ok. they took my page down.

this is for you, cyst: http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/maddyj

I just spat everywhere, that's the funniest thing I've seen.

thank you, nate.

Every time I tried to look at it,it said I preformed an illegal operation,sorry Cyst,I tried.

i can't believe those uppity cunts think you're a child just because you haven't squeezed out a puppy.

hm, i'm kinda feeling guilty for taking that picture off some innocent's web site. oh well.

Baby stealer.

Is that our Hal she took off with?