i'm over here in droopy's tradition, hoping he doesn't go blind. today i was in sacramento. i drove home this evening, up into my mountains. once i got over the summit, heading down the western slope, i ran in to some rather dense fog. no so dense that i worried about driving, but dense enough that i was glad i know that road like a frenchman with a hand in his pants. the road is steep and curvy for a bit, and then it becomes flat and curvy. i came around a curvy in the flat part, and came upon the ass end of a small two door sporty thing. all jutty up like a cat showing you her starfish, except cats don't usually put their noses into ditches full of brown water. boy do i stink. i seem to have neglected to keep a stock of deoderant. it's one of those things where i know that it is easy to just go to the store and buy a stick of deoderant, but the rather non-pressingness of the issue makes it seem like an incredible burden. i don't have to work until the seventh, so what's the rush? but anyway, i smell like foul pepperoni or something. stinky. if we were talking face to face right now you'd be looking at the moulding trying to figure out a way to get out of the conversation. like the good man that i am, i pull my truck over to the side of the road and get out to see if i can help. i'm walking towards the car, which i can now see has nosed itself into the ditch with such murphycision that both rear wheels are free and clear of asphalt. in addition to the car, there is one large woman with curly hair and glasses standing by the side of the road. "Ya'llright?" i ask, in the local dialect. "Uhm, I.." she's obviously trying hard not to cry. she's obviously been crying. "... I, um, was trying to turn around..." (no way in hell) "...and, I, uhm, what do I do now?" this sort of shocks me. this woman has been standing here crying for some time. probably getting into her car every few minutes or so and trying to put it in reverse (this is what she was doing when I came around the corner. spinning the wheels a bit.) this adult person didn't have the common sense required to get out of this situation. her answer was to stand around crying until someone helped her. "what do I do?" she asks me. "You'll need a truck with a winch at the least, but probably a towtruck. you're wedged in pretty well." i tell her. she looks at my truck, i shake my head to indicate i have no winch. "Do you have a phone? Would you like to use my phone?" "I don't have a phone." she called her husband. she walked away so she could cry on the phone. she told him she took the turn too early. she tells me her husband will be there soon, thanks for the help. i ask if she has road flares. i don't either. she could have used a flare or two. i'll have to pick up some road flares when i get my deoderant. i don't mean this to be a women-are-children kind of argument. i'm sure there are men who are equally frail. actually, i can't picture a man crying by the road side not knowing what to do. probably society's fault, traing men to suppress their cry-instinct. it just occurred to me that the answer to droopy's question, why isn't there a what are you drinking? thread, is that it's called drunken ramblings. not that i'm drunk-- i still have the facility to go back and correct my gross errors. i'm only half-way through my second jack and coke. when it comes to masturbation, how much is too much? do you think mr. brady was stacked? he had a big house, six kids and maid-- was that wealth or just the sixties? it's good to be home. finally home. back to work on monday.

i missed you, nate.

moulding.

shit... see I reckon girls should learn that stuff somewhere. the other day my whole house lost power, its close to 10pm, my parents are in Australia (they live over the road) and I'm crying... wondering what the fuck do I do. Luckily my friend Jamie was home, and he made me light a candle and check that box thing (see I don't even know the name of it) and I flicked a switch and yay we have lights, but no tv, fridge, stove... so Jamie drives over and fixes it. I have no idea if it happens again what the fuck I do. They should of taught that in home ec, along with budgeting and child care.

well, even if you don't know what to do... don't you know that crying won't get you anywhere?

Hmmm.....well,I feel like crying,but I won't. Its not just women who don't have common sense.I heard the most horrendous thing I have ever heard last night. I wasn't going to post about it,but Nates post has spurred me on.[and,I'm pretty upset about what I heard] In the course of talking with a male last night at work,he tells me: "My parents were bikers,they would take me places with them when I was little,eight years old.Like I can remember one time,when a biker friend had died,we all went to the cemetary,to pay our respects,and I can remember this giant joint,[indicates with hands,something the size of a large cigar],being passed around,and a giant line of coke,the whole lenght of the grave being layed out,and everyone snorting it in tribute to the dead guy." Now,I'm not that familiar with biker lore,but this seemed like it could be possible.But thats not what shocked me.He went on: "I remember once,when I was eight,we were at a biker outing,and my parents were working the gate, and this black couple drove up on a bike,and wanted in.My parents said no,they couldn't come in,and others joined in and said no,too,cause they were black,and no blacks were allowed.So this other biker comes up and says,"yeah,let em in",and they let them in,and then they hung them,and shot them all up when they were dead,and also hoisted their bike up into the same tree." Now,you're probably thinking that one of my psychotic patients told me this.Thats not the case.It was a male nurse that I work with. I was repulsed.He was so nonchalant,speaking of this atrocity.I accused him of lying,and when he denied this,I said,"how could you live with this?Did you tell anybody?" He said,"I didn't have anything to do with it,I was just a kid." I said,"Your parents were involved,did you ever confront them?" "They weren't involved,they were just working the gate.",he says. I said,"They were there,they didn't try to help them?They were involved!" He looks at me like I was crazy. I have no idea if this is true or not.It is repugnent to even consider this. I do know for a fact that this guy is young,early twenties,is a truley hopless alcoholic,lives to drink,goes out almost every night,stays drunk,seldom goes home,and just comes back to work in the morning.He picks women up just to fuck them,and goes out more or less looking for what he calls,"annoying people",like people who bump into you in a bar,he'll wait outside to beat the crap out of them. This guy is sick.He just got suspended for a week,for his obnoxious behavior at work,and coming to the hospital after he goes to the bars,in the middle of the night.He never really appears drunk,I think he just keeps a pretty high level of alcohal in him all the time. At the X-mas party,this year,at the docs house,we had a gift exchange,a chinese x-mas thing.He brought a dildo,[with a clothed pic of himself],he said to hold up next to the dildo.It was not a vibrator,maybe could be used as a dildo,it was and said "Dildo".This was a very mixed bunch of proffesionals,it shocked EVERYONE.[even me,that he could have been so tasteless] I don't know if the story he told me is true or not.I don't know what to do.If he was exposed to this weird shit as a kid,it would sure account for his weird behavior.I was gonna try to investigate,because if it is true,the dead couple have family somewhere who is worried about them,and this needs to be exposed. I don't know what to do.Looking at it rationally,he's only in his early twenties,so if this happened when he was eight,that would put it in the late eighties.Thats long after civil rights came into action here,so I'm kinda doubtful that such a thing could have happened.But,when I first moved to the south,in the early eighties,I personally saw a sign that said "Welcome to Klan Kountry." The south is really weird,so its not impossible that it did happen.I'm just tripping.I tried to probe for details,but he clammed up,I think the other nurse told him to not talk to me about it,because she saw how appalled I was.He told me "You worry too much." Well fuck,don't tell me something like that.I'm not sure what to do.I'm going to ask my s/o,[he's from here],if he thinks its possible it could have happened.I have a friend who is a detective,that I thought about calling,but what the fuck do I say?I have no facts,no local,don't know where/or if there are bodies.Fuck.I hate the south with a FUCKING passion.

That's what I didn't like about the south,that mentality,scarey and I once got a dildo for a birthday present and I didn't think it was funny either.I gave it to Brucifer and he put it to good use.I posted about his first trip here and the blue plastic vibrator was mentioned.Tell that detective you know what the loser told you and see if he can find out anything,more than likely he's a liar.

I sure as hell hope he made the whole thing up.Sick damn fuck if it did happen,and sick if it didn't for making it up.I hate it here.

He sounds like my brother who is one sick piece of work and I'm not at all close to,but I could definately picture him coming up with some bullshit like that.

im so ready to get sick. that vietnamese lady sure made some drinks last night. i rarely get nauseated like this, but man, am i ready to douse this keyboard with an orange juice/water/coffee concoction. speaking of local dialects...nate, did you find your accent adapted overseas? I have found when I get a round a group of brits my accent starts to modify slightly. Also when im back in the south i notice my dialect and accent change a bit.

must have been some serious fog

Tell the police, Czarina. You may not have facts, but what you do know is enough to correlate with missing person reports. It may not be usable in a court of law, but it can lead to evidence that is.

maybe it was the end of a really bad week maybe she just found out she has a terrible disease maybe she was on her way to an important appointment maybe her husband is a jerk and she was afraid of the things he's going to say about her getting stuck in a ditch sometimes crying just happens and it sucks when it's in public

do they do background checks for nurses? or why the hell not?

Maybe she, cellphone-less, was afraid no one would stop and help her. Frustration and despair can do that to a body.

i just want nate to know i didn't go blind.

Welcome back Nate. The sarcasm was starting to get a little bit thin in here, we've been needing you.

good to hear, droopy. waking up the morning after and still being able to see is the gravy on the roast beef that is homemade hootch.

"nate," said droopy, "shut up."

you don't like roast beef?

not with gravy. not a gravy person. the best sandwich i ever had was in some truck stop on the side of the highway in south carolina. rare roast beef, crisp sweet onions, thick slices of homemade (seemed like it) bread. maybe i would accept "onions on the roast beef sandwich of..." there is a short story by donald barthelme called "conversations with goethe." there really was a book by the same name by a man named eckermann, who was goethe's friend. barthelme's story is just 2½ pages of dated paragraphs setting the scene before goethe utters some aphorism. selected entries: november 13, 1823 (blah, blah, blah) youth, goethe said, is the silky apple butter on the good brown bread of possibility. january 11 1824 (blah, blah, blah) music, said goethe, is the frozen tapioca in the ice chest of History. june 18, 1824 (blah, blah, blah) actors, he said, are the scotch weevils in the salt pork of honest effort. september 1, 1824 (last entry. yadda-yadda) critics, geothe said, are the cracked mirror in the grand ballroom of the creative spirit. no, i said, they were, rather, the extra baggage on the great cabriolet of conceptual progress. "eckermann," said geothe, "shut up."

shit, you get to be goethe and i have to be some dude name eckermann.

it's the first part of my fantasy.

I talked with my detective friend,he is familiar with biker type activities.He said the giant joint and big line of cocaine were things that bikers would do.He didn't rule out a possible racial murder.He stressed that racism is still quite rampant here. He said that they do have one unidentified black male body,that was decapitated,and pulled out of a local lake. I asked him what kind of place would bikers have an outing that had a gate,and he told me that at this lake the bikers used to hang out,and heavily guarded the entrance and exit gates. He did encourage me with the thought that it didn't seem very likely that a black couple would demand entrance to an all white biker gathering.This perked me up,as I am sincerely hoping that this was just a sick story this ass told me,and that there is no truth to it. He did however mention,that it might be possible that the white bikers brought/kidnapped this poor couple with the intention of doing this hidious thing. I gave him the few details that I did have,and he said he would look into it.I told him that it was probably just some sick made-up shit by a tasteless ass wipe.But I feel better for having told him.He said he would run some background checks,and see if he could find anything. I feel that I did the right thing,by telling him.I'm pretty sure this was a fabricated story,but just in case its not,I'm glad I talked with him. As far as nurse background checks,they don't seem to be doing such a great job.Don't forget: (1) the extremely paranoid blonde bitch with the cow eyes [nurse] (2) the buggar baller [tech] who is also a "non-toilet flusher" (3)the other tech, who seems to derive great pleasure in stealing,its kinda like she does her Wal-mart shopping while at work.She steals various sundries,TP,coffee filters,bags of coffee,shampoo,soap,etc. (4) the "has to lie about everything",kareoke singing,wanted to be a priest,can top any story you tell,guy.And won't stop his story,even if while he's telling it, you point out discrepencies,that it couldn't be true,cause the facts don't add up,he just keeps-a-rambling-along with the story,guy. (5) and then of course,theres me.And we all know how normal I am. My list could go on and on.Only place I've ever worked where the staff is crazier than the patients.

Yeah but at least we accept your problems to a point... The hair is a little much though. (*Note, Hal has never actually seen a picture of Czarina)

I don't think anybody has seen Czarina. It's more a minds eye sort of thing. But, it's probably better that way. You wouldn't want to see me either.

we have seen czarina you guys aren't paying attention

i still have those pictures...maybe? maybe not.

I couldn't remember the threads. And, I was being sarcastic. I've had a bad day. And, it's not going to get any better.

sarcastic? oh. ok. [i don't get it] there is no substitute for meeting her in person

I don't remember the pics, even if czarina was in them, I do remember Nate, Heather, and Sem... Thats it. Any others, I was to tired when looking to remember off the top of my head, maybe Antigone too... but fuck if I remember

The only pix of her I've seen of seen of Czarina is in a pirate hat with her kids. Hal, I've never seen you. Post some pix you dumbfuck. Jeez, Watcher, take a happy pill or something.

somebody give dougie a prize.

fuck off patrick.

Off said NO.

the woman in your story nate sounds like the exact fucking polar opposite of our beloved sheila. i guess i might be trying to make a point. hey, i quit drinking. no i swear to god. my goal is no alcohol until the 3M Half Marathon on February 2nd? 3rd? somewhere around there. also, no more diet soda. i was absolutely 100% right about that aspartame stuff. evil. evil. but really, the no drinking thing is more important. maybe i will consider not drinking for longer if it gets easier. i went to the bar last night to meet up with some people i barely know and drank soda with lime and everyone else got kinda shitfaced but i still had fun.

oh. and welcome home, nate!

nate you arent paying attention.

Wish I could take a happy pill. But, they don't mix well with all the other medicines I have to take. I'm tired of this. I want all my little aches, pains, and other medical problems to go away for awhile. And, to make me even grumpier, I got called from work last night at two A.M.. So I haven't had any sleep. I hope nobody pisses me off today. It could be fatal.

last night I drank: - pint of rogue dead guy ale - pint of rogue dead guy ale - blue hawaiian - blue hawaiian - blue hawaiian - blue hawaiian - cosmopolitan - cosmopolitan - glass of some beer from a keg in a garage - cosmopolitan - seven-up - water I didn't throw up but probably should have.

good to drive?

a brief summary of the last four nights: beer, beer, scotch on the rocks, FREE BEER. that was weds. thursday was: beer, beer, reception with lots and lots and lots of FREE BEER, then the pool hall and some pitchers, then I blacked out and somehow made it back to the hotel. It;s a good thing Mobile is so dead that even the criminals have left downtown, let me tell you. I haven't blacked out since fucking Grad school, but then i was with folks from Grad School, so... Friday: Hungover until 4, when it started with rum and coke, rum and coke, rum and coke, red wine, red wine (withThai food), scotch on the rocks, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, dancing to cajun band, beer, beer, went to bar for beer, beer, beer, then back to the hotel and wandered around until it started getting light, Saturday: Slept 7am-noon. 430: Becks Dark. Walked several blocks to Oysterhouse with mentors, old partner in crime and new recruits, had a beer. came back, hade three beers in the lobby, then two beers up in some other friends room and then went to bed, Why am I still concious?

I was going to leave my car at the party and walk home, but my boyfriend said he could drive, so he did. yesterday I didn't leave the apartment all day. I ate frozen pizza and waffles.

friday night. vodka and red bull vodka and red bull vodka cran vodka cran beer beer 9pm pizza beer beer vicodin beer beer 11pm joint beer 2 jack daniels shots 1/2 vicodin beer 4am I threw up the next morning. i NEVER get sick. The vicodin must have been the trick. Mrs waffles was in pain allllll day. In usually bad hangovers. (daniel don't start up on some rant about how much danger is in suckin down so many drinks with narcotics, i know i just refuse to pay attention)

You were drinking vodka in your beer?Then you drank whiskey to boot,oh to be young again.I went to a resturant yesterday had their jumper honey pale ale,didn't even finish my glass,it was good though, came home thinking I was going to watch Malcome in the Middle only to find out it wasn't on so I watched a documentery about suicide,and then had the pleasure of watching Elvis Costello and Lucinda Williams on CMT,it was glorious.By then I was drinking my hardcore drink,and having some "salad".

vodka in my beer? where did you get that idea? thats insane.

Isn't redbull a beer?

no. red bull is an energy drink red dog is a cheap ass ghetto beer, that you are thinking of.

i actually had a few drinks this weekend. there is a new fern bar in olympia, cyst- you would like it. you should come down some time and we'll go to it. here's what i had: 1. an exotica-fresh squeezed lemon juice, vodka, ginger, and sugar muddled in a pint glass. there was some other flavor in there, but i don't know what it was. this was yummy. 2. a vegas- this was a glowing blue drink in a martini glass with a cherry. i didn't like it, and gave it to my friend because it matched her sweater. it tasted really strong and alcohollish, which i don't like. 3. a mojito- this was rum, fresh lime and lemon juice, sugar, and fresh mint muddled in a pint glass. maybe it was whiskey, i don't really know. it had sugar around the rim, and it was fucking delicious. 4. another exotica. 5. a fried egg sandwich and hash browns at the ribeye. mmmmm. sunday, i slept a little late, and then we went to see lord of the rings at this crazy imax theater over by mount saint helen's. i had fish tacos, and they were good.

what's the point of drinking an energy drink with booze in it and then a viacodin? Too keep you awake?

maybe it's like drinking caffeine drinks like coke or coffee with rum or whisky. i think "mojito" means "a little wet."

Very little drinking (about 1/2 bottle of merlot) but I've had sex 7 times in the past 36 hours.

Not that he's counting or anything.

14 days sober. 100% sober. and counting.

also: no diet sodas!

That's just a rough estimate.

dave is correct. its called a "hillbilly speedball." in college, we'd shoot down an espresso or two before going on drinking binges. drinking vodka and red bull actually is a great combination. drinking red bull with your vodka helps keep one from passing out by 11pm. vicodin's do not make me sleepy, just like valium dont always make me sleepy, especially when Im drinking.

For gods sake stay away from Valium if you're drinking. Don't you remember Karen Ann Quinlin? Or, are you to young? She went into a coma that lasted for years because she took one Valium while drinking. She even lived in a vegatative state for years after her parents won the right to take her off life support. I know Hollywood likes to down play the risks of drugs and alcohol. But, this is really dangerous.

Valium is best with a drink or two. I have no idea who Karen Ann Quinlin is. How many milligrams did she take? How much had she to drink. Yes she may have taken only one pill but what was the dosage? People get hit crossing the road too...so what. I don't know anything about Hollywood, drugs and alcohol either. That has nothing to do with what I do. Some people have great senstivities to pills. I don't. I know my limits. You won't find me downing 20-30mg of valium with a 6pack. Its not that i'm NOT aware of the potential dangers. I probably know more about pharmaceuticals than most, especially the ones I take for recreation.

Here's a reminder for you. http://www.imc.gsm.com/demos/dddemo/consult/karenann.htm

yeah but it doesnt tell me how she fell ill. I wanna know how much she had to drink and how much valium she had. If im to pay any attention that is.

You wouldn't pay attention any way. You have a strong independant streak in you. Also, you've already admitted to using unregulated substances in these threads. I doubt very much if there would be any information any where that could alter your oppinion on this subject.

it depends. im pretty mindful of what goes into my body. i know my limits. i mean this lady could have intentionally taken a lot of valium and boozed it up. I don't do that. So its all relative. Yes I'm very opinionated but Im also mature enough to change my opinion when presented with compelling evidence. The more regulated the drug the happier I am. Thats why, if I have an inkling to get tanked...narcotics are ideal because you know EXACTLY what you are getting, and I have a fantastic 1000 page book at home called the "Pill Book" that has all kinds of wonderful information in it.

please, patrick without testing everything you have before you take it you don't really have a fucking clue what it is. even if it is the right shape and the right color. anyway, what i was really going to say is that i'm pretty sure there has been something put in my drink before that i didn't put there. you don't always know.

well of course you don't always know...the question then becomes, how much will you worry about the unknown. You never know what you are getting in a food service place either. I trust that my prescription of valium is just that. I trust when my friends offer me a vicodin that its just that.

i don't look both ways before crossing the street. i trust the LORD will protect me from death.

Damn californians. Have I mentioned how much I HATE pedestrian right of way laws? They make me want to run down stupid yuppies and idiotic old ladies on a daily basis.

i always take a vicodin before crossing the street http://www.misty.com

fucking christ what brand of hell do you peddle? bring back the peter pan site, i need to purge myself.

where is the imax theater near mt. st. helens, agatha? I will go to an olympia fern bar with you. I have no plans to go to olympia, but today I did book a flight to new york city. that's pretty exciting.

since she's not here right now, i'll answer for her. it's in castle rock. it's where they show the mount st. helens movie. it's somewhere between kelso and chehalis. they have rumble seats that shake the ass. the cave troll rocked my ass.

"the cave troll rocked my ass." talk about feeding the imagination.

what the fuck is a fern bar? is this some Pacific northwest creation like combining bars with laundry mats? i swear to god the Pacfic rim is the most clicky region of all. Platy, as far as I understand, pedestrians only have the right away if they are crossing at a designated crosswalk or at an intersection, regardless if it is a stop sign or a traffic light or nothing at all. Otherwise, if a motherfucker crosses the street in the middle of the block the dumbass is fair game...no?

"Valium is best with a drink or two." "I have no idea who Karen Ann Quinlin is." Oh my God...that coming from the person who knows every fucking thing about every fucking thing in the whole entire fucking world. Way to go, dear Patty. So much for education.

dani its been well established you are a clueless ugly american. its well established, with the help of no one else, that your head is so far up your ass no one can even possibly rationalize or make sense with you. Your self imposed ignorance speaks volumes about the kind of individual you are. as nate put it well once "drywall can come up with a better argument" or something to that effect. Karen Ann Quinlin was as newsworthy of a story as that dumbass American who was caught fighting with the Taliban. The only people who are likely to have any idea of who she was is someone who was around reading the papers at the time(i wasnt born yet cockmouth) or perhaps law students studying euthanasia because the legal ramifications of her case were notable. The fact that she went into a coma by taking an unknown amount of valium and alcohol is not necessarily worthy or interesting. That happens to people everyday, all over. You are hardly qualified to talk to me about education when you yourself has admitted that you don't care to learn about history. Once again, your posts speak as much logic as a fish on a bicycle. (wait a minute, that would indicate a pretty bright fish...nevermind).

Yet another failed attempt at impressing me with your brilliance. Same shit, different day. Fish on a bicycle...pure genius. as long as your convinced of your own brilliance than thats all that matters. Heres to ya, Professor Patty.

Im not convinced of anyone's brilliance, especially my own. There is no need to remark on anyone's intelligence as it usually speaks for itself.

K

I. I once spent the night in castle rock motel room with a guy who later said he had a crush on me and even later took a job with the national gay and lesbian task force (I mean, that's how gay he is). II. I was getting a ride back to seattle with him and we got caught in a snowstorm. we ate dinner at a restaurant decorated with painted saws. timber country, volcano country. I forgot what we ate, but I remember that it was good. III. I'm going to new york and tacoma and washington d.c. (where I hope to see my ngltf friend) and centralia. I will pass through olympia but too early in the day to go to a fern bar. IV. I am going to centralia (on saturday) to pick up a document signed by napoleon bonaparte's brother.

Cyst,I love your stories.

What kind of document? Whats his name? Was he short,too?

napoleon bonaparte made his brother, louis bonaparte, king of holland. louis gave some great-great-grandfather of mine, who was a watchmaker and jeweler, a certificate to thank him for his service. that document, which is just signed "bonaparte," is curled up in a plastic bag on top of my parents' china cabinet. I'm going to have my brother meet me halfway between portland and seattle, and I'm going to take it to a paper conservator up here to have it flattened and some tape removed. I'll probably make a copy of it and have it framed and give it back to my parents, who will certainly give it back to me someday. my parents have told me, "if anyone ever asks, tell them napoleon signed it."

Could you post a pic of it? You should have included this tidbit under the "almost brushes with the famous"!

PS: Maybe you should put a secret mark on it,just to make sure the restorer doesn't try to steal it and give you a forgery.

well, dammit. i just drank a can of diet dr. pepper. it was soooooo good. still 16 days sober though!

i just ate two sweet carrot burritos and a cup of coffee. i think that earns me enough nutrition points that i can have a drink tonight. but you go with your bad sobriety, sarah!

well, my friend jane wrote me and said i shouldn't quit drinking, that it will only make me want to drink more. she said i should try moderation. the problem is that there is very little about me, my personality, my chemistry, or my behavior, that is moderate or lends itself to moderation. it always seems to have to be an all or nothing deal. however, jane was convincing enough that i felt it was okay to have one diet soda. maybe i will try having one diet soda per week. i'll experiment with this moderation thing she speaks of.

23 days sober. 11 days til the half marathon. the desire to drink has nearly vanished and i've lost 4 pounds. i'm starting to wonder if the same thing would happen if i decided to quit chocolate. it's improbable that the desire for chocolate would vanish as easily as the desire for alcohol, if at all, but it's intriguing to think about the possibilities. but i don't really need to quit chocolate. it's not bad for me and it improves the quality of my life and makes me joyful.

speaking of chocolate. kevin's roommate jeff (who has bestowed upon me the knickname "Granola" wrote this about me baking chocolate chip cookies last Sunday: ********************* "The funniest thing about Granola making cookies at our house is not that she considers it an art form. It's not that she considers our kitchen her "Art Studio", for which she is not paying rent, by the way. It's not that she was honestly concerned that I would not like the first batch of cookies because they were a bit too chewy, as if sugar and chocolate in any form could be wrong. The funniest thing about Sarah making cookies is that she stands in the kitchen staring at the oven with a sort of grim and worried intensity, as if to say to it via body language, "Look, jackass, if you screw with me or my cookies in any way I will, so help me God, rip out your heating coil and shove it up your vent hood." I never found any cookies funnier. ********************* this is probably the best evidence indicating the degree to which i take my recipes and cooking seriously. the new Martha's is all about chocolate though, and i suspect this Valentine's Day, a holiday to which i typically respond somewhere between indifference and loathing, will be chock full o' chocolate yummies. other than that, lately i've been working a lot with ham and sausage. venison sausage especially.

one month sober. one month! i should try giving up ice cream next.

GIVE IN YOU NEED A VODKA ICECREAM SHAKE!!!!

Yay, Sarah!

i had a dream last night that i accidentally drank some beer. i was at a friend's house who poured some beer in two pint glasses and handed me one. he did this as we were in the middle of a conversation, and i absentmindedly took the beer from his hand and had a few swallows before i remembered that i wasn't drinking anymore. i was pretty bummed out about forgetting not to drink, and i was trying to get him to agree that it didn't really count because it was wholly unintentional, though of course, it did count.