What does she really mean?


sorabji.com: Are there any news?: What does she really mean?
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By semillama on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 09:09 pm:

    Let's say a lady invites you out on Monday to
    go to a goth/industrial club on Saturday and
    says she'll talk to you Saturday. DOes she
    really mean "talk to you saturday" or is she
    actually wanting you to call her before then? I
    think she may but I don't know. I have gotten
    myself into trouble before by taking women
    literally. So what do y'all think?


By Platypus on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 09:29 pm:

    When I say that, I usually mean "I'll *see* you on saturday, but if you don't call me before saturday, I'll kill you" But, you know, that might be just me.


By heather on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 10:49 pm:

    maybe you should call her like, thursday, to confirm

    don't leave a message if she doesn't answer


By Cat on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 11:00 pm:

    I think you should stop obsessing about every little thing you do with the ladies. Relax. Be yourself more. That's what they're supposed to love you for after all :)

    If you want to call her before Saturday, go right ahead and call her and say "I couldn't wait till Saturday because I wanted to talk to you". I would love it if someone did that to me.


By patrick on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 11:35 am:

    totally!


    god damn sem get it together man!


By sarah on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 03:04 pm:


    just call her friday early evening or saturday afternoon. and i'd say leave a message if she doesn't answer.


    it shouldn't be that big of a deal really. but i know where you're coming from.




By semillama on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 03:24 pm:

    I was thinking Wedensday, but i don't know
    the first thing about this, in that I have no
    experience in what works and what doesn't.

    The end of the month marks seven years
    without a girlfriend, to provide perspective.

    God I'm such a dork about this stuff.


By heather on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 03:41 pm:

    my thought was that if he calls friday it's like he's not busy, and it's friday for gods sake [yeah, like that really matters, but]

    if he calls saturday it might be too late to get in touch with her if she has plans before the evening- and then definitely too late to be part of those plans

    i guess if you use the obsession to be prepared it's not so bad, just don't let it bring you down.


By patrick on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 03:48 pm:

    there is no formula in this kind crap sem.

    how would you deal with your other friends...your blokes?

    joey joe joe said "lets hook up saturday night" you'd probably buzz him Thursday or Friday no?

    A phone call placed around 6-7pm on a Friday night doesnt indicate one has nothing to do. If anything thats usually my downtime. I often don't go out until after 9pm.

    most of all sem, putting such a question to the piranahs we are was a bigger mistake than thinking of calling this gal Wed or Sat.


By heather on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 04:02 pm:

    patrick. you are in la, and the people you might call on a friday night already know you or at least think that they do and will get that whole 'going out later thing'

    though i suspect your answer is intended to be some kind of respect for him, if you asked sem some kind of anthropology/archeology question, i doubt his answer would be 'figure it out yourself i can't believe you would even ask that question'



    well at least i can tell that i'm avoiding the things i'm supposed to be doing


By Spider on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 04:09 pm:

    I support Cat's answer.


By patrick on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 04:22 pm:

    heather, long before The Rules, long before chat groups, message boards, dating support groups, online personals, ICQ, IMs etc etc, people dated! And many dates were quite successful. Ergo you and I and lots of others around here. I didnt have anyone telling me etiquette of WHEN or HOW to call the gal i happened to be into. I wanted to talk to her, I called her. Simple.


    my answer was initially to support what cat said. my last post was a follow up to that.

    you seem equally as obsessed over such trivial details as sem potentially is.

    When I get a phone call from someone on a Friday night I don't instantly think they have nothing to do. A bit of a stretch eh? Otherwise I have no idea what you mean here: "patrick. you are in la, and the people you might call on a friday night already know you or at least think that they do and will get that whole 'going out later thing'"

    I don't buy that poop anymore than the idea that dating folk shouldnt answer their phones on the weekends so they can maintain some sort of appearance of being busy. I think such measures are deceptive and frankly obsessive and silly.

    i mean really, does this require this much thought?

    im not trying to be a dick about anything. really im not. I was just praying our collective buddy sem could step back and see the absurdity of such a "dilemma".


By sarah on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 04:45 pm:


    it must be nice to live in a black and white world.




By patrick on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 04:52 pm:

    i wouldn't know. the world is what you make it.

    i see modern society as unneccessarily complicated.

    this "dilemma" posed by sem as a great example of unecessary complications.


By semillama on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 05:46 pm:

    It's not unnecessary if you don't get laid on a
    regular basis.

    If it were one of my buddies, I wouldn't get in
    touch with them before saturday at all,
    knowing they would call me if something
    came up before then. That's different.

    As much as I hate it, it seems to me you can't
    avoid dating as a game system. There ARE
    rules and you generally have to figure out what
    they are if you are going to be successful at
    the game.
    My past experience has shown me that I
    SUCK at the game and henceforth I come
    here to see if anyone thinks I am majorly
    screwing up.

    I guess I'm not so far. Thanks for advice btw.
    I'll let y'all know what happens.


By Antigone on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 05:59 pm:

    Find someone who plays no games.


By Nate on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 05:59 pm:

    nobody knows anyone in LA.

    they're all gonna laugh at you.


By Antigone on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 05:59 pm:

    Or, at least, find someone who plays the same games you do.


By Antigone on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 06:01 pm:

    Nate, you bitch, I was talking! Wait your fucking turn!


By patrick on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 06:05 pm:

    as much as I'm all for sem gettin his noodle wet...dating games should be destroyed. they do nothing but feed talk show circuits and make it that much more difficult for men and women to relate. there is already enough of that going on biologically, no need to fuck it up even more with silly "rules".

    good luck sem


By Nate on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:10 pm:

    your lack of rules is rules in itself. you cannot escape, patrick. no one knows anyone else. especially in LA. they're all gonna laugh at you.

    especially in LA.


By patrick on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:13 pm:

    im used to it.


By heather on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:39 pm:

    by this-

    well at least i can tell that i'm avoiding the things i'm supposed to be doing

    i meant to say-
    because i've typed so much crap


    i wasn't trying to offend you, patrick, but maybe you can't understand not being comfortable with something if you've always been comfortable with it

    the first time i looked for a job i asked for lots of advice


By heather on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:47 pm:

    oh

    and aside from fucking around

    dating and 'marrying for love' haven't actually been around all that long- and women have been free to choose for even less time


    [and. i said nothing about not answering your phone to pretend you're not home.]


By patrick on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:59 pm:

    i realize you werent trying to offend me. you're better at it than that.

    maybe i don't really understand. this dating thing. but at the same time, i have enough friends i see go through the dating crap to know that a lot of nonsense goes on. It just seems to me a lot of that nonsense could be eliminated if people were more forthright with each other.


By TBone on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 08:12 pm:

    People are too afraid to do that. Especially when they REALLY want to make a good first impression, and they're nervous.

    Sure, it makes it all harder and much worse than it could be... But it it's not really as simple as just stopping it.

    It sucks, but it's there. Those who don't have to go through it are fortunate.

    Also, it seems MUCH more trivial and pointless from the outside. Just like most things.


By cyst on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 10:22 pm:

    call thursday.


By wisper on Wednesday, January 16, 2002 - 01:29 pm:

    thursday night. yes.


By sarah on Wednesday, January 16, 2002 - 02:17 pm:


    yes, ok, thursday night it is. and make sure to leave a message if she doesn't answer. otherwise, you're just playing head games with yourself.




By semillama on Wednesday, January 16, 2002 - 03:56 pm:

    I always leave a message.

    thursday it is.

    I need to wash all the stinky towels I used to
    put on the wet carpet between my bedroom
    and the bathroom, anyway, and I need to mop
    again.

    I was hoping someone would latch onto my
    idea of male-female relationships being a
    game system (Dropping the ball, Antigone!).
    Essentially, my opinion is that male-female
    relations, past and present, can always be
    examined as a game system, with specific
    rules and roles that change over time, from
    place to place, and from culture to culture, but
    that these relationships are game systems is
    a universal human trait, much like language,
    agriculture, and tool use.

    Dig?


By The Watcher on Thursday, January 17, 2002 - 06:12 pm:

    I agree. Call her tonight.


By sarah on Thursday, January 17, 2002 - 06:13 pm:


    well???




By semillama on Thursday, January 17, 2002 - 06:45 pm:

    I am just now leaving work. I will call when I
    get home.


By patrick on Thursday, January 17, 2002 - 06:51 pm:

    can we listen in?


By Nate on Thursday, January 17, 2002 - 10:27 pm:

    i gotsa fista fulla cocka!


By TBone on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 12:11 am:

    I dig, sarah.


By wisper on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 11:18 am:

    game? rules? ball? examine?
    can't you just freakin' take a girl out without considering some vast cultural ramifications?
    small birds know the mating dance, and so do you.

    jesus.


By patrick on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 11:27 am:

    word up wisper.


By pez on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 12:55 pm:

    so??????

    c'mon sem, i want to know how the phone call went.


By Opterator on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 01:04 pm:

    "I'm sorry, but the number you have reached, 867-5309, is either no longer in service, or has been disconnected. No further information is available about 867-5309."

    Exercise [sic] that song outta your head if you can.


By semillama on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 01:28 pm:

    I called. Left a message withher roommate.
    End of story.

    I think about these things, Wisper, because I
    LIKE to think about stuff like that. I am an
    anthropologist after all.


By sarah on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 02:26 pm:


    hope you left her your phone number! :)



By semillama on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 04:05 pm:

    She knows it, but doesn't get much use of it
    so far.

    We'll see.


By semillama on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 08:04 pm:

    PLADOW!

    She's making dinner for me tomorrow!!

    (in Randy "Macho Man" Savage voice)
    "OOHHH YYYYEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!"


By TBone on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 08:45 pm:

    Rock on, sem.

    You clean your plate now, y'hear?


By heather on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 08:55 pm:

    see

    friday night and i'm posting to sorabji.

    how cool is that.





    i won't answer the phone though.


By semillama on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 09:53 pm:

    must be damn cool since you, nate and I are
    around.

    What AM I SAYING!!!


By Cat on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 10:43 pm:

    Rock out Sem!

    Now you have to work out what to take. Definitely wine. But you also need a "I'm-a-thoughtful-fun-sensitive-guy" gift. Nothing too expensive, just something cool. A scented candle or some nice handmade chocolates maybe. Not flowers, unless they're still living and breathing in a pot.

    It's best if it's something kinda fun. Maybe something you've talked about that you know she likes.



By semillama on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 10:52 pm:

    How about this?

    -orange truffles from Trader Joe's
    -bottle o' Cyser (dry mead which she said
    she'd like to try)
    -Dreams of Freedom Bob Marley ambient dub
    remixes
    -The Damage Manual album (which she said
    she didn't have but also said she likes the
    individual artists work)

    that's the ticket!
    email me cat


By dave. on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 11:01 pm:

    what is this gift bullshit?

    you are the gift, sem.


By semillama on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 11:11 pm:

    yes, but

    tell me when you were courting agatha

    (which we have heard NOTHING of)

    that ypu never gave her gifts that made her say
    "cool"


    tell me that.

    ALthough

    thanks dave.


    [next sorabji fest for sure is west coast, ok?]


By Nate on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 11:12 pm:

    last time i had a girl make me dinner on the first date i banged the hell out of her for hours.


By Miss Cat Manners on Friday, January 18, 2002 - 11:16 pm:

    If she's going to the effort of cooking dinner, Sem shouldn't turn up empty-handed whether he's angling for a bonking or not.


By semillama on Saturday, January 19, 2002 - 12:07 am:

    Jesus I already said what was coming her
    way

    besides my own bad self

    I (hopefully) would think that the stuff I said
    above would be good enough to present,
    huh?


By Cat on Saturday, January 19, 2002 - 12:16 am:

    It's more than good enough, Sem sweetie. Maybe a bit too much for a casual dinner.

    Leave the album for another time.


By TBone on Saturday, January 19, 2002 - 12:20 am:

    Good gifts certainly, but it does seem like a lot all at once. Spread it out a little.


By dave. on Saturday, January 19, 2002 - 12:38 am:

    i gave her an odd loking ceramic monkeything and a pair of boxer shorts with the "portrait of poverty" (my roommate at the time's band) pot leaf logo and a couple of other trinkles and baublets. but i think all of that came well after the courting phase.


By agatha on Saturday, January 19, 2002 - 02:54 am:

    i gave you a miniature ceramic chicken and filled your workshirt pockets full of candy.

    what about the wigs? i fucking loved those wigs.


By heather on Saturday, January 19, 2002 - 10:59 am:

    i think i'd rather go to the library than go on a 'date'. truly. awful.




By dave. on Saturday, January 19, 2002 - 01:19 pm:

    the wigs kicked ass.


By semillama on Sunday, January 20, 2002 - 05:15 am:

    She seemed pretty pumped about both the
    truffles and the album, although we ended up
    coing out to eat with her friends, a couple
    consisting of a really funny horror writer and
    his classy adult dancer wife. Then we went to
    that githclub I mentioned which was fairly
    tame except for the part with the fat people
    whipping and binding each other.
    I got a nice hug after the date. Maybe a kiss
    next time? I think so.
    Damn I need to go to bed.


By wisper on Monday, January 21, 2002 - 12:54 pm:

    YAAAAY SEM!


By patrick on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 12:50 pm:

    that happened to you too nate?

    its funny how things work out. (insert generic, cynical marriage comment from jaded husband)


By semillama on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 08:17 pm:

    What are you responding to?


By semillama on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 08:22 pm:

    and, damn, this lady is NOT good at returning
    phone calls.

    i did send an email reiterating how much fun I
    had with her, that I liked her friends, and that I
    wanted to see her again before I left for South
    Carolina.

    I stilldon't really know her schedule though, so
    that is going to be something I ask next time
    we talk. all I knowis she works saturday
    mornings.

    Damn, a bunch of cops just went by. I love
    living in the city.


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