it's not because i'm developing annorexia or anything. it's only because i haven't had much of an appetite for the last 20 or 30 days. my stomach isn't demanding constant attention; i haven't been thinking about food so much or planning meals. no crying because i'm hungry. and this prolonged period has allowed me to finally reach a weight i am comfortable with. when i look in the mirror, everything looks fine to me. it's unbelievable, actually. i never thought i'd get here. nothing is perfect, but it's just right. i'm not sucking in my guts anymore and while my tits are almost gone now, i've managed to hang on to a bit of the ghetto booty. the fact that this easy, calm, centered, sane period has lasted so long is miraculous. i expected the cycle to run in lengths of 14 days or so. yesterday i had the first inkling of the beginning of a new round of pms. i felt like crying during a meeting for no reason at all. i got all teary, thinking about going to detroit for the holidays. the meeting was actually going really well. things were being accomplished. today i felt hungrier than usual. thought about food a lot more than i have in the last 20-30 days. i even craved sweets after lunch today. i haven't craved anything sweet since the last time i hit the cycle. i've decided to do everything in my power to ride this cycle out without eating sweets and starting the horrendous and uncontrollable blood sugar swings which exacerbates *all* of the PMS symtoms, from the mood swings to the uncontrollable appetite and the self loathing. i will let myself eat more, but no sugar. i hope i can do it. i'm not taking the bill, despite doctor recommendation. even so, i'm hoping it's not going to be as bad this time around. the other thing i'm going to do is not overtrain at the gym, which also makes everything worse. in fact, i will rest *more* during this part of the cycle. i went to the gym yesterday and today, but will take off tomorrow, saturday, and sunday. my endocrine systems needs to be in tip top shape if i'm going to get through this. i took 10 mg of valium about 20 minutes ago. so, i was granted leave for the holidays. if i wasn't granted leave i decided i would just quit my job. but it turns out i won't need to do that after all. i'm going to detroit for the december holidays. this will be my first trip back there in over six years. six years since i've seen the majority of my family. it will be the first time i've seen my mother in four years. it's Time To Go Home and even though i'll be there in the dead of winter - which scares the holy living shit out of me as i could barely stand the cold in mexico - i can't imagine being more excited about going back. anyone sorabjiites going to be in the detroit metro area for the holidays? sem? heather?

Sarah: If you're hungry, EAT. Don't get caught up in all this business abt cycles & cravings. Just eat what you want (nothing's *really* bad for you/in moderation) until the hunger is sated. Having no appetite for a month is NOT healthy. Esp.for someone who works out as much as you. (I sincerely hope you chowed down good for Thanksgiving!) And pack some serious cold-weather gear for Detriot. Seems like winter's coming in early this year in the the middle states. At least you'll prolly get to roll arond in the snow. And Be sure to take lots of pix & post them @ yr site.

I pretty much am certain I won't be there, but Mavis will. My home town is a 9 hour drive from Detroit in good weather with clear roads. How long has it been since you've seen snow?

I haven't seen snow in over 6 years either,the last time was in Flagstaff when we took Ryan cause he wanted to learn to ski,that was a bust,and I could hardly stand to leave my hotel room.I wanted to know where Sarah's mom was when she had that surgery,why she wasn't there.

I miss the snow,too.I can say that in all sincerity,as I'm not having to deal with living in it now.But,damn,that first snow of the year,just something so pristine about it.Makes me really miss Oregon.Am suspossed to fly up to either New York or Boston,in the next week,but my leaving will be dependent on the climatic factors here.Won't chance leaving my featherd flock,if its gonna be too cold here.And frankly,would much prefer to be heading to the Cascades,and hitting the slopes.[I wonder if I'm too old to accidently get lost,and get on the wrong plane,and end up arriving at a totally different destination?]{sans my skis,as that would be too obvious}I'll have to give this some thought.

So far, we've only had wuss snow here. I haven't had to shovel yet.

It's snowing here, but it's definently wuss snow.

i'll be there! dec 21 till....i don't know yet. although i have to admit screwing up when i tried to meet sem before...

So which Sorabjites have met each other? Besides Agatha and dave. or other people who picked each other up in gutters before they started posting.

Well put, cat. I almost met Patrick, but I'm an idiot, so I didn't. A trip to austrailia is next in the works for me, I think, so maybe I'll get to meet you. That would be exciting. Anyhow. Mavis and Sem... I know there are more. Anyway.

heather, let's try to make a plan. i'd love to meet you. where exact;ly will you be. fuck, i'm drunk. i an't type.

i've met swine, mark, cyst, and tbone. and i live with dave. how exciting, no?! i've also talked on the phone with margret and sheila, who both rock.

i don't know exactly where i'll be, i usually have lots of people to see, but it will probably never be more than 30 minutes from detroit. write, we can trade numbers

i've met kalliope. i almost met nate...but our schedules conflicted. in particular, i would be happy to meet the following (no offense to any others) nate, heather, wine, j, isolde, dave & agatha and their reportedly charming little one, margret, sarah (surprise?), cat, antigone, sem, mavis and tbone. id add sorabji, but his silence makes me think he could careless....so I wont bother him with it.

wine? i love them alcohol.

Damn, missed out on Patrick's list. I've lost the will to live. Now the only question is: hanging by piano wire or shotgun for dinner?

you dont like rap/hip hop dude...we'd be in constant conflict.

Yay! Life is worth living once more! I'll go into the bathroom and put that razor away now.

Yes, you're right, Patrick. I'm leaning towards hanging.

The one time I had a chance to meet a sorabi,I was being sneaky because my s/o wouldn't like that,made plans to go meet the sorabji with a girlfriend and then go to a downtown blockparty then D******* goes and asks my s/o to come along and he did.I was so mad!!! I just got tanked and seethed.D****** is on my shit list now.

whoa! so.....there was some romantics going on with this other sorabjite?

No,not at all,just to say hi at an airport for about an hour,I swear to God! But remember how mad my s/o got about the mail art? He would be very upset.I thought it best to keep it to myself.

Just say we're long-lost cousins next time. I've met Rhiannon, and of course I knew Mavis and Skooter before here. As stated above, I almost met Heather, but at least talked to her on the phone. I almost met T-Bone, too. Lot of almosts, actually. I was in the same town as pez. If I happen to have to interview and/or job search near anyone, I'll definitely drop by. I also sort of think that if we're ever going to have Sorabjicon, it'll have to be at Burning Man.

nobody loves me everybody hates me i'm going down the garden to eat worms

i almost met chordata. i asked mark to meet me at the top of the empire state building in december 1997 but he didn't show up. i keep talking about going to olympia but i never do. i'm all talk.

I've talked to quite a few Sorabjites on the phone but never seen anyone from these parts in the flesh. I would like to get drunk with lots of youse. Name the pub.

Pattersons, in Mendocino, California. Best pub _ever_.

Did you stand up the top of the Empire State and wait, Sarah? And did Mark say he would show or was it just a kind of whimsical thing?

the rendezvous, seattle. worst bar ever, besides maybe spin's friendly tavern. i had some beer with swine at the rendezvous. and kincora(sp?). and shannon's. weird night. i originally wasn't gonna go but i got talked into it. i'm glad i went. briefly met t-bone. weird, also. not bad, just weird.

Ahem. Bullshit on Pattersons. Regardless of their hilarious promise of "Peanuts on every table." Dick's Place is the only bar in Mendocino worth going to. Not that... nevermind. I am going to meet Pez sometime this week, when I get around to finding her place of work, and utterly disgusting her in some manner. Indeed, I think I'll have much more opportunity to Sorabji-mingle now that I'm in a larger city. I may have had the chance to meet Patrick, back when Isolde had her chance, but we didn't, and that's that. Can't say I'm surprised to not be on that list. I have asked my magic 8-ball about meeting sorabjites, and it seems to think that there's another encounter imminent within the next 30 days.... so we'll see. Sem: I think that burning man is an excellent and wonderful idea. I haven't ever had a chance to go yet, and I'd love to, regardless of all you fine peoples. Doubly, blessed, then. Honestly, the people I want to meet (in no particular order): The Good Rev. Semillama; His High Holiness Patrick; Their Royal Lightnesses Dave and Agatha; The Munificent Droopy; Bell_Jar, High Priestess of my Pineal Gland; Her Ladyship Pez; The Honorable Judge Cat (only if they're in the same room at the same time, though); Supreme Agent Provocatuer Trace; and The Mighty and Sublimely Untitled Antigone. oh. And Skooter Lee Roth. And Kymical. fuck. this is going to be a long road trip, huh? Well, Skooter and Kym, y'all just haul yer bands along and make us some perty music while the rest of us get drunk. Those of us who can legally do so, at least. I have a feeling I would be distinctly uncomfortable around many of those people, though. Almost as if I would be embarrased. I've made such an ass of myself here, and, while I revel in my ass-ish-ness, I think I would probably feel guilty for not being such a punk in "real life."

I make no lists of sorabjites to meet. I'll meet all y'all. I will point out that my home town is designed for good bar crawling though.

I'll keep that in mind. Dicks, despite promising "peanuts on every table," whichin variably cracked me up at the movies, does not, in fact, have peanuts on every table. Pattersons was the place we all went after shows...either that or the Golden West, which was the seediest, greatest bar imgainable. But you can smoke inside, so I don't like it very much. But Pattersons was neat. I'm a fan of pubs that offer edible foods. I'm also fond of pubs that call themselves pubs. Although Dicks has the major style point of being the only business in Mendo with a neon sign, because they were founded before the hysterical review board, who try unsuccessfully every year to get the sign removed. I like the boys at Dicks. I seem to remember also that Dicks was the last bar your former roommate drank at on his 21 birthday, before puking _all_ over Ashley and Max's house.

i regret making my little list......totally backfired....being the ganja boat captain i am ..i inherently left off names...like spider and tom....so disregard my holy decree "i love them alcohol" is that a brautigan line.....sounds like something he'd say.

it's a j canonized by the recognition of nate and most well used by agatha i love them alcohol

i love them, too. i would meet just about anyone, but droopy is at the top of my list. we've got history, and he tells the best stories ever.

how the fuck did we end up at that bar, anyhow? remember that serial killer sitting one table over? i just remember the first time i spoke to swine, he was naked and the room cleaning crew kept coming into his room in the hotel without knocking. heh. i also remember swine getting paranoid about baxter the three legged dog, indirectly, and leaving like ten packs of cigarettes at shannon's which were eventually smoked by the random variety of people who travel through shannon and vaughn's house.

i was going there anyway. no matter what city i visit, i always go to the top of the highest point or the tallest building. views from up high fascinate me. i paged mark and told him when and where i would be there. i waited, with little hope that he would show up, but fuck, you never know, right? that was back then. now i would know better. Camp Sorabji at Burning Man might be the most bizarre possible Official Sorabjiite Gathering imaginable. i think that is one fucking fabulous idea. we'd somehow have to get a piano out there. i'm with sem. i'd so dig meeting all of you people. every single one of you. i'm most curious about the folks here who i perceive to be the most judgmental, Tom and whomever the coward Jane was, once upon a scathing post. just to see how things change when one is forced to deal with the real person, the human. Christop, would you come to burning man for a sorabjiite gathering? would it be worth your trip?

i got buds in san fran that do a "space dome" every year at burning man. they are always buggin me to go......i dunno i just cant swing that much time off, and i dont think my honda would like it out there. does ticketmaster sell the tickets for burning man now?

no, but it's probably going to be sponsored by Pepsi next year.

What?! How can Pepsi sponser Burning Man? That's not ok. Give me proof, sarah, proof of this travesty.

Hey, Pepsi burned Michael Jackson, so why can't they sponsor Burning Man?

i have no proof, other than historic inevitability of commercialism and capitalism.

the rendezvous. I hate to tell you guys this, but I'm pretty sure it's GONE now. it was bound to happen. this town's been going downhill ever since the doghouse shut down.

Trace, that's the funniest fuckin' thing I've read all day. Burning man. Always wanted to. Yes. I'd go.

Not that it'd ever happen, but I don't think I'd want to meet anybody from the board. This is my imaginary world, and you're all my imaginary people. Just like if I were to ever met Tom Sawyer or Bilbo Baggins or Tom Joad in real life, the story would be ruined for me. I rarely look at the links people post with pix of themselves because I don't want to put a face with a name. So, in conclusion, I'd like to thank my producer and my sponsors, and bid you all a good evening.

it's odd. yes tom, you surprised me. the whole walking up to the counter and saying "i'm sorry, but i have to shop for groceries" sortof scared me. then again i scare easily. c'est etrange. je sais pas. j'oublie. the only other time i had someone in the department, towering over me was when david found out that i work there. and the rest of my name is similar to a name dropped earlier. yes, it was in this thread. that's it, that's all, i'm tired and i need to write at least one essay tomorrow. goodnight.

Wow. I just now read all this. I'm one of the more judgemental ones, Sarah? That's incredible. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, right? But I really am curious about how I showed up on your radar that way. Damn. I'm a puppydog in real life. It's pathetic. I'm all about the free loving, and fuck anyone who disagrees. Er. Right. I was scared nervous of meeting Pez, mostly, I think, because of the reasons Dougie listed. So I only got a slightly scared. It was the first thing that popped into my head. Next time, I'll get it right. Pez was the first of three people I have to look up in this town. The other two are old friends from High School. I've changed alot since then... four years. One was my arch enemy throughout junior high and most of high school. Out of the blue, we went on two dates our senior year. Weirdness. The other one is one of my muses. She's the one I'm REALLY nervous about. Well, that and new years. Oh, god. How long 'till new years? 25 days? 25 days to get a life and turn cool. damn. It's hard, living a lie. *laugh* *cackle*

it's rather weird meeting someone that you've only known before by words. it's simalar to seeing a teacher in a gracery store: it's rather unexpected, perhaps awkward. definately weird. that "i'm sorry" thing took the cake.

When i met Rhiannon and her freind last spring, I knew immediately which one was Rhiannon, but I did have the advantage of vague physical descriptions from here to go on.

Imagine if your boss comes down from another city (he was based there) and his mum turns up to pick him up and ITS YOUR OLD SEX ED TEACHER. *big deep breath* *big deep breath* fuck i nearly died. It was a truly wierd experience. i would meet anyone... mainly because i like to see if people would look like I imagine... or act like I think they would in real life

Moonit,remember we are going to work the cowboys:)

that's the thing. For some reason, even though I only observed Pez in action for a few minutes, she didn't seem Pez. I don't know why. I remember that I saw a picture of her several months ago, so I knew who she was... even if she weren't wearing a name tag. (funny how much of my brain expected the tag to say "Pez" on it, though.) I've done my duty. I'll wait in my little Tom-reality until I can sabotage the next unsuspecting sorabjite. g'bye!

moonit, are you still training? oh, what the hell happened to Mapleleaf? anyone know?

it's was the shoe thing. sometimes i get in a shoe groove, nothing matters 'cept me and the shoes...besides, pez gets bored at work. most people can't handle pez in person anyway.

Sem, you wicked creature, what did you say about me that no one else wants to meet me? Was I that unpleasant? *sniffle*