taking the blame for so much sadness while we suffer in our own dramas while we search for a reason any reason will do besides the truth we accuse fate we curse time clean little stories in labyrnth detail don't make excuses for the truth he doesn't love you you're not good enough and you do know why you're not the one where is the sadness in that. stand naked and freely walk around you don't do that very much the mirror taunts you you're hiding from its gaze so you don't have to answer to yourself it's not pretty it's ugly and distasteful it's grotesque and unnatural it's not very lady like it's everything that you have become and the more you try to deny it the tighter it wraps itself around you it feeds on your deceit it mates with your self-pity it controls you like a dream for every hour of consciousness and when you get high you can start to actually feel it the other times you just carry on only because now you have no choice it pulls on your skin it hangs heavy from your bones and you age too soon silently you waste away the things you never had but you're the one who chose the anchor instead of the sail which is why it will never go away. which is why you will never have him he cannot lay beneath that night after night he won't want to take you home to his beautiful family you wouldn't fit he is afraid to introduce you to his friends because he is ashamed it really makes you wonder why he bothers with his lies it's downright strange that he even plays along you don't consider that very often because it's torture you know there's a reason but you can't understand maybe you need to let go really hand him up and send him on his way you haven't let him get far since you tricked him if you let go perhaps he will fly away you must be brave you know you must try and you can go back to reality and maybe pull up the anchor and take a good long look in the mirror eye to eye with everything that you are you won't cry you will simply walk up to the top floor of the synanon and you will leap falling down and you will not cry out because you died a long long time ago. |
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