| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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two months, with the traveling and the not working and the staying in other people's houses. At my aunt's I had a room and a bathroom and laundry and a kitchen practically to myself but I still didn't feel at home. Anyhow. The list. * I will love deeply and freely as only my own wild heart can comprehend. * I will practice self-care and accept help as needed. * I will write my own definitions of prosperity and success. * I will dance and sing and craft and explore and create and laugh and refuse to differentiate between these things or they and everyday life. * I will foster community and art, particularly where it isn't so evident to start with, but wherever I am. * It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. * I will pursue friendships and collaborations. * I will shape the world, make it grow. * I will tell my anxiety to shut up, and tell it again, and tell it again. * I will make it work. If it doesn't work, I'll change my approach. * I will speak up when things don't feel right. * I will expect and see the best of the people around me. And myself. |
No pressure there! |
$13/hour to start (more than I've ever made on a consistent basis, wheee!), after two weeks they'll let me take a truck home. Full time hours, benefits at 90 days. Y'know, things any person willing to put a few hours in should be able to get. It's one of those jobs without an office or a cash register. I'm in charge of my time and doing things right. I can't wait. |
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Have fun! |
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today, but the phone never rang. Gonna try calling them tomorrow and asking. My parents paid off my student loans this summer. I had no idea it was going to happen, but I was talking to my dad one day and he said he'd mailed nelnet a check. I'm still a little dumbfounded. So now my debt is simply the credit card that helps me out between jobs and never takes more than a couple of months to pay off. The last few jobs I've had get me started on some hardcore budgeting: the necessary toward rent and bills, so much for incidental expenses, then anything extra split between saving and debts. I keep a tally of how much I put towards debt and let myself have a "fun fund" for things that aren't normal expenses when I have the liquidity. I'd like to have the freedom to donate a portion of my income towards causes: maybe helping others pay off their debt, or for for feline TNA programs, or maybe support the arts when I can. Keeping too much money (I don't need a lot) seems wrong. It shouldn't be sitting in my pocket decreasing in value over time. I'd rather see it go to use. |
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I wrote my own list a couple weeks ago when I started therapy. Some of the items are the same as yours, although not as poetically written. :) I want: * to be able to stick up for myself ---openly express opinions and disagree with others ---set boundaries ---allow myself to say no ---allow myself to be disliked ---take stands ---do what I want or think is right even if it will cause awkwardness *to have more friends, to socialize more *to do social things by myself without fear *to find a better job, OR *to improve the job I have ---use my time more productively ---learn about new technologies ---learn more in general ---find ways to be creative *to practice creativity rather than fantasize about it ---voice or piano lessons to catch up ---learn to sew ---get back into drawing/visual art ---needlecraft ---expand my cooking/baking horizons *to improve my fitness level *to open myself up to spirituality again |
Don't think of saving money as keeping too much money -- you're not in the income bracket where it's possible to keep too much money. (Neither am I, nor is anyone here, I don't think.) Save your money; donate your time. |
One of the things I want to learn is lacemaking techniques. I've crocheted some lace and did some knitting that has some of the basic steps, but I'm thinking one of these days I'll get myself set up to weave bobbin lace. Maybe tatting to, but bobbin has a simplicity to the patterns that is appealing. |
I'm trying to teach myself embroidery, specifically blackwork. As of now, "trying to teach myself" consists of looking at pictures and reading library books and reflecting on the canvas, thread, and needles I have sitting on my desk at home. That's a big problem I have, and it's embarrassing: I think and plan and research the most basic things, instead of just diving in and doing them. Tonight, I shall take up my needle and thread. After I wet-vac out my flooded basement. Priorities! |
you can do with it! |
been made yet and the fellow doing so wasn't in for the day. Grrrrrumph. Waiting is hard. Don't they understand that it takes me a minimum hour and a half each way to get there? DEDICATION. I took my bike out to the interview: exactly 29 minutes from the South Hayward BART, which will stave off my dependence from the hourly bus. I rode down to Fremont after, which doesn't do anything timewise, but going through Union City and along the Alameda Creek (gravel) Trail for a good portion of it. There's not much water in the waterways here, I'm not used to it yet. But I did see two egrets, and shouted "egret egret egret egret egret!" inside my head; remembering the first time I saw one, on Birdathon weekend when I was 19. And yeah, I get the research & supply-gathering over doing: let me tell you about my calligraphy tool collection! |
It been raining all day, didn't notice it until I woke up and noticed the pavement being wet. |
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thanks. And not having kids anytime soon, thanks to my IUD. |
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I didn't realise you were in the Bay--next time I'm down, lunch is on me. |
of summer once it became apparent that job and boyfriend weren't working out, got back two weeks ago. Called again this evening not long before their office closed: still no answer. Training starts Monday. I need to know. Looked at more job listings, but nothing looked as awesome as I want it to be. Platy, did you write an article a few months back about not liking pet names? |
decent job that I put off applying for anything else. They called me so quickly to schedule things and tell me about things I needed to do, and then had an interview last week. They were going to call me on Wednesday..... and nothing. I gave them a couple days, then called on Friday. "He's out of the office today, sorry." Called again on Monday right before their office closed, she said she'd leave him a note. And still nothing. The training is supposed to start on Monday, so if they call me today I'm going to be pissed. They probably won't. Yesterday I never left the apartment, never got fully dressed, ate an english muffin and ramen, and cried to myself in the shower when I finally convinced myself to do so in the evening. Then got back online and put in an application with a temp agency. I'd really like to find a job, one where I'm treated like a human being and am paid a living wage. And almost more important than that is that I get my act together so I can see a support group or a therapist or something, I'm really not doing well right now. The past few months have been a nightmare. It got a little better when I decided I had to get back here to San Jose and my first couple of days back, but..... I spend so much time feeling sorry for myself. I barely talk to anyone, even when I'm around groups, and then find myself talking the ear off the cashier at the grocery store and run away embarrassed. I want to go on this bike ride tonight but I won't know anyone there and it's going to be huge... I'm scared. I shouldn't be scared. I saw a list of life issues that adult children of alcoholics (for the record: my parents are not alcoholics) or others who have had equivalent trauma have to learn to deal with.... and I'm going through a lot of them. Have been going through a lot of them. And I don't know how to stop living this way. I just know I need to. |
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luck. With my most recent compilation of my job history ONLY on the hard drive. But on the other hand, for at least a little while longer I have internet access and a place to sleep. C hasn't said anything about the time limit. He's even setting me up with a laptop to borrow and going to help me with file recovery. A setback though. |
How are you doing? |
sure how to answer. |
About to go for five. |
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trips. Makes rest stops awkward. |
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But, I don't want to go to bed. I've spent to much time there this week. Head/ear aches and an upset stomach. Two cats curled up beside me. Close. Soft. And, warm. But, the dream world calls me back. I have no pain there. My heart is not heavy. And, I have no load to bare. Good night. Zzzzzz. |
Talked to someone about my concern with recurring dreams about the warehouse number three, they said, it is my subconscience or it is P.T.S.D. that I am having all due to stress related things/issues. |
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my grandfather I fell off a mountain side, passed through a yellow light, and woke up in the mind of my grandfather in 1924. I lived through his entire life then stopped my younger self from falling. |