hobbies


sorabji.com: Reasons to be cheerful: hobbies
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By sarah on Wednesday, February 27, 2002 - 11:19 pm:

    i'm curious to know what kinds of hobbies you all have or what you all do for fun.

    i mean, maybe you get up, have breakfast, go to work, have lunch, work some more, then get off work....

    and then what? do you go home? what do you do when you get there?

    what do you do on the weekends? where do you go? in what kinds of activities do you participate on a regular basis, if any?

    seriously.

    i ask so many people i meet here what they do for fun and they rarely have any definitive answer and many just sort of stare at me like i'm an alien or something.




By moonit on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:12 am:

    I read alot. And when I say alot, I mean probably about at least five books a week.

    I also just sometimes veg out watching tv, which isnt really a hobby as such, but its what I do.

    My job is so full-on, that I need to have time out when I get home from work.

    Weekends though, are usually full of drunken, and sometimes not drunken, adventure, depending on who is around, and whats going on.


    Sometimes too I like to bake, but not all the time, I have to be in the right mood otherwise I get bored halfway through.


By heather on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:37 am:

    this week [starting last week] i have:
    read stuff about tiling
    shopped for tile and paraphenalia
    prepared the floor
    tiled
    grouted

    looked happily at my [our] work

    also i have shopped for plants, seeds and dirt
    today i planted seeds and petted the plants i planted yesterday

    in michigan there's no gardening until may, this is great

    i also read

    started cutting the molding for the bathroom

    participated in a full moon thingy

    talked to my mom

    and watched dvd's
    [i won't tell you what i would be watching if i hadn't just watched them all]


    other times i like to cook things that i never cooked before

    and bake


    also today i realized that the world is full of fun stuff to try


By J on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 01:12 am:

    Ii'm trying to help my mom,it's not pretty.


By droopy on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 02:10 am:

    i don't have anything i consider a hobby. i don't consider reading a hobby, personally. i play guitar, but lately it's just something i do when i can't sleep. i don't have any interests.


By agatha on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 03:01 am:

    liar!

    i'll have to play this when i'm more coherent. i have too many hobbies. it's kind of annoying, actually.


By Nate on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 03:06 am:

    i woke up at half seven, showered, ironed and dressed. drove to work.

    i got home from work about 15 minutes ago. poured myself a bourbon. talked to heather and bob, who are in the midst of a potato chip party.

    i will go to sleep soon. no hobbies during the week.

    the past three weekends i've worked on my bathroom. door, walls, paint, tiles.

    we had some people and some alcohol one night.

    i was sick on monday. slept til half one in the afternoon. then spent nearly four hours shopping for moulding. and plants.

    my work is my hobby. it must be.


By sarah on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 08:41 am:


    droopy, you have one of the widest minds i've ever known and your vast array of interests clearly reflect that.


    i used to participate in full moon thingies with all my women friends. we did this for years, and then we switched to the new moon.

    and then there was chicks with picks band practice.


    of course, there also was outrigger paddling, training with lonny, gardening.

    making jewelry.

    bargain hunting at Ross.


    boogie boarding, hiking, surfing, napping in the sand.



    here it's:

    * yoga
    * cooking
    * gardening (which takes very little maintence work here)
    * panicking
    * more yoga
    * kickball (sporadically)
    * psychoanalyzing my cats (nug has lost too much weight and sleeps too much, jesse cries too much and needs constant attention/reassurance)
    * using my cats for psychological transference
    * forgetting to show up for weddings and wedding receptions of co-workers which i've known about and had on my calendar for 5 months
    * calling/writing friends and family in hawaii
    * decorating my office with rubber finger gremlins (not really a hobby, but something to do to take my mind off panicking)



    does any one here use instant messaging? i think i'm going to sign up for one of those things. that could be a hobby.




By eri on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 08:44 am:

    I like to cook, but I guess that is part of my job.

    I love to dance, and we do that every day around the house like idiots, but I don't care.

    I love interior design and decorating, but can't do shit with an apartment (I miss having a house).

    I try to play the violin, but I suck at it. I guess I should learn how to read music again.

    I am really into games (like board games or video games you can play in groups). Trace and I try to play a game as often as possible. Last night it was UNO. Night before, Parchisi. Night before I stomped his ass at Rummy.

    I read every night before I go to sleep.

    On the weekends, we are trying to be a bit more adventurous. We have found some places here we want to check out. Get back into nature a bit more. Walk thru caves and check out nature's wonders inside. Fishing. Hanging at a lake. Going to the riverwalk. Maybe take a day and go to the beach.

    I used to go out clubbing with my friends, but since we moved, I haven't found that clique of people to party with yet. Made one friend but she isn't quite 21 yet.

    And then there is our typical, watching movies. We got rid of most of our VHS collection (about 150-200 videos) and we are being more particular about what we do buy, but we still sit and veg with a DVD every now and then. When my job allows me to take a break.

    I have some empty pots and a plant rack outside, but I don't know a thing about plants and I have a black thumb it seems. Everything I try to grow I kill, so I haven't started that one yet. I don't know where to start yet. I don't know what grows here, etc.


By Spider on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 09:07 am:

    I

    * read
    * paint
    * make things (like, little wooden painted boxes and collages and CD/tape covers and things on string and shrines and painted mirror frames, etc.)

    *clean (I'm so messy this has become a hobby since my room/kitchen/living room becomes cluttered every day)

    *walk around the city

    *make up stories in my head

    *play the Sims

    *shop at flea markets for little things with which to decorate my office

    *collect Sacred Heart pictures/artifacts


    This is a new one:

    *look for fossils along the Chesapeake (this is exciting)


By Zodiac_Killer on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 10:08 am:

    Clean the firearms.
    Load shells.
    Invent new ways of removing blood stains.
    Maintain my newspaper article scrapbook.


By agatha on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 11:55 am:

    *printmaking
    a. these days, it's mostly woodblock printing, because i can work on it at home.
    b. letterpress- going this weekend for a workshop (pez, i'll be in portland, email me...)
    c. i've got an artswalk project brewing in my head, that's in april.
    *bookbinding- rank beginner
    *knitting- this is a new one. every saturday for the past two months, cleo and i and sometimes a friend of cleo's and/or a friend of mine go knitting at this store downtown. there's a bunch of women sitting around a big table and knitting and talking about their projects. it's very cool.
    *reading. i read a lot. sometimes, i will stay up til three or four am to finish a book, and then i'm grumpy the next day.
    *watching tv- tivo, baybee. i've been watching all of the old northern exposures, lately.
    *wanking in front of the computer.
    *cooking/baking
    *inventing household projects that i never finish.
    ex: tiling the kitchen floor, painting the kitchen, refinishing the floors...
    *games. i recently acquired parcheesi from the thrift store. i play with cleo, because dave won't play games with me. i like cribbage, too, but i have nobody to play with.
    *dog walking. i love to walk the dog. sometimes, i walk two dogs, or they walk me.

    and the usual: friends, movies, thrift shopping, etc. this town always has some show or art show or something going on. here's the next big thing:
    http://www.olywa.net/procession/

    i love spring in olympia.


By J on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:07 pm:

    Eri,just cause you live in an apartment doesn't mean you can't decorate,I know you can't paint,but it's the little things that make a home,plants,pictures,you can do wonders with fabric too.I love a bargain,I got a glass and copper metal dineing room set like you see at finer furniture stores at this cheap furniture store,the only difference was the cheap version, the glass wasn't beveled and the seat cushions were a generic black vinyl,so I bought it,went to a fabric store,found some I liked and did the cushions with it,what a difference it made,then I went to park and swap and bought a large ceramic bowl filled with ceramic fruit made in Mexico(what tourist in Scottsdale pay hundreds of dollars for)I got for $30.00 ,the colors match the cushions.Then just a few weeks ago,I wasn't even looking for anything in particular,just getting some booze at Costco,at the end of the aisle were some throw pillows,big ones,and they go with the dineing room seats,it was a decorating moment of Zen.


By Dougie on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:09 pm:

    Agatha, I saw a thing on tv the other night about building a bridge across the strait of gibraltar, and of course, they showed the footage of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapsing.

    Did they ever rebuild that bridge? If so, did they keep the towers that remained standing and just rebuild the roadway? Or did they tear the whole thing down and start anew? Just curious.


By sarah on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:13 pm:


    i *love* cribbage. i found a game store at adobe mall and bought a cribbage board and tried to teach kevin to play but he doesn't like to play games with people, only playstation games, because it hurts his ego too badly if he looses a game against someone, anyone, not just me. it's weird.

    i wish i had someone to play cribbage with. cribbage goes good with marijuana.




By patrick on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:13 pm:

    im not sure if any of these are hobbies.

    but:

    darkroom: currently im spending about 8-10 hours a week print making and processing.

    reading: at the moment im not reading a novel. i finished a chomsky book last week. otherwise i read everything from bazaar and W (the pictures) to National Geographic and newspapers. this morning i was reading over a 4 page chart comparing about 100 color print and slide films.

    photo conceptualizing: ive been spending a lot of time, blankly, in front of the TV, exhausted yet my mind is reeling. Last night, it wouldnt stop. Im contemplating autumn/winter shots. Im contemplating lighting, who, how, what film, where etc. i find after a long day when i smoke a bit, and have a drink my mind turns into over drive and WON't stop. There's so much to consider, so much to take into account.

    watching hockey: i must admit this season ive even more excited. Last year, in the playoffs, the LA Kings pulled off an amazing run at the cup, the town is a buzz with excitement that they'll do it again. They are poised to do so, so I watch every game I can. Its "MY" time, which is why during this chaotic week, i left early yesterday, got some beer, some chips and salsa and tuned out. I needed that.

    cooking: when i can of course. this friday im making a roasted pepper soup; green leaf w/my homade vinegrette; steamed asparagus and green beans with a thin oil based curry (this is a new experiment for me)sauce lightly dripped over top; tossed herb angel hair with broccoli, light baked garlic chicken.i got a Pinot Noir to start and a Chardonnay to go with the main course.

    bowling: when I can.

    I also shoot hoops with my pal whenever I have time and its daylight out.



    i think thats it for the moment.....



By Dougie on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:19 pm:

    I just gave up a hobby near and dear to my heart: smoking. God how I'd love a smoke. I must say I feel much better though, and I breathe easier and sleep better.

    Otherwise, fishing, boating, camping, reading, cooking, listening to records, playing the piano, and other various stuff, too mundane to list.


By J on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 12:38 pm:

    I use to play cribbage with my dad,I have his board.I like to go to park and swap when the weather is nice like now,spring training baseball games,I go to the library,I love Ross and Marshalls,you'll find me in housewares,and I garden too,just flowers for now,but this fall I'm doing veggies.I like going to Mill Ave. and people watching,I read,I swim,I love to cook if I know somebody will be here to eat it,I collect things,Barbies(not much anymore,no room),baskets,copper molds,Wizard of Oz dishes,heart shaped trinket holders,old coins,ceramic toy tea sets,loose stones,and angels.Angel pictures,angel table,angel statues,they have to be child angels.


By Oswald Jr. on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 01:49 pm:

    I write in a diary and I colect things. Stamps toys and old jewelrey. I like old costume jewelrey I have stuffed animals and weird clothes and I play the bass. I mite raise pure breed dogs some day. This is all when I am not busy being the Archbishop Of Funk.


By eri on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 01:59 pm:

    I do what I can with decorating, but I have limitations at the moment. I was going to re-upholster the dining room chairs, but I don't have a staple gun. I found some great aubergine curtains at a thrift store but havent had a chance to go get them yet. Not being able to paint is driving me nuts. I want to put a mural up in Micki's room. I want to fix Hayley's furniture (I painted and stenciled it all so it would match) but I found out she is now writing on it, so I don't want to do anything (she is 7 she should be past this by now). I want to do something with this fireplace but I have no clue what to do, and I can't seem to find artwork to save my life. My living room looks incomplete. I have my candle holders and my jars and my lamps, everything is in earthy colors with geometric designs, some is earthy and some appear to have japanese influences, but I can't figure out how to finish the room off. The walls are so bare and the fireplace looks awful. same with our bedroom, it seems so empty. I can't figure out what to do with it. I got the guest bath looking decent, but I hate the walls. I have rich colors and textures all through the room. I have a Renoir print in there, but white walls, and white countertops and white cabinets and white linoleum suck. I really want to add some gold tones to the walls. I also need to refinish a couple of pieces of funiture and have no idea where to start. I have an antique secretary I inherited from my grandmother. It has a lot of ornate carving in the woodwork. There are scratches all through that and I don't want to leave the bare wood unprotected, but I am not sure what to do without hurting the integrity of the piece. I want to paint and then crackle finish Micki's dresser, but I don't know how to do it or where to find what I need (as far as the crackle finish goes) and I am not sure if I can use different color paints on parts of it. I also want to crackle finish her bed (which is painted white). I found it at a garage sale for $2. I need to tie these pieces together. I just get frustrated when I feel like the room is incomplete and I get really tired of white on white on white on white on white. There is like NO COLOR here. The only exception to white is the grey carpet. I don't know the first things about flowers either. I mean real ones.


By Spider on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 02:05 pm:

    "I want to fix Hayley's furniture (I painted and stenciled it all so it would match) but I found out she is now writing on it, so I don't want to do anything (she is 7 she should be past this by now)."

    Eri, what do you think of letting Hayley help you fix her furniture, or letting her paint/stencil it herself (with your supervision)?


By Spider on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 02:17 pm:

    Also, if there's a museum near by you, you can find colorful posters there to frame and hang up -- that will add color.

    With white walls and grey rugs, I would add red and black. I'm really into combining grey and red at the moment -- hey, today, I'm wearing a red sweater and dark grey pants. Red pillows or throw-blankets...red lamps...black bookshelves...white curtains...

    That's not very little-girlish, though. Is the rug dark or light grey?

    In my last apartment, I had bright yellow-orange curtains from IKEA -- I loved them. They made the room look bright and kid-like.

    What colors do your girls like?


By J on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 02:51 pm:

    With a neutral color like gray,just about any color will work,I had gray carpet once and I used alot of pastels.I like the color peach so when I finally got new carpet I picked a copper color and have alot of green accessories. If your not good with real plants,there are always silk plants.If there is a home depot or a micheals around,you can find everything you need to redo the furniture.


By eri on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 03:36 pm:

    I just don't know what to do with the secretary. I can't strip it and restain it. Too much work. I don't know. I was thinking maybe some kind of antiquing over the current finish but I don't know.

    Hayley's room is all creams and mauves and lavenders. Roses. Lace. Etc. very girlie.

    Micki's room is country (the only one in the house, cuz I usually hate country decorating) with quilts and pastels combined with navy and burghundy and hunter, lots of old natural wood, kinda rustic.

    The dining room is victorian (again the only room in the house like that) with lots of florals.

    The kitchen is all hand painted fruit in fall colors against white. I did it all myself about 5 years ago. The walls need color, and the cabinets do. Other than that it all goes.

    I do need to find out about museums out here. I would think in an area as large as this there would also be some galleries. I dunno. I just know it still needs some major work to be finished and I wish I could do something about the walls. Then again, it is only for 6 months. but this is my job so it kinda bites that I can't get it to look just right.


By semillama on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 04:58 pm:

    I like to:

    read comic books, read sci-fi, play mah-jonng
    on the computer, sing to the cats, watch
    wrasslin', surf the web, go to movies, try new
    types of beer, go to the book store and read
    magazines.

    I like to play guitar, although it hasn't been as
    enjoyable since my last band broke up.

    I like to shop for used cds, but here, that can
    get real damn expensive.

    I used to liketo go to thrift stores, but I don't
    have any room for anything I used to go to thrift
    stores for.

    I wish I could say my hobby was traveling
    around the country visiting my friends.


By heather on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 05:29 pm:

    i used to like colors.

    in chicago our place was olive green, haystack [whatever the fuck that is,] light blue-green, and my room was warm grey with a dark dark blue ceiling. d's room was light blue with thin vertical black stripes.

    after i started painting [paintings], i began to see the colors in the light as the light changes on white. now i like white.


By Eri ..Dont touch that antique on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 06:25 pm:

    ERI!! Don't screw around with the finish on that secretary. Get a can of Johnsons Paste Wax, and give it a light coat. The slight color will tone down the scratches, and it will protect it. Don't fake antique it. If it is worth something, you'll have decimated its values. Sometimes there are treasures lurking under nicks and scratches. I know. I watch Antiques Roadshow.


By Antigone on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 06:27 pm:

    Ya'll forgot a big hobby: posting on sorabji.

    And, other than that, I...

    * play bass trombone
    * read everything
    * lift weights and keep in good aerobic shape
    * program computers for fun
    * try new foods
    * mull over the nature of consciousness and whether it can be replicated artificially
    * woo my woman and help her be happy


By eri on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 07:25 pm:

    Thank you. I was really wanting to protect this without hurting the integrity of the piece. I didn't know how to do it. I appreciate the advice and will use it!!!!! The last thing I wanted to do was hurt it or devalue it in any way. I still want it to be great, when the next generation gets it. I like looking at the old pictures of when my Grandparents first got married and seeing it in the background.

    Another hobby. I am totally into family heirlooms and preserving them to pass down to later generations.


By LoneStranger on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 08:59 pm:

    Posting on Sorabji a hobby?

    It's a way of life!

    A drug even!

    LS


By Pilate on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 09:22 pm:

    After reading this I'm becoming aware of how hobby-deficient I am. Most of the time when I'm not working, I'm just talking with family or friends. I'm into long, intense conversations. I guess brain picking is my hobby. Armchair psychology. And fatherhood. There's a hobby for you.


By moonit on Thursday, February 28, 2002 - 11:39 pm:

    I forgot I collect things. I love pigs and cows.


By Daniel ssss on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 12:34 am:

    *Writing (oh it's my job)
    *Listening (job too)
    *giving great all over head to toe massage (just oh)
    *gardening, organically (oh, it's a necessity)
    *chinking logs (hmmm, also a necessity)
    *replicating 1904 World's Fair furniture (was a job, once)
    *building prayer circles, nemetons, and *sanctuaries (for me and the critters, more stewardship than a hobby)
    *planting perennials and howling at the moon (truly a hobby), harvesting medicinal herbs, wildcrafting teas
    *reading anything, but preferably fiction and poetry written by friends, any Celtic/ Irish/ Scottish history, English romantic writers from the Lake District, 20th c. British and American, Olde English before 1500, Victorian era soft pornography and Spanish technical documents about electronics in the mid 1940's, accounts of curanderos and spiritual healing
    *rocks of particular qualities, figures of moose, deer, turtle, ravens and any corvids
    *driving mountain roads ( a necessity again, but long drives to no where a favorite)
    *looking at real estate (tire kicking)
    *sharpening plane blades and chisels, and then working wood (used to be an occupation too)
    *being anonymous
    *collecting small pieces of pottery from the artists themselves, especially "seconds or rejects" (they have the most character, and are revealing of the values of the maker)
    *making dream catchers, jewelry, and wind chimes...
    *making hand made paper and hand made books for my friends (though I haven't done this in years!)
    *drumming to alter my consciousness (though not a hobby but a passion)
    *making small boxes

    I'm sorta boring. I want to learn to weld.


By Nate on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 11:47 am:

    you'd really fit in with the dirty-feet of santa cruz, daniel.


By patrick on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 12:17 pm:

    mike, the hippy bus driver, who is no longer my bus driver because some of the old ninny's kept squeeling on him because he was easy going with the rowdy kids and wasnt afraid to yell "stop tagging my fuckin bus you little punkass fuckers" or "hey nina you little shit, give me a cigarette".

    He loved the kids. they loved him. he had been driving my route for 20 years. The ninny's eventually wrote one too many letters. the suits downtown eventually came into play....mike told em to fuck off and retired.

    he's heading up to get back to his "dirty feet roots" in Santa Cruz. He said he has an open ended offer to drive a bus In Santa Cruz.

    Mike the hippy bus driver. I'll miss you.


By sarah on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 04:27 pm:


    i used to have dirty feet all the time when i lived in hawaii.


    in other news, i feel like i'm going to die.




By Spider on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 04:32 pm:

    What's wrong, sarah?


By Nate on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 05:37 pm:

    she feels like she's going to die. pay attention, spider.


By eri on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 05:51 pm:

    I have dirty feet all of the time, and now my hair is a combination of purple and black. Does that make me a "hippie"?


By National Hippy Consulate on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 05:55 pm:

    NO!


By neutroxide on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 07:13 pm:

    breath, bathe, eat, shit.


By Daniel ssss on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 08:42 pm:

    dusty feet happy toes. Hey, I'm going to be in the American Journal of Animal Psychiartry, or something like that. Tell me about the dirty feet people of Santa Cruz. When you have purple and black feet you have been stompin in the tub, at least around these parts. I think if you've got purple and black hair, however, you're qualified for the Jerry Springer Olympic Team.

    Cleanliness is next to dustiness. Sand between the toes, a definite plus.


By eri on Friday, March 1, 2002 - 11:47 pm:

    I have a huge shoe collection for when I go out, but I rarely do that so I almost never wear shoes.

    As far as the purple and black hair, it goes well with the leather pants and halter top and fake boobs. Goes over great at the night clubs. I never lack for someone to dance with. Then again, after 2 beers, I will dance by myself if I feel like it. I don't go there to impress anyone just to have fun. One of these days I will find a foam party at a club!!!


By Cat on Saturday, March 2, 2002 - 01:14 am:

    *making lists that start with stars

    *working up the stomach to fly solo again after 9/11

    *learning languages. Arabic at the moment. The guttural phrases are not as much fun as I was expecting.

    *teaching my language. Reading children's books to people who the government doesn't want here but are more patriotic than me.

    *poetry. reading and readings.

    *scrabble. That's more of a way of life than a hobby, but still.

    *re-loving old wooden furniture.

    *ballet classes for old has-beens

    *writing stuff for extra shoe money. Blahnik sucks you in with a sale and then you're addicted and next thing you're prostituting yourself for a pair of strappy pink stilletoes.

    *cooking. I take requests from friends and family.

    *exercise. beach or road or gym - I hit one a day, or sometimes two when I need to make myself hurt on the outside too.

    *taking books out of the library and reading at least four at once. Avoiding taking them back is another hobby in itself.

    *gardening. Not any more because I don't have the heart to start another garden but I still dream about it sometimes. And I do have lots of herbs and flowers on the verandah to keep up the illusion that I grow stuff instead of just consuming other people's stuff.

    *being hypnotised by my dog. His liquid eyes can make me do stuff like give him the froth off my cappuccino.

    *travelling. I've been doing it for work too often lately and that really doesn't count.

    *loving someone pointlessly.

    Actually I've been deserting so many of my hobbies lately. I'm glad I wrote this list. I was too ashamed to put some things that really should be here.


By sarah on Saturday, March 2, 2002 - 02:06 am:


    after work i went to yoga. my favorite teacher wasn't there, we had a sub. i had no patience for her, which is sort of very Anti Yoga of me. thirty minutes into the class i rolled up my mat and walked out. i was bored. i am spoiled by usually having an outstanding yoga leader... one of the best i've ever practiced with.

    so instead i drove right up the street to the gym. i've sorta started doing the Body For Life program. i did sprint intervals for 35 minutes and left very, very sweaty and out of breath.

    i've officially gained 13 pounds since one year ago. i feel enormous and uncomfortable. my clothes don't fit.

    i have fallen into a very old and very bad emotional coping habit called Compulsive Eating. i don't really binge per se. bingers compulsively eat like humongous quantities of food. i don't do that, but more frequently i have been eating as an emotional response to negative feelings and eating more than i should. not gross amounts of food, but more than usual.

    this has gotten worse and worse since i've been back from hawaii.

    i haven't had this problem in over a decade. even when i was my heaviest about 5-6 years ago i wasn't a compulsive eater. it only creeps up on me when i'm in a really bad way emotionally.

    i am depressed. depressed like i've never known before in my life. i don't feel like myself at all. it's really bizarre.

    i broke up with kevin for good last night. it was really ugly. i went catatonic. he is not the cause of my depression, but rather the stress and emotional abuse from the relationship contributes to it greatly. and in addition to not being able to adjust very well to this new life in austin, not having friends, missing my dad and friends back in hawaii, and my lack of ability to find something interesting to do here, i just feel plum sad.

    and now there's no way i can pretend that my relationship with kevin is or was what i wish it could have been. it's not. it's not working out. we're not really compatible. we're compatible mentally and intellectually, but we're not compatible emotionally or spiritually or even physically i think.

    the thing is, he's mean. he's just downright mean. he knows he's sick, and god bless his heart, he has really been trying hard. but it's not working. it's too hard for him to be nice. and i don't want to be with someone who has to try so hard all the time just to be nice.

    it's fear. his love for me isn't based on love, it's based on fear. almost everything in his life, i realize now, is based on fear. a huge amount of fear about everything - it's beyond rational comprehension.

    and we've talked about it. but apparently he'd rather lose me than admit he can't handle the problem and get the help he needs. he couldn't even listen to me last night, saying that we're not good for each other, that we fight too much, that i'm too depressed. he made excuse after excuse.

    but it's over. it's really really over. and i'm so sad and so disappointed. and yet very relieved.

    maybe i can find my way back to my old self.

    or hell, maybe find my way forward to a new self.


    after i got home from the gym, i drew a hot bubble bath, drank tea, had a long, hard cry, and then went out with a girlfriend from work for the first time since i've been in austin. we went to this cheesy restaurant bar (really expensive to eat there) with a cheesy restaurant band that played really funny cover tunes. the place was totally packed and people were having a blast.

    i much prefer to go to cheesy places where people are dancing and having fun than go to cool places where people are busy acting cool and bored and nobody seems to be having fun or smiling.

    i met some really nice people. some texans, a guy from iowa and a really hot black guy from chicago who is a plastics engineer for applied materials. he liked me. we danced.


    he won't call and that's okay. i don't want to date for a long, long time. being alone - and here in austin i truly am ALONE - is going to be hard but it's the only way.

    and that's not just the 2 vodka martinis talking.


    or maybe it is.


    i'll probably be crying a lot again tomorrow.







By eri on Saturday, March 2, 2002 - 12:10 pm:

    Sarah, I can totally relate to where you are right now. It sounds just like me when I was going through the divorce with my ex. It took me a while, but I have become the person I wanted to be then. It is hard, and sad, but it does get better. That feeling of relief gets stronger and you lose the desire to go back, ever.

    I also understand not knowing anyone near you and being completely alone in a strange foreign place. If it is any consolation. I am also alone (aside from my husband) in a strange foreign place and I am only 84 miles away from you.


By Antigone on Saturday, March 2, 2002 - 02:49 pm:

    And you can call my friend Joe. Tell him Cooter sent ya.


By semillama on Saturday, March 2, 2002 - 11:47 pm:

    if you want to talk or something, drop me a
    line, sarah.

    otherwise, we're with ya, at least figuratively.


By sarah on Sunday, March 3, 2002 - 02:18 am:

    thanks you guys.

    i didn't actually cry today. i kinda wanted to but it never really came out. maybe i'm just in shock, i don't know.

    this morning i sent an email to every person i know in austin (people you meet in person here give you their email addresses but not their phone numbers, it's pretty bizarre) asking if anyone had a tv and/or vcr i could borrow for a month. i figure i will just bunker down in my apartment and rent movies when i feel lonely. i got a few offers for VCR's and went and picked on up. now i just need a TV.

    the rest of the day i ran around and did errands. went to GNC and HEB. did chores. made tomatillo soup (instead of dream soup). called angela and raymond, and they came down and took me out to the movies. we saw this trippy film shot in bulgaria called Tuvalu.

    oh, and that guy did call. craig. we're gonna go to cheapo and hunt used records and CDs tomorrow afternoon and then maybe play pool and have supper at the tavern across the street. i'm kinda excited because, while we had a really nice time at the bar friday night, he did not overtly hit on me or come on to me or try to make any moves. and by the time we found each other, i was drinking diet coke and he was drinking coca cola, and we both left at a reasonable hour. so it's not a date tomorrow, it's just going to be a fun hanging out kind of thing, which is just what i need.

    make new pals.

    by the end of this weekend i won't have spent too much sad and alone time and hopefully monday will be okay.


    ok, i'm done spewing. gotta get up early for yoga and then kickball. yeah, gotta stay busy. g'night.



By sarah on Sunday, March 3, 2002 - 11:16 am:


    jeeez. i'm waiting for a nate-like existential rant to come on, but it's not happening. well, we (kevin and i, that is) didn't live together. we weren't engaged.

    last night angela and raymond gave me a big juicy big island bud that a friend of their's from hilo mailed to them. holy shit. i gotta go get me a one-hitter. maybe take a hit or two and a nate-like existential rant will oooze forth.

    i don't feel that homesick today. i am skipping yoga. i'm going to ride my bike to kickball.

    i want to go to the rodeo today. i've asked a few people i know if they want to go and nobody seems intersted, which is just astounding to me. the rodeo! http://www.staroftexas.org - to me that sounds like a hoot.

    yesterday they had a milk mustache contest. heh. i'd also like to see the canine frisbee show. i'd also like to see some big fat cowboy get thrown off a bull.


    don't mind me. i'm just going to keep giving you a blow-by-blow update on me, my life, and how i'm feeling, until i find something better to do.





By eri on Sunday, March 3, 2002 - 12:11 pm:

    Rodeos can be fun, it that, what the hell am I doing here, this is the lamest thing I have ever seen, Go ahead fall off that horse you idiot! kind of way. I spend a lot of time laughing at them. I haven't been to one in years, though. Last time was in Cali. Hope you have fun


By wisper on Sunday, March 3, 2002 - 11:20 pm:

    sarah, you're amazing to me because you can
    cook.
    And because you moved to Texas. And
    everything else you do seems that much more
    amazing to me because you managed to do
    it... in freakin' Texas. Someone infinitely
    interesting and intellegent (that's you) is
    surviving in Texas. You are a star.



    eri, you should go to the library and find some
    design books. Not even necessarily interior
    design-type books. You could get craft books
    and colour theory books, anything with colours
    and shapes and ideas in it.


    hobbies:
    *drawing, painting, etc. Or is that my job?

    *finding treasure at Goodwill, dollar stores
    and even WalMart. Rescuing stuffed toys from
    Value Village.

    *renting shitty movies and then buying them,
    and making other people watch them.

    *collecting useless/stupid crap and filling
    rooms with it ("This is the ugliest lamp i've
    ever seen! i MUST have it!")

    *step 1) try to learn to cook
    step 2) follow cookbook
    step 3) try food
    step 4)throw out food (last week: 4 cups of
    attempted fried rice)
    step 5) eat waffles

    *i listen to other people's conversations.
    Constantly and thoroughly. Shamelessly,
    even.

    *thinking up great crafty things to do, then not
    doing them.

    *sorabji?

    *reading

    *thinking up great webpage designs, then not
    making them.

    *i really like talking on the phone. Lots.

    *finding "the perfect gift"

    *writing huge long rants in my head, forgetting
    them 5 minutes later

    *staring at walls

    *avoiding the shower

    *long drives to nowhere

    *worrying

    *i'm making 22 Tarot cards right now

    *eating luke-warm fuck

    in closing: you go sarah. we love you.


By eri on Sunday, March 3, 2002 - 11:52 pm:

    I write lots of rants in my head and never use them. Sometimes I drive myself nuts.

    I will look into colour books.

    I found an awesome piece of artwork at the Goodwill store for $7, but it was molding so I didn't buy it. It is so hard to find a piece with pottery out here that doesn't have an adobe house in the background.

    Right now I feel like "fluid girl" for those of you who have watched "Disturbing Behavior" and can understand what I mean by that :p


By sarah on Monday, March 4, 2002 - 11:51 am:


    thank you wisper, thank you so much.



    you made me laugh.





By J on Monday, March 4, 2002 - 01:30 pm:

    Sarah you have Antigone and Droopy right in your backyard,I read this this weekend but my mom is here now pissing all over herself,I think she's not long for this world.At least you didn't get married and stayed with him,my s/o was always a mean person,years later I realized he was jealous of me and he even admitted it.He changed,he's nice to me,but you know what? I've changed too.


By Metal head on Sunday, March 7, 2004 - 02:53 am:

    Hardcore sex and me


By Metal head on Sunday, March 7, 2004 - 02:55 am:

    And maybe you


By on Sunday, March 7, 2004 - 10:05 pm:

    mixing a blackpoweder from three formula is my hobby.. tee hee


By Dreamcatcher on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 12:18 am:

    "Welcome to the best truck stop on earth"


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