Anyway, back to the subject...

Will it always be second best from now on? Hope not

I don't know call me a prude but I could never live with myself knowing that I cheated on my spouse. When I took my wedding vows they meant something very deep and special to me. The thought of breaking those vows is enough to make me sick!! Come on people what ever happened to the sanctity of marriage???

I lost my job after 3.5 years last week. The last year was so horrific, I thought I was going to lose my mind. I went to see a shrink on 3 different occasions...Once I got some valium, the next time I got some Xanax. When I went back the third time, they had lost my prescription, and I told the charge nurse that I was gonna FLIP OUT. She slipped me some emergency pills, and told me to come back the next day. When I did, they had my prescription ready, and it was twice as strong. They could see that I was ready to snap. Over the last 2.5 months, I started to smoke cigarettes again. I went from 0 to almost a pack a day within a week. The dismal horror of work almost defies description. I would be up until 3:30 am running maintenances on the network, and then would have my boss calling me at 10am asking where I was. I averaged 12 hour days for the past 1.5 years, and worked 6 days a week for about 8 months. My beard literally turned white over a 2 month period starting September 11. So, whats my reason to be cheerful? It's over. it's OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVER!!! I'm probably doomed, but at least now I can get a decent, fucking, nights sleep. I quit cigarettes, and a friend threw me a bag of really nice grass. I have enough money to last me a few months, and I heard that unemployment payout is going up in January. I'm brilliant. I'm handsome. Now that my beard turned white, I'm DOWNRIGHT DISTINGUISHED. After the federal government collapses, I could get me one of them fancy little white suits that Colonel Sanders wore, and set myself up a brand spankin' new dictatorship based on a more kinder, more benevolent form of fascism. I can go see Harry Potter, undisturbed by writhing, squirming masses of children, at an early afternoon matinee. I can head off to the park and, uh...Why, GOSH DARNIT...I could GO TO THE PARK AND FLY A KITE. You See? All of these things are possible...AND MORE! Much, much more. All because I have been given the axe, from a job that I stopped enjoying years ago. Come, join me in line. George Bush promises that everything is going to work out just fine...

is this christopher of the olden days, from san francisco? welcome back! and congrats on the loss of your shitty soul sucking job!

All that and THEY axed YOU? Damn. I'd blow up my boss's house or something. Congradulations indeed. I also envy your likeness to The Venerable and Inscrutible Colonel. But not the method through which you gained it.

yesterday during lunch i was thinking that a root beer float would float my boat. sorry to hear about your job. or not. i'm not sure. but either way, stay away from tabacco.

that was the funniest damn post ive seen in a long time. way to go fucko! smoke if you got em!!!!

He's been set free,it's a good thing.

Damn...Well I have to agree with TBone, the asshole's car or house would need some serious rennovation after it cleared the 1000 foot mark... Congrats dude, and I also agree with patrick, smoke'em if you got'em.

My brother had 'em and gave 'em up 2 months ago. Started chewing instead. Dumbfuck.

I enjoy most any female that is addicted to smoking cock. LS

DOOOOD!!!!! that was so damn rude!! P

It's me, friends. I shirked the yolk of responsibility and went to see Harry Potter at the Sony Metreon in SF today. I walked in the sun. I went by the carousel and saw the giraffes, and camels, horses and dragons. I had a nice cup of coffee, too. But first I got all stinky high on Folsom street. Nice movie. No kids. Apparently, this must have been the "Unemployed Homosexual" matinee, because although nicely dressed, I noticed that none of my brethren were eating the $6 a bucket popcorn, but rather, were dipping into crinkly plastic bags, no doubt filled with something unwholesome from the candy rack at the corner Safeway. Together we all sat, a theater full of nice looking gay men, inexpicably free to take 3 hours out of our day. I knew that I may well be competing fiercely with the lot of them for a Starbuck's BARRISTA position within a matter of weeks, but sitting there in the darkened theater, I felt a comaraderie that only a roomful of unemployed, gay, engineering types could provide. I imagined my brothers, minds linked resolutely together; Imagined the possibilities of what we could accomplish if we were all of a single will; Imagined Piper Laurie as our mother, screaming at us that we couldn't go to the prom, telling us "They're all going to laugh at you!!"; Imagined our collective telekenetic power spiraling out of control, and roasting the whole god-damned lot of 'em... Oh, did I mention the pot? It was really good. Christopher

hot damn, christopher. was this that exciting and domestic company? the one who seems to be closing doors and turning off lights soon? maybe friday? goddamnit. i've been trying to get laid off forever.

im betting J could put her skillz to use and arrange that nate.

You know what floats my boat? Being able to take a great big dump before you go to work in the morning. That way, you start off the day with an accomplishment.

see for me it would just ensure i wouldnt have to use the bathroom at work for such a thing. i really really really insist on pooping from the comfort of my warm home.

dave sometimes comes home from work just to take a big fluffy. he's probably going to be mad that i posted that, heh.

ive done that.

"fluffy" i gotta remember that. thats the kind of euphamism i can use!

i think "fluffy" is a pretty aunt nancy-ism. or maybe it's just a connecticut thang.

when i have to go, i will poop in any toilet, any time. i've also pooped outside lots of times, camping or whatever. that's what happens when you spend nearly a year on the road traveling. you get over pooping hang-ups.

I hate public bathrooms. And I almost always end up having to go when that's the only option, whether I went before I left the house or not.

Some years back,my husband and I use to walk three miles after dinner,the same route all the time,one evening about half way home,his stomach started cramping he had to go, a real emergency.We walked faster hoping to make it home but he couldn't wait any longer and hoisted himself over the backyard fence of a house for sale in our neighborhood and took a dump,then came back over the wall like nothing ever happened.

when i was a kid my father thought nothing of walking into the bathroom while i was brushing my teeth and squatting down for a good redolent shit. with the door open. i had a friend in high school who'd do that do. we'd have conversations while he squeezed one out. in hospitals complete and utter strangers have had more intimacy with my bowels and their workings than i ever want again. i once lived in a house where the only bathroom had a huge hole in wall, like a cave entrance. nowadays i want hardcore privacy; i want a bunker deep underground with locks, alarms; i want a TV, magazines - candles, soft music. barrel-sized cans of air freshener.

it is indeed a nancyism. i love her. i wish she would update her page every once in awhile.

im with droop on that.

I can't do dump jokes or even talk about dumps much to the amusement of my buddies. However, I've made several rip-snorting fart jokes in recent weeks so I'm hoping maybe I've broken through the quivering ass barrier at last. But it doesn't make sense because I make really fine ass jokes. My buddy, Bumrush, told me only yesterday that you need a higher level of passion and commitment to successfully pull off fart or dump jokes. I don't think I'll ever master the casual chat about dumping. Once I was talking to Dave and he told me he'd done a huge dump at a service station. I mean, no preamble, it was just there on the screen. What do you do with this information? Is there a recommended response? Do you act interested and ask for details of the number of asswipes required? I have a theory that if there are three men in the room, it will be a mere five minutes before one of them starts talking about a bodily function of some kind.

Yeah the "dump bunker" will be an addition to the house I build when I'm rich and seclusive... There will also be a Sorabji wing, where ya'll will have your own rooms styled to your own tastes... Droopy sorry though, you'll have a nice private bathroom, but only I will have access to the bunker. It will have retinal scanners and finger printers... It will be nice...

dammit droopy, your genius boggles. such breadth. once i said i have a crush on droopy. it remains true.

i have a dream, sarah. i have a dream. s'ok hal, a man's dump bunker is his castle.

Just light and blow out a couple of matches after pinching a loaf. Works just as well as air freshener. That's the thing I love most about camping -- whipping it out and peeing anywhere you damn well please. Dumping outside's fun too, once you get the hang of it.

A friend of mine named Dave who was lost in the WTC and who I went camping with in Montana and Alaska would always bring baby wipes camping. He said he always used them, even at work. He'd take his box of baby wipes and his newspaper into the men's room. We were like, dude, you carry baby wipes around at work? He was like, yeah man, I take some really greasy shits. That was too much information for me, but I couldn't help wanting somebody in our camping group to relay that story at his memorial service. Nobody did of course, though.

if i ever get rich, i'm buying baby wipes instead of t.p. their superior wipe-ability should not be so thoughtlessly dismissed. try it -- you'll see. always pamper the pucker.

I love this shit!!

Correct me if I am wrong ( and I am drunk) but cat and I never discussed bodily functions but then it was only me and her and n6t 3 6f 4s.

I could tell you wanted to discuss bodily functions though, Sem you spunktard you.

worthy.