| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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I shoved someone in a locker once. I toilet papered a classroom. I snuck a zip-lock bag of human remains across 3 countries, brought it home as a gift for my boyfriend at the time. I'm in a pessimist mood now, so I can't think of anymore. But I want to hear yours. Come on. What memories of drunken youthful insanity carry you through the cubicle day? |
I don't have an excuse for my youthful insanity -- I was sober. Violent things: * I stabbed a kid in the back of the neck with a pair of scissors [He sat in front of me in EVERY SINGLE CLASS and I hated him SO MUCH and he liked me and he was always pretending to yawn and lean back and stick his arms in my face and I would yell at him and poke him with pencils to no avail. One day, unfortunately for him, I had scissors in my hands.] Got suspended for 3 days. (Wasn't that deep a wound.) * I punched another kid in the mouth for putting his hand on my ass. * I threw a textbook at another kid for saying something dirty to me. Hit him in the head. Got suspended for 3 days. * Kicked another kid behind the knees and hit him over the head with my book-bag. This was justified: okay, I'm walking in the hall behind this jackass, and he's telling this very smart, very quiet girl in our math class that she's messing up the grade curve and that if she doesn't start getting bad grades, he's gonna beat her up. This girl literally would not hurt an insect, she was that harmless. So I get mad (because I cannot stand it when I see people picking on someone defenseless), and say something lame like "You want a fight? You got one!" and did the above. 5-day suspension. All that was in middle school. Then I cleaned up. The only bad thing I did in high school was talk back to a teacher and get kicked out into the hall. Small potatoes. Stupid things: *put gum on my window screen because I wanted the impression of the wires on the gum. Gum got stuck. Gum wouldn't come off. Rhiannon got spanked. * put my hair up in pigtails, but didn't get all the hair in the back in the rubber bands. So I cut all the hair off. Really stupid. * It was 1st grade. I had just learned all about kidnappers and how to stay away from them and such. At recess, I see a guy sitting in a truck watching the kids. So I freak out and run all over the playground shouting "Kidnapper!" All the kids hear, all the teachers hear. Turns out the guy in the truck was not a kidnapper. Get scolded in front of my class. (In my opinion, scoldings are worse than spankings and suspensions, especially if they're in front of an audience, because they utterly humiliate you. Remembering this event causes me great shame.) * borrowed a dress that belonged to a family friend's grandmother (dated circa 1870) for a Halloween costume. I don't hang it up when I get home from trick-or-treating. Instead, I just throw it on my desk, on top of an uncapped marker. Yes. * wrote a 15-page paper in one day, 2 weeks after it was due. I've been over this one. I know there's more...I've just blocked it all out. |
The stupid stuff -- in particular, the dress incident and the put-off paper -- I do regret. |
Violent things.... There was this kid who was the big mouth in elementary school, anyway, he had said some bad things about my girlfriend. So when he was getting a sip of water at the water fountain I came up behind him and slammed his head in to the spigot. Punishment forgotten. In middle school, some friends and I were walking thrugh the woods to an adjoining neighborhood to skate, as we walked, we came across this big fat burley redneck and his croonies messing around on their 4 wheeler. The big assed fuck stopped and asked if we wanted to fight, calling us names , taunting us with his four wheeler. (caused we looked different I presume) we said no and continued walking, there were 3 of us, but this fat ass was huge. He kept fucking with us, pushing us around. So went back to our neighborhood, got our good friend who was punk of all punks and also a bad ass, I went home and got my sid vicious replicant chain and pad lock, shoved it in my pocket, we came back and they were still there, so we approached them with our 4th and strongest member, when he came at us, the 4 of us took hold of him, I knocked a tooth out with my chain, and we beat him to a bloody pulp, his dumb croonies watched speechless as their master went down in flames, that was a good day. In high school, this big mouthed white fuck who tried to hang with the black kids (they just used him for cigarettes and his car). ANyway he was always talkin shit to our faces, again, because we had spikey dyed hair and wore black all the time. So we were gonna meet after school. He ws gonna kick me and 4 other guys asses. There were rumors that he was gonna virutally have the black panthers show up to back him up, he shows up with one other dude who I end up being friends with and he was saying how "wack" this boy is and he only bought him a pack of smokes to come. When the other 3 targets of this doesn't show up and he continues to sit in the truck and call me names and talk all kinds of shit bout my friends, I grab his hair and nail him with my left hand from behind, subsequently breaking a knuckle bone. We got at it, when I finally have him a certain position, I kneed him in the face and he runs crying and spilling blood. HE always said hi to me thereafter.....4 years after that incident I turned 18 and realized that I could get arrested for this shit and left it alone..... Stupid things: went skating after I had twisted my ankle, subsequently turning it into a fracture. took acid during high school got caught (with others) mooning a bunch of girls while in a hotel on a field trip out of town in Savannah, GA. The hotel was an L shape and the boys were in one wing and the girls in the other. We simultaneously dropped our pants omn th balcony's got kicked out of school because, despite principal warnings, wore a sid vicious shirt to school with the words anarchy on it, also got kicked out because some pals and I decided to wear bandanas on our heads after they made a rule it wasn't allowed b/c it was "indicative of gang relations". Posted the centerfold of the asst. principle to her door after we found out she had posed in playboy many years back (same school as above) thats all i can think of now |
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I was never really violent, and I was always sober. Violent.... in 3rd grade some shithead bully was chasing me around the schoolyard (in winter) trying to pull my hair or something, he tripped me on an ice patch and I fell. So he stood above me laughing and I grabbed his hand and pulled him down with me. Once he was down beside me I managed to roll with enough fource that (me still holding his hand) he flew right over me and landed face first on the ice. I love you winter. I remember the blood in the snow and the teacher quietly laughing to herself as she looked the other way... when I was 12 or so my yonger sister and I were in a fight of some kind, she wouldn't get off my bed, so with all the anger fueled strength I could muster I grabbed her wrists and threw her out into the hallway, where she landed, but not before hitting the wall. she cried for 5 minutes (just for show) then realizing that our mother was out, she got up (in stunned silence), got a pop and went to watch tv. Stupid/fun/illegal.... I used to let people in highschool sleep in the back of my van if they were skipping class, but only for the charge of 3 ciggs. at age 5 I wanted to feel the bumps on the bottom of the iron. No one told me the iron was on. hissssssss 4 yeas ago on the night of the town X-mas parade (when we knew all the cops would be out there), armed with only a dying flashlight and a few candles, 3 of us broke into an abandoned chicken slaughterhouse. It was a huge factory, right out of the xfiles. Meat hooks, massive scary machines, meat grinders, everything. The floor was falling apart in places, and the whole place smelled weird. the next week they tore it down to build another subdivision. highschool was fun. I reduced one of the school tough-guy hockey players to tears by affectively arguing that gay people have as much right to live as anyone else. I reduced my gr.10 religion teacher to tears by arguing that she had no faith at all and then proving it to her. (no, I don't enjoy making people cry, I just can't stop myself when I'm in contact with those kind of ignorant fucks.) I designed the winning yearbook cover for my school in 8th grade. They liked the drawing. They failed to notice the subtle but blatently obvious morse code hidden all along the border. Damn I hated that school. if anyone there could read morse code, they'd know just how much ;) there must be more..... I stand by my statement; nothing says loving like human remains :) |
Another stupid thing: in high school, 2 friends and I snuck out of a spirit assembly (as in school spirit, of which we had absolutely none), and instead of being smart and hiding out in an abandoned classroom, we were stupid and made a huge ruckus in the hallway, and of course we were caught. Punishment: to go back to the assembly. Oh, the horror! |
A few weeks ago he informed me that he gave it to this pagan chick he was fucking so she could do her little bullshit magic shit with it. Fuckhead. She dumbed his ass and kept the thing. As you can tell, I'm fairly pissed. Anyway... Speaking of spirit assemblies, I made damn sure I never attended one. This often involved me hiding in bathroom stalls for hours at a time. It became my christmas season tradition. Anything to avoid seeing some dopey nerd run around in the school mascot costume. Anything. the horror, indeed. |
anyway - stupid things: believe it was 1st grade, my friends and I saw one of the stupid school bullies ( I think he was a grade lower than us ) and we surrounded him and beat the shit out if him, as much as a first grader can anyway. I remember before we were finished I kicked him in the head when he was down on the ground - kind of feel bad about that one. Shot windows out of some house with my bee-bee gun and got caught. Drank vodka in the middle school - all my friends got caught - I got off. (8th grade) Some big black dude was bothering my girlfriend when ever he saw her in the hall - like purpusly bumping into her and calling her names. I was walking down the hall one day w/ my g.f. and I confronted him. He called me some name and walked away. As I was walking away I called him a stupid bastard. He came up behind me and slapped me in the back of the head. I turned around and sluged him in the face. Then he proceded to beat the shit out of me - I wasn't all that weak then either. - don't regret that though - 5 days out smoked opium trashed a trailor park - pissed on trash cans, spray painted naked woman and other obsinities on road, shot out porch lights egged houses on holloween made a good friend ball her eyes out in front of everybody by embarassing her. I proved how incompitent she was at her job in a heated arguement. - feel bad about that one. thats all i can come up with at 4:00 a.m. - I'm going to bed. |
to my house all pissed off and I got a whipping.A week later,we got into it again,this time almost every one on the block was watching me and Gary decking it out on my front yard and he was getting the better of me.He was 2 years older than me and BIG,he wore huskies,I was real skinny.His mom was watching him beat he shit out of me,he was choking me and I thought I was going to pass out,but the thought of that asshole beating me up in front of everyone was enough to give me a second wind,I managed to get on top and was slamming his face in the ground,his nose was bleeding and he was crying.His mom that didn,t do a fucking thing when he was getting the better of me tried to break it up,to my moms credit she ran out of the house and told Rhita that if she didn,t get out of the way,she wa going to beat the shit out of her,and the fat bitch backed off.I beat the shit out of Gary,all the boys were laughing and he ran off crying,nobody on my block fucked with me after that,I was about 11 then,when I was 14,he asked me out,I laughed so hard. |
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shit damn! |
Notice I said "see a bunch of men". I'm too soft to do it myself. Hell, I feel bad when I forget to hold the door for people. Maybe I should get my ass whipped...get J to make a man out of me... |
It just reminded me of that, and I decided to pass on the joke. Maybe next time. |
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*1st grade I'd over hear my older sisters who were in highschool talking about fights and how cool they were. So, I picked a fight with three of the different boys in my class and won all three fights. They didn't like that much so they all jumped me the next day and kicked the shit out of me. *2nd grade Again I over heard my sisters talking this time it was about ditching class so what did I do? During morning recess I convinced my entire class to ditch school with me. When everyone went in we hid at the very back of the school yard in some bushes. Our teacher found us about 30 minutes later. We all claimed we hadn't heard the bell. *5th grade - I'd rode my bike to school and walking to my class I dropped my helmet and this little shit head about 2 grade behind me (she rode my bus and was one of the most stuck up girls I've ever met) kicks it into the trash can so I grab my helmet and start bashing her in the head with it. I got suspened for that one and wasn't permitted to ride my bike to school for 1 month. *8th grade - this dipshit boy I knew grabbed my binder and ran into the boys bathroom with it thinking I wouldn't follow him in. When I did he tried to lock himself in a stall where I promptly kicked the door in. The school never fixed that door that school year it was towards the beginning of the school year too. *9th grade - I had the pass out of french class and this girl starts going off on me cause her boyfriend was checking me out. She happened to push the right buttons and I felt myself start to black out. (I remember what I do it's just like I'm watching a movie or something I don't have much controll for several minutes usually) So, I tried to do the right thing by walking off she grabbed my arm though so I threw her back and then punched a locker as a warning to her. The rest of the school year I heard people talking about and wondering why the locker door was bent in half. (Our schools are really bad about getting things fixed.) She withdrew from the school the following day as well. (Rumor was some girl "threatened her life." I found that hilarious seeing as I'd done no such thing and hadn't even really wanted to harm her.) *I use to call in for all my friends a lot to get them out of school. Friend often joked around calling me the female version of Ferris Buller, but I was so much better than him lol. *This new principle tried to give me a Saturday school for something I didn't do. I tried to explain to him I didn't do it and I had witnesses and proof but he wouldn't hear it and then he did the one thing nobody should ever do to me. He called me a liar. The next thing I know I'm on top of his desk yelling and screaming and calling him every last thing in the book while also informing him in a very blunt mannor as to why I hadn't done it. Finally I calmed down and got off his desk. (suprisingly nobody came in to see what was going on I was half expecting an officer to come drag me away.) I just looked at him and told him I was going to go and he just told me to "take the paper and if I brought in the witnesses and evidence by the end of the day I wouldn't have to attend. I threw it in the trash and told him that I would have gladly done that originally but after being insulted (though I know I insulted him back) I'd do so if I felt like it and by no means would I be going to Saturday school. (Before this he'd always thought I was the nice quiet kid. Typically I am as well) When I got back to my class everyone stood up and applauded me, rather embarrasing actually.) (I was in a alternative school that was small so I wasn't to supprised that they'd over heard.) Needless to say after that I started causing hell and he didn't try to call me into his office once. That's the end of my dumb highschool shit most of which I'm not particulary proud of but it's fun to talk about sometimes. *after being in college for two years I was starting to get bored and restless. I wanted something interesting. Then they came "Yo Momma's Kitchen" A free food kitchen consisting of two busses, 1 rv, and 1 car. Most people woulda referred to the members as "Hippies" or "Rainbow Kids" I did at first too, but soon realized they wern't. Here was my adventure. I traveled with them for about 5 months. Going all over the country. It was a crazy time and far to much went on to talk about. *I went on my first hitch hiking mission. (When I was younger I'd always hitch hiked around the small town I lived in but nothing more) I don't know the miles but what was a 3 1/2 hour drive typically from the small town I'd grown up in to phx arizona where for the first time I squatted alone. (I'd squatted many time with various members from yo momma's) Soon I met some kids (I call everyone kids but they ranged from 17 to 34) that lived under a bridge and they invited me into their "home" I stayed there for a week before hitch hiking back to my house. (Home I learned is in you and it's what you make it.) *I've gone on several more hitch hiking missions since then to LA and back (by far the one I disliked the most), to Florida and back, 3 to Flagstaff, and about 20 more missions down to phx. All of this in the course of less than a year. There's so much more I could write down but I feel I've already written far to much and I'm afraid of boring the readers to death. |
I am pretty sure of that your mom and dad would of grounded you. |
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