| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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"Hey... uh... this is Pierre. You know... Pierre." "Oh, hello, Pierre. How are you?" "I'm great." "You're not sounding very French today." "I have a cold. Anyway, I was looking for Chez. Do you know him?" "No, I don't think so." "Well, he should be with two other people somewhere near your office. The other two are Sue and Norm. If you could get them for me, I'd appreciate it." "Certainly. Just to be clear, though, what are their last names?" "Well, Chez's last name is Eaton. Sue's last name is... uh... I can't remember. But I know, Norm's; it's Unkies." "Unkies?" "Yeah, I don't what nationality that name is." "Well, I'll go see if I can find them." "Thanks Jacque-strap; you're a real help." Chirac took his cordless phone with him as he headed out into the main lobby. "Are you Chez Eaton, Sue, and Norm Unkies?" he asked the first group he saw. He then shouted out, "Are there Chez Eaton, Sue, and Norm Unkies here? Someone check the nearby military base for Chez Eaton, Sue, and Norm Unkies!" Everyone started laughing. "Oh, it's you again!" Chirac said angrily into the phone, "When I find out who this is, I'll impotently demand to you to stop!" The only response was more laughter. * * * * "Oh, that was classic," Bush chuckled as he hung up the phone. "Aren't you going to miss this when you leave, Ari?" Source and the rest of it |
Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack? How long is the knife? Who supplied the knife? What material is the knife composed of? Does he have any family? What is his ethnic background? Is he anything other then a white male? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion. Conservative Answer: BANG! Texan's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of clip being ejected and fresh clip installed) Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?" Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it too..." BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Daughter: "Nice grouping Daddy! |
Clinton: Did someone say screw? Clinton 2 minutes later: I did not have relations with that light bulb! Gore: What's a light bulb? Dashall: If we increase the tax on light bulbs then we can afford to create a new government agency to screw in light bulbs. This is good government bringing light to the people. |
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline. Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute? A: The prostitute give value for the money she takes. Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road? A: Vultures will eat the skunk. Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish? A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer? A: Chelsea. Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have. Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people. Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. Q:Why did God create Democrats ? A:In order to make used car salesmen look good. Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job? A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir? Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Just one, but it really gets screwed. Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark! They say that Christopher Columbus was the first Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant. |
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"YAY"! |