so i met this wonderful woman. only to find out that she's been married for a year. odd situation. he's cheated on her. they never lived together. she was almost tricked into the marriage. she hasn't even told her parents. so now, she estranged from her husband and dating me. and he's harassing her constantly. telling her that he's going to go to her parents and tell them about the marriage. that they're going to force her to go with him to the east coast. she's vietnamese, btw. not 12. strong cultural traditions in the undercurrents of her family dealings. i don't think her parents would force her into anything. i think they'd protect her from this freak. but in as much as i try to be a peaceful man, i'm not sure who's going to protect this freak from me. he's testing my bounds. hard. he's also a lawyer, if you want any indication of his character. fucker. i need help. bourbon isn't going to cut it.

never value peace over justice.

Have her fly her ass to someplace where she can get a quickie non-consensual divorce. Then have her go tell her parents about the marriage and the divorce, once it's all a fait accompli. This means he doesn't have that power anymore. Period. Then have her file a restraining order and mention to the cops that he has threatened to kidnap her. Those aren't worth shit. So buy her a 29 oz 34" Don Mattingly aluminum bat...it's light and it's long so she'll get good bat speed and good reach. Guns are more effective, but unless she's prepared to use one and pretty decent with it it's useless and expensive and needlessly scarifying. Then buy a bunch of watermelons, nice overripe ones, and have her wack the shit out of them. It will be fun! Put them in a trash bag first so (a) it's not messy, and (b) you can just add the grain to it right afterwards if you want. Even if this guy isn't physically threatening, he's fucked with her power over her own life -- whacking the watermelons is about her getting to cathart the anger that generates, and allows her to own it, to make it work for her. You stay the fuck out of it other than empowering her. Let her know you got her back, 100%, but let her also know that she is the force, she is the power in the ended relationship. Let her know that the bat is all about her feeling secure, even if he hasn't threatened her physically. Let her know that even so-called traditional parents, who might not condone a divorce, probably would not pressure her to live with this dickhead. Lots of traditional marriages are marriages of mutual estrangement. Have her tell the cops when she's filing a restraining order that the guy's a lawyer. The cops will instantly be on her side. Treat her like a princess.

Gosh -- when I saw the title to this post/I nearly peed my pants laughing. But it's not funny. Natorious: You will always be at the center of my heart/but since I've lost out to a local yet again/all I can say is that you shd follow Margaret's always-on-point advice. But DON'T tell her to fly off to Reno for a quickie divorce -- not when she's married to a lawyer! Becuz even if he doesn't do divorce law/he knows someone who does (laywers stick together worse than roaches...) Cali is a community property state -- she shd get everything she's legally entitled to in a divorce -- esp. if the guy tricked her into the marriage. Tell her to consult a lawyer on her own to see what her options are. And if she's willing to walk away w/nothing she might be able to get an anullment based on fraud (which can be done even if the other party objects) if the marriage happened under false pretenses. But pls. -- Don't lay a hand on the guy! Toss aside yr morals for a day & find someone who knows someone who's got a gangster homeboy who'll rob the guy's hse. & beat him down/just to make it look authentic. And the thugs can casually mention that the same will happen again if he doesn't stop hassling his soon-to-be- ex. Most lawyers are punks when to comes to a throw-down. And I'm sure you're smart enuf to cover yr tracks so it doesn't come back on you. (And if she dumps you once she's rid of him/I'll still be there for ya. :) :

most important of all: don't be a sucka. 95% of the time, getting involved in shit like that is the wrong plan.

Y'know/I thought of that too, Swine. But if I'd said it/I figured Nate wd think I was just being a jealous bitch.

I hate to say this, but where women are concerned Nate was born to be totally played. (flinches in genuine fear of retaliation) Nate is a romantic. Nate is chivalrous in the good senses. This makes Nate thoroughly terrific. But Nate like many romantics doesn't have a good screening process. On the other hand: Nate is not stupid. Nate will be fine. Everybody gets dogged. When Nate is old enough to be bitter instead of charmingly and romantically cynical, Nate will still have a gooey inside and will still be thoroughly delightful. But he will have a crunchy candy outside that will NOT melt in your hands (it will instead stain them funky colours). For now, I say we trust Nate's taste if not his judgement. He is a very aesthetic guy, and he is also a whole critter not parts of critter kind of guy. So if he digs the chick, even if it turns out to be a noir movie situation with Nate playing the awwshucksma'am part, we can be assured that she has many interesting and redeeming qualities. What R.C. said about the lawyer thing. Except if she hasn't lived with him and she hasn't been supporting him, then she shouldn't get anything she didn't go into it with. From a divorce, that is. A civil suit, on the other hand...

Beg to differ: If some jerk married you under false pretenses/& didn't even have the decency to actually cohabit w/you/wdn't you be thoroughly pissed once you find out it was a scam? And wdn't you want all you were legally entitled to in a divorce? Esp. if he was harassing you for hooking up w/a dreamboat like Nate? R.C. says: He wanted to play/so make him PAY! Community Property laws are the only decent thing lawyers have accomplished in the last 100 years.

How long has this dating been going on?

...........................................^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^..................................................|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox(((((((((((((((((((((((++++++++++++++++))))))))))))))))))))))))))))################@@@@@@@@@@@@ hummmmm.... I must confess/I found Margaret's description of Nate's "crunch candy outside/whole critter not parts of a critter" thoroughly erotic. (*sigh* will I ever get over him.......?)

I think the not cohabiting thing is her thing. This is conjecture, but my sense of it was that she figured out early on that the idea that she didn't think was so hot, that she was tricked into (getting married) was very very very NOT GOOD, and she said fuck this and didn't deal with it and thought eventually he would want out of it so she could just wait. And the civil suit would be for fraud. It would include pain and suffering. I ain't saying she shouldn't get his money, I just don't think it should be through divorce. Keep the divorce extremely light and oily, so it shoots through the legal system with (nods to Sheila) shit through a goose. Divorce him straight up, the start a suit for fraud. Heh.

Yes, but that will mean exposing herself to 2 lawyers for 2 seperate legal proceedings /instead of just one. Civil suits take forever. And prolonged exposure to lawyers leads to poverty. Or brain aneurysms. At the very least.

Yes, but maybe she could get him disbarred. Heh.

But, like, you agree about the watermelon and baseball bat thing, right, because that's the part of this plan I'm really wedded to, and the part about initiating proceedings and presenting it to her parents as a done deed. But, really, I am in love with the watermelon baseball bat thing. Maybe Sangria instead of grain?

Sangria is PERFECT! And the image of Nate & this woman whacking away at bags full of melons is too sublime! [Note to Nate: Get on videotape for us.] But I dunno abt telling her parents. If she was too scared or embarassed or whatever to tell them she got married (which is a BIG deal -- to be from a traditional-type background & NOT have consulted yr family before marrying...)/I say don't involve them now if she can untangle this mess quickly & w/a minimum of drama. Unless the asshole is threatening her. They might ostracize her for not being a dutiful daughter before-the-fact. I hear that Asians are absolutely stellar at cusing each other out. A Chinese co-worker I used to know back in NY once told me she'd rather take an ass-whippin' than have her parents curse her out. And she was a pretty tough cookie herself.

I'm confused. how does someone trick someone else into getting married? maybe I just take that whole marriage thing more seriously than most. I'd think that if you were going to marry someone, you'd figure out what type of person they were first, and there would be no way to be tricked into it. anyway, it's been my second-hand experience that people who have had bad marriages, even short ones, typically don't have really good judgment and end up getting married and divorced again. (not to say they're bad people -- my once and future roommate and very dear friend is 28 and has been married twice. she is now realizing that marriage really isn't for her.) anyway, this whole tricked-into marriage thing and not telling the folks and crazy lawyer guy making threats and hassling her -- sounds like a lot of crazy turmoil and drama that I myself would run from and would advise someone else to stay as far away as they feel they can.

oh hey, I can also give some seen-the-photo advice. you're young, cute, smart, nice and have a place in the redwoods -- you must be a chick magnet. there lots are unmarried wonderful women in northern california too. I am also aware, however, that advice to the lovelorn is rarely taken. I spent a long time overseas and came back to find that a good gal pal was getting married. so, as soon as I got back, I was shopping for the bridesmaid dress and didn't have any time to get to know this guy (who was technically married but estranged from his wife when she met him) at all. so the night before the wedding when she was helping get our hair in curlers and all, she mentioned that they hadn't had sex in a month or so because he like to anymore. oh jesus christ. anyway, that was just one time of many that I gave romantic advice that wasn't listened to, because when you're in love, what else matters?

robbie knievel is a fucking idiot.

amen.

Score!!!

I so wanted to see him go SPLAT! But it was a sissy jump -- the spot he chose was sooo narrow. If you were a Floridan/you cd've spit tobacco across that canyon blindfolded. He landed so far down the ramp he didn't have time to slow down the bike & up-ended into a barrier. What a ripoff.

R.C.,I think you are brilliant,we need to praise you like we should.

Robbie Knievel is not an idiot. He is apparently some kind of marketing genius. His old man beat the daredevil thing to death in the mid 70's, yet Robbie has somehow managed to score 60 minute blocks of prime time network Thursday night television on a monthly basis.

i still think he's a fucking idiot. i wouldn't risk my ass for 60 minutes of prime time.

OK -- A compromise: Robbie Knievel is a fucking media savvy idiot.

Thanks J. But skip the praise & send $$. I'd risk my life to go on t.v. for big $$ if I cd sky dive for my debut. I only did it once/but it was Awesome! And if I went splat/I wdn't care abt the embarassment. Becuz they pay you IN ADVANCE for t.v. appearances.

My ideal suicide is to skydive and shed the parachute. Just fly and fly and fly and when I get close to hitting, just roll over and hit the ground while looking skyward. BAM! It's over. Fly, then die. That's my terminal illness solution. Live until it hurts too much and then go skydiving. The idea of dying in a hospital bed totally depresses me. I'm all depressed now.

As for Kap'n Robbie, he should've gotten rid of the landing ramp. From what I saw, the ramp made him crash. I bet he could've pulled it off perfectly without the ramp.

It was still a sissy jump. Crash-landing or not.

Yeah, but NPR did a cool story on the Indigenous Peeps that let him jump from their Rez. So, I got to learn something 'cause Robbie is a boneheaded sissy daddywannabe.

Cool. I saw a lot of fireworks & heard the announcers talking abt people dancing & chanting below the ramp & whatnot. But they didn't show a single shot of the Indians there. I certainly hope they made him pay for the privilege.

Through the fucking nose. And they're hoping it will bring in a little tourism.