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She had spent a lot of time in the hopsital about 2 years ago. They kept sending her home with antibiotics and a special diet, but nothing worked. They finally decided to do a colostomy. Said it should be OK and they should be able to put her back together OK. But they had to take out like an extra 7 inches of her large intestine (beyond what is normally done in the operation) and peritonitis was setting in so my Dad had to make a decision to save her life. She hated him for it and became suicidal. When they went a few months later to put her back together they did a totaly shit job and her stomach is all misshapen, disfigured, awful. So yesterday she got to the point where she went to the hospital, and it's the same thing all over again. If they have to go in and do any more surgery, I don't think she'll make it. I think it will be too much for her. On top of that they are facing my Dad possibly losing his job in the next two weeks (gotta love Sprint), my mom not working while in the hospital, and to top it all off, possibly taking Christopher back into their home again. It is a lot going on right now and a lot to bear, and it is almost all on their shoulders. I'm doing what I can, but I have to admit I am still pretty worried. Doing the right thing is a lot easier said than done. |
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god eri, that sound like an awful situation. sorry to hear about your mom's health. let us know what happens. |
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who is Christopher again? |
I hope things turn out for the best, Eri. |
Christopher is my nephew. The one that ended up in my parents care for so many years. Michael (daddy) has him back for now, though my parents still retain guardianship. It's ugly and that poor boy can't be happy. He's very risilient, yes, but both of his parents are so rough on him. At least there haven't been any more bruises or broken bones, though. My Mom was doing a while lot better yesterday, but then started having problems again last night. Right now she is kinda weak and tired, but overall about how she has been since her surgery (pain level about a 6). So not as happy now as I was yesterday. I spent most of the day with her. It looks like they are going to try to treat it with medication for the current infection and then diet. Mom seems excited about this, so hopefully all will go well. She's supposed to meet with a nutritionist tomorrow. She's lost almost another 10 lbs, so she's happy about that, too. So basically it is a back and forth with her kinda lying there on antibiotics and morphine wondering what's next. Not too bad, but not as scary as it was before. We are just hoping that this works and that she won't have to have any more surgeries. |
So they sent her home this evening. Hopefully things will go well and her new diet will work. |
Don't get me wrong, her idea of sleeping in is usually sleeping til 8am and if you sleep til 9am it's a really bad day, but I thought that since she had been so sick she might sleep in a little more. So I called at 12:15. I woke her up. I felt awful, but what can I do? But I'm wondering, did they send her home too soon? Should they have done more than feed her some antibiotics and change her diet? So she's home, but I am definately still worried. Something just doesn't feel right. |
my grandmother's memorial was on saturday, but we knew it wouldn't be too long, that she was winding down. |
My Mom is doing about the same. Though we did find out something..... The reason her belly looks so deformed is cuz when they put her back together, they basically gave her a hernia. So now she has this hernia which is their fault and the told her it won't be fixed because it is concidered an "elective" surgery. Hello? You fuck it up you fix it!!!!!!! So I'm having to push her a little bit on her battles to try to get this fixed. She has an appointment with her regular doctor tomorrow. I'll find out how that goes. She's still in pain, but manageable I guess. She's hurt in her arm from the picc line and the pneumonia vaccination, so I had to go out there Saturday afternoon to help her shampoo her hair (hadn't been done for almost 2 weeks). She can't raise her right arm up, and is always tired and is a little sore, but other than that she seems OK, aside from being pissed off about the hernia. |
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Mom is back in the hospital. We got the call at about 8 pm last night that they were admitting her. My Dad needed someone to come and move her car home (my idiot sister was not to be found). She went in for her follow up with her dr. and mentioned that her arm was still hurting her. They noticed purple stripes going up and down her arm that looked like veins. Turns out she has a blood clot in her arm from the picc line. And I am all over the hernia like stink on shit. The incompetence coming out of this hospital has got me well beyond pissed off. |
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what is a picc line? so now her colon, her stomach, and her arm are all fucked up? that seems beyond "complications". |
She still hasn't seen a doctor yet. I called her sister to let her know what was going on (cuz she's been through a lot of the same stuff) and my aunt called her and now my Mom is all pissed off at me cuz I told her sister. Said if she wanted her sister to know that she would have called her herself and called me an "Annie" (my sister). They have her on Heparin (might have spelled that wrong) hoping it will thin the blood enough that it can go around the clot. They gave her pecan pie with lunch (she can't have nuts and had to just stare at it and drool). Apparently her paperwork says "normal" diet even though she is supposed to be on a "no residue" diet. But she seems in really good spirits and lively. She just wants to get out of there and go back to work and have her normal life back. Only time will tell. |
The advocate runs interference with the staff and takes care of little things that they won't. The advocate can also ask questions and help prevent mistakes. My sibs and I took turns when my Mom was hospitalized. You don't have to stay there 24-7. You just try to have someone there for doctor's rounds, meals and meds. They can usually tell you when those things will take place. I know its hard to do when you have a family to take care of, but now's the time to call in those friends who say "If there's anything I can do..." |
But it is a very nice thought, and if we had more family out here and my mother wasn't so adverse to people knowing what's going on, then it would be an awesome idea. Imagine how pissed off she would be if she knew her brother (whom she has not talked to since her Mom died and she professes to hate), that he knew what was going on. It would be WWIII and I would be the US, Russia and China combined! All I did was tell her sister (who went through all this same shit twice herself) and ask for advice. Geez. |
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Her doc came back again this morning and said that there is one more test she wants to run, so she's going to keep my Mom in the hospital so she can run the test now and have Mom back at work on Monday. So it looks like Mom will be realased from the hospital on Saturday. |
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You should respect your moms wishes, if she doesn't want family involved. Think of the sense of violation you would feel if the situation was reversed. Your intentions were good, but it is your moms choice who she wants involved in her care. There are obviously dynamics going on that have caused family rifts.[Perhaps things that you don't know, and things she doesn't want you to know about.] You don't want to add extra stress to your mom, this will only hinder her healing process. We all have a right to privacy. Just be there for her, try to do what she asks of you.[You don't want to be the next family member she chooses to exclude from her care] Trust is a very important factor, in all our lives. Good luck, just be there for her. |
I haven't contacted her sister since. I'm not going to. I'm definitely respecting my mothers wishes, just wish I knew about that change before hand and that she would have been less hateful in comminicating that to me, but such is life, and it's not unusual for her to be this way. It all goes back to a lack of communication, and I have to remember that is the norm with my mom. She doesn't tell you and then expects you to know. So right now I'm just being a cheerleader for her to get better, and keeping my sick behind away from the hospital. We do have a super-woman complex in my family, my Mom most of all. The one thing she was complaining about when she went back into the hospital was the fact that she couldn't go back to work. I think it's her form of escape and she's somewhat emotionally dependent on it. OK, I'm babbling now and it would probably lead to a million other conversations, so I'll stop, cuz my mind is all over the place. |
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Mom is home, but not able to do all of the stuff. On blood thinners still for the clot, but the puffy veins are shrinking. I cleaned her house for her (cuz she's still not supposed to use her right arm). Now my house is a pit hahahahaha. She went back to work today. Everything is progressing as it should. |
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glad to hear she's home and recovering. how are you doing? |
How about you? |
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