Is it just me or are you all being very slack on the boards lately? Where is the intellectual rigour? Have your juicy creative bits gone the way of grapes left in the sun? Give me some heat. Dig deep or at least go past your navel. Name one thing you really fucking passionately hate or love. p.s. Feel free to start with "I hate whiners who post about how boring the boards are. How dare you just drop in and criticise us. What, of interest, have you posted lately?"

[its been so boring I had to resort to a chat room,for some laughs] It wasn't pretty. But I've become a prospector,and have made new friends,like Dutch and Hawkeye and golddigger. They're not that funny,but they're interesting. Glad you're back!

When I get bored late at night, instead of coming here to the morgue, I go to Pogo and play the slots. The people are funny and nice to chat with while I'm playing.

I play poppit at pogo.

sorry, cat, been busy. I have been so tired lately that my creative juices have been low. Here's a story from today. It's called "Testing the Waters, or, Getting Your Hopes Up So They can Fall Back Down." So, (all personal stories should start with "so") I went to my first Ohio Archaeological Conference (OAC) meeting today (I am applying for membership) (I love asides in parentheses). Who happens to show up after lunch but my co-worker/employee/friend Jamey's recent ex-girlfriend (whom he had just dumped so he could date this kinda ditzy waifish blonde planner in our office). Now, why he dumped this girl is beyond me, as she is smart, witty, sexy, and passionate about her job. All big scores in my book anyway. So, she comes over to where me and my boss were standing and we start talking, and then we go on a guided tour to these nearby prehistoric earthworks that overlook the Olentangy River. We talk about her job, our current project and inevitabley her situation with Jamey, which in her words is "If he doesn't want to talk about getting back together, don't even bother calling." So, then we sit together during the paper session and share a Pepsi One (courtesy of said boss). Anyway to keep this story managable, I tested the waters as in the title, because this is a girl that is right up my alley, but like I said, she just got dumped. I talked and said what I thought were the right things to say (such as I never got into whole thing about being a pig and just dating women because they were pretty and I was tired of the present one, and tried to be witty and charming). So, here's how I know not to get the hopes up: My firend/co-worker/employee Dave shows up late and she knows him too and we all talk for a while but as we leave to go to the parking lot, I say goodbye to Dave and as I get to my car I say goddbye to her as they pass and voila, no answer, she keeps on talking to Dave like I wasn't there. I guess there's no point to this story, but it was the most interesting part of my day. Now, if you will excuse me, I must drive down to Chillicothe because I have to work in the morning, and I will be listening to Rollins Band "The End of Silence" the whole way. Ps. So, anything interesting in Thailand, Cat?

I have pretty much been gone myself. We had a death in the family, my sister is now in jail, my dog got beat up and I had to help my best friend remodel her basement (into a sports bar). No time for the computer lately. Now I have to remodel my basement and add in a guest room and a family room. I do miss the heated discussions, though. It made me laugh. For the first time in 8 years life in Kansas City isn't boring, just crazy.

...so then Steve stabs this guy...

'Hey, it's me' 'Hey you, how you doin?' 'Good and you?' 'yeah good... just about to go out...' 'oh, um sorry... prehaps I should go then...' 'I didn't really think you'd call' 'I wasn't going to... maybe I shouldn't have' 'no no, I'm glad you did... I'm just off out. I'll call you tomorrow.' 'okay. seeya'. 'bye'. fuck

*sigh* my juices have dried. im struggling with everything. Im struggling to (dammit i forgot my VITAMINS...DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!) score pictures... i generally have a distaste for everything ive done to date. i just need a carte blance to shoot whomever i like. "hello...iggy?..yeah hi its patrick...yeah hi...hows it going?...yes the wife is fine thanks. Say, wanna take some pics tomorrow? fantastic. Yeah i got siousxie coming over around 3...and i was hoping i could get you two together...yep...uh huh. Ok see ya then" it seems these days cat....im stuck in a void. I need something SOO bad to jostle me out of this funk. This depression both mentally, financially, physically, creatively and so on. maybe some ass shots.....of you would do the trick. i've thought of doing something extreme. If i had my way...id love to rent a ar adn drive, by myself for about 2-3 weeks across the country and take pics. But, for me, right now. thats impossible. my hands are tied. ive thought of projects to pursue. im just so self defeatist that everything i think of, i immediately shoot down.

You want something we passionately hate or love, while at the same time for us to go past our navel? Women...such confusion. Nobody gets past my navel. I passionately hate my navel. I passionately love the road. I'll be in Philadelphia in three days, driving for two. Tonight I'll be at my grandparent's in Tennessee, and at my sister's on Wednesday. While I don't passionately love them, I love them nonetheless. I'm going to drive

Patrick my friend.... I guess I'm now going to have to get a nicer car them mine, or rent one or something. By an ounce of Missoula's best. And come and see you... By the time I leave, life will be ok.

Is it an innie or an outie? :) I'm going home to southeast PA for Thanksgiving. I hope to drive there on Thursday morning and not Wednesday afternoon, like I did last year, when it took me four hours instead of two because the traffic on 95 drove me to take a shortcut which took me through rural MD and PA where there are no lights on the streets, no other cars in sight and mileage markers that all say "Philadelphia: 90" no matter where they are. I felt like I was losing my sanity on that road. Rt. 1. A Tales from the Darkside episode waiting to happen. Oh, yeah, but my grandfather's coming! He hasn't left his house in Las Vegas since my grandmother died 8 years ago, and he's taken a train from Needles, CA to Philly and will arrive at my aunt's house in West Chester tomorrow. This will be exciting!

i have no idea what the fuck you're talking about hal.

"Women...such confusion" Ah Antigone, you just don't have the secret handshake. Women are simple. Love us. That's all. I passionately love blue skies, like today. A friend of mine is dying and has been for some time. Today is a good day for him to go. Clear skies all the way to the heaven. I hope they have endless books and intricately phillosophical discussions and sushi and some of my "sordidly-secret" salmon dish and Tiger beer waiting for him.

... I don't even know how to respond to that, what generation did you grow up in again?

Your friend who is dying sounds like my friend who is dying , cat. However, here it is not the best day to die, all rainy and such. We're hoping he makes as long as he can without being in pain.

John's on his way. I'm so glad it's such a lovely day.

Spider: Are you going to check out QVC when you are in West Chester?;-)

Hal: I think your apparently random punctuation and homonym trouble threw him.

TBone, that is how I always post. ALWAYS...

hiya Cat i really fucking passionately hate when i hear other chicks complaining about how hard it is to do things that are compleatly unnecessary. I was watching this godawful "reality" show last night where they take a bunch of pathetic 15-19 year old morons and put them through modeling school, and then slowly cut them down and one wins a contract of some nature. First off, this being a canadian show, the budget was non-impressive. Secondly, not one of the girls was even close to being freakishly attractive enough to become a real pro model. Sure, they were okay for tv spots and such, but no better. Of course anyone who IS freakish enough to be a pro modle would already be one, without having to go through 7 or 8 weeks of ass-kissing on a glorified game show, right? Right. Anyway, the final 5 of them are being carted off to their big final runway test (i'll miss all you guys! let's be friends forever!) in this van, and they start bitching about how hard this all is, and how guys can't possibly understand how hard it all is for us, and how hard it is to wear high-heels and how sore their feet are from walking. Oh sob. Oh woe. Hearing that shit always sends me into a Denis Leary-esq ranting fury against mine own gender. You little retards. If you don't like wearing heels then don't fucking wear them. Hey, maybe you should realize that you shouldn't be wearing them anyway, seeing as how they kill your back and legs. Is someone making you wear them? Or did you play with Barbie one too many times and now you're all warped because of it? They do make flat heel shoes, you know. Of course these are probably the same girls that would blame years of 'horrible male repression' for their every discomfort. How dare those men make you wear stilettos and pushup bras! they come in the night and strap them to you in your sleep at age 16! oh fowl injustice!!!! let's rebel and buy goddamn Lilith Fair cds!!!! uhm,....yeah.

".....seeing as how they kill your back and legs" yeah but boyhowdy do they make an uninteresting ass look smoking *ducks*

He's right price to pay... but see thats the thing man its not a necessity... Shit I find Marcy most attractive when she's in her sweats after getting out of the shower from working (lifeguard) or just swimming. Or just hanging out in her sweats, yeah a dress is nice, but I've only ever seen her wear highheels once and fuckin christ... But she doesn't ever have to torture herself for me in that way and she knows it. But you are right... *ducks*

That was great Whisper and I totally agree with you.Have you heard from Gee lately? Anybody?

Your ass should be good enough to look smoking without heels.

I like me a chick in hiking boots. High heels scare me. I got my toes stepped on by a stilleto once. So, Wisper... What happened to "I was just going to email you."? And Hal, I don't remember you being quite so incomprehensible. All those years of school wearing off already? :) And to change th subject completely, I need a volounteer to check some web stuff I've been working on to tell me if it's blowed up in IE or not.

monkeys. hal your learning all the right things to say son.

Thank you. I knew I couldn't be all alone.

My roomie is a Canadian.

i don't post most of the time because the stupiud computer at home is incapable of posting on sorabji. what i hate right now is that there are at least three people posting about relationship troubles and i'm not one of them. hal: i miss marcy. she always looked so pretty in the shower. patrick: my wife made me take vitamins last night. sem: SHIT. this is not good. not good at all. for a while i thought things were ok, but after not posting for almost a week, i see this isn't true. hal, you need to email me dammit, so i can begin intense telepsychoanalyzing at once and get you to make interesting comments once more. i swear you are becom ing a spineless blathering pook of a 19-year-old male. "i miss marcy" youy whimper. sheesh. she left you for her ex-boyfriend, for heaven's sake. he works at a mcdonald's! why can't you swallow the facts and move on? i know you're not an unpopular guy, it shouldn't be too hard for you to find a nice girl who doesn't remind you of marcy. thank you, and fuck you, you asses.

our little pez is all grown up

Maybe he'll listen to you, pez. He keeps trying to tell me how great she is and how hard she is on herself even though she jerked him around, dumped him several times for that guy (or something like that) and complains to him about how her life is so hectic. I've got relationship troubles, too... But it's all in my head.

all my relationship problems are with myself. i'm such a bitch. but the sex is good.

ha! droopy rocks.

Ouch...

Well... Not quite sure how to respond to that. Yes Pez hath grown up, proud and strong as well. First off, I was using Marcy as an example, you know maybe I am a complete fool, maybe I deserve nothing more then a truck over the head. I'm still in love with that girl, a though, feeling, action, sickness, miracle, that occurs to me every day of my fucking life. Do I realize the problems it has caused for me, Yes, do I care, yes.... Again ouch. Pez you may not know but I'm sure someone does know what the effects of having your heart ripped out your asshole, and what exactly it feels like. And last but not least, I said after she was in the shower not IN the fucking shower. That will be all, and Fuck you, you ass.

get the hose!

hey hal.... i can speak from experience....forget the girl. she's forgotten you. dont make an ass out of yourself anymore. Going on and on about your heartache is pointless. It pains me to see guys ache for women who are gone. Fools. Until i met nico, i pained for a girl ( i was 19 too) who wasnt having me back. She dumped me about a year prior...and i used to spew the same whiny shit. You know what happened? I got a blow job by this cute coed at college and proceeded to expand on a completely sexual relationship for 3 months. Old flame was no longer a dial on my radio and i felt like a fool for being such a ninny all those months.

See thats the thing, I have not been forgotten. I was visited not once but twice on a whim in the last month, by her. We sat around talked a lot, walked around Missoula. First time we made out, second time we had some sex. But the majority of our time was walking around, some holding hands, some smiles, movies... Blah blah blah... The point being is, the asshole who works at McDonalds... Fuck him, he's a fat asshole who treated her like a possesion and she knows it, apparently she didn't go back with him this summer, he has been fucking this chick I wouldn't even shoot for it would be a waste of good gun powder. No Marcy is still in Spokane going to school, and hey get this, last time she was here her and I went down the the University, gots us some papers we did.... yessssss.... She hates it at Gonzaga, first she's paying 20,000 a year to go to school with people she can't stand being around, she feels she doesn't belong there, and I know she doesn't really have any friends there. She wants to come here to the UofM. Why, well first off its only 8,000 a year not 20,000 because she's a resident. BIG difference in money. Also, the only person on her ICQ list, the only person in her email address book, the only person programed into her phone, and the only person she calls on a regular basis lives here. Me. So if I'm so fucking wrong in this, then I'm setting myself up. But you know what, in my eyes, and my heart its fucking worth it. I had my fuckfest patrick, and you know what, it didn't take her out of my mind. We didn't talk all summer long, she thought I was mad at her, which well I was. I'm not now.

that's so sweet.

You never forget the ones who break your heart.

i still think she's playing with you hal. i don't want to see you hurt. there are too many people i know that hurt... portland zinster/scenesters tend to be heartsick in gray november. one of my roomies is trying to convince me to borrow his taser. big ol' tapedeck-sized taser. i'm sorry for not being as observant as i should be. but i worry about you, y'know? whatever. do what you want. i can't stop you. but do you really think she's that special?

Yes.

i'm worried about you.

hal, 10 years from now, i'd like to hear your maturity-expanded definition of "special". likewise, 20 years from now. get on with it, boy.

Hal I understand where you are at. I was there when I was 19 and 20. I even had a child with this bastard (notice how my attitude has changed). I married him. I kicked him out. He spent the next 3 years doing to me what this girl is doing to you. Didn't stop until I was remarried. Guess where he is now. Just out of prison last month. Been there for the past 2 years. Sometimes it is unbelievably hard, but it is definately better to say enough for yourself. Eventually you do move on. You will find someone unexpected who treats you completely different and then you will think "This is what I really wanted all along". She won't seem so special anymore, and it won't hurt as much (if at all). You will be a happier person, and you will love yourself simply for being you. This is just my personal experience. I have made lots of mistakes along the way. I am happy now. I hope one day you will be to, but from what I see, honey, it is definately time to take that dreadful step and move on. It will make you the better person in the end. Best wishes to you and your future, whatever it may hold.

Eri, Dave, Pez.... I thank you for your concern, I honestly do, but I find that lately I don't have that many absolutly good things in my life. There is much about her you guys don't know about because well, when things were good I stopped posting to Sorabji for a while, and only told you about her when things went bad. Things weren't that bad that often, and when they were I understood why. She went back to her ex, a very long time ago. And she realized what I had done when she did. She wanted to be his friend, and date me, they dated for 3 years. He was making her choose between me and him, and I realize what you'll say: "If she cared about you so much then, why would it be a choice?" Well no, she feared choosing me because this motherfucker is one unstable asshole, more fear as to what he would do to me. I didn't fear that, but then again thats because I knew what he was capable of. In any case it was tearing her apart, hurting her and she started to get irevocably depressed. It hurt me to see that, bothered me to no end. So one day I fixed things to the best of my ability because I didn't like seeing her hurt. I told her that I would be her friend, and to deal with him how she would... I was tired of seeing him make her choose over people, thats not fucking right so I choose for her, I made the decision. Well about a month later she realized what I had done, I let her go because I cared enough about her that I didn't want to see her hurt, and she realized what kind of asshole he was. She got rid of his ass, over the course of the next few months things were fine till he showed back up and started following us and shit. Driving by her house late at night to see if I was there and then if I was Driving by several more times. It took me telling him that if I ever saw him again I was going to make sure he had trouble walking for a long time, and that it was bullshit. I also told him that I was going to turn him in for stalking but the threat of not walking is what made him leave. She broke up with me while in Spokane, almost 8 hours from that asshole and 3 from me. Things were stressfull, first of all she goes to school at a place where she has no friends, everyone is Catholic but her that she knows, and she is at the closesed 3 hours from anyone who gives a damn about her. Me. And I still care about her. There is a whole story, a drama I could write a fucking book about, incidents, words spoken, times had, events... but I don't think ya'll want to hear all of that shit. She means things to me, and it seems that I'm her only friend in the world. I still love her, and never want to see her hurt. I realize what you are all saying, but you only have half the story because thats all I've given up till now. Thats my fault. But she's not that bad of a person.

I think that girl, or any other girl will be lucky to have you Hal. You seem to care for people a great deal and that is an awesome quality. If it's meant to be than it will be. If not, than you will move on and be happy one day. I wish you all the luck for happiness.