| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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You're too young. You'll change your mind. You'll regret it. No doctor will touch you until you're over 35. You'll change your mind once you fall in love. These were, in fact, the very first words out of the surgeon's mouth: "At this time, it's obvious the answer is NO. You are much too young for this, and any other doctor will tell you the same." Less than half an hour later, I walked out of the office with a smirk on my face and a big package of papers in my hand. The envelope says SURGICAL PACKAGE- TUBAL LIGATION. That envelope is not sitting on my desk right now, with the forms inside half filled out, because this is all a dream. Right? He got through all the other viable birth control options, and asks if we have any questions. "Can I tell you something?", I say, "Nothing excites me more than the idea of you destroying my fallopian tubes. Some nights I can't sleep, I'm so excited just thinking about it. I'm like a little kid waiting for Santa." He laughs and laughs- "Yeah, I kind of sensed that. I've been standing here trying to read some sort of reaction from you this whole time, to see if any of these other things or consequences phased you at all, and I was getting nothing. But your eyes just lit up as soon as I started talking about cauterization and burning things." I've never dreamed of a house, I've never dreamed of getting married. I have no interest in those things. My lone dream since childhood was for them to cut me open and shut the baby factory down for good. It's seriously happening. In 3 months, just days after my birthday. Everyone was wrong, motherfuckers. It's like someone just told me that unicorns are real and there's one waiting for me in the garage. Oh but my mother..... she's in all kinds of denial. |
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um...yay for wisper. |
I'm so happy you are achieving your childhood dream! YAY! What a cool birthday present. |
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congratulations wisper! okay, so no house, no husband, no kids. i totally dig it. so what's going to happen instead? if your life is perfect in 5 years, how would that look to you? just curious. i love hearing about all the paths the people take, or want to take. |
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Vasectomies are often reversible. I don't know if the tubal burny thing is. And besides, you womenfolk are so impulsive. Can't be expected to make rational decisions. |
Is Rick Santorum aware of this sort of thing? |
I point this out because it makes the whole "vasectomies are more easily reversible" argument moot. Both procedures should be considered permanent and reversals for either are expensive and unreliable. You'd think that physicians, of all people, would be aware of this and stop hassling young women like Wisper who want control over their reproductive organs. That said, I'll get down from my soap box now. |
A vasectomy takes all of an hour to do, with only a local freezing and the guy is good to go the next day. It's not even surgery. To try and reverse them it's much the same. Tubals are medium surgery, reversals are major sugery. And much more $$$. Possibly multiple surgeries. No matter what, it will always be harder and far more dangerous to reverse tubal damage. Nature has fucked us on this one. Internal reproductive organs and all... Further, if they can't reverse a vasectomy they can get all the sperm they want right from the source. They can't get eggs like that. Eggs are elusive and dangerous to harvest. Not that i mind. If you want a reversal you're messed up in the head. It's not even worth it to try. ----- A tubal is as reversable as a tattoo is removable- it's not, not really. |
The people who want the basics: house, spouse, babies, it's always a work in progress. Most of them are done all that by their early 30's, what do they do? They get new goals. Keep moving. Or shit happens and they have to deal with it. My mom just bought a whole store and her own business and she's in her 50's, you just never stop. No one is ever 100% happy or done with their lives. This gives me more time to work on the other things and I'll never have to worry about this again. That's neat :) side note: I'm really surprised i made it this far without having an abortion. In the back of my mind i thought it was inevitable. |
maternal instincts: meet henry: http://tinyurl.com/7jh6q |
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his eyes aren't really that blue, are they? |
Speaking of uteri (is that a word?) and cuteness... http://www.cuteoverload.com/ http://justalittleguy.blogspot.com/ |
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well, not really yes, he's all mine. I've been thinking about getting a dog for a while and looking for pugs specifically as they are the only kind of small dog I can handle and I happened upon a rare occurance: rescued pug puppies. apparently the humane society was inundated with applications and when the woman saw mine she thought I'd be perfect since I don't spend a lot of time away from the house. his eyes aren't blue, they just pick up some reflection. and, we're making progress on house breaking. |
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By KAZU on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 02:23 pm: I WANT A PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!! By kazu on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 02:25 pm: By the way, Sarah, you and Leroy *match* in that way that dogs and owners do...you know? Blond and adorable. WANT PUPPY NOW!!!!!!!!!!! sem? |
he farted the other day. it was stinky, but i was actually relieved he that he didn't poop on my lap |
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the potty place |
say it after me 'must have been the dog' |
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He's so cute, I can hardly stand it. |
how's the puppy raising going? you don't tell us puppy stories and that is disappointing. puppies are always story-inducing creatures. |
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wisper, on what date is your surgery scheduled? senor and i accidentally had unprotected. we both just plain forgot. when i remembered that we had forgotten, it was hours later. i said, hey, you know, we didn't use protection. he said, yeah, i thought about that later too. i said, uh-oh. he said, oh-uh, bambino! but i got my period today. senor was actually a mite disappointed. he and i need to talk. babies are like, totally scary. i'm thirty fucking five for chrissakes. i'm *already* tired! |
Our room mates gave me a card already. One wrote "That you for ensuring the purity of our proud race" The other wrote "Thank you for not breeding!" It has eclipsed every event and holiday of the year, i didn't give a fuck about christmas or new years, i don't give a fuck about my birthday (on sunday bitches!) Hey, that means Eva's birthday is soon. Is it today? I have not had unprotected for.....4 years. In fact i was only on the pill for a year and a half so that's all the non-condom sex i ever got in my whole life. Is that sad? I always thought so. Yeah, it's weird. Gonna have to buy lube, i guess. Never had to use that before. What am i going to do with my condom collection? I invested in the fancy ultra thin Japanese ones and everything :( Perhaps I'll hold some sort of contest among my friends and they can be the prize. Unless you want them. That's a scary story. Statistics tell me that you're at the crossroads of feasible and safe fertility. Do you feel that way? Like your window is closing? Does that scare you? What a choice to make, not something you can ease into at all. Not something a whim can solve. |
he's so cute and everybody loves him. and he loves people nothing gets him as excited as when we're out walking and someone pays attention to him. otherwise he's going through a phase where he needs to be the center of attention all the time. usually I take him out to play/poop/whatever and then put him in the kitchen to play with his toys while I do work in the living room, but now he just cries and cries and cries until I attend to him. To avoid spoiling him, I usually go into the kitchen and ignore him for a while. when he calms down, then I take him back into the living room with me and let him sit on the couch while I work. i'm driving to ohio to see sem tomorrow and bringing henry with me. this should be fun here are some new-ish pictures: http://tinyurl.com/jr34v |
i'm neurotic enough about it that i don't think i could EVER forget to use protection...or four different kinds.. the older i get, though, i am beginning to hear a faint ticky ticky somewhere off in the foggy distance... and it causes me to think about a kid..but then my brain goes in overdrive, as usual, and i've already anticipated all the problems from its conception until its death...(hopefully not a premature death) and i think the pre teen and teen years scare me the most..and will it get into college..will it be a miserable over thinker like me or an easy going laid back person like its father.. i think too much, sometimes, to have a kid..i would go as far as to say i'm a bit obsessive compulsive.. but then there is that damn ticking clock.. not sure which way it will go..sometimes i think it would have to be an accident for it to happen..there is no way i could make a concious decision (not yet, anyway)...and ofcourse, it could never be an accident because i'm too careful..hmm..unless alloooottt of booze is involved.. |
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that's what some friends of mine did at their wedding. i'm really curious what people think about iud's. several of my friends have them and i'm not all that interested in adding hormones to my bloodstream. shuddup v. every time i leave or enter the house me roommates' damn kitten tries to get out.... she hasn't had her shots yet so it'sa real hassle dealing with purse and crutches (sprained my ankle a week ago, while dancing at the b:c:clettes premier in vancouver) and stir-crazy kitten when opening the door. |
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I heart my nuvaring. |
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It lasts for 5 years as opposed to copper IUD's 8-10 years. |
The doctor was heavily pushing the Mirina for me as an option but i was having none of it. My personal discontent being second only to the fact that it would cost $400 because they recommend that chicks with no kids get put to sleep to have them put in, and i've read experience accounts of women who didn't go for that option, stayed conscious the whole time during insertion and they usually include the phrase "went to the bathroom to puke before i passed out from the pain". The idea of paying someone to cram some metal rods up through my cervix every 5-8 years is not something i even want to think seriously about. An IUD would be my last resort, I'd try the Nuvaring and even the sponge or a diaphragm before i went down that road. Hell I'd even try fertility and ovulation awareness family planning before an IUD. |
Besides, I only have to do a manual check once a month, and even with regular use (rather than perfect) it's supposed to be 99% effective. Non-hormonal too. I always use condoms these days. It used to be that I didn't really care but the last few years I've been very careful. I haven't been with my current boytoy very long and we've already had one condom scare. He already has a son. I don't want kids before I'm thirty and that's still six years away. I'm getting aquainted with the website for my health insurance provider and as soon as I've got a password I want to set up a physical and a gynological exam (my first ever) so I can find out about these things and get tested. I guess the real deal about these IUD things is that it's a physical, rather than chemical, form of birth control and it's non-permanent. I've used my keeper for a year and a half now, so I'm not particularly worried about having something up there. |
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but maybe i'm misquoting. |
The cluelessness of people astounds me (not you guys though, you guys are all wicked cool). A girl at work didn't understand how i could still have a period if i got my tubes tied. I explained it as best i could but 10 minutes later I'm standing there drawing a diagram of the female reproductive system with labels of various events. I don't expect people to have the lifetime of obsessive birth control research that i have, but i do at least hope that everyone has some clear idea of what's going on down there and why. You're twenty fucking four and you don't even know how your shit works? And it's easy to blame abstinence only education but we don't have that here. I was in catholic schools until i was 18 and they didn't even have abstinence only. Well, that's maybe not entirely accurate. They didn't teach anything about birth control but they didn't demonize it either. They didn't mention anything either way. Just "Here's how your body works, this is what a period is, here's how you get pregnant, here's what happens when you have a baby, here's a giant book about STDs, goodbye." That STD book was friggen huge. Blah, tangent. |
you talk like you're from boston |
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hey wisper. good luck tomorrow! are you totally excited or what? i'll be thinking of you with a big, shit eating grin on your face, as they put you under :) please let us know how it goes and how you're feeling. |
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oh, and happy birthday too! |
http://www.printroom.com/pictureSearch.asp?shopperid=P0U32A7J9JAM8JBF4EEB8L3TDH2F3573&userid=waffleboy pirate party for the 3 year old earlier this month after i got out of the hospital |
I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow, so I will think fond thoughts of you while I'm getting poked. Booya! |
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I love how on this open board system you can get backup from random strangers. I wouldn't say i'm excited, nor am i scared. But by tomorrow i expect to be a sobbing freak-out mess as soon as we get near the hospital. I fear surgery just as any good-hearted person does. I fear the needle mostly, that horrible burning needle they put in your hand for the IV of sleep juice. Why do they have to put it in your HAND? It hurts so much :( Take off nail polish. Remove body piercings. Braid hair. Shave everything below the waist, god knows how many people will be seeing what. ------ Thank you sarah ;) I plan for my last words before sleep to be: "Slash and burn, boys. SLASH AND BURN." Yay platy. You're getting poked and i'm getting poked. Yay permanence! |
i'd be far more worried about colds and allergies. coughing and sneezing together with any kind of abdominal incision is torture. good luck, wisper. pain is temporary. wounds heal. chicks dig scars. |
(good luck wisper) |
now, the scabs are gone and i have 2 eraser size blister scars and 3 inch long scars on my right and one on my left. |
My pokage sure did! |
I feel like someone punched me in the gut repeatedly. Everything went by the book, except they found i had an ovarian cyst while they were in there, so he burned that off too. So that was convenient. Maybe my periods will be better now that it's gone. Anyway i had to have 3 holes so they could remove the cyst instead of the typical 2. I did indeed smile when they put me under. I gave the doctor 'the guns' and a solid high-five when he got in the O.R. "There he is! My hero! Dr.J you are AWESOME!" He chuckled and messed my hair. My bellybutton looks funny, it's changed in shape and pucker with the stitches inside it. My tummy is definitely a little puffy, and sometimes it makes very strange bubbling and hissing noises. The whole thing pretty much sucked. More than i expected, oh well. Anyway, i'm fine and thank you all for the support :) I'd love to tell you everything but if i sit up for any amount of time the gas moves up to my shoulders and hurts, so i'll see ya later. |
Glad to hear you came through surgery well. Now, the joys of healing lie ahead. Hooray! I'm so joyous on your behalf. |
No need to answer right away. |
My farts smell like hair spray! Pure chemical gas smells. This is surreal. Heh, sorry, TMI. I think it's funny. When i woke up after the surgery it was all pain, really bad cramps. 8 out of 10 i said. Three shots of morphine did the trick. I hate morphine. It doesn't work, it just makes you sleepy and act like a drunken slob. Minutes later i'm trying to talk to the sleeping people in the recovery beds next to me and swearing liberally around my mom and all the nurses. Retarded. Then they bring me the sweet Tylenol 3, my old friend. Now THATS a painkiller. Felt like a rolling bag of shit in the wheelchair out to the parking lot. Called my dad and my sister and Rowlfe and generally made a drugged-out ass of myself to all the loved ones. Slept the morphine away. Food is staying down fine. Upon further inspection my new and improved belly button is nasty. It looks like my navel has a blood and flesh booger in the middle of it. Pics? |
give it a couple days, wisper. are those farts flammable? |
feelings not withstanding. I had two moles removed today. Good times. |
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thanks for the report wisper, and i'm glad you're doing okay! also, it's never TMI. also, farts are funny. |
Congrats, Wisper! You're baby-proof now! |
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also, yes, pics! and don't worry, your belly button will heal and look fine. trust me on this one. |
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I'm glad your procedure went well, TBone! pics are up in a brand new area of the sorabji gallery. Let's get some more pics in there. Your tattoo is super nice platy, is that on the middle/side of your back? |
my greatest drug experience (in a hospital) has got to be the day they gave me intravenous valium. i saw god. love the pics, platy and wisper. |
I'll take pictures tomorrow when I change my bandages and post them. They probably won't be as dramatic although one of my boo-boos leaked all over the inside of my shirt on the drive home. |
"have come terms. x! en tellemetry is" i sent this to a couple of people, high on morphine during Bad Lung part 1 my anesthisia experience was unreal. because i wasnt an outpatient and was going to be wheeled around for a week he didnt hold back. didnt even bother to do the count back thing. it was black. then blurry for at least an hour or two, barely able to open my eyes. then i slept some more. surgery at 8am. barely opened my eyes at around 2pm. taken back to my room. then passed out some more. it was far out. |
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I like the tattoo (too). |
Nice bellybutton. Sexay! |
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anything Last night one exploded all over my pillow and sheets. |
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I have one week to complete all of my assignments in order to graduate. Ugh. |
removing your own ingrown hairs. |
that mole explosion sounds real nice. why did you have them removed? were they nasty and big? |
glad everyone who had some form of surgery is alive and kickin. I hate being put under, when i wake up I'm really aggressive and angry - and thats so not me. |
dark and/or irregularly shaped. The doctor only removed two of the darkest ones though. So, last night I changed my band-aids again. I thought I got the one undercontrol but about a half hour after I'd gone to bed and was well on my way to dozing off I felt something wet and cold...another mole hole 'splode. this time I wrapped it in gauze many times over. I also had to change my sheets again. |
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how do they remove moles? is it surgical, or...? the scabs on my face are almost all gone. |
do the laser treatments change anything else? wrinkles? does it basically just remove a bunch of skin? i want to go around in a uv protection suit but everyone thinks i am a freak. |
a scalpel to cut the mole off. He put the moles in jars to be sent to the lab...that was cool, seeing my little moleys floating around in formaldehyde. |
i can't believe i did that. fucking nasty. but it worked. no more ingrown toenails. scared 'em away. next step: home vasectomy. seems like the same tools would suffice. i'll just watch the family guy bit with the barbershop quartet, scrub up, and go to work. do i have the balls? well, only technically. i'm jealous of all this modification. i think i'm going to go get one of davinci's fetuses tattooed on my sternum. |
i picked out as many shards as i could and put some kind of gauze dressing on it. i never told my parents about it. every so often, i would take off the dressing to check my wound. the hole would still be there - i remember it as being maybe a little smaller in diameter than a quarter (though it must've been closer to a dime, considering the size my foot would've been at the time) and fairly deep and full of puss. i'd pick out a few more shards of shell and put the dressing back on. this went on for at least a couple of weeks. it was a miracle i didn't get some kind of infection. there was no pain, that i remember. |
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that story reminds me of hawaii. it seemed like i pretty much always had some sort of organic ocean/reef object embedded in my feet the whole time i lived there. i had two sun spots on my left cheek - one was a little smaller than a dime, the one below it was about 6mm in diameter. i also had the beginnings of two new ones on my right temple. they were pretty dark, and couldn't be covered up with make-up, which is why i wanted them burned off. the laser thing kicks major booty. first you lay down under this super bright light with this huge magnifying glass so she can basically see down into your skin. then they put these metal eye protectors over your eye lids. then she directly zapped those specific spots, and also some broken capillaries she could see on my chin (that i never noticed). after that she did a "scan" of my whole face, which they didn't mention doing during the consultation. but it wasn't any extra money. this is basically where they rub ultrasound gel on your face, and take a flat tool that has a laser coming out of it, and they go over your whole face, back and forth a few times. when the laser senses a dark spot (whether its a broken capillary or freckle or rosacea or sun spot or whatever), it zaps it. stings/burns like a sonofabitch. not nearly as painful as a tattoo, but fuck, it's on your face, ya know? i mean, the tip of your nose, upper lip... owweeee. plus, when the laser gets kinda close to your ocular nerves, you see flashes of white light, which is really weird. i looked like an AIDS patient only from 1-4 hours after the procedure. and it stung for about that long, too. it felt like i wanted to put my face in bowl of ice water. but by the time i got home the skin calmed down by itself and there was no pain at all. except for the big sun spots, most of the other scabs were the size of freckles, if not smaller. they were were very dark though, so it looked kinda weird for about 4-5 days. but now, wow, what a difference. i just have a few little pieces of scab on the bigger sunspots, but the pieces of scab that fell off already, underneath is just this perfect skin. it evened out the skin tone on my whole face, so it looks smooth and cream-like. the girl was cool. she kept telling me how smart i was to get this done early instead of waiting another 10 years like most people do, until it gets really bad, and therefore costly and time consuming (more than one treatment). also, the side effect of having your skin lasered is that it causes your skin to rapidly produce a bunch of new collagen. it also kills dead capillaries, so your body can build new capillaries in their place, so the skin then gets oxygen and nutrients delivered to it again. the whole thing cost $150 and took about 45 minutes from the time i walked in the door to when i walked out. i recommend it. totally. |
seems weird that lasering your face is good for it |
All i know is that my bellybutton fucking hurts and i don't want to loose it to infection! He patted my shoulder. Gave me some antibiotic cream for the area. I originally booked off work until friday to handle any unexpected pain, but it looks like these days will be filled with undue paranoia instead. |
http://wwnd.org/fetus.jpg now i just need to find something to laser, and something to have removed or made non-functional. |
ooh! or hair removal! |
i am so bored. i followed nate's link up there to his picture site. nifty. |
My next plan after getting the lotus filled in is a gorgeous anatomical sketch by Edward Gorey of a heart. It's going to nestle in my cleavage...so perhaps you'll have a set of boobs to add to your collection. |
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even my piercing is gone. but... maybe in white? |
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heather, when you're ready, here's your man great reason to visit hawaii. he did the tattoo on my sternum. not a fetus. i'd have to get the fetus tattoo somewhere else. nate, why a fetus? wisper, i would have done the same thing. i couldn't imagine a *worse* place to get an infection, real or imagined. ;) |
I should probably get the mole in the center of my chest looked at. It has become somewhat misshapen. On my right arm, I have six moles that form a near-perfect pentagram with one in the center. I may have mentioned this before. Last time I was at a doctor, I asked him about a weird little flappy protrusion on my hip. He said it was just a mole, and was the most beneign mole he'd seen on me. Kinda scary. |
I have a series of freckles that form near perfect triangles. There is a large one on my right thigh, a medium sized one on the inside of my lower right arm, and a small one just below my right clavicle. |
But he made the biggest deal about these "access points" all over his body where they had injected him with a network of fibre optic wires to administer random electric shocks and control his bodily functions. He took the time to map the wire network from point to point across his body and take detailed pictures so that others would know what was happening. The "access points" were just his freckles. He had used a black pen to connect EVERY random freckle or mole on his body into this giant full-body crazy man connect the dots thing. There were so many pictures. I think he mentioned that he was next going to cut them all off by himself.... it was really sad. but, you know, hilarious too. |
anyone ever heard of mark lombardi? he was an artist who made diagrams charting the interrelationships of political figures. i'd like to see an anatomical rendering - like something out of an anatomy text book - of that guy up there with all his implants and transmitters and fiber optics. |
We just moved in to a new building at work, and last night someone wrote in huge chalk letters on the sidewalk, "Why did you kill my unborn child?" I'm thinking about getting my face removed. Also, maybe Dave will tell you about the guy we saw at the library this weekend. Cleo asked, "Is that guy OCD?" |
but the public story might be that it is my aborted inner child. the fetus will be part of a large system of tattoos. something i've been thinking about for several years. my mom is going to hate it. |
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i gotta get my scars up. they make wispers look like a knee scrape, not to diminish, but i was more impressed with the doggie collection than the scar collection. i dont think i'll ever ever ever get a tattoo. |
those on my sternum myself. That's sort of ironic." no it's not. |
those on my sternum myself. That's sort of ironic.' no it's not." without full contextual knowledge, you cannot say that for certain. perhaps there was a historical event, laid out upon a sternum like a glistening map of hawaii ? |
the scar section is just a baby. i expect it to grow and get grosser and grosser. |
[but was intrigued with the promise of "grosser and grosser"] Unfortunately, I have no pics of scars to share with you, but did have a most painful, and unladylike, mishap a couple of weeks ago. I fell of my horse and broke a couple of ribs.OWWWWW It was a LONG way down, and sorta seemed surreal, all slo-mo like. And then, there I was, just a crumpled mass, lying there in a pastoral Monet-like setting, with no dignity whatsoever left. Plus, it hurt like hell! A trip to the doctor awarded me with an Rx of vicodan and a tender pat on the back, and a hearty, "Don't do that again". Yeah doc, I'll make a note of that. Well, sorry I have no pics of scars, but I'm sure you can all share my pain. [The worst part was that it hurt soo bad the vicodan barely helped.] Hope your wounds heal soon whisper. And Sarah, I like you believe in the laser.Oh, why did I spend all those years in the sun. But I try to avoid it now, but its difficult considering where I live. Who would have ever thought that the sun, our very lifeline, could turn us into prunes? Ha ha, not this girl! I stay on top of the situation. I keep my jar of youth and beauty under the bathroom sink! |
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nate, is your system of tattoos going to be like the story telling of your personal history? |
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i posted photos of one of my scars. i think it measures up pretty nicely. |
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so if you ever see a roundish hand with 3 puncture marks while you're trolling medical sites... it could be me. i've looked at some amazing intentional scarification, but i don't think it would work on skin like mine. people also seem to like to get tattoos over their scars and decorate them. |
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while he'd never get a tattoo himself, senor has a minor obsession with sleeve tattoos. he digs them and always points them out to me whenever he sees one. which is funny if you knew senor. most scarred skins won't take the ink well. i've thought about tattooing over those scars, but i'm kinda waiting for scar removal technology to get more effective and cheaper. i {heart} cosmetic surgery. |
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I can't imagine anything worse than a poorly done fetus tattoo. My belly button is getting much better. It is very itchy but i don't scratch it. Sometimes it oozes a little but i always do a smell-test to make sure it's not infected. Oozing is normal. Mostly it's just crusty. |
i won't claim balls or judge my own sanity, but i can say in the past i've had a serious lack of foresight. |
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I'm talking with Amber on Wednesday about shading the lotus. I am getting kind of attached to the line drawing look it has right now, though. Hrm. |
i have really grown fond of vicodin. i've gotten into the habit of taking one before i go to bed each night. i've always been an insomniac, and it got worse after the knee fracture. but vicodin has sort of a zen effect on me. even if it doesn't put me to sleep it makes being awake easier to take. normally, i would get angry and frustrated that i couldn't sleep, and the combination of the lack of sleep and the anxiety would make me feel awful all day. now i can just happily lie in bed and think thoughts. or read a book till daybreak. it's a mellow groove. |
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right. vicodin makes me feel like a butterfly. but the point is, it's not actually an effective pain killer. i'm not going to tell you to be careful, because you already know better. nate, it looks so tiny and intricate. um, the tattoo of course. how big is it? i like it a lot. |
Just for curiosity, what did the artist say when you told him/her what you wanted? |
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the fetus is about the size of my hand, maybe 5" by 7"? platy, i was going to say i think you should do the shading, but looking again, the reason why i'd say that probably washed off. the second flower from the bottom? shading feels like getting painted with a sunburn brush. |
I am not looking forward to the shading experience. But as it has to be done, I am struggling with keeping the shading in greys and blacks or doing it in colour and if so what colour/s. I have also been considering sepias and browns, because I think that might be more of the look I'm going for, like an old illustration. I admire your fetus intensely. I think Clint may be getting my business in the future as well. |
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wisper, i was reminded of this when i went back and re-read the first something positive comic... i'm surprised i never mentioned this to you before. so for a few years now my dad has been carrying around with him these business cards he had printed up. they are white with big blue letters that say simply: DON'T BREED and he gives them to people as he sees fit. whenever he does give a DON'T BREED card to someone and they say, "I don't get it" or whatever, he replies either, "Exactly", and/or "That's why I gave you that card." cruel, maybe. but funny as shit. i've seen it go down, and in fact, he's sent me a few hundred cards, which i have at home, but never have used myself. email if anyone wants me to send them some. (apologies to those of you w/ children or whose reproductive sensitivities are offended.) how did your scars heal up? isn't condom-free sex so much nicer? |
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how about a card that reads "YOUR EXECUTION IS FORTHCOMING."? and you said we should glamorize suicide among the stupid. "SUICIDE: ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT!" |
i unmade my life just before turning 30. |
your dad is hardcore sarah. Hardcore. Dang. That's balls. The scars have reduced to raised pink lines below, and a red blotch in my navel. Scars on me always heal nicely, but it takes a long time. Rowlf is probably going to be mortified that i'm sharing this, i haven't told anyone else this story but fuck it, you guys are my family and shit: I waited 3 weeks to try anything. No masturbation either. Nothing. Think unsexy thoughts.I know some chicks go at it after 1 week, and 2 weeks is recommended, but i waited the max recovery time because i wanted to be *absolutely* sure nothing was still bruised or etc inside. I did not want to do it for the first time at home....Rowlf is confused at my insistence until i explain that "This is SO important to me. I am as retarded about this as a fundy Christian girl is about her wedding night." So that weekend we don't tell anyone where we're going and just leave. Random road trip to the middle of nowhere. We ate at a big tourist mall (romance!) and found a motel. No, not a shady one. Aaaah, get to the point. I was scared i guess. It is a bit freaky to trust something you can't see or feel. Blushing like an awkward highschool kid. I don't think it lasted very long, after not having such contact for 4 years....but i felt it. He ended first, and i could FEEL it go. Shocking. That's when i did. It's over. Departure. Breathing. Pause. I'm staring at the light fixture and whispering "yesyesyesyesYES" ....and then i was crying. i cried. i curled in a ball and hugged my abdomen and started weeping i was so happy. He panics of course. He thinks i'm hurt, my stitches or whatever. "Free" i gasp "i'm free" The rest of the weekend was all cigarettes, pizza, & nudity. To answer your question, yes. No-condom sex is a magical thing, the novelty hasn't worn off yet. I especially like how it allows spontaneity and there's no time restrictions or concerns about latex structural integrity. I'm still giving away all the condoms. Friends get them thrown in with their birthday presents. I found another box hidden deep in my sock drawer. |
Sometimes I scare myself. Lately eugenics is seeming logical to me. wisper,what a wonderfully romantic get-a-way! And such a clever and thoughtful x-tra throw in with the birthday gifts.Maybe you could color code them to match clothing gifts. I'd like that :) |
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that's fantastic, wisper. thanks for sharing that with us. i totally dig wanting to make it special, it's cool you did that. sex should be transcendent, that's when it's the most fun. anyway, i'm really happy for the both of you. i can almost feel the afterglow from here ;) |
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oh, and yeah, my dad is hardcore. he's the type of person you love (and most people do) or hate. very few people are ambivalent about my father, and NOBODY who meets him ever forgets him. i miss my dad so much. he's awesome. |
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excellent idea. we should also include a copy of The Origin of Species. |
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did anyone see the move Idiocracy by mike judge? senor rented it, knowing only that he got a kick out of judge's previous movies. the movie itself was awful. i think we struggled to watch even 45 minutes of it. senor is talking more and more about wanting us to have kids. he has expressly stated that he feels like he HAS to at least try. if we can or can't, so be it, but he needs us to try. he wants babies, even though he says he'll be okay if we can't. this scares the shit out of me and when i have time to ponder this idea it tends to make me go mental. i get a lot less mental when i think about adoption. that seems like the best, least scary option if he definitely has to have kids. so here's the thing. i've been off birth control for over a year and half. we've been using nothing at all. no pull-outs. no rhythm method. no nothing. and i've not gotten pregnant. when i was with kevin, we never used birth control either and i never got pregnant. something deep inside me has always told me that i can't get pregnant. it's like a cellular-level kind of intuition. a knowing that i can't explain. statistically speaking it could happen, i suppose. but years and years of unprotected sex have never produced a viable embryo in my body. in any case, it's not like we're NOT trying to have a baby. we're not trying to have one, we're not trying not to. however, due his strong feelings about wanting to try, he wants to do some biological investigations. he's made an appointment for a "reproductive endocrinology" exam. to see if the boys swim. a porno magazine and a pint glass. that sort of thing. i had agreed to discuss the situation w/ my gyno at my annual which was scheduled but canceled because of ICE STORM '07. now rescheduled for the 14th of february. i'm not sure exactly what the questions are i'm supposed to ask or how to approach this investigation. one thing we did agree on was that there will not be any pregnancy by medical intervention. no turkey basters. no petri dishes. no pills. no "procedures". i'm not really saying anything, am i? do i have a point? i'm just typing some words into this soothing little box. but ultimately what i'm feeling is that basically i'm not at all ready to have a baby. maybe i'll feel differently in a couple years. and maybe in a couple years it'll be too late. or maybe i'll get lucky and won't be able to conceive. or maybe if i can't i suddenly won't feel lucky. or maybe in a couple years we'll adopt a perfectly good 3 year old and live happily ever after. |
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Something i only discovered this year is that no one just goes to their doctor and demands fertility treatments and IVF. It's a journey, they said, that you don't really even know you're on. It's a series of tests and trials and treatments a little step at a time and suddenly a year or two later it finally dawns on you that you ARE in fact going through full-blown fertility treaments, you've become one of *those* people and you didn't even notice. anyway, yay adoption. i think you should lean over the gyno's desk, grab him/her by the collar and go "I WISH TO SPAWN" in your deepest voice. See how that goes. |
Don't tell Sem. |
And Kazu, may the fertility goddess smile on you soon. |
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thanks for being supportive, agatha. but... how can anyone say i'd be a great mother? that baffles me. i have no earthly idea what it means to be a good mother. saturday night i had one of the best sleeps i've had in a long, long time. a full 11 hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep. as i was slowly coming back up to consciousness at about 10:45 a.m., lingering blissfully under my warm down comforter, the last thing i thought to myself before i flung off the covers and got out of bed was: if i have kids, i won't be able to feel this blissful about being well rested for another 10 years. so fuck that. and i remember as a young child of 4, 5, 6 years old of entire weekends when my own mother "took to her bed" for rest. she'd go to bed on friday night and come back out on monday morning. i didn't mind, because my dad usually had lots of fun stuff planned for us to do, mostly out of the apartment where we lived. i remember that my mother would only get out of bed to go to the bathroom or get a glass of water. in retrospect she probably also had to have eaten something, but i don't recall ever seeing her eat anything during those weekends. as an adult, you could say that perhaps my mother was suffering from depression, and that may or may not have been the case, but i was told that the reason she did this once or twice a year was simply because she just really tired and needed a break. somehow in my child's mind i understood that completely. |
The problem with parenting is that all the sucky parts are obvious, but the great parts - the incredibly amazing, life-changing experiences - are obscure and ambiguous. I think it's because they are different for everyone. That said, I'm sure you realize you can have a happy and fulfilling life whatever you decide to do. |
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ironically, the morning after senor rushed his sperm sample, Dukes of Hazard style, over to the fertility clinic was the day i realized my period was 8 days late... needless to say, his boys swim. |
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scared excited freaked out happy nervous thirsty as hell - i've been drinking about 3-4 liters of fluids a day, can't get enough. did i say scared? never been more regular in my adult life. poor appetite. every time i go to the bathroom, i half expect to discover i've gotten my period and the past five days have just been a dream. i go for the 1st ultrasound on the 15th. so it's all uncertain until then. they say you're not supposed to tell people you're pregnant until after the first trimester, but y'all aren't "people", you're my family. |
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oh, and just yesterday my nipples began feeling sore and scratchy against any type of clothing. also, utterly exhausted. the type of exhausted i imagine you could only comprehend if you've been pregnant. i get a few good hours in the morning, then usually by 1:30-2:30 pm i'm down for the count. |
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i didn't send my candy out yet, but i'm going to on Thursday because i have the afternoon off of work. so it should get to you by saturday or monday at the latest. |
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