I got a speeding ticket a while back; I can't remember how long ago, but it was long enough for me to get one of those "warrant for your arrest" notices on Tuesday. I got around to going to the courthouse and paying it off this morning. I parked in the Municipal Building parking lot in a handicapped space, which is ok because I'm in a wheelchair. I went through the courtyard that runs along side the Municipal Building where there are always a lot of people milling around - mostly people leafing through papers trying to figure out how to convince the municipal people to give them a license or permit, a few homeless sitting and staring at the ground, and municipal workers on break who are smoking cigarettes and looking a little smug about the fact that they don't have business there. It reminded me of when I worked at one of the concessions stands at the zoo when I was 14 - after while you forget that your an idiot in a box doling out drinks and "food" and start seeing the customers as herd animals gathering stupidly around your stand for treats. This must be an especially strong feeling among the municipal workers, as your customers are in the undignified position of begging for municipal permission to do something. It's a great gift if you can shift the perspective of a situation to your favor. I crossed the street and I was at the side of the courthouse. It's an old stone building and the front is a mountain of steps, so i had to go to the back to a short, wide alley to get in. There were two men in suits just inside the alleyway. It's still fairly warm here, around 65, and they looked comfortable and were talking loudly about something. There is a black steel elevator grafted cancerously onto the back of the courthouse by the ADA. I hit the big button with the stick figure wheelchair guy on it. Nothing happened. I waited. I hit again. Zilch. I asked the two men if they knew any way I could get it moving, but the said "we don't work there." So I sat there trying to figure out what to do. I figured I could just leave and tell them that I was unable to get into the building, but they probably wouldn't accept that. Just then a thin man in appeared around the corner of the alley, saw me, and darted off. I didn't know if he was checking to see if I was still there or if they'd succeded in getting rid of me, but I waited to see what happened. The elevator lurched and the car came down to me. The courthouse is, like I said, old. And Southwestern - lots of wood and chalk-white colors. I got into the dejected-looking line that all courthouses have. Eventually a woman got in line behind me - a very big woman with a loud voice. She had a straw hat with flowers on it on her head, and a tent-like floral dress on. She had engaged the woman behind her in conversation. At one point, when I was still halfway to the window, the woman into me. She apologized and I said "no problem". She turned her attention to me and asked me how I got in a chair, would I ever get out (no) and stuff like that. She told me not to worry because the Lord would heal me and had I ever heard of [some scripture]? No. She said that later on she would write it down for me. Then she began talking about her problem with joint pains. I had expected this, because normally people won't talk to me about me about being in a chair unless they have a relative or friend with a traumatic injury, or have some chronic condition themselves that they feel puts them on equal footing. I always listen because they always fascinate me, at least the crazier ones. She suggested I try Icy Hot for my joint pains. Finally it was my turn. Woman behind the window took my check for the ticket and started out. My big floral woman, who was next said "wait for me! I want to give you that scripture!" When her attention was turned to the window, I bolted. A security guard gave me a smile because he knew I was trying to get the fuck out of there. He told me not to bother with the elevator I came up in, and take the normal one down to the basement. So I did. The basement was a labyrinth of pale, blank walls, except for the one with the pictures of Clinton and Bush Jr. on the walls. They always stick those in the basement. I finally found the door leading out to the street, next to an office with a large glass window and some guy inside slumped over a desk. Outside, there were now steps leading up to the sidewalk, and a platform elevator. I got on the platform and pressed the "up" button. It sprang into inaction. I hit the button again, then again, the again and again and again harder each time. A security guard came from inside the building (the same one who got me into the building, I think), gave me a slightly embarrassed smile and used a key from the key chandalier at his waist to open up a fuse box and flip a switch to set me in motion. I told him thank you. I watched the street rise up in front of me: clouds, then tops of trees, the top of the municipal building, flowered hat, floral dress... Ah, fuck. "Oh there you are!" she said. "I thought I'd lost you!" My first reaction was to hit the down button, but it would probably only strand me in the middle of the stairs. I let myself be delivered inexorably to her feet. "I'm so glad I found you," she said. We walked a little ways down the sidewalk, she quoting scripture. She gave me a chapter and a verse, John something, and said "will you remember it?" "Yes." Asked if I would like to come to her church (Baptist) sometime. I said no. She asked me if she could at least give me a blessing, so I said "ok". She closed her eyes rapturously, then opened them and asked my name, then went on: "Lord, bless Mike in all your infinite mercy and heal him-" it was funny to see this: her eyes still closed she seemed to look off as she realized she'd better not make any big promises while i'm right there "...maybe not right now, but soon. God bless you." We parted ways and I went across the street to the Municipal building. A man in a suit and carrying a briefcase came up beside me. "Touched by the Lord, I see," he said. "Yeah," I laughed. "Occupational hazard." "Well, it takes all kinds," he said. "You know, Jesus said..."

.....and an hour later your doing jumping jacks on one foot??????? damn christians and their blind faith

Why are you so bitter towards christians? I envy that woman. Whether you believe in it or not, I don't know how anyone can deny the comfort that comes with blind faith.

Wasn,t Blind Faith a band?

(sigh!)

I saw them after Bonnie and Delaney hooked up with them,she passed out right in the middle of a song.In 1979,Elvis Costello insulted her after they got into a argument about the status of black music and she decked him,had to serve a little jail time for that.He-he.

what's the sound of a man with one leg doing jumping jacks? one!...*thud*...two!...*thud*...three!...*thud*... i remember a joke by paula poundstone...something about wanting to start a church for atheists. people can get up in front of the congregation and say, "before i came here i was a cripple...and i still am."

HAH AH AH AH HAHAH CRIPPLE AHAHAHAH

How do you get a one armed Redneck out of a tree? Wave at them! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

what do you do when you find a one armed redneck in a tree? retrain your coon dog!! WHAHHAHAHAHAH

What do you do if you find a one armed redneck in a tree? Look for the blown-up still! Ha!

Hey!!!The drummer from Def Leopard only has one arm.

this conversation can't be over

what conversation? but thanks for digging this up. i need to put it in my files.

Hi droopy, how is the weather in ft worth? here in illinois, it is nice and sunny.

rained all morning. there's a lull, now, and i'm listening to the birds (including a few owls) discuss the weather. the rain's supposed to start back up later in the day. i'll just stay in today and watch tv - the preakness, the magnificent seven, attack of the giant leeches.

It been cool and sunny today, I thought it was supposed to be warm. but I enjoyed the day today.

not exactly sunny today, but cool. it had been getting up to the 90s, recently. as flann o'brien put it, conditions inimical to both comfort and personal freshness - especially since i refuse to turn on my air conditioner until temperatures become life-threatening. today is lawn maintenance day. the sounds of birds and lawn mowers mix. the smell of chlorophyll wafts through the open windows.

I had this strange day today, at first, my work's rf scanner been like slow or frozen, making it my work a dragging points, in which I am trying to get the jobs done. second, a friend of mine send me a email, he lives in wisconsin,( i grew up as a young child), there is something going on aganist government doyle. here's the link: http://www.recalldoyle.com/cms.aspx?id=7 at first it was our governor of illinois, and now it is the governor of wisconsin?!

and yet rick perry remains in office. were you born in wisconsin? are you sure it's the computer that's slow?

it got unseasonable cold here in the last two days. 40s over night. kinda blows. i thought we were done with long sleeves.

droopy, I was born in Illinois. I don't know what's the problem with work computer, one day it was running slow, the other day it runs ok.

I had terrified dream, I had a dream that I broke in someone's apartment and stole their AK-47 rifle, and pumped shotgun, by the time when I tried to get out , I noticed the tenant whose I broke in, scurried downstairs looked terrified, cause I had their rifle and shotgun on my hand. Suddenly I woke up, trying to recall my dream and I am familar with the place that me and my dad used to live in the apartment .

was this apartment in illinois, wisconsin, or texas?