| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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1) Why did my dad wait 3 days to tell me about this?? 2) What was my mother thinking, telling him it was his fault she had a panic attack? Doesn't she care how that will make him feel? 3) Why is my mother staying in Delaware with her best friend, about an hour and a half away from me, without telling me? Why didn't my mother tell me what happened herself? |
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people who have panic attacks tend to blame the perceived sources of stress before realizing they are the one's with the problem. i know this for fact spider. i'm blamed all the time. Like your father, your mother probably didn't want to involve you in this. parents don't really want to get their children in the middle of their spats. I imagine its quite shameful feeling and you would just serve to remind them, that, aside from them selves, they failed. |
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Personally, I've already been dignosed with 3 ulcers, 2 minor ones and 1 that I had to take medication for. The doctor told me I should probably see a shrink because most of them were pretty much being caused by stress and more acid being in my stomach then there should be. I hate shrinks, I'll just continue causing myself more stress then necissary till it kills me. Because if I don't do it that way, Karma will get ahold of me sooner or later. |
um. what? no. not really. not at all. you are wrong. VERY WRONG |
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It's fucking hell. We never talk about it to anyone else. I feel so helpless all the time. He just started getting them last year, and i was there when he had the first one. After we got back from the hospital that night we lay in his bed and i cried like fuck for hours and hours and hours. I try to understand. like i said, i've never talked about it. |
thankyou. |
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when i threw up at the emergency room the night before halloween the nurse said, 'honey, i think it's your gall bladder' turns out my gall bladder hated me now it is gone ah, revenge. |
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if only you knew. |
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(long ramble of self story) i'm sorry, spider. . . . a lunch of moldy eggplant genitalia smothered with marinara and garlic would be pleasant. grab the brush. |
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Panic attacks are very real and scarey that's what my doctor gives me xanax for I can't drive by myself anymore because of them but if you knew how I use to drive before I had them it's probably for the best. I learned to drive in a grocery store parking lot. |
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Whatever. I left a message at my mom's best friend's house yesterday morning for my mom to call me, and I still haven't heard from her. I also left messages at my mom's apartment and her work. I hate this. |
when i was in elementary school my mom had a friend that lived sort-of in the neighborhood but not really. they would take walks in the summer and to me it was late a night. at least it was dark, and i was scared. i would worry the whole time until she got back. if she seemed to be taking too long i would start bugging my dad- um, can we go look for her? if you knew my dad and me you would know how weird that is. |
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All an ulcer is, basically, is a sore inside the stomach. |
the lining of the stomach is highly resistant to acid. only when it is comprimised are there problems. |
piksha |
A behavioral psych was reading about the women and men who were "bewitched" and their conditions. Spasms, tingling and prickling sensations, hallucinations usually, violont contortions etc. Ergout (sp?) is a key ingredient in LSD and she realized that what was happening to LSD subjects seemed awfulyl similar to the "bewitched" in Salem. Well ergout poisoning is a potential with rye. Rye was a staple grain in Salem. Certain conditions need to exist for an ergout strain to contaminate vegitation. Damp, wet conditions. She did the research on those who were bewitched in Salem. They all came from one side of the village and very likely got their their breads from a certain area of Salem, she studied weather patterns the season before...indeed the one farm where rye was coming from, could indeed have been poisoned with ergout. ergout posioning constricts arteries that lead to the brain, cutting of oxygen and causing the body to spasm trying to get air. The tingling sensations and hallucinations are direct results of blood loss to the brain. There was a "trial" in Salem to determine the possibility these "witches" fingered by the "bewitched" were indeed witches. So they gave a "witch cake" to a dog. A witch cake was a piece of bread soaked in the urine of the bewitched. Well, the dog went nuts. This was damning "evidence" they were indeed witches. Therefore, they were hanged soon after. She took this study to Europe and found other cases of ergout poisoning where "witch" trials and executions took place. They even found ergout posioning in a preserved carcass of a suspected "witch" from the 16th century. There was documentation of ergout poisoning in a french town in the 1950s, all stemming from a certain bakery. Bottom line, not only a fascinating show but damn convincing evidence. At first i was skepticle because the psychologist was in San Fran during the 60s, most likely did acid and came up with the connection while "studying with a friend"...yeah ...right. Sounded like something a couple of tea heads coming up with over a few bongs. Ergout posioning seems to have been the cause of 40,000 women and men to be executed on the basis of witchcraft. |
my sister found a library book i'd lost in a drawer. so lucky i was there, it was long overdue and i'd forgotten i had it. i'm not looking forward to paying my fine. |
Yesterday afternoon, something too nice happened at work. This afternoon, disturbing things happened. I left work feeling sick at the heart and wanting to lie down. Tonight, my mom called again. More disturbance. I tried to tell her about the sick feelings, but she's going crazy herself right now, so she didn't have any attention to spare. That's okay. I need to be more in control of myself. This is ridiculous. |
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But lately, I've been feeling the urge to just chuck it all and have some real fun with people. I've only ever had someone say "That just wasn't like you" once in my life. I think maybe that I should up that particular number to some more reasonable one. LR- I hope that things pick up for you. Everyone should have someone they can lean on when they can't be the one that's in total control. |
control is a factor in it all. im supposedly wrong to think its acceptable for a spouse to loan hundreds of dollars in start up capitol to a friend for rent, and keep it from me for weeks. Supposedly im controlling and thats why I was never told, but that an excuse. Im buckling. I took two valium last night, and Im "stingy" for not saving one for her, even thought i gave her a handful when i got the script. Never mind her script of xanax she has, im stingy for not saving one of the few valiums I have left. This is the first time ive ever taken them for non-recreational use. I need something stronger. Im buckling, and considering seeing a work sponsored counseling group. At times this am it felt like the subway was just gaining speed and gaining speed.....faster faster, the hum of the wheels louder and louder....and you know, I was hoping it never stopped. Blazing conducter energy zap....mach 1 into a wall. |
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I'm moving on Friday. There's a two-hour window overlapping the times when I can move out of my apartment and move into the new apartment, and I have a tiny UHaul waiting for me and I hope everything will fit in one go. It's Wednesday and I'm not packed. Did I mention I was moving into a studio apartment? How am I going to fit all my stuff?? I have so much work to do at my job, I don't know where to start (hence my visit here). I'm also going on vacation in August, so I'm going to have to train my coworkers to cover for me, and I'm praying that they won't screw things up in my absence. But the biggest aneurysm-inducing, gasket-blowing, eyeball-popping thing of it all is this. Last night my aunt and uncle called and asked me if they could stay overnight at my new apartment on Friday after I move in. Did I mention it's a one-room apartment? Did I mention that my mother is already staying with me that night? Did I mention how much stuff I have? Do you think I want 3 people staying with me in my one-room apartment on the night I move in? I said no. My aunt was insistant, but I was firm. No way am I having them stay with me that night. My aunt said this was all right, and she understood. So what does my mother do? She calls my aunt and uncle and gives them permission to stay with me that night. When I call my mom and ask her what the hell she thought she was doing, she told me I was being unreasonable, and since she was the mother she could give permission. And, don't I know, they'll be in Ohio until Friday, so I can't get in touch with them to tell them no. Did I mention that I was calling her from my office? Instead of shrieking, "WWHHAAAAATTT???" I told her that I would call her back later. I've decided that I will take her credit card on Friday and book myself a nice room at the Embassy Suites in Friendship Heights. Does this sound like a plan? |
kick them all out, including your mother for insubordination. you pay your own rent right? my family wouldnt even CONSIDER staying in our 2 bedroom (one bed, one loveseat, a few pallats) apartment, muchless if we had a studio. They INSIST on staying at nearby holiday inn. its better for them, and us. Everyone is happy. Yeah, kick them all out. Put your foot down. Your mother is being an ass. and fret not about work in your absence. the point of vacation is such. its just work, someone else's profit, it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. |
Book the room, use her credit card, at your earliest opportunity tell your uncle and aunt there would be no place for them to stay in your box filled, 1 rm apartment then tell them you set up this nice room for them at a hotel. It will be all done and then they can't reverse it. Your Mother is being diserespectful to everyone in the situation, just wrestle control from her and all will be better. And ya, what Patrick said about work. You should take a sick day to go home and pack. |
you need to put your foot down. your mom is out of control. call your aunt and uncle back and explain about your mom the ursurper. |
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Dinner Lady's right -- I can't get in touch with aunt/uncle until Friday. The tricky thing is that my mom and aunt/uncle are all helping me move, and they're arriving together, so I'm going to have to face them all at once. How is this going to work? I imagine this: they're all going to whine and complain, and I'm going to get stubborn and start swearing and tell them to either pay for my fucking hotel room or get one yourselves because you are not staying in my apartment. Then there will be a big uproar (smaller if I don't say "fucking" :) ). Much guilt will be applied, because look how ungrateful I am...they helped me move! How could I dare tell them no? Then I'm going to give in (because they have a point, right?) and hate myself for not standing up to them. God, I'm so mad I'm almost in tears. And my mom wonders why I choose to live 500 miles away from her. |
They dont have a point. When they offered (or you asked) for their help to move, accommodations were not part of the deal right? Stand up spider. Say your piece and then turn off your ears. Do not let them guilt trip you. i find such abrupt phrases like "end of conversation" "there is nothing more to say" "this is not a debatable subject" quite effective. Once you've said them, its quite ok to just walk away. moreover, id say "im sorry my mother gave you the impression, that despite what I told you directly, its ok to stay here. She was inconsiderate and im sorry." |
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if that's the case, you should put them up. in a hotel if necessary. |
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I mean, am I crazy to think if they stay with you they'll be sleeping on the floor with 3 other people in the room. Isn't that not fun after a certain age (well I guess you're over that age Spider!)? I would frame it as 'I've gone to all this trouble to get you a hotel room to be nice to you and I'll be hurt if you reject the idea' - see, now YOU'RE the martyr. I also heartily endorse the phrase: "im sorry my mother gave you the impression, that despite what I told you directly, its ok to stay here. She was inconsiderate and im sorry." This is why I've had movers the last few times I've moved, they can be costly, but you know - no scenes, no fighting, no weird guilt, no sweating, grunting, dropping things on your foot... It's too late this time but next time you should look into it. It reduces some of your moving angst - well at least it did mine. Just try to focus the fact that in a week or so this will all be over. |
Furthermore, as I hoped I had stressed before, I'm not sure my furniture will fit in my new apartment. I don't have room for four people. I told my aunt this on the phone last night, and she said she understood. I wish I could get ahold of her before she arrived on Friday. I really hate to be in this position, with them arriving fully expecting to stay with me. Yes, I could suck it in and let them stay, and that's probably what's going to happen, and no, I won't have an aneurysm, and gosh, yes, you're right, it is one night out of my life. No big deal. But that was my decision to make, not my mother's, and it's really fucking disappointing that my mother still has not learned that "because I'm the mother" does not give her the authority to override my decisions. And I really hate looking like the ungrateful spoiled brat who has to get her way when I take issue to her abuse of the little authority she still maintains. |
I agree...this is looking like the appropriate thing to say. I'm going to get ahold of my mom tonight and explain why I have a problem with the situation (I'll be calm, too...I'm not that angry anymore), and maybe she can give me the number of the people my aunt is staying with. I want this resolved before they show up. |
And while I'm complaining...I was always the last one to get cake at my own birthday parties, too. :P |
(one more benefit of socializing more spider..friends are always happy to help you move with the understanding that you'll help them if they need it, and you'll buy pizza and beer for lunch. no family bullshit such as this.) |
Do either of your Aunt or Uncle know your Mom can be um... demanding? Can you write this off to a 'you know how she gets' to them? Somehow I think the words 'cold hard floor' and 'one room' are not getting through to your relations when we describe places to sleep options. Like, what adult people would pick that? Good luck with your Mom tonite, be in control! Yeah! Go! go! go! |
Dinner Lady, I could spend hours describing the intricacies of my mother's relationship with my aunt....and they're both difficult and demanding in their own ways. You should have heard my aunt try to bully me into letting her stay with me. And, oh, I was so proud of standing my ground...and look where it got me. Oy! Thanks for the good wishes! |
Patrick is right about friends and moving. Always a plus. Even though we had movers, we assigned a friend to get us food, since we figured we might not leave the house all day (and it was a long day; closed on the house from nine until almost eleven thirty am, then dealt with movers until nearly eleven pm). When we moved, my mom helped out. Her role was to watch the movers coming off the truck, and make sure they didn't scratch or ding anything. We sent her home when it was all over. One advantage of living only an hour from my (slightly overinvolved) mother is that she *can* go home at night, and we don't have to host her. I find it harder to deal with her now without my dad around to balance her out. People who knew them as a couple over the yers have noticed this, and know what my eyerolls are about when they ask after her. Much as I have a hard time thinking of her dating, I realize that she needs someone in that balancing role, and I'll be damned if it's going to be me for the next thirty years. |
I do like this idea of having a friend in charge of getting you food though. That's pretty cool. |
and definitely deal with your mother. jesus. go buy a bong and leave it somewhere she'll find it. leave a couple empty bottles of cheap-ass vodka lying around, too. |
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Not for them, for you, baby. You know what it's like when you move into a new place and sure it's exciting for the first bit and you REALLY want to sleep there in YOUR new place and it's YOURS, wheeee! but then by the time bedtime comes around, and you have to make your bed (and usually not just put sheets on it, but actually *make* it, assemble it, with your tired hands) and find your pillows and find a clock and your pjs.... fuck, Best Western it is. Order your self some cheesecake for breakfast on mom's card and call it even. Tell them to call when they leave, the bitches. |
Having friends help me pack and move was one of the best things we ever did. When we moved here my mother came the last day and was telling all of my friends (whom she had NEVER met before) what a horrible pig I was and how I wasn't raised this way. It was funny to see all the church members looking at her like she was some kind of freak. I thought it was hillarious, but it did send my stress level up a couple of notches. My brother in law and his family are visiting now, but that is another story for another time (like next week after they have left). |
I hate moving. And by the end of August, I'll have moved three times this year, two of those being BIG moves (Columbus to Lowell, Lowell to Atlanta). However, the small move from one place in Columbus to another place a few blocks away nearly got all fucked up because I got hit by a car on my bike the night before. Luckily, the tendonitis waited a week before it kicked in. My parents are usually pretty cool about whatever their roles are. My stepfather is super anal and it's around moving time that I am actually grateful for it. He's the one moving me to Atanta and I think he's more excited about it than I am. He called the manager of the apartment complex where I will be living to get the dimensions. Then he went and printed up a kind of blue-print thingy and showed me where he thought we could put all my stuff. Yeah...he's a big dork. |
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when they first decided to move (at least six months before they could move in) my dad asked for blueprints. then he went home and made cutouts of their furniture so he could move it around and see where he wanted things. after he decided he glued it down. he printed his own labels for the moving boxes. i don't like my parents to help me move because they usually spend a lot of time commenting on how much crap i have and "do i need it?" and "how did i fit all this in here?" |
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Last night, I defrosted a big-assed steak and ate the whole thing myself. I taped together about 20 unfolded boxes while watching the Simpsons so I could rest a bit while I digested my food. (My God, that thing was big. I haven't eaten that much meat in one sitting...ever.) Then I cleaned out my bathroom except for the essentials that I'd need today and tomorrow. Then I put all the books on one of my bookshelves into the many grocery bags I saved. I cleaned out my drawers and the shelves in my closet and put all the clothes in bags. ...And that's it. Tonight we have to pack up the rest of my books and drawers full of notebooks and picture frames and posters and little knickknack things and dry food and remaining sundries....and then I'll be done! |
Heather, I wish I were as organized as your dad. Trying to sort things into categorized boxes was overwhelming me -- next year, I'll start packing a few weeks before I move out. Well, last year we packed our whole apartment the night before we moved. |
what part of town are you moving too? granted its been a few years, some places have come and gone...but I can help a newcomer. |
seeing as how I will probably be visiting there, fairly often. Then i can take advantage of your insider's knowledge as well. |
Candler Park. |
you know until the homosexuals and subsequently the hipsters and subsequently the yuppies moved in that used to be one scary-fuck neighborhood. that city has done a complete fucking 180. all the typically black neighborhoods,generally poor, lower middle class have been invaded. gentrified like you wouldn't believe. are you going to GA State? They have one of the best college radios there in the country, 88.9 WRAS as i recall. 100,00 watts. I used to play live on there all the time and at this joint in and around Candler or Inman park called Dotties. Total dive, but thats the way i like em. You'll have a blast in ATL , its a great scene there. |
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There's the Yacht Club in Little 5 Points which is a great pub. Theres Manuels Tavern near there that is also rich with history. Highback wood booths with kick ass beer on tap. Its right near the Jimmy Carter Presidential library and he has been known to drop in from time to time. Theres a couple of great cafe's i recall digging. Thers the Red Light Cafe on Amsterdam ave in Midtown. A great cafe, with great beers and fantastic live jazz. There is also Cafe Diem, which is a greaet place to get brunch on sundays, thats also in the L5P area. ahh see now im starting to get nostaligic. i have to admit though, i havent been to any of these places in years so they may have changed, been leveled, and im sure new great places have cropped up. I left just before the gentrification of South east Atlanta took place. |
No confrontation took place. My aunt and uncle chose not to stay. All is well. The place is bigger than I thought it would be, but it's in the back of the building, on the first floor, with the garbage cans situated right outside my window. The good thing is that as soon as I walk in the back door, my apartment is right there -- this was great when we moved in....it took us only 35 minutes. The bathroom has an unusual color scheme -- pink and black. If I saw a picture of it in a magazine, I would probably laugh, but as I have to live with it, I think it's scary and depressing. Black tiles, black sink, pink toilet, pink bathtub. Horrible yellow light. No ventilation. It's the kind of bathroom you die in. |
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It also has no electrical outlets. WTF is up with that? I'm telling you, it's Hell's bathroom. |
suspect that this lack of outlets can be used to date the apartment to before the time when hand held hairdriers became common. |
I am glad that the move went easily and there weren't any confrontations. |
Boy, I tell you, I was in the throes of anxiety all last week, and now that everything's over, I'm kind of depressed. I'm going on vacation in three days, though -- I hope that does me some good. |
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It's a very odd bathroom. I think it wasn't designed for a shower, and someone just stuck the shower head in later, because it's only tiled to about five feet, so water and icky stuff get on the walls above the shower. That, and there's no rod, or anything, so you have to aim the shower head at the side of the wall so that it doesn't spray all over the place. Bad design, people. |
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maybe a soft grayish purply color paint? try some odd lighting configurations, maybe bring a lamp in there or something. definitely, you're going to need some kitschy thrift shop "paintings". actually, i think pink and black could be kind of cool, if you capitolized on its tackiness enough. at least you don't have a hideous beige plastic tub and pale gray linoleum, with neocolonial fixtures and sink stand. barforama! |
might as well run with it. |
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but the bathroom, very, very pink. |
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You need to go to a flea market and pick up some bathroom art. I can just imagine the print of the puppy with huge eyes that is waiting for you... |
I would do something about the lighting if there were a freaking OUTLET in the bathroom. That is so irritating! It's a tiny bathroom, too, so running an extension in and sticking a lamp in the corner is out of the question. I don't have any art that goes well at the moment, but I've been planning to do a painting of something with the words "my heart is sad and lonely" on the bottom (you know, from the torch song, "Body and Soul"?). The bathroom looks like a 1940s disaster, so I think that would go well -- I just have to choose an image. Ophelia, I used to hang out in my bathroom when I lived at home, too. My parents took the locks off of my and my brother's doors soon after we moved in (because they said they didn't want us to do anything in there that would require us to lock the door -- ???), and no one would ever knock when they came into my room. So I arranged my room so that I could shove the bed against the door when I didn't want to be bothered (like when I was doing my homework, for God's sake -- what did they think I would be doing in there? Building bombs?). They got mad and took the door off the hinges, so I did my homework and reading in the bathroom for a while, until I begged for my door back. That's the nicest thing about living alone -- no one can disturb me. Caller ID and an answering machine are also great. |
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I used to have white supremacist bathroom art. |
Damn, zoom in on the bottom-right of Platypus' image -- hard to tell, but is that a missionary handing a bar of soap to a native? |
a painting. this guy always made paintings of big tear drop-eyed kids in bell bottoms. You know the one? Its kitchy flea market art, but it was quite popular. The particular one we have over the toilet consists of this cute boy and girl in a grove pose over a portable turntable circa mid 60s. He has little beatle boots on and she has a mini skirt on. the eyes of the subjects are always what makles these distinct. you seen one, you've seen them all. those make great bathroom art. does anyone know the artist im referring too? his paintings are all over the place. |
Harbor Lighthouse during a storm. That's it. At my last place, I had a ink and watercolor piece of clown fish swimming with a mermaid that had a clown fish lower half, and very perky breasts. |
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i was just looking through Margaret's work on line and it doesnt look like the art i have in my studio bathroom. unless none of the sites are showing her older work. im not sure its the same person. im finding out the name on the painting in my studio though. |
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see here http://bigeyedmasters.tripod.com/EVE1.jpeg there were several artists in teh 60s who did the big-eyed crap. noting the turn table here, this is most likely what we have...art by Eve. see spider its only $7 http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=896723532 |
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Though, coincidentally, the background in the ebay picture probably matches the pink tiles exactly. I need something to reduce the level of potential psychosis induction of the room. Have you ever read the short story called "The Yellow Wallpaper"? That's the level we're talking about here. I'm telling you, it's a scary, scary room. |
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(Here's The Yellow Wallpaper if you want to read it. It's a classic.) |
As for your parents removing the locks from your door - sheesh! You remind me of a friend whose father had a padlock installed on his bedroom door so his kids couldn't get in there if he wasn't around. Predictably he locked HIMSELF out of his own room and had to break in through the window. |
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You get used to this kind of thing after a while. However, the thing that always got me (meet kazoo, the literary-weenie) was that no matter how many times that I explained: "although the story parallels Charlotte Perkins-Gilman's life in many ways, it is still fiction, a short story and needs to be analyzed as such" I'd still get: "In her autobiography, Gilman uses symbolism to show how her big dumb stupid face husband gave his wife the oppression that made her hallucinate and go insane and on and on and on...... |
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plllllbbbbbth!!!!!! |
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