I'm waiting for my girlfriend's decision and this sucks! I mailed her yesterday( Sat. ) and told her to make a decision--me or him. Now the smart person facing that decision would opt to keep the current relationship and try to get over the other...so I figure. She is very intelligent, but I'm afraid that I have been zeroed out of the equation already. I feel kinda catatonic as I type. I don't think I'll finish this--too numbing.

sorry you're going through that. i'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, as much as that sounds like total hippie bullshit.

I believe that too. I thought that the hand of fate was pointing me to her. I really did. She was the one who pursued me after being with bozo for 5 years. Dammit! I wasn't even looking for love or anything like that. I did have a physical attraction for her, but I decided not to go after her. I didn't want another work relationship. She mailed me one day, said she had a dream about me--nothing substantial. In this mail she made a proposal. She wanted me to draw a portrait of her and her fiance. This was her bait to start the ball rolling. I went to her place and we talked for a couple of hours while thumbing thru photo albums to find the pics I could use. She turned out to be a great conversationalist and we found out that we had much in common. I don't know how I arrived on this topic, but I told her that I would never date someone under the age of 27 and never, EVER anyone from work again. Two strikes against her. Yet, she still pursued me. This was going against her morals--going after another man while she was in a relationship. She had a very hard time with this, I found out later. She had always been the preacher to her friends when they were imbroiled in stuff like this. I guess, in a very fucked up nutshell, I'm trying to say that I don't understand why this is happening. She's very mature for her age, very smart, very everything that I want in a woman. She just doesn't know what it takes to get over him and let him start anew. She's even admitted to me that staying in touch, the way she is, with him is not right, only hurting him, her and me. I have tried every little thing to wake her up to that fact over million times. Try telling someone that the last 2 years of their relationship sucked, the engagement ended a month and a half after I got involved, the final break up in Aug( 3 mos. after the engagement ) and here it's February. She just doesn't get it. know what her main problem is. She dated approx. 4 others before him. She started college at the age of 16 with him and he's the only real thing she's ever known. She feels that she has to hold his hand when he's all depressed about shit, to this day and it pisses me off beyond belief! I would never deny them a friendship, but this bullshit of him coming up every 2 weeks to see her ain't right. First of all, I'm supposed to fade away when he's there. Secondly, I'm not to get pissed off about it and deal with it. Third, HE FUCKIN' SLEEPS IN THE SAME BED WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh* It ain't right. So tell me I'm not crazy. By the way, I did go over there this weekend while he was there:) I had the ol' duffle bag with me when I walked in--told her I was staying the weekend. She was pissed:) I had nothing but polite conversation with them. I acted like nothing was wrong. He lasted about 30 minutes and walked out in a huff. We got into a low-keyed verbal battle. I told her that I wanted to be with her for the weekend and I was doing to him what he has done to me. I invited myself, like he does. I don't give a shit about his feelings, same way he regards mine. I spewed that if they were JUST friends that he'd have to accept us having a relationship right before his very eyes. I'm not going to play the ghost when he decides to come up. Fuck that! ( ya see, we were to celebrate x-mas a week late, but guess who came for new year's? riiiight. so I told her that I was coming even if he was still there. she said okay. ) So with that tid bit that I pulled from my head, I threw that back at her. Nothing was said by her. I'm babbling and getting more pissed. This is what I have to put up with. He has all but destroyed what she and I have--knowing the friction he has caused all the while. And his famous words to her awhile back, "I hope our 5 years together didn't end for a fling." He even hoped that we'd get married if serious enough. K.J., you're a fucking putz! And I pity the next chick who gets involved with you.

So what you're saying is that she cheated on this guy with you and is now spending nights with him whilst she's supposedly seeing you... No-one deserves to be fucked around. You're dead right to give her an ultimatum, just be sure she does actually make the decision. Love may be blind, but lust is just plain dumb. I hope it works out for you man.

I hope it does too. She has to grow up someday about dealing with break ups.

You'll be okay, Pink. Just stick to yr guns -- she has to choose. You or him. And if she chooses you/she canNOT see him anyomore. If you catch her at it/then it's over btwn you two. (Which gives her the perfect excuse to go running back to him. No offense/but if he had any self- respect/he wd've dumped her when she started sleeping w/you. Nobody likes ultimatums. But many times/that's the only way to show someone they need to make choices & get their priorities in order.

If she chooses him, then you'll have your suspiscions confirmed. It's better to know. Even though it doesn't feel like it.