I am so bored. I can't sleep. My son went to bed and now my husband went to bed. I am awake. I can't sleep. I am slightly tired, but when I lay down in bed I just stare up at the ceiling and I can't get to sleep. I try closing my eyes and I try to rid my mind of everything, but I still can't sleep. I just lie there and think about nothing. It's like I'm sleeping, but I am still aware, still aware of all that is happening around me (which isn't much, but I can hear the house settling and the birds chirping [and just why are there birds chirping at 11pm anyway?] and all the other night noises). I'm so bored.

I'm still bored...

http://www.portalofevil.com try the random link function. or http://www.seanbaby.com go through it all.

You could come to Canada. It gets dark at like, 5 o'clock in the evening this time of year. Sometimes fall asleep in my supper.

I am weaning my son (no more breastmilk). It has been about two weeks since the last time he had some. I went through the horrible part, where my breasts were so engorged that they didn't even fit into my size DD bra. They were so incredibly tender and extremely sore. I've finally gotten to the point where they don't hurt anymore and they are back to normal size (38 DD), but this morning they started leaking again. How long will this madness go on? Also, I heard that once a woman stops breastfeeding, her breast become smaller than what they were before she became pregnant. That is a scary thought. Before I got pregnant, I was a 36 A. Once I became pregnant I went to a 36 C almost immediately. Then once I had Ethan and my milk came in I was a 38 DD. How could I get smaller than an A cup? Will my breasts just invert then? I am terrified of this. Although, I do miss my smaller breats b/c they weren't so heavy and in the way all the time, I just can't imagine going any smaller than that. The weirdest part about the whole breastfeeding thing is everytime I hear my son cry, my breasts start producing more milk. I thought I was finally finished and that I wasn't producing anymore milk so I took my bra off for the first time in almost two weeks (with the exception of showers and stuff). Of course my son started crying his head off tonight b/c he wanted me to hold him while I stood up, not hold him while I sat down, and low and behold, I start leaking all over the place! What a pisser... How long will this take?

it's different for different people. it took me a couple of weeks to dry up, and i would say that my boobs are about the same size or just slightly bigger than before i had cleo. saggier, though.

this is one of those exclusively female conversations that has the ability to make a guy really really uncomfortable.

ewww, boobies!

no hon, not boobies saggage, leakage, shrinkage, engorged and so on. your bodies are so damn weird.

"saggage, leakage, shrinkage, engorged and so on." Tell me again how those things don't apply to men?

Patrick, it would do you a load of good to learn about these things. How are you going to react when your wife has a baby?

good point. steering this another way....ive had some really really strange dreams this week. Sunday night i had a dream i had my johnson cut off. how, or why, im not sure. it was growing back, and it was near completion, and i was in a sexual encounter with some unidentified person, and the pain....the pain. but the fact my phallous was cut off, in itself is copious couch fodder then early this a.m. i dreamed i was at Kaiser for a check up and i was diagnosed with cancer. i went to the cancer speacialist. she made me undress and shower. then i returned to the waiting room to wait. at one point duringmy wait, i went outside to the landing strip at the hospital, got in the plane and took a ride "around the block". I came back only to wait some more. my "specialist came in and said she would see me, but she was tending to her daughter. she was attractive in a dirty blonde, california girl kind of way. i noticed her scrub-pants were starting to reveal her butt cleavage, and then at that moment her scrubs fell to the floor all together. we laughed, and then went into an examination room, she had to examine my ass. she left me so i could get situated or something. then i awoke. what the hell is that all about? i mean, there is so much going on there and im only giving you the core details.

oh spider dont be so literal. im not ignorant to ANY of these things. i only play that way.

yeah, using boobs as food make me uncomfortable! let's talk about my penis some more!

Hey, last night I dreamt I was raped. It was horrible. Maybe something is in the air? Let me tell you my dream: In the dream, I thought it was taking place around my office, but it really set in the neighborhood around my high school. My mother had come to visit me and we were walking around the streets. At one point, I sat on a swingset and kicked off my shoes, and then we continued on our walk. While I was on the swingset, I saw a a very well-dressed but creepy-looking man, and he looked at me and it was kind of tense for a moment, but nothing happened. So my mom and I are walking, and it gets dark, and I remember that I left my shoes by the swingset. So I go back and get them, and the man is there with another guy, and I know I'm in for it. They pin me to the ground and rape me and aren't I lucky that this is a feeling dream and I can feel the pain and the weight of their bodies and the grit on the pavement beneath my hands, and I'm crying and kicking and I may have hit them with a pillow(?) but it's no good. Then it's over and it's morning, and I see that I'm wearing a long nightgown and I still don't have my shoes. My clothes have been lying in puddles and are all wet, so I can't change. Somehow I know it's around 8:45 and I'm frantic because I'm late for work and what will I wear? I can't go dressed like this, because they'll know what happened. I hope that I run into my mother on the way there and maybe she'll have a coat or a sweater I can wear so I don't look so indecent. I'm also hoping that I can ask for the day off, using my mother's visit as the excuse. I think I also dreamt that I got to work but no one was there, and that was the end.

AGATHA!!!!!! it was a joke!!!! for crying outloud. in case you havent noticed...because i was babied by women all my life, i have a tendency to play dumb, coy and sheltered only to draw more attention from women. women have this incessant need to nurture, shelter, and provide. this tendency of mine is most evident when nico is out of town. but its also worked in the past when women are exclusive in activity or conversation. i hate being left out. BLAMO....sarcastic remark to edge in an otherwise exclusive conversation. anyway....perhaps i should use quotation marks so you'll get when im being sarcastic or something. it was a dream not a conversation about my weiner. wet blanket man!

hmmmm nico's dreams have also been based on the drastic. or at least thats how they present themselves. this morning, she awoke when i did, and we had a rare opportunity to share our dreams for a minute...telling her about my cancer dream. hers made her so so so sad she said. we were flying back east for the holidays (which we indeed are) and we ended up being on seperate flights, with seperate connecting cities. shes actually quite scared right now of flying, despite her better judgment. but apparently in the dream it was a treacherous, and dangerous dream. underlying fear. the times. drastic, extreme times are spawning this.

heh. i knew that would piss you off, you overly sensitive mama's boy. i haven't been able to remember any of my dreams in a while. not sure why. speaking of changing the subject: patrick, do you have a lomo?

oh, and spider? what's going on in your life that's making you dream about being raped? that's disturbing.

no lomo. why, thinking about gettin one? many friends have one, i know all about them, but for the average joe wanting to just snap neato pics, there are better cameras. because of the variable shutter with those things, alot of the pics tend to come out crappy. blurry pictures arent always cool when you just want a decent shot.

they're fun though. i need to finish off a roll on mine... al-x needs to take pictures for the cover of her new zine. which reminds me... i have layout DONE on my new one... i'm going to get copies today: fold, cut staple and paste. it is very cut and can fit in an ordinary envelope so i can send it at standard postage! yea! emailez-moi si vous voulez une copie.

I don't know, Agatha. I think it's disturbing too. I still feel dirty.

jeeze spider you feel dirty when the wind blows girlie. hey pez...a more fun camera, that in my mind takes better pictures, and has a sorta of primative serendipity to it..... check out a Holga This guy has some awesome Holga shots as well. Here is one of mine or rather a series. it only costs about $13. It takes medium format pictures so you get larger negatives. the shutter and aperture are fixed so you wont necessarily get the blur in low light situations. You would have to go to a professional lab to process it, but the cost is the same.

Not quite, Patrick.

Okay, here is my situation: My husband and I decided to rent out one of our bedrooms since we need money. We rented it out to a girl that I used to work with at the gym in the child care center. She was passing herself as this cute little Christian girl who does no wrong (and being a Christian myself, I know that there is no such thing and am very aware of all my faults and frailties, but she was trying to hide behind her Christianity as I found out). She is 19 (that is my first mistake). We were renting the room out for $300/month, which is a pretty good deal. Well, she comes to me at work and asks if the room is still for rent, and I tell her yes. She asks how much and I tell her $300. She then tells me that she only makes $350/month so could she just pay $200/month? So then I talk to my husband and we talk to this girl, who we'll just call M. M tells us that she wants to move out of her parents house b/c they are very strict Christian parents and she is 19 now and wants to have a life of her own. So we want to help her become a bit more independent and we tell her we'll let her stay here for $200/month. Three days after she moves in we were talking about work (she was still working with me at the time) and she brags about how much money she makes there b/c I was complaining about how little I make. She says, "I make $800/month at the gym!" When I give her the "you stupid lying bitch" look, she then proceeds to say, "Oh, well I make that much now..." As if within three days she all of a sudden makes more money? Brad and I talked about it, and we decided to raise the rent to the $300/month that we were originally going to rent the room out to her for. Well, then she comes clean and tells us that she really can't afford the $300/month b/c she is paying off a car load from her parents. So Brad and I decide to wait a little while to raise the rent. Next thing, M asks if her boyfriend, A, can move in. I'm all for it b/c when A is here, M acts responsible and listens to what he has to say. He tells her to clean up after herself, and she does. So then also with him here, we double the rent. It ends up that A is paying the full $400/month and M is not paying anything. Which is okay, as long as it is getting paid. Little things start happening with her. She quits the job at the gym and becomes jobless. She starts hanging around the house (which we had discussed before b/c I have a daycare during the day and she is not supposed to be here unless she is in her room and she said that was fine). She plops her fat ass on the easy chair and turns on the Jenny Jones show. I talk to her and tell her that this is not okay. She has a tv in her room and if she is going to be here during the day she needs to stay in her room. She says okay, but nothing changes. Other things are going on too, like, she makes huge messes in the kitchen, never cleans up after herself. It got so bad that I had to eventually post signs around the house reminding "everyone" what was okay and what was not okay. For instance, she would "clean" her room and decide that she didn't have enough room in her room for all her stuff and then she would just put the stuff out in the hall. So I had to post a sign that said "Do not put anything in hall please". I wish I could go into detail about her, but I don't think that I could finish it all in one day. She has lied to us on many occaisions, we catch her lying to us all the time. She has moved out, back to her parents house, but her boyfriend is still living here (he has no where else to live). She is paid up for rent until October, but when October is over, I will expect her key back. She is not living here, she should not have a key. She is also over here almost everyday and she just makes a mess everywhere. I talk to her all the time about it and she just turns her back to me or ignores me. Then she pretends like everything is a-ok. Is it wrong for me to tell her once October is over that I don't want her here unless her boyfriend is here? That if she is not here, her car shouldn't be here either? To ask for my house key back? I'm not quite sure what to do. Her boyfriend is a nice guy and we don't have any problems with him. He has no where else to go and we will be charging him $300/month. I don't want to make her think that the way she acted while she lived her has anything to do with these things, b/c they don't. Even if she had been the best little renter, I would still want these things. Anyone have any insights on how I should handle this?

i cant imagine having roomates. i mean if it were a seperate basement space....maybe, if I needed the cash REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY bad but id say you kinda set yourself up for this shit. Ive gotten real particular about my space. Id get your key back now. She has moved out, she is a visitor, not a resident and id ask him to leave at the end of the month. Your driveway is not her personal parking lot. Change your locks and call it a day. Otherwise the problem will continue.

And again I would like to point out that women leak.

ban her from the house altogether. if the boyfriend doesn't like it, tell he that he will need to leave. she sounds like trouble that shouldn't be living with you- she needs to grow up.

I like my lomo, but haven't used it much since I got my digital.

Ban her from your house. Explain to boyfriend the problem. Tell him that the condition for living cheaply with you is she is not allowed in your house, because she ahs no respect for you. Take it or leave it.

What's a lomo? I've had "bife de lomo" in restaurants in South America, but I doubt that's the same thingy.

its a russian camera. its a a basic camera, with a variable shutter speed, depending on the available light. the lower the light, the longer the shutter stays open, unless you are using a flash. they have the fourlense model that takes 4 simulataneous images. they also have the basic model all the little kids like it these days cause the exagerrated shutter gives you blurry pics...making it seem artsy. Lso its Russian made and cheap, only about $100, so it has kitch value. check out some of the pics here http://www.gusset.net/lomo (cut and paste, for some reason this god damn site wont link) my thing is, the blur is only psuedo-artsy, and its not much fun to look at image, you have to tell people who or what it is. their pretty cool, but im personally could put $100 bucks to better use in terms of taking pics.

Get rid of her Pam,she's trouble with a capital T.

they have the cheap 4 lens ones for $35, and it comes with film and your first roll processed free. yeah, i got one. now i have to find the time to go take some pictures.

Hell, my pix come out looking that way on a regular camera.

Holga vision is $13 baby!!!! feel like gooing it up with vaseline or sanding down the lense with sandpaper for freak effects...its only $13!!!!! No sweat! i wish i had a scanner to show you some of my other holga images. you should drink more until everything balances out dougiefresh.

We kicked her out. We had to go through her boyfriend to get the key back b/c once I tried to talk to her she got all huffy and left. We tried to get them both here to go over a few "rules", but we couldn't so we just sat down with A since he was here. We told him that she had to give her key back. We also told him that if he wasn't here, then she shouldn't be either. He then asked if she spent the night would he then have to wake her up at 5am since that's when he left for work and we said yes (duh). He said he didn't want to have to wake her up that early so then I said, "If you don't want to wake her up that early, then she doesn't spend the night, understand?" This was last Friday and so far so good. Neither of them are here hardly ever anymore. We raised the rent to $300/month like it was suppoed to be originally. If he moves out that will be okay with me, I'd like to get my house back. I don't care how far into debt we are, this just isn't worth it.

Good you got rid of her, when I was really poor, I use to sell my blood at a plasma center.

that is funny that you mention that J... I can sell plasma and make $200 a month doing so. I haven't been able to do so before now b/c I was breastfeeding, but now that I am not doing that anymore, I think I will have to start. Does it hurt, J?