| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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And listening to my host get laid by some chick he picked up at the bar tonight.... Alright, so, Thursday night I caught the plane outta Reeechymond. Long ass plane ride. I had a transfer in Chicago. So...we take off. The minute we left the runway, the whole plane jerked a little bit. I noticed it only because I'm paranoid about plane rides. Completely. So about ten minutes after we're in the air, the captain comes on and says something about how he thinks we hit a bird, and if anyone knew anything, then turn on the call light. He sounded nervous. It didn't help me feel better about the fact that I was 2,000 feet in the air at all. So a few minutes later he announces that we're turning around and heading back to Chicago. And we're doing it ala' fear style. We had to put our heads between our legs and grab our ankles. All the lights go out on the plane. He was afraid that when he hit the bird, it screwed up the landing gear.... He kept saying it was ok, but I swear my whole life flashed in front of me in those ten minutes. And the cool thing...the thing I learned from it...is that I was entirely capable of making peace with my life. And I did....Because there was honestly the chance in the ten minutes that I had before we landed...that my life was about to end. I said my goodbyes to the people I had to...and I swore a lot. I think "Jesus Fucking Christ" came outta my lips more than once. Of course, we hit the ground and everything was ok or I wouldn't be posting right now...but jesus fucking christ. I do and don't hope you guys ever have to experience that. So on Friday we did San Francisco and I'm convinced that I want to live on the streets there and sell coke for the rest of my life just so I can breathe the air in. We rode the trolley, went to Fisherman's Wharf and saw the sea lions. (They so cute!) We hit this little jazz club and I fell in love with the singer. He was an old white haired man, but there was something just so fucking charming about him. Drank two margaritas. Got my energy up. Then Pat (the one I came here to visit---not your local hooobygoooby--I'll get to him later---trust me) talked me into going to this bondage club called Power Exchange. I got completely psyched up..but when we got there they told us there was dress code. Either be in total fetish gear and it's 15 bucks, or wear a towel..or walk in with what yer wearing and it's 75. I probably could have passed for fetish. (I was wearing a little oriental night gown thingy) but he couldn't have....and no fucking way was I gonna wrap up in a towel..so we caught a cab back to the hotel. I tried to be brave. ;) And this is the best part. This is what I'll always remember San Fran for. The cab driver who picked us up looked just like Andy Warhol. We asked him about a swing club called Blush. He didn't know where it was....then proceeded to go into a schpieeel about how he's driven this cab for thirty fucking years and there's no fucking way he could possibly keep track of all the "sugah shacks" these college kids come up with. He was classic. If I could ride all the way back to the east coast with this jaded little fuck, I totally would. Yesterday we hit L.A. Rented a convertible and felt absofuckinglutely cool driving around Southern CA with the top down. Got to the hotel and got in touch with the infamous mr. waffles himself. Downed a beer (I loved that bar btw mistah') and then he and Nico too us up to this look out. There's something to be said for looking at the world from an entirely new perspective. Gorgeous....fabulous...whatever. Wouldn't have misssed that for anything. I'll post pics up once I get back to VA if anyone cares. (There's also a couple self shots of Patrick's penis--he's quite a talented boy) After that we hit a little Mexican bar and downed a margarita that was way too strong for someone as little as me. But that's all good. I had two. (Wow, I'd really like one right now actually.) Now at this point I need to write that both Patrick and his wife are absolutely yummy people. Ye' lil sorabjites are fucking lucky to have someone like him on here. Sides, they both have great asses. ;) Then I was lucky enough to experience Jumbo's. goood lawwd. I've been to many a strip club in my life but this one topped it. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen..but beautiful women who can smile and you know they mean it.....rare as hell. Nico and Pat even bought me a lapdance. Can't even begin to explain the thrill that occurs when this gorgeous girl is so close to you but you can't touch her...and she smelled so good like baby powder....and sooooo close. I've never had a lapdance before. Probably smoked a half a pack of cigs afterwards. I should have been a lesbian. I get turned on way too easy. It's true. Hung out afterwards at Sam's. (Another legened I was thrilled to be able to hang off of in a drunken haze. He touched my thigh! There's pictures!) Sir Waffles and I got locked out, drank the slurp from the bottom of three cans of beer and pretended we were Avon ladies. (Wait--I think Patrick was trying to pawn lithuanian vagina---not girl scout cookies. I look better in a dress tho.) Got kicked out and the night ended at 3 am...but jesus christ. It's the best night I've had in foreverness. Total sin. I was in L.A. I'm heading back tomorrow. Soberness, quitting smoking, schoolwork, dumb customers....but I've learned lessons. 1) Always keep a spare bondage outfit handy. 2) Nipple piercings attract attention. 3) Never turn down a lap dance. 4) Sip, don't slurp margaritas. 5) Alley cats rule. 6) So do porches. 7) And pants that don't zip right. 8) Homeless people can be cute. 9) Good things can come of leaving yer stuff in a strip bar. 10) I can't sleep through snoring. 11) I fucking hate flying. K, too sober now. Gonna go diddle myself to sleep. Night. ;) |
I love convertibles. I rarely know people actually wealthy enough to own/rent one, but when I do...boy howdy. |
I fly on two planes saturday, one to Denver, One to Portland. I swear no more planes this year!! these flights will make it 18 planes this year that I have been on. |
safer than cars, they be. |
heh i've taken off 7 time in the past three days. 6 airports. freaky. |
i am having a panic attack just having to drive to that airport to pick sem up..... |
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Makes perfect sense. Nate, be in the situation I was in on that flight from Chicago and see if you don't piss yer pants too. |
the probability of dying is much higher in a car than in a plane. not crashing. dying. i'm glad you pissed your pants, though. sounds like fun. |
heh...i think we showed ms. kalli a good time. or was the other way around... by the way kalli, nico wanted me to reiterate what a cute ass YOU have and how nice "the piercings" are.. i look forward to seeing you again soon dollface.... |
I mean, I write about dying, freaky cab drivers, strippers who smell like baby powder and most of all, you...and all the can talk about is how convertibles are cool. WELL IT WASNT. IT WAS AN UGLY BROWN COLOR. DIDNT TELL YOU THAT PART DID I? (NAH!) hahahahhahaa damn right i have a cute ass. girl has taste. ooooh i just downloaded the pics. lemme shrink em and rename and i'll stick em up on my site. |
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yeah, but did the three of you have sex with one another? |
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i will dispell all the myths. other than nico feeling up Lisa's tits, angry sam's hands on her thigh, and my nonchalent brushing of the leg at Jumbo's there was no fucking.....nico passed out a little early... |
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crazy what those margaritas will do to ya. |
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