meal I've had in a long time. I am not eating it now, but I had it earlier this week. Just couldn't think of where else to post this. Simon's sister visited us last week. She offered to cook dinner one night. BIG MISTAKE. One boiled chicken, mixed with two heads of broccoli boiled beyond recognition, add rice and boil that again. It was so baaaad.

Hi Lawanda. Welcome back to Happy Land! Wanna be filled in on what you've missed??

Lawanda's latest bad meal and mine have something in common. Nothing spoils a dish like overcooked broccoli. I was visiting an old flame, his girlfriend came over and wanted to make this salmon casserole. Meanwhile he and I went on a little tour of his home town. I kept saying, "Don't we need to get back? Micki will be mad, dinner's probably ready" and he kept ordering me to turn down one more street to see one more historic landmark of his boyhood. She wasn't obviously mad or anything but the casserole was in the oven the whole time and it was vile. I think even if it hadn't been overcooked, broccoli and salmon are a marriage made in hell.

We never even ate it,one of the worst things I ever made was salmon surprise,my first clue should have been when you throw everything in the blender.I do like salmon patties with creamed peas.I have recently been informed that you don,t pronounce the l in salmon,I hate that when that happens.

I remember my mom once brought home this huge beef tongue. All folded up in that plastic wrap and bloody. She then proceded to boil the damn thing. She served it in a big slab and cut out little cubes of it for us. You could still see the little bumps under where the taste-buds, or whatever, had been before she peeled it. I tried to eat it, but the stuff was rubbery as hell, and tasted like someone else's mouth. Blech! Fortunately my older brother had this eating disorder - ate every damn thing in sight and then wanted more, every time. He ate his, mine, and my younger brother's, and eventually polished the entire sick slab of cow tongue off as leftovers. I never saw someone so happy to see someone else unable to eat something. Dude was in tongue heaven.

bbbbbaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAARRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

Worse stuff than that was eaten by my older brother. Stuff that made even him sick. But those were mostly normal food that had had something "done" to it, usually by him, and then he being forced to eat it as punishment. I won't go into details. Too disgusting. Well... Aw, what the hell: Big brother eating a peanut-butter & jelly on "wheat berry bread" (indestructable) on the dock at Marina Del Rey. He's goofing off & manages to drop it into the oily scummy harbor water. Dad, totally pissed-off, hoses it off with warm rubbery-tasting dock water and makes him eat it. Big brother just slopping & slurping down oatmeal. Made me sick just sitting next to him. I tap him on the shoulder, do a quick parody of him shoveling & snorting down his food. He watches with mouth absolutely full (cheeks all popped out). His eyes go wide and suddenly he starts laughing uncontrollably. Oatmeal SPRAYS out of his nose, directly into the bowl! Mom makes him eat it anyway. Finally the sickest & most bizarre: Me: eating breakfast cereal alone in the dining room. Him: walks out through living room stark naked. Procedes into dining room, as I watch in a kind of shock. Climbs up ONTO a chair next to me, then the TABLE. SQUATS DIRECTLY OVER MY BOWL... RIPS A HUGE FART, 2" ABOVE MY CEREAL! Him: laughing Me: "MOM! He just FARTED into my CEREAL!!!" Mom: makes him eat it.

bad food memories galore... my stepmom had this twisted obession w/ sneaking us food that we hated. for instance, fried pig brains & pig testicles (rocky mountain oysters). i was adopted into this cabal of weirdos & i'd never seen food like this in my life. holy shit, this was pushing it. pig brains. man, who's the starving mofo who first decided to crack open a hog's head & scoop out the yummies inside for breakfast? sheeit. anyway, ma cooked up the pig brains w/ scrambled eggs or polk salad (poke salet, to you locals), or both. she froze it in little containers. & slowly but surely, the brains would surface in other foods. a hunk o' egg here, a chunk o' brain there. because she was ready to prove that we WOULD damn well eat the stuff & like it. squirrel meat. it ended up in everything. a strip of squirrel on a burger, a hunk of squirrel in a stew. & if we ate it, she'd gloat about how much we liked it. next time dinner rolled around, there'd be nothing but squirrel...because we'd proven that we LIKED it. she used to name our various farm animals & get us attached to them. we played w/ them & petted them. we loved them like family. then, after the butchering, she'd tell us at the dinner table, by name, which of our pets we were in the process of devouring. chicken gizzards. beef tripe. head cheese. pickled pig's feet. pork rinds. chitterlings. all things i was forced to try & hated. beef tongue. yep. i took a beating once because i wouldn't eat it. christ, why not save a step & just french kiss the fucking cow while it's alive? more shit i won't eat: vienna sausages & "potted meat product". why? i don't know. but i think they're the work of satan. for a cheap thrill, go to your local grocery store & read the ingredient label for potted meat. nine times out of ten, it's scary as hell.

oooo brains Mum used to try and feed us lambs brain fritters. <shudder> the only way you could force them down was to smother them in so much tomato sauce (ketchup) that you could taste nothing else. She gave up after the second try. she too boiled up tongue, but I flatly refused to eat it.

you are all making me ill.

I always had issues with eating my furry farm friends too...Except that my mother used to graphically describe the death at the table too.

yep. same here. i got to hear my stepmother talk about how the animal squealed when the knife was jammed into its throat, or how it kicked in a way that made her laugh, or how much blood there was, or what the stomach contents were, or what the body fat looked like...all of that shit. y'know, if i could ever bring myself to like vegetables, i'd never eat meat again.

Sounds to me like a lot of folks don't recognize good eating. I guess most of you must eat at McDonalds. Cowhead(Barbacoa de cabeza) is delicious. Pig nuts are great. So is beef tongue and brains. Try some raccoon, it is delicious. Fish eggs are really good too.

Get back in the hills,under that rock,where you belong.And don't come out unless you can come to the table,and not nauseate the rest of the family.

Woah, um, let me repair my grammar above. How about "I never had issues with eating my furry farm friends...until my mother started graphically describing their deaths at table." Much better.

You know (unfourtunatly) we have a whole festival up here in Montana called the "Testicle Festival." It happens sometime in summer around that time of year where they castrate all the male cows, and so they take all of the umm "byproducts" from said endevor and make everything you can think of from soup, to sandwhiches, to fucking everything. In my opinion its a very, very, bad idea. Although apparently people come from all over the country for it. Buncha savages I tell ya.

Oh and I should make a reference here to you Crimson... Rocky Mountain Oysters are not pig testicals... Rocky Mountain Oysters are cow testicals.

when i was growing up, ALL the balls were called "rocky mountain oysters". doesn't matter what animal the testicles actually came from. castrate your kids & eat their balls & it's still "rocky mountain oysters". & who the hell's this "arkie" person, anyway?

we always called 'em "calf fries". my grandmother used to tell a story about how, during castratin' season, her father would come home with a big ol' pailful o' testicle. just a-grinnin' from ear to ear. i once read that errol flynn had a job castrating sheep by biting their nuts of. i wonder if great-grandpa did that. i've had calf fries. they're good.

i'd eat them.

Thats probably why he made such a good pirate. Hey Hal,isn't that headless chicken that lived for three years,[sans its head],from Montana?And isn't there some kind of headless chicken day,in his honor?

Please dont let that be true.

Cow brains, what a treat? Can I have a side of "mad cow disease" with that? Oh, supersize it also. Bleah! Yuck!

as a voracious red meat eater, still, there's no way you could get me to eat testicles of any kind. nor hooves, ears, brains, or intestines. liver is sometimes ok: chopped chicken liver, mostly. and yes, i do realize that livers are bodily waste filters. i try to block that out.

No... I'm not aware of any headless chicken festival. We stick with "balls & Crazies"

There is a headless chicken festival. Not sure where though. Do a websearch for "Mike the Headless Chicken" and let us know.

I read about that in the Arizona Republic,it even had pictures,I was impressed, he died in Phoenix.

Please don't tell me "The Colonel" got ahold of him.Life has its irony's,but that would just be too much.

No, but maybe he's involved with that chicken head that ended up in some kid's McNuggets.

Those that won't eat beef tongue because it comes out of a cows head probably just order a couple of eggs.LOL

what

ever

Sem,Mc.Nuggets are 50% solid fat and 50% added blood vessels,thought I allready told you that.

Hmm...do I tell you all of a conversation I had with a large (16) stone lady I had a talk with in London tonight? o.k., she say "85% of people over 85 get cancer,and the only ones that get to 100 eat SHIT loads of broccolli.

Sem,on your posting "headless chicken festival,may 19 2001"I found it 2 nights back,if I can find it again,I,ll post it.I do believe the Barnum circus had a headless chicken for 7 months,they put food down its gullet,and clean mucus from its lungs every day,till someone forgot.Seems a lot of a chickens brain cells are in its neck!.must admit I found it amazing.p.s. it was also trying to preen its self,with no head.Sem,if you find the posting before me,then post.

Sem,you good on research?I been looking for "the American civil war society" in England,and after 5 years no luck,yet I know they exist.

yeah, they move to the us. i had a history teacher who moved to the united states ecause he liked learning about the civila war so much.

NOW,if its enything like "the British civil war society" then its BLAM,huge explosions from cannon,large expusions of a tampax like substance thrown 300 foot in the air,and young wenches for sale at 1 olde English pence each.

lapis,"the American civil war society"exists in England,and I will find it,and post it.When I do,I will get me one o them real fine GREY uniforms,an put it RIGHT ON.,

v is a dillhole.

There's a hole for dill?

yup. it's at the V.

You BITCH!

I saw "Supersize Me" last week. that Morgan is really cute. You can't so much tell from the poster, but once you watch the movie, he's just freakin adorable. I think it's the degree of normalcy there seems to be about him. I have always craved things that seem normal.

imponderable craven lunatics all of you

i often think of myself that way, mary's minge.

Nate,y,all go fuck your self.

...no insult intended...