| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Penguin mannequins model newly-knitted protective woolen coats in Launceston, Tasmania, May 22, 2001. Australia's fairy penguins are set for both the winter and oil spills after over 1,000 tiny woollen jerseys were specially knitted and sent from as far away as Japan to the Island state of Tasmania. The jerseys, which cover the 40cm (15 inches) tall penguins from neck to ankle, stop oil-coated birds preening themselves and ingesting poisonous oil. The woollen jersey appeal was initiated by the Tasmanian Conservation Trust after oil spills on the coast of Tasmania but were inundated by jerseys made by elderly ladies in nursing homes who often made the outfits in their favorite football teams' colors. REUTERS/Drew Fitzgibbon |
But won't the penguins still try to preen themselves, think "d'oh!" and still ingest the oil? |
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don't be surprised if next year there's another enviromental disaster where thousands of penguins have to be fitted with wedding gowns. |
The BJ is a frequent victim of analysis paralysis. While there are certainly many ways to give a great blowjob, there are very few ways to give a bad one (unless, of course, you literally blow on it or start grinding your teeth mid-sesh). The key here is confidence. It's like the Little Engine Who Could: if you think you can give great head, then you probably can. First of all, don't even worry about how you look down there — with your mouth on his dick, you're the most beautiful woman in the world (even if you think you look like a spastic jackhammer). Second, communicate . Ask him to tell you what he likes and what he doesn't like — before, during and after. Once you've got those bases covered, you can focus on the nitty gritty, as follows: 1. Initiate. You're already "a head" of the game if you make the first move. Don't always wait for him to ask, or worse, try to push your head down there. (In fact, if he does that, slap his hand away and firmly inform him your ears are not a steering wheel.) 2. Start slowly. Don't act like you've been starving on a desert island for weeks and a big juicy sausage suddenly washes ashore. (Did you catch that scene in Cast Away?) Lick the glans (head), lick the frenulum (the strip of skin beneath the glans on the underside), lick the testes (balls), lick the inner thighs (inner thighs). Take your time, breathe and be a tease. 4. Your kisser. Some people prefer lips tight over the teeth, others like lips looser and softer against the shaft. Either way, no need to become a high-powered vacuum cleaner. Your sucking function should be on "off," "low" or "medium." And don't forget to make the most of your tongue! 3. Saliva. And lots of it. Don't be afraid to get wet and messy — it's more fun for everyone that way, not to mention easier. 4. Hands. It's not cheating to give yourself a helping hand or two. There's no need to deep throat all the time — if at all — if you use your hand as an extension of your mouth. If you want to get tricky, follow the motion of your mouth with your hand upwards and when you get to the top, slide your index finger over one side and then go back down (so his ding-dong is between your index and middle fingers) with your mouth immediately following. Repeat as necessary. For even more advanced play, try twisting both your hand and head as you go up and down — we're not talking Indian burns here, just a gentle shifting from left to right on the way down, and then back again on the way up. 5. Bonuses. During the BJ, try tickling his balls, gently pushing on the perineum (the area between the balls and the anus, a.k.a. the "taint"), inserting a finger — sans long fingernail — up his bum a bit, or even rubbing his tummy. We think you'll get real bonus points if you can occasionally make eye contact (although, according to one editor here, "that's creepy!"). So just go with the flow. 6. Step on the gas. Gradually speed up until you've reached a comfortable rhythm that both you and he like. At this point, it's okay to treat him like that desert island sausage. When all verbal and physical signs from him suggest that the cliff's edge is fast approaching, don't slow down and don't make any drastic changes in motion. Keep going, you're doing great, and soon you'll get to . . . 7. The Big O. The grand finale is completely up to you. Whether you spit, swallow or finish him off with your hand, it's still a blow job. If you opt for a re-enactment of Old Faithful, just be sure to have him warn you just before he's gonna blow. In fact, even if you plan on getting a protein blast, it's still nice to know when it's about to be served. 8. Stop. Once he comes, slow it down and/or stop — in our experience, it hurts if you don't (though some readers have said that post-O play is the best part). Above all else, do it with love. Giving him pleasure will give you pleasure. And knowing you're getting pleasure will give him even more pleasure. And then everyone will be pleased. Now, go blow him away! |
Damn, there's actually a word for that thing? |
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leave us alone already eh? although I admit that I watched some of that show with that crazy alligator guy...im really really want to pet dingos and koalas now...so cute and cuddly. czarina....does the subject a of blowing really need to "fit" anywhere. i think not. |
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And that koalas have very big sharp nails? |
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Its just a clever marketing ploy to get americans to go to far off countries and spend their hard earned dollars. I bet the dingos and the koalas he played with were robots. Mum and her ex-hubby took me to an Australian animal park once. Mum was taking a pic of me patting a joey when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She thought it was Alan and started talking to him but it was actually a kangaroo feeling up her shoulder pad. (it was the 80's). |
blouse shoulder pads. |
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but i have a huge ass so it's all good. back in the day when women thought they had to look like football players to work in an office with men. a pad here, a pad there. women! you just have to love them! they're so much smarter than us men, but then they have these strange insecurities that have no logical sense. |
