Shove...


sorabji.com: Why I oughta...: Shove...
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By patrick on Monday, May 31, 2004 - 12:37 pm:

    a finger into a wood chipper. At least the pain would be something I would wrap a bandage around.


    does that ever happen you?

    i'll take physical pain over emotional clusterfucking any day.

    i hate this.


By Antigone on Monday, May 31, 2004 - 12:48 pm:

    more


By Spider on Monday, May 31, 2004 - 01:01 pm:

    What's wrong, Patrick?

    I'm with you, though -- emotional or psychological pain is worse than physical.


By patrick on Tuesday, June 1, 2004 - 01:39 pm:

    in time.

    for now i have to be vague.

    i hate that im such an emotional person sometimes.

    i go from the sharpest mountains of anger to the lowest gulleys of sadness in a matter of minutes it seems.

    whats particularly tough are the triggers. the emotional triggers all around me. its like being in a mine field.


    im sorry. i know this is kinda gay. crypto-ventilation is boring and shit, and who would want to play.

    im still making sense of it all, so bear with me.




By Lis on Tuesday, June 1, 2004 - 03:38 pm:

    hey pattypat, i don't know how to tell you that eventually it's all gonna make sense. i mean, i know how to tell you that but i don't know that it'll make you feel any better right now or that there's any chance you'll believe me. pretty certain nothing said will right now and that's how it's sposta be...but..ahh shit, you know. once the pain is gone, i'm pretty certain you'll have your sunshine again. til then, just hold yourself real tight and make it through it k? i'm here as much as i can be here...

    love,
    me


By wisper on Tuesday, June 1, 2004 - 08:43 pm:

    patrick, i had a dream about you on the weekend.
    You were there, all Dave Grohl-esque, so Spider and i decided to drive to LA to visit you.

    Now, i'd been playing "Simpson's Hit and Run" all weekend, so it got pretty fucked up. The game is basically 'Grand Theft Auto' but with Simpsons characters. Great game, btw.
    So it all turned into a driving video game, with me and Spider tring to navigate the mean and crazy highways and back alleys of california, and when we found YOU i'd turn around and lose HER, get HER and lose YOU, and so on and on it went like that for a good half hour.
    Then i think we went to a bar.


    And Spider looked like me, but with brown eyes instead of green. And larger boobs. Yup.

    feel better, man.


By Spider on Tuesday, June 1, 2004 - 10:13 pm:

    Well, I have long hair now -- maybe we do look alike.

    Here, Patrick, have a picture of Monica Belluci.


By agatha on Tuesday, June 1, 2004 - 11:00 pm:

    I'm getting a really bad urge to write

    (((((((hugs))))))))

    to Patrick. There, I did it. How fucked is that?


By sarah on Wednesday, June 2, 2004 - 01:23 am:


    let's line 'em up, patrick, shall we?



By Platypus on Wednesday, June 2, 2004 - 01:43 am:

    It seems to have been a shitty year for all of us, eh? Toasts all round in the vain hopes that the other half of 2004 won't be as mindnumbingly, horribly awful as the first half was.


By patrick on Wednesday, June 2, 2004 - 12:44 pm:


    you should really do something about those urges agatha. next thing you know, you're going off the emoticon deep end.


    thats sounds a like a great dream wisper. especially the part about losing one of us everytime you turn around.


By Kalli on Thursday, June 3, 2004 - 12:53 am:

    I can leave you an entire page of smiley faces....

    I mean I can...I won't....but I could...

    ahh shit.

    :) :)

    anything for you baby.


By heatehr on Thursday, June 3, 2004 - 06:54 am:

    i am having a similar urge, patrick


By waffles on Monday, June 21, 2004 - 08:39 pm:

    nearly a decade has gone by and one books is being closed while a new one is being started

    i feel burned. not as in scammed. just raw. blistered.

    its very cold and dark where i am now. i don't have any doubts i will find my way out. i have to. but i thought, perhaps it was time to lay it out. things have unraveled expeditiously in the last 72 hours....more so than i thought, in a manner than I would rather avoid. Its sad when someone you love seem to choose visciousness and distrust when warmth and honesty have gotten you so far. emotional amnesia. Like the adage goes...sometimes we harm the hand to stop the pain in the foot or something like that.

    Naturally the sadness is there. I don't cry as much as I did a few weeks ago. The sadness has taken up residency now and simply weights me down. Sometimes I forget that its there. But it is.

    I just wanted to express my love for a lot of you here, and that some of the first people I came calling on, are here and I think that says a bit.

    I'll be around.


By Platypus on Monday, June 21, 2004 - 11:20 pm:

    Take care, waffleboy. I wuv you.


By Spider on Monday, June 21, 2004 - 11:47 pm:

    I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now, Patrick. Hang in there.


By dave. on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 03:04 am:

    patrick, i'm so bad about offering condolences. they always seem so flaccid and useless, even the true and positive ones. i usually just avoid the whole thing. better folks than i will rise to the occasion and just go ahead and say it.

    it's bad now. it's gonna be bad for a while then it'll get better. give it time. don't make any rash decisions and don't burn any bridges. eva needs you and nico. be strong and positive for her, even when it seems like you're the only one trying.

    lyrics and literature are bloated with tales like yours. i say that that not to diminish what you're feeling but to remind you that you're not alone. in fact, you're in some damn good company.


    lots of room for improvement if you allow it.


By Gee on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 10:24 am:

    I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly, Patrick. I hope things work out for you soon.



    it seems to be the season for badness.


By Czarina on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 10:32 am:

    Oh my, this doesn't sound good. I'm not sure whats wrong, but my thoughts are with you Patrick.


By sarah on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 12:25 pm:


    would you believe me patrick if i told you that i feel your pain? i really do, i know how much you are hurting.

    it makes you stronger blah blah blah

    time has to pass blah blah blah

    everything happens for a reason blah blah blah

    it's all true and it's all bullshit. all i can say is this:

    one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. whatever it takes. oh, and don't forget to keep breathing.



By J on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 01:20 pm:

    Hey hon,I have some really big shoulders,if you want to cry on them,I'm here,you still have my number?


By waffles on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 01:35 pm:

    possibly j.

    right now...im mostly bewildered.

    there was an agreement to be married. canceled.

    there was an agreement to separate slowly, measuredly, not rocking the boat. give space, allow freedom, begin to redefine while holding the fort down. financially things would become clearer in the next few months. now thats cancelled.

    i sought my space. found some. now im unfair.

    im seeing some studios in koreatown.

    i even have a phone interview with a LA Unified School District official today regarding a teaching position at a local high school. Do you know how thrilling that prospect is to me?

    I appreciate your support. Being told repeatedly, everything, everyone is saying is a good and necessary thing.


By kazu on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 01:59 pm:

    oh patrick, i am so sorry.


By moonit on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 04:11 pm:

    Patrick, kiwi candy and a gift for babe is on its way :)


By patrick on Tuesday, June 22, 2004 - 06:11 pm:

    you're the best!


By agatha on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 12:45 am:

    do you need to come visit Olympia for Homoagogo? It's in august.

    I'm so sorry. Babies are really hard on relationships, but also in my opinion the absolute best reason to try to work it out. Hope Nico realizes this, and it sounds like you already do.


By patrick on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 12:08 pm:

    id love to agatha. right after i hit nate country and buy heather girlie drink.



By semillama on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 04:10 pm:

    "homoagogo?" Is that what it sounds like?

    The school teacher idea sounds really fantastic and positive. Good luck on that.


    Patrick, we're all here for you.


    although if you post any weepy, horrible poetry, I'm going to kick your ass.


By dave. on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 04:15 pm:


By semillama on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 06:05 pm:

    yup, exactly what it sounded like.


By patrick on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 06:47 pm:

    i get enough queer culture as it is for 8-9 hours a day.

    sem, if i start with the silly ass poetry...you do have my advance permission to do me in.


By wisper on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 07:53 pm:

    "i get enough queer culture as it is for 8-9 hours a day."

    as if there's ever ENOUGH!


By patrick on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 08:36 pm:

    well. you know...if i was hagging it like some youse


By wisper on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 09:21 pm:

    there ya go.
    chin up, love.


By agatha on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 12:42 am:

    I'm a bit of a fag hag. It's fun! I think a bunch of dykes with waxed mustaches are just the ticket to cheer you up.


By J on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 03:11 am:

    No Agatha,lipstick lesbians,they even turn Brucifer on.


By HUNG on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 12:04 am:

    WHY I OUGHTA.... SHOUDA HAVE SHOVED BROOMHANDLE UP RTC'S ARSE..... RECENTLY, I HAVE LEARNED THAT THEIR WEBSITE HAS CHANGED AGAIN..... A FEW MONTHS AGO, I LAUNCHED A CRITIC ABOUT RTC'S WEBSITE BEING A LAMER.....AND NOW...... RTC HAS A NEW WEBSITE.... I NOTICED THE PICTURES SO BLURRED AND IT'S GIVING ME A HEADACHE....AGAIN.... THEY'RE A LAMER ........ I THINK WHO EVER TOOK A PICTURES MUST BE HIGH ON L.S.D..... CHECK WWW.RTCIND.COM.
    HOWEVER,I AM UPSET THAT THEY ARE LIVING LARGE.


By on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 12:19 am:

    WHEN IT WAS MY LAST DAY AT RTC. 9/17/1998. I SEE IQBAL KHAN SO PISSED OFF, HE LET IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH TO SOMEONE MENTIONED ABOUT ME. I SURELY LIKED TO SEE HIM SAY THAT ME AGAIN.
    I OUGHT TO FONG THEIR ARSE.
    I OUGHT TO TELL THEM THAT THE EQUIPMENT NEEDED TO BE REPAIRED.
    I OUGHT TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT THEM FOR BETRAYAL OF FRIENDSHIP WITH ME.
    I OUGHT TO LAY MY THIRD FINGER AT THEM.
    YOU KNOW WHO EVER I SPOKE TO THEM(HUMAN RESOURCE) ABOUT MY RESIGNATION, THEY DIDN'T TELL ME THEIR NAME IN ORDER FOR ME TO SENT THEM MY RESIGNATION LETTER, HOWEVER A LADY WHO TOOK MY CALL AND WHEN I ASKED THAT PERSON FOR A NAME SO THAT I CAN SEND THE RESIGNATION LETTER, SHE SAID "EITHER THEM OR ME". I OUGHT TO FONG THEM, BUT ONE OF FOUR OR FIVE . THEIR NAME IS M HERSHEY, E KASER, B PAVLICK, J HORTON AND J CARLSON.
    IT WASN'T EASY TO GET OVER WITH THIS, WHEN I HAVE A RECURRING MEMORY, IT MAKING ME SO ANGRY,WHY!!!!!! I OUGHT TO FONG THEIR ARSE..THEY FIRED MY SUPERVISOR G RUDY...... THEY .... I THINK THEY DID A DIRTY JOB IN FINDING A WAY TO GET RID OF ME.....I OUGHT TO FONG THEIR ARSE......WHY I OUGHT TO...... WHY THEY CAN'T LISTEN WHEN MY EQUIPMENT MALFUNCTION...... HOW AM I GET OVER WITH THIS?????? IT IS A DIRTY JOB, BUT SOMEBODY GOT TO THAT AWWW FUCK MAN..........
    SHAME ON YOU RTC INDUSTRIES!


By heather on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 03:43 am:

    you really need to let that go


By agatha on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 11:54 pm:

    oh my god, that guy again. was his name hung before?


By NORMAN on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 12:14 am:

    HEATHER, HOW DO I REALLY LET IT GO? IT IS EATING MY MENTALLY AWAY...RTC SURELY SUCKS.....


By wisper on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 02:22 pm:

    therapy?


By moonit on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 11:05 pm:

    For fucks sake. You left! Who cares!

    Good god, I bet you are the kind of person who still isn't speaking to so-and-so from first grade who took too bigger bite out of your lunch.

    fuckwit.


By AGENT D on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 05:41 am:

    I HATE RTC BUT I CAN LICK MY OWN ARSE


By NORMAN on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 05:43 am:

    IT TAST REAL GOOD


By HUNG on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 05:49 am:

    I MAY SHOVE A BROOMHANDLE UP MY LIVING LARGE


By HAHA on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 05:59 am:

    HAHA


By CHRIS HEELAN on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 06:01 am:

    I LIKE MICHAEL SCHULTZ


By MICHAEL SCHULTZ on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 06:04 am:

    WE DO MUTUAL MASTERBATION WITH BROOMHANDLES


By . on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 06:05 am:

    MORE TO CUM


By DOMINION on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 06:17 am:

    I AM EATING MY MENTALLY AWAY


By RTC on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 06:22 am:

    I OUT TO FONG MY ARSE


By IQBAL KHAN on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 06:34 am:

    I LET IT OUT OF MY MOUTH


By HORSE DICKS on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 06:46 am:

    GO TO THE ZOO,SO YOU CAN SEE DONKEY COCK FOR REAL


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 07:46 am:

    He jogs naked,every day on the Marina seafront,apparently.And it may be an apocryphal story,but he,s been known to dress up like up like a McDonald,s "Big Mac" and try out his comic routines on unsuspecting passers by.I am not a fan of these literary icons,you,d expect this place to be packed with stars.


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 10:42 am:


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 02:29 pm:


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 02:52 pm:

    V.v. never heard of flamergrill.....


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 02:54 pm:

    AGENT D! i reeally liked donkey's cock, mmm, its taste so good..yum.


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 02:55 pm:

    Chris Heelan, glad you liked the taste of Michael Schultz's shit.


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 04:06 pm:

    The last 3 postings are not mine,and I see you changed to small font.I hope you dont mind me gathering together (a few) of your many names in one batch?,and the next thing to do is tap in troll,then press the search button...you will find about 1,270,000 references to yourself (fame at last,eh?)...and check out the word "flamer"...mean time,I will tell you your family history...good luck. http://www.sns.no/troll/trolhist.htm


By agatha on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 04:24 pm:

    GET OFF OF PATRICK'S THREAD.

    cocksucker motherfuckers.


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 05:05 pm:

    ...Do you mean me,or the 30 clones and trolls im fighting off?..."sigh"


By V.v. on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 05:22 pm:

    agatha,have you noticed patricks postings are no longer patricks?, just an observation.


By moonit on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 02:36 am:

    I think that was my fault Aggie. Grr for speaking my mind.


By patrick on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:54 pm:

    oh agatha....the angry matriarch in you is so sweet.


    let the cockcuckers cannibalize themselves to non-existence.


By patrick on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:54 pm:

    oh agatha....the angry matriarch in you is so sweet.


    let the cockcuckers cannibalize themselves to non-existence.


By agatha on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 01:05 am:

    I've been feeling a little testy and territorial lately.

    It's all been bothering me.


By patrick on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 02:36 am:

    i think its sweet.

    let bother ye no more.


By patrick on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 03:26 pm:

    this vacuum in my stomach.

    im trying to extract the lessons.

    im trying to distract my mind.

    i've never...

    ever did i imagine.

    she spends nights with him almost regularly now.

    while that.... was part of the plan implimented 2 or so months ago...its ... h a r d.


    it so so so so so hard.



    upon arriving in atlanta in feb for my grandfather's funeral, walking in from the airport, i practically run to my grandmother. she embraces me and whispers "its sooo hard patrick...its so hard".

    i hear her a lot now. I need to call her but i cant tell her. she doesnt need to know. she, her nearly 70 year marriage was my benchmark.

    forget it.


    im putting to death a part of me and its unbearable.






    yesterday I assisted for this cat

    seeing his images of Kidman, made me think of heather.

    i need distractions like that. pretty women and fantastic photographers who use old school hollywood lighting that give me aesthical erections.


    i think i have my own apartment lined up.




    im trying not to lose it.

    id love to see you.



By dave. on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 03:58 pm:

    patrick, like i said up there, it's important to take the high road here.

    even though sweaterboy homewrecker needs a good asskicking. even though they're over there being all happy in spite of everything. even though it would feel so good to get drunk and just go fucking berserk.



    just focus on yourself and eva. cut them out of your life to the greatest possible extent. get all of her stuff out of your face as soon as possible. feel sorry for them, not yourself.



By patrick on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 04:18 pm:


    my best interest for eva, or so i think, would be to somehow limit his involvement with her, but i cant, without taking the gloves off and its been made clear, if i take the gloves off, shes going to go kim jong ill on me...right or wrong. doesnt matter. by that i mean...if i make a move, to shore up my forces along her the 180th parallel, shes going to the launch nukes regardless. the landscape would be made worse for ALL involved and I dont want to do that.

    im totally taking the high road. her actions, now, speak loudly. shes being dishonest with her family about what she is doing. With a granddaughter in the mix, that cant, and wont bode well.

    im just trying to adjust. to adapt.

    i said early on and still believe that this is making me a better father. I see that on nights im out, i come home, the house is practically frazzled and babies cant sleep. I came home last night after working 14+ hours on a photo shoot, supposedly baby is struggling to sleep...i put her down in about a minute 30.

    shes naive, she has no idea what a seperation can do to a child, even though the child is young and wont remember it. 2-4 years down the road, things will matter. she seems to think eva has this cosmic understanding of what is transpiring between us, and that we are far from any kind of modern family and that its all right. she insists things are all but over with us, but rather we are doing what needs to be done at this mile marker.

    its pussy, and easy to say when you are getting what you want, complete with rebound lover and all.


    like i said, i try and find comfort in the fact that what she is doing is spiritually and morally bankrupt and there will be a price that she will pay. not for wanting to seperate but moving so quickly, with little consideration for her daughter.

    its just clearing the hurt and making the right decisions.


By Antigone on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 04:29 pm:

    e-mail me, patrick.


By dave. on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 05:27 pm:

    do you think she's going to try to fuck you over in the divorce? you might want to move on that soon before she has too much time to think about it.


By agatha on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 05:40 pm:

    I'm so angry at her. It's so lame to realize your marriage isn't working after you meet someone else. Either it's working or it's not. Rebounding is so incredibly cowardly and morally bankrupt.

    I did that once when I was twenty. I still feel guilty about it.

    Patrick, you need to get yourself a lawyer right now. It will make things go much more smoothly in the long run.

    Come visit us, too.


By patrick on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 06:02 pm:

    no dave.

    there isnt any divorce.

    right now, its nothing but an agreed upon seperation.


    in her mind, she isnt rebounding because shes been 'done' with me for a long time. depending on how angry she is with me at any given time, is how long she likes to say shes been 'done' with me.

    the other night it was 3 weeks after we started dating. other times its been 5 years ago, sometimes, its been in the last year. Who knows what the truth is.

    'morally bankrupt' is exactly the term ive been using a lot lately agatha.

    if i get a lawyer now , she's going to clusterfuck the entire landscape of our relationship, right or wrong. shes not thinking straight, shes being emotionally selfish right now and not putting her daughters best interests in front of her own. she's said that outright. granted, she thinks she needs to be selfish for the short term, to be th ebest for eva in the long term (re: money from her start ups). we'll see.

    in her mind, she has been selfless in a relationship with me, for so long, that somehow, her behavior now, is justified. like, shes earned this. whatever.

    its slamming me in the face because i somewhat ignored the subtle unhappiness she conveyed for so long, that when it finally came to bubble, combined with her obsession with her work she's manifesting it all, in this other guy. he represents a key cog to the success of her business, something ive been viewed as deadweight because i resented how much she worked and how the attention i got from her dwindled. he is also bringing her passion, she says, something she hasnt felt for me in a long time either. th epoor fucker doesnt realize.

    moreover, im not sure what kind of calibre of a guy swoops in, sleeps with a woman who is still legally married with a 16 month old daughter. real stand up guy.

    shes chosen to focus and embrace all the bad things about our existence together. shes cherry-picking what she can to rationalize and justify how she is behaving.

    its actually quite sad.

    she's resorted to calling me 'lonley' 'sad' 'pathetic' and that everyone we know thinks im spiraling downward.

    all claws for sure. she likes to refer to this panel of 'everyone' to bring me down a notch. 'everyone' thinks you're sad' 'everyone' thinks you need help. it hurts to be sure. but i more sure that its pretty pussy of her because if shes talking about me, to her girlfriend, or sweaterboy or any mutual friends we still keeo, who are they to disagree with any picture she is painting? of course they will at least tacitly agree with her. how silly.

    for now...i dont see an immediate danger to eva.

    i have noticed eva behaving more aggressively and thats because the house has been extremely tense in the last month or two. Im not out to make things worse, not now.

    my job is to try and keep shit calm, for now and get into my new place.



    Im also out in the open about this shit now.

    she may even be privy to sorabji and making note, but ive said nothng here, that I havent said to her.




By Antigone on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 06:33 pm:

    My last girlfriend pulled that "everyone" shit on me. She was the most cruel, pathetic woman I've ever known.


By dave. on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 06:38 pm:

    wait a minute. you're saying she's gonna get mad at you if you seek a divorce or get a lawyer?

    she. get mad. at you.

    she just wants every little ol' thing, doesn't she?

    dude, believe me -- when she's ready for the divorce, you'll know all about it right away quick.

    you're right there so obviously you know best but it seems prudent to at least consider it. i would be beside myself knowing that my child support payment or alimony payment or whatever was going towards tipping their waiter at their nice, romantic dinner.

    that's the shitty thing about the legalities of this stuff. you clearly want to help support the child but you know some portion of your money is finding its way into the hands of the new boyfriend(s). it's like he's fucking the both of ya.

    gah. i'm all pissed off and it isn't even happening to me.

    i'm just saying make it happen on your terms or it will happen on her terms.


By TBone on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 07:08 pm:

    I'm sorry, Patrick.

    I'm not sure I understand why there is no divorce. As weird as it made some aspects of my childhood, I'm glad my parents split when they did. It was better than hearing them yell at each other.

    And you may want to at least talk to a lawyer. It'd be good to be prepared if she springs it on you. She doesn't have to know about it yet.

    I hope she will realize that lashing out at you isn't going to make things any better for her. I hope you find some peace.


By patrick on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 07:28 pm:

    for now, i think we feel we dont need to legal term divorce to get done whats being done.

    the original plan was to seperate, see other people, have shared custody and gain more respect for each other.

    i believe that could happen. im just more guarded now by what happens with eva and reserve the right to take action if i see shit going on that is totally fucked up and isnt stopped.



    i know im somewhat vulnerable.


By patrick on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 07:30 pm:

    thanks


    t boner


By dave. on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 07:40 pm:

    well, at the very minimum, document any money that you give her. when, how much, for what. write checks if possible. document it.

    if it all goes yippy skippy, then no big deal. if it doesn't and she gets a lawyer, you'll be prepared when they try to nail you for backdated support payments.


By V.v. on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 08:59 pm:

    Patrick,i went through divorce years back,its hell,but ride over it,and get back on track,you are strong,you are wise,you are young,you got a long way to go yet,...my divorce allmost killed me,but i survived,if i can do it,so can you...hope you dont mind me butting in an all,i know we are not allways the best of friends,...just dont let it pull you down too much,hope you forgive me for saying my thoughts...and when you do get out of that shit,i hope are bigger and stronger in your mind than ever before.


By patrick on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 09:08 pm:

    thanks vv.

    you're still an ass, but i appreciate the support.


By Spider on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 10:11 pm:

    Goddamn, Patrick. I want to fly out there and shake her till her teeth rattle. Why the fuck does she have to be so vicious?

    Please do see a lawyer. You don't have to tell her anything about it.

    I don't know what else to say, but man, I'm pulling for you. Peace be with you.


By V.v. on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 10:21 pm:

    Thank you Sir...just dont give up,i know this sounds like male bonding an all,probably is,but even an ass like me has to give support to a bro...just stay strong,be your self,get out of this shit,and make so much money you can look back and laugh...stay lucky,right?


By V.v. on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 10:24 pm:

    ...and like Spider says,peace be with you.


By patrick on Friday, July 9, 2004 - 11:23 pm:

    well.

    im an emotional wreck. from her standpoint, im harrassing to her, as i struggle to understand, to accept and t cope.

    she got the live work space.

    im not sure how she is going pay for it.

    the sweaterfuck is leasing 'office' space within for a portion of the rent.

    shes viscious because she thinks im coping wth this badly.

    shes in denial. shes overly stressed. trying to overachieve with her work.



    more later. eva beckons.


By Dodi on Saturday, July 10, 2004 - 12:25 am:

    Hang in there!


By J on Saturday, July 10, 2004 - 03:20 am:

    All this time I thought it must be stress from her job,the baby,her sweater line,but she found time for a "sweaterboy" heh,fuck that shit!! Well if this is a seperation and she's fucking somebody already it sounds like you DO need to see a lawyer,and Spider is right,she doesn't have to know and fuck her anyway,this isn't just about her.You have been totally supportive and have been there for her,what has she done for you lately? I know your hurt now,but when you snap out of it and get mad let me know,we'll let the "games" begin. What are your arrangements regarding Eva? Dave is so thoughtful,listen to him.Oh,next time she pulls the "everyone" shit on you,tell her this "everyone" thinks she's a pure asshole.Love


By Platypus on Saturday, July 10, 2004 - 10:09 pm:

    Oh, Patrick. Sweetie, hang in there. I know you are doing the best you can and the best for Eva, but I'll pray for you nonetheless.

    And re:lawyers--I concur, you should probably consult one to be prepared. Also documenting is a great goodness.

    Be well.


By patrick on Sunday, July 11, 2004 - 10:34 am:

    can we let this thread die....for a week or more?


    thanks kids.


By Cat on Monday, July 12, 2004 - 12:42 am:

    I'm so glad you said that, Patrick, because I wanted to say something but I didn't know what would be appropriate besides offering you anal and my best.


By semillama on Monday, July 12, 2004 - 12:55 pm:

    I have no advice to give. Crap. It's all crap. Just found out a married couple/friends of ours is getting divorced - turns out she was cheating on him, he walked in on them when he came home early from work to take her out to dinner on their anniversary.

    Hang in there. Kazu and I think about you and we want to come visit the left coast sometime in the next couple years.


By V.v. on Monday, July 12, 2004 - 01:14 pm:

    Patrick,yes i know you want a break from every thing,but fight back big time,and find the most amazing girl in the world,she is out there,you just got to find her.Dont crumble,go in to the world,and take what you want from life,if you want it,then you will have it.


By V.v. on Monday, July 12, 2004 - 01:20 pm:

    Patrick,5 years from now,i want to see you a millionare,so you can look back and laugh at the shit that you go through now,if i did it,so can you.


By Dougie on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 10:42 pm:

    Shit Patrick, I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself, man.


By Dani on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 04:02 pm:

    Holy shit Patrick...I'm just now reading this thread for the first time and I had no idea that any of this was going on. I'm really sorry dude. My best advise is for you to obtain an attorney ASAP.
    Every dime of support that you give her should be paid in Postal money order with "child support" written in the memo section of the money order.
    You need to protect YOURSELF before she eventually fucks you royally. Any clothing, toys, food, medical bills, etc...etc...that you pay for your Daughter needs to be documented and EVERY receipt needs to be kept. Sitting back and doing nothing will bite you in the ass before you know it. Sometimes keeping the peace is the worst thing you can do.
    Protect your own ass.

    Just my opionion.

    Good luck and I wish the best for you and Eva.


By Dani on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 04:04 pm:

    By patrick on Sunday, July 11, 2004 - 10:34 am:
    can we let this thread die....for a week or more?


    thanks kids.

    Oops....I didn't see that part..sorry.


By patrick on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 06:16 pm:

    when did it happen

    the coming of fall the mere hint of it used to make me so happy revitalized now and as I recall in recent years thats not the case in CA its less dramatic than in the east in the east mornings you always seem to hear the sound of freight trains and autos on a neaby freeway with more clarity the crisp air seems to deliver sound with greater efficiency the fall always brought lots of positive energy halloween, my birthday, new school clothes light jackets and kissing cigarettes smoke better with a chill in the air dont ask me why

    but now no melancholy gloom nothing in particular its like a glaze has been poured over me im sorry for it last night after child went to bed i went to do some cleaning starting with the car

    did i tell you about the underwear i found in the car no not mille nico no not mine no not evas no not hers it was tucked in the crook of evas car seat clearly covering a spill of some sort boys underwear filled with holes tears and clearly worn for quite sometime fucking nasty thoughts of nice and classy came to mind i intend to give them back to her ask her if its a new line of underwear it was like a free make someone feel utterly stupid coupon was given to me enjoy at your own leisure i will

    so I unloaded all of her clothes shit that has occupied the trunk for weeks despite my repeated requests to remove it samples and crap she clearly tried to sell nice new clothes tagged and everything just thrown in what the hell who cares whatever it all went in a box in the garage with all of her other shit she enjoyed the convenience of leaving going through the console and glove box doing an initial shit removal as a first step towards selling the car i uncovered lots of triggers directions to this party brochures from this place we visited monterey bay aquarium. anniversary even a couple of random pictures of when we were together and liked each other and were actually a brilliant couple

    we were really good man a really good couple we thrilled ourselves we socially engaged like no other kept eyes for each other like no other expelled moments of craft only couples can enjoy the pictures i found were of a company christmas party about 8 9 years ago there we were dolled up looking good through the japanese point and shoot i think we fucked in the bathroom later that night after drinking expensive champagne on a company dime

    i sat back after disassembling the car seat to give it a good wash and looked at her the honda it was our first and only brand new car we bought and paid for together its a great car I love it I will miss it One more bulk item from the era of togetherness on the chopping block i looked at the title i noticed the line where we will sign it to the next person patrick and nicole morrison will no longer own this car

    the god damn air the santa ana conditions though the wind wasnt present last nigh has really messing with me


    this morning on the way to work i let go of some pinned up liquids theyve been meaning to get out and i was content to let them to go

    i cant help but feel she strayed either she doesnt know who she is now or she hasnt known who she is all these years and likewise ive sorta been on autopilot all the while coasting along creating little to no friction or trying to at least im sad for her im scared for her what are you thinking i want to say come home you're lost

    but i know those thoughts are in vain but part of me envisions a day where she loses it and no one knows her like i do no one no live in sweater boys no other family no one

    i realized part of me still flickers for her that if on one crisp fall morning if she were to come to me tears streaming the barn door eyes to her mind wide open admitting so much wanting the familiar knowing she strayed and allowing me begin i might let her in am I NUTS no just wiggling out of passionate decade like a pair of fitted jeans on a summer day it takes a second


By Dani on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 03:03 am:

    So Patrick, let me ask you something...I don't know what exactly happened but what is it exactly you want right now and for your future? Do you have any plans or goals for the future? When you wake up each morning, what do you think about the outcome of your life? What is it that you want out of life right now?
    I'm not being nosey and intrusive...I'm just curious.


By Dani on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 03:20 am:

    Just sent CZ an e-mail and it came back to me...so now I don't have her address either!


By dave. on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 03:40 am:

    when i wake up in the morning, once i realize i survived another night, i just want some coffee.


By dave. on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 03:43 am:

    patrick: punctuate.

    i know you were going all freeform but at least drop some periods on the shit.

    hang in there, charlie brown.


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