last week i was looking out the window. this week i'm looking around the room. there is nothing going on. i am usually so careful when chatting with strangers on the internet, but last week for some reason i let my guard down and gave my real name and place of employment to some crazy bitch on a game site. why do i fuck up like this? it's cold as hell and i can't get this place to warm up tonight. i'm hoping a tall plastic cup of merlot will knock me out but it's not looking too promising. my left shoulder just cracked (you probBLY KNOW THAT AS S... whoops..didn't mean to yell.. you probably refer to knuckle and joint-cracking as synovial crepitation). i am really goddam tired. i look pale and shitty every day now. tired of having bad days when there is nothing bad going on. this merlot is shitty. i've been flying in planes and driving rental cars so much lately that sitting here at home night after night is powerfully boring. practiced Liszt for an hour or so tonight. the Norma Fantasy. never realized how easy that dopey piece of music really is. maybe this wine really is knocking me out. i'll be late for work tomorrow. have been having bad memories of high school. bad memories of foul-mouthed jesuit priests who i don't even refer to as "Father" any more. a lot of good memories, too, but i'm not remembering those this week. remembering that day we saw the space shuttle blow up over our heads,,,,,,,,, while i've been sitting here and you've been sitting there a boeing 737 crashed into a coconut grove on Samal island in the Philippines. in 1991 i got into a shouting match with someone over the correct spelling of "Philippines." she was 3 times my age and an imbecile, but she was right and i was wrong, there is one L, not two. this apartment is crashing, and furniture is falling all over the place, the television is on fire and the laundry bag is coming to get me
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