Subject: Agenda Date: Sat, 29 May 2004 11:35:13 -0400 Subject: Agenda REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE - New York 2004 6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance 6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment) 6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment 7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong 7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner. 8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh 8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children 8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only) 8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future 9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" 9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong 9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires 9:30 PM Break for secret meetings 10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas 10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy 10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho 10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare 10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt 10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans 10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong 10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: A drain on our nation's economy. 11:10 PM Hilary Clinton piņata 11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again. 11:35 PM Blame Clinton 11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies 11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself 12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord |
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