i know it is in ohio just need the location 614-237-9964 i keep getting calls from here

hi Sara, the phone is down the street from my house. whenever i get drunk i walk down to the booth and call random numbers from my "black book". i'm usually whacking off. last time i was there i had an MD 20/20 bottle in my ass. when we were children we had magnificent dreams, didn't we? i never thought that this is what my life would become. everytime someone said "oh yeah? well my dad's a _____" i always thought, i'm going to be a _____ when i grow up. that way my children won't be forced to lie. my children won't have to cover for their boring dad. but then, this is how it all turned out. i work nights cleaning and maintaining grease traps for fast food joints and diners and hotel kitchens. i drive a puke green valiant with rusted bulletholes in the trunk. and whenever i'm drunk, i'm libel to wander down to the pay phone to get my rocks off. often with a bottle of cheap, fortified wine shoved into my colon. because that's the kind of guy i am. and one of these days one of you nice women will want to give my half of the DNA a chance to mingle and bake for nine months, so that i too can have a nice little dirty schoolyard liar. a little runt that looks like me, stinks like me, and, with a little luck, will grow up to take over his dad's stature in life. maybe it will be more than one of you nice women. maybe it will be a lot more. maybe my progeney will fill ohio like a plague of cockroaches. eating the grime from where the buildings meet the streets. the leftovers. someone needs to eat the leftovers. maggots swarming a festering wound. consuming the bad, leaving the good. leaving the shiny people to have their love and happiness. leave me alone with my phonebooth. crack open another bottle of the maddog.

Nate will try to fuck you in the ass,don't be receptive to it!

today, someone gave me a current, active database of 776,228 United States payphone numbers. and i took vacation until January 10, 2001. i so loved 2000. all those lusty zeroes. Two Thousand. i can't stop writing it down... 2000 2000 2000 and the sun rose. and the sun set. and the sun will rise again. and as ever, none will give a crap. thank you for the wine, my fine feathered nieces.

wait a minute, are my sister's daughters my nieces?

no, they're daughters. recessive traits and all.

that's why they call you "uncle dad".

i'm always surprised when they recognize my voice when i call

i'm pissed at myself for screwing that one up. it's not very often i get to use the uncle dad and i blew it. it should have said simply, "niece and daughter. that's why they call you uncle dad". i'm a dimwit.

i still don't get the joke. but who cares. i just made a fine, fine meatloaf.

my mom used to make an amazing meatloaf. i have her recipe. silly mom. she never thought that i could cook, but i did on the sly. it's not how it looks. it's how it tastes. right?

god. do i really have to explain it?

No one said being an extraterrestrial was going to be easy, dave.

hey, i missed you.

Back at ya, big boy.

i had these two cats, a brother named randall and a sister named kitty cat. before i got them neutered, randall knocked up kitty cat. kitty cat ended up going to live with our friend dan, where she birthed three cute yet slightly retarded kittens, one of which was named froggy and looked exactly like randall. dan made the joke once that the kittens called randall "uncle dad." there you have it.

i'll try really hard not to turn this into a thread about food. but i had meatloaf and it was so midwest and delicious. my mom really does make the best meatloaf, in spite of her schizophrenia.

speaking of family... i need another drink. 30 miutes 'til i meet heather. we're bringing our cameras. mmmmuuuaaahahahahahha

My mom is schitzo...they're doing just fine now. uh huh. Meatloaf.....yummmmm. I found a fish in the toilet.

i seem to have forgotten what meatloaf tastes like exactly. hmm. pity. it has tomatoes on top right?

best meatloaf has a can of Campbell's tomato soup poured over it before baking

Maybe you were supposed to have fish for dinner.How was that "meatloaf".

?

Sorabji, When are we going to get a look at those 776,228 new phone numbers you have?