Let me share with you the exciting news. I have discovered that my genius is unmitigated. My intellect is celestially radiant, truly the last hope of everyone who sails unsure on the murky seas that are the Modern Age. My mental faculties are the key to every idealogical padlock, the WD-40 in the rusty hinge that imprisons all the rational breakthroughs that as yet await mankind. I am bloody smart, I tell you, and my confidence knows no bounds. Bow before me, dogs. So I will, so mote it be.

well, ain't you the one. yo siempre he sido tu perro.

1. knowledge 2. wisdom 3. enlightenment compare and contrast.

The powerful French Forign Legion- Neither powerful nor french... Discuss among yourselves

Also for discussion: Did Adam and Eve have navels? If so, why?

I don't give a flying fig!!! Sorry, it's a bad day.

Spider does that come in bumper sticker format? If so Id like one, smart ass.

i have discovered that despite the facts that 1- i have been offered jobs [in places that i don't want to be] 2- i have some useful skills and experiences 3- there are really cool jobs out there to be had by someone who looks for them [as shown so gracefully by sarah] i am still having passing moments of being scared shitless by the prospect of chatting with someone about them giving me money for doing things that i like to do

Ya know, I used to have a similar feeling, heather. I used to think that what I was doing wasn't worth all the money I was getting paid. Then I decided that was fucking crazy and started asking for more. And I got it. :) Just do it and be thankful you're getting paid for doing something you like to do. And always ask for more money, 'cause if you don't ask, they won't give. If you feel guilty about it, give some to charity. Buy someone in Africa a cow. Contribute to a food bank. Throw the kitchen sink at your 401K.

And, Spider, we know you're brilliant. What's brought on this revelation?

so mote it be? what the hell does that mean, einstein?

I think she's gone all wicca on us. Today is my last day at work. LAST DAY

I came up with a solution to a BIG-ASS problem at work ALL BY MYSELF. AND THE SOLUTION WORKS. I tried it out and it works, and I showed it to my boss, and he told me I rocked, and I have permission to implement it. I AM A GODDESS.

ask for a raise.

Well, wouldn't you know, it's just the time of year for performance evaluations...

shit...i uncovered that a distributor was nailing us for nearly $15,000 in unclaimed sales. How much did I get for a bonus? $440. Granted its up from last year, but I copped over 40% of my yearly salary in one sweep by nailing a scumfucker distributor of ours. You think im getting a raise? Fuck no. We can barely sell an ad for the magazines these days. No one is spending money. Raises schmaises. and ironically my rep there just called.

I got a frozen turkey.

you should boil it

Nah, I made it this weekend. Turned out really good. Used the recipe in Joy of Cooking -- cooked it on high heat (425) and let it sit on its sides instead of on its back. Have to turn it 4 times, every 1/2 hour. It cooks the legs faster, and keeps the breast from drying out.

i've had a rollercoaster couple of weeks here at work. it started on 12/27, when i got a monster raise and a year-end bonus that i promptly designated for the purchase of a kick-ass new computer. then on 12/28 i get a call at home from my boss saying "i think these budget cuts might affect you." i was job-eliminated. fired. whacked. whatever you want to call it. for the length of the phone conversation i'm thinking "how could you get rid of a guy like me?" and i don't think that's an unreasonable way to think. i know what i'm doing, i've done a lot of good things here, i built a good team and i have a solid reputation throughout the company. but as soon as i hung up the phone my thoughts gravitated almost entirely toward "who cares?" i burned out on this job about a year ago, and have been socking money away for the last 5 or 6 months with the intent of taking 3 or 4 months off to travel and see america and do more things with my creative outlets. i don't have any rational reason to be worried about my ability to get another job or make money somehow. and this job position i'm in right now has never materialized. i've been finding it nearly impossible to find a downside to this situation. even my dad, (who was never been much of an optimist about my ability to make a living) thinks that i'm going to wind up in a better job or a better situation than i ever had here. so i kept it a secret at work until the details of "the package" made it through legal, and when i made my announcement i had the biggest grin on my face. people knew i'd been job-elimmed, but they were actually congratulating me, and they were doing this without a trace of sarcasm. some people who work for me have literally been begging to get "the package." my morale has been as much in the toilet as anyone else's here, but i never went so far as to ask to get whacked. i can't really put a finger on when it happened but i lost enthusiasm for this job a while ago, and my fascination with this company has been equally lost. but i put in my years here and have been treated well. this job got me out of debt and has made a vast amount of other things possible, but i simply don't need it any more. it's been interesting to hear about the reactions from some of the other parts of the company. i guess there's a mindset that equates getting fired with being murdered or exterminated. and i guess there's the whole pride and dignity thing, not to mention career-building and such. but i'm not a career guy, and my self-image has never been intertwined too much with what i do for a living. i know people who would be shellshocked to get fired, and under different circumstances i might be. but i'm not. i feel like i just graduated college, and i think i'll take the rest of the year off.

I have an opening for a gardener. Must be willing to work shirtless.

ive been let go twice and it can be demoralizing. but i also tend to fret about money concerns. good for you mark, im glad it hasnt had that effect on you. i just spoke with my buddy in San Fran who is fairly bummed out. Everyone he knows is unemployed, broke and depressed.

Yeah well the higher ups who don't like me because of the slander of one higher up are giving me dirty looks again, which I don't like... Scares the fucking piss out of me... If I get fired I'm moving and becoming canadian for the bandwidth and I'll get a job up there.

Canadians generally don't like Americans coming and taking already precious jobs. They are already pissy with us due to the currency exchange. Not only would you be freezing your balls off, youd be paying out the ass for anything that comes across the border.

mar: travel like crazy. go amok all over the place. get out of NY for a while. then get a job working at a small school district in Bum Fuck Nowhere, USA. trust me; it rocks.

Actually he'd be paying a lot for anything. Canada is a very socialist country. You know national health, ect. ect. Thats one reason so many Canadians come south.

AHH BUT I WOULD NOT FOR BANDWIDTH.... Shit the difference right there would save my ass, as for the freezing my ass off... I LIVE IN FUCKING MONTANA PEOPLE, IN THE MOUNTAINS NO LESS !!! Its fucking cold here most of the time. No I have a friend in canada that is paying aprox. 15$ american for 1.5/1.3 megabit DSL speeds... I'm paying 60$ American for 256/128 k... Thats fucked up.

Your Markness: Now that you're outta there/what exactly the hell did you *do* at this job you're joyously kissing goodbye? I've spent years reading yr stories & hearing you allude to yr job/but I've never had any clue what it was that you did for a living. I never had the nerve to ask you. In any case/Congrats on yr new found freedom. I say, take a long drive across country w/a laptop & write. Methinks there's a film script - something as good as MEMENTO or MULHOLLAND DRIVE -- hiding inside that crazy, cluttered mind of yours. And if you stop off @ home before or during yr travels/drop by Sarasota & lemme buy you a drink. ;)

Three words, Mark: santalum acuminatum husbandry

i got my shrine from spider this morning. and, yes, this makes me special. me encanta. i love it.

Mark Enjoy it, do some writing because I for one would love to read the travlings of Sorabji.

I'm so glad you love it! I loved it too. :) Yay! I'll get yours this weekend...

love comes in spurts

may the flames of hell rise up out of the earth and slow-roast your nutsack.

Dear droopy, I hope I do not offend your intelligence or sensibilities by asking this, but are you going to put it somewhere nice? I ask because you get many graces if you display such a picture in your home.....and your faith in such a promise is not necessary (but always welcomed, of course), because I have faith, and that's good enough for Jesus. Love, Spider

Dear Spider, I am shot to the heart that you'd think I'd treat it any other way. (pause while a wipe a tear away.) If it makes you feel any better, my apartment is such an eclectic mix of objects that your shrine fits in seamlessly no matter what the state of my faith may be. My living room (where it will be displayed) already has a monk gargoyle from Oxford, a laughing monk wood carving from The Vatican, an actual bird's nest I found, a carved seagull, a clay pig wearing welder's goggles, a print from Agatha, the actual skull of a dead possum, an adjusting wrench for a Model-T Ford, a.... You get the point. Besides, IT'S A SPECIAL THING AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT! Love, Droopy p.s. - if i find out you've hidden my shrine away under the kitchen sink, everything i just said goes out the window and i convert yours into a drink holder. p.p.s - bite me, patrick.

oh bondage up yours!

oh yeah - spider, i thought you might find yard dog interesting. maybe you too, patrick my patrick.

very cool. you know im the king of self teaching. being a self taught musician and with the exception of 3 darkroom classes a self taught photographer. i'm also a fan of limits. either self imposed or otherwise. i also love organic art. something from nothing. oh shit David Fair from Half Japanese is in there....NEAT! Going through these...briefly...my favorites thus far are Prophet Royal Robertson and Brother Jeremias Mysliwiec...especially his "New England Spring-Skunk Cabbage II" fuckin cool site droop.

speaking of self-taught... just now i was playing air drums to a tape of an old band in which i was playing bass. it was a sped-up version of "pump it up" recorded in a dance hall somewhere in texas over the river styx and past the two-headed dog. the drummer, probably one of the strangest guys i've ever known, had never heard the song before. his only criteria was that we played it fast. he just sounds like he's having such a blast. it was his 4-track we used to record it. when we were setting it up, he discovered he'd forgotten to bring the power supply. he says "i got it covered" and leaves. he comes back after about 10 with the battery from my fucking car and hooks it up. jammin'

Seriously, d00d, you need to write more. And post the stories here.

PS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA My genius solution that I came up with (the one that inspired this thread, you know) ...uuhhhh... doesn't work as well as I thought it did. Major bummer.

PPS. I concur that Yard Dog rocks.

PPPS. I have never been able to use or see the word "concur" without thinking of that scandalous Bauhaus/Peter Murphy song that could only be about oral sex because what the hell else could it be about?

goth chick.

hehe...Spider said "oral sex." hehehehe....

hehe...Spider said "oral sex." hehehehe....

what did you say?

Bite me, wankers.

Hey Patrick...what did get you inspired to start in photography? I'm finding myself between jobs and not really thrilled about looking, and I figure with the time on my hands, I might at least get serious as an amateur...dunno if I have the self confidence to do much more than that, but I do want to get back in a darkroom once I've moved. Would you email me sometime to talk about the photo world?

Spider, nothing wrong with goth girls... Screw them, I dated a "goth chick" before, had to probably be the best relationship I ever had, we are still friends. Good converstaion, Not boring, GREAT sex, and music that didn't suck. The sex was exceptional, but we would psend fuckin hours just bullshitting over coffee and smokes.

what got me started? 7 years ago, i had an inkling that id like to start taking pictures. I wasnt inspired by anyone particular i suspect at the time it was a passing thing, but the wife (then girlfriend) remembered and got me my Olympus OM for my birthday. Back then that was quite a gift considering she had a BA in psych, couldnt even get a gig volunteering and was working for $5.75/hour at a sammich shop and I working at a record store. Ive been taking pics ever since. I only got a bit of formal training under my belt 3 years ago.

I am not Goth. DO YOU HEAR THAT? (DAVE, I'm looking at you, buddy.) For God's sake, I am dressed entirely in J Crew and Benneton today. I am wearing red and white and black. I have no makeup on and my brown hair is growing back. I'm listening to Man or Astroman? on my speakers. I am happy. I have no tattoos, no piercings save my ears, and I am a devout Catholic. THERE AIN'T NOTHIN GOTH ABOUT ME. Got that, misters?

I have an OM2 I wish I could get working again, problem is finding a replacement for the winding spring is looking to cost me out the ass... I liked that camera.

Avalonion Cathoic Church: "we're so Catholic, we're Goth!" Catholic Encyclopedia: Gothic Architecture. Gothic Chasuble at catholicstore.com, your Catholic Source!

"nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster" Lenny bruce Aging goths are almost as bad. *ducks* Aging goths become quite sensible and productive citizens, i have found. I know a few myself.

I must be wrong. There's plenty Gothic about me. I have even contemplated becoming a cloistered nun, and you can't get more Gothic than that.

Your fine in my book Spider... Goth, not goth, freak, not freak... It matters not my 8 legged friend.

Oh. My. God. Droopy, I got your shrine! IT ROCKS. Even the box is cool! It's so cool, I woke up my dad to show him. I think he really likes it, too, but he'll need to be more awake to appreciate it. Mi piace moltissimo.

i don't get this shrine business. is it like barbie dolls for grown-ups?

no, it's like mail art that actually shows up at your house. you pagan bastard. gladja like it, spider. i'm just happy it actually made it to you without damage.

Well, you actually packed yours well. I just put mine in a shoe box and crossed my fingers. Dave, go here (warning: midi music) and look at the the pictures. You can't see any of the shrines up close, but you'll get an idea. If you do a google search on "mexican folk art shrines" or "retablos" you'll get another idea.